Setting: This story takes place nine years after the end of Chosen (events of the series remain as seen), but doesn't include the comics. The featured song is "Stars" as written and performed by Grace Potter and the Nocturnals.
Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to BtVS or "Stars," but I do adore both.
Rating: Teen for angst and minor violence.
Pairing: Willow and Tara, and mentioning of Willow and Kennedy.
Genre:Angst
Stars
Driving down the interstate, Willow caught a glimpse of the steadily darkening sky. With dusk fading into twilight she can begin to see the twinkling of the stars.
"There it is, baby. The Big Pineapple." She whispers to the empty cabin of her SUV. When ever she finds herself driving this late, she can't help but be reminded of HER.
"It's been ten years, one month, five days, six hours, and twenty minutes since you went away," she sighs to herself, shaking her head.
"I can't think about this anymore," Shaky hands turn the radio up, begging for a distraction. The CD player whines as a soft twinge of guitar floats into the air, a slow melody feeding into her melancholy.
I lit a fire with the love you left behind,
And it burned wild and crept up the mountainside.
I followed your ashes into outer space
I can't look out the window,
I can't look at this place,I can't look at the stars,
They make me wonder where you are
Stars,
Up on heaven's boulevard
And if I know you at all,
I know you've gone too far
So I, I can't look at the stars
"My God, the things I did then," Willow turned the radio off, remembering the aftermath of that moment when her star went out. "So many horrible things, I knew it wouldn't bring you back, but maybe we could have been together again."
A bump in the road shook the car causing the framed photo hanging from the rear view mirror to sway. Willow looked to her right to see a set of the deepest blue eyes she had ever seen gleam in the moonlight from within the silver frame, and just as quickly fade away.
"Oh baby, I miss you." She took her right hand off of the gear stick and stroked a finger across the smiling face. "No one could, or has ever been able to make me forget you." There had been women she had been with, but it wasn't the same. Faceless women who pushed to break into her heart only to be turned away. She tried to be strong. Like an Amazon, but it was too much. She tried to move on, but it never seemed right, they weren't who she needed, wanted. The first woman after that May afternoon had tried to be enough for Willow, but Willow knew she, herself, couldn't be what Kennedy had needed, and didn't have the heart to try. She did help Willow to live, but not in the way the dark-haired slayer had hoped.
Seven years ago...
"Willow!" Kennedy called to the red-haired witch, breaking her out of her thoughts.
"Yeah? What's up Ken?" Willow knew the answer before Kennedy had the chance to clarify. The fight was coming. The same fight that they had always started, but neither could finish, nor over come.
"You have got to stop this-" she waved a hand, clearly flustered.
"What are you-" Willow started to ask, but Kennedy cut her off.
"You know what. You are here, but you're never HERE!"
"I'm standing right here!" Willow snapped, throwing her arms down to her sides.
"But your heart, your soul aren't!" She reached out pulling Willow closer. "I can hold you, but you don't hold me," Kennedy finished her voice coming out in mournful whisper.
Willow placed her hand on Kennedy's cheek. "I'm sorry, I'm trying."
"You say that, but I can't feel it. I can't compete with a ghost!" Kennedy choked out, finally saying out load what she known all along. She pulled away, "She couldn't have wanted this for you."
"How do you know what she wanted?" Willow sneered, anger rising, color flooding her cheeks. She was hurt, but she knew Kennedy was right.
"I know she would have wanted you!" Kennedy licked her lips, "I know I do," she sighed.
"I'm sorry, but I'll never let her go! She was my everything, my whole world. If I don't remember her, she will really be gone. How can I let go?" Willow felt the tug of loss pulling her back into her thoughts, looking to the floor.
"I don't want you to let go of her! I want you to let me in!"
Willow looked up into misty brown eyes that pleaded for that chance. "I can't, but you deserve someone who does." Willow gave a sad grin, knowing what she should have done ages ago, "You deserve more that I have to give."
"Are you leaving me?" Kennedy's eyes watering, tears begging to fall.
"I was never here."
Present Day...
Willow knew then, after two years trying with Kennedy that she couldn't be with anyone, but her golden haired lost lover, but she did work on living. Being there for Buffy, Xander, Dawn, Giles, the other slayers. She fought for her friends, knowing that's what her baby wanted. Rubbing her eyes with her free hand Willow feels the toll of the trip down memory lane.
"I shouldn't have taken this trip." Glancing back to the picture swaying next to her. Willow knew deep in her bones that that wasn't true. She needed to come back, "Even if it is just a hole in the ground." She needed to reconnect to the one place where she felt at home, felt loved, and had loved. Perhaps it would be what she needed to really move forward. Turning the radio back on Willow knew that she was getting closer.
All those times we looked up at the sky,
Looking out so far,
We felt like we could fly.
And now I'm all alone in the dark of night,
The moon is shining,
But I can't see the light,
And I can't look at theStars,
They make me wonder where you are
Stars,
Up on heaven's boulevard
And if I know you at all,
I know you've gone too far
So I, I can't look at the stars
Soft rips of guitars pull her back to the present as a bright light shines into her eyes. Peering through the light in front of her, Willow sees the headlights of an oncoming car directly ahead of her. Jerking her wheel she gets back into her lane. "That was close baby."
POP. POP.
"What!" The wheel jerks as the right tires blowout. Quickly Willow pulls off the road, but in the darkness she doesn't notice the ditch before the car begins to flip. Before Willow can do anything about the sudden loss of control, her head hits the driver side window, with a deafening crack, stars bursting in her vision as the world fades away.
Stars,
Stars,
They make me wonder where you are
Willow slowly climbed back to consciousness, hearing the radio die out, but something else seemed different. She could sense someone standing next to her. It feels like HER, but that can't be true, she reasons, until she hears that long missed voice.
"Willow, wake up sweetie." Willow can't believe it. That sweet tone that had woken her on countless mornings. That same one the always ended her dreams with her lost lover.
"Tara?" Willow refuses to open her eyes, knowing doing so will break the torturous dream. "Baby, you can't be here," she croaked, memories of the first claiming to be the fallen clouded her thoughts.
"I am here. I never left." The voice that had been in Willow's head when it wasn't in her ear reminded her of that truth.
"But I couldn't hold you, be touched by you." she could feel a lump in her throat, the familiar ache in her chest.
"You can now." Willow couldn't believe that achingly familiar voice, but if it was even remotely possible... she opened her eyes. She could see that the car was trashed, glass glittering in the moonlight, but she didn't care. Sneaking a peek out of the corner of her eye, off to the left, she could just make out a wisp of blonde hair blowing in the cool night air. Her breathe hitched as she slowly turned her head, pain shooting down her spine. And there SHE was. The light was had was brightened her life. The fair skinned, deliciously curvy, blue-eyed, golden haired angel that had haunted Willow.
"Tara? But how are you here?" Willow tired to get out of the car but she couldn't move more than her head and left hand. Pain rolling over her in waves, but Willow could only think of getting to Tara. "I can't move, Tara, what's happening?" Tara moved closer, just beyond Willow's hand.
"Calm down sweetie, just take my hand." Willow inched her hand into Tara's. When Willow clasped their hands together she could feel that spark of their magic, seeping into her, pain falling away. Squeezing Tara's hand, Willow felt Tara gently pull her from the wreckage and into her embrace. Willow smelled that unique scent that was Tara, feel her warmth, her hair tickling her face, the strength of her arms around her.
"I missed you so much baby!" Willow sobbed into her lover's shoulder. She felt as if she was breathing for the first time. "I thought I would never see you again."
"I know, God knows I missed you too, but it's time to leave here Will."
"Where are we going, how will we get there, my car is wrecked," Willow gestured back to the car behind them, pulling slightly away from Tara turning backwards.
"Willow don't look back!" Tara exclaimed as Willow continued to turn around.
"Look at it!" Willow's eyes scanned the wreckage, her gaze falling on the messy red-haired figure behind the wheel. "Just look at...me?" Willow finished softly as realization dawned. She gasped and turned towards Tara. "I'm dead, aren't I?" Willow looked deeply into the deep blue eyes of her only love. Tara nodded, a sad smile on her face.
"I'm so sorry Will."
"I'm not sorry. I'm with you, aren't I?" Tara once again nodded, the sad smile turning into Willow's favorite lopsided grin. "Does this mean I'm going where you were? Or are I guess. Is it heaven? It's not like it would be hell, cause if you were with me it couldn't be hell. I know I'll miss the gang but it's you and me so maybe-" Willow was cut off as Tara placed a loving kiss on her lips. Willow grinned, her lips tingling.
"Let's just say we will be getting a closer look at the moose taking a bubble bath." Willow grin grew wider.
"And the little pile of crackers?"
"And the little pile of crackers." Tara affirmed. Willow's smile faltered. "Sweetie what's wrong?" Tara asked noting the change in Willow.
"Why? Why am I able to go with you? I don't deserve it, not after..." Willow looked at the desert sand beneath her feet. She felt Tara's soft hand lift her chin so they were looking into each others eyes.
"Did you or did you not save the world- a lot?"
"I helped."
"Did you not punish yourself for what you did? Did you ever feel like what you did during that dark moment was the right thing to do?"
"Well, I-" Tara stilled Willow with another gentle kiss.
"You have repented, you have learned from your mistakes, you grew, you worked to do the right thing. You have earned your place with me. No more doubts. Okay?"
"Oh Yes," Willow's smile returned and she pulled Tara into a passionate kiss, filled with all the love she had, feeling for the first time in ten years, one month, five days, six hours, and fifty minutes the ache of time apart disappear. As they pulled apart Willow and Tara rested their foreheads together, reveling in their reunion.
"Now come on, Mama can't wait to meet you," Tara grinned taking Willow's hand, both gazing up to the-
Stars,
Up on heaven's boulevard
And if I know you at all,
I know you've gone too far
So I can't look at the stars.
The car faded out almost as fast as it came back, the wind carrying the final echoing notes up to the stars.