Genre: Romance/Angst
Pairing: Sirius Black & Lily Evans
Word Count: 366
Rating: PG
Written: November 11, 2005
She Didn't Understand
She didn't understand. She never understood. It was as though she couldn't understand; she was too fucking perfect to have to even bother considering the idea of understanding exactly what it was that was going through my mind every time I saw her walk past, pick up a quill... or when she would smile that beautiful smile in my direction.
I would gaze at the back of her auburn hair from the rear of the Transfiguration classroom. There she was, sitting next to my best friend, the two of them copying the notes that McGonagall had charmed onto the blackboard. Her right hand and his left hand ran swiftly over their pages, occasionally bumping one another, which caused them to take shy sidelong glances at one another.
My best friend had broken the news last night. He had decided that he was going to propose to this girl we were both madly infatuated with. His plan was to propose the same night as our graduation from Hogwarts, at the ball the two of them had arranged to have. He promised that I could be the best man at the wedding. I had absolutely no desire to attend this wedding, but I couldn't tell him that.
I sighed heavily, casting my eyes back to the assignment I was supposed to be working on, instead of doodling vague renderings of her in the margins on my parchment.
She was the smartest witch at Hogwarts in years, but she was too innocent to realize why James and I weren't as close as we formerly were. James and I would spend our few moments together joking about how it was her, stealing away all of James's free time, and how she needn't worry, because James and I both understood it was a new relationship, one that needed a lot of tending to because of both their reputations. She always smiled that sweet, innocent smile, rested her pink lips on my temple and then walked off slowly, squeezing James's hand as she went. She was peaceful, friendly, forgiving, innocent and intelligent. But she just couldn't understand how it was her that was pulling James and me apart. For someone so fucking smart, she was so bloody ignorant about anything that she thought would disrupt the illusion of the perfect life she had built around herself. So fucking stupid.
After the wedding, she invited me to dinner every Sunday. After the first five months, I started refusing, because the dinners got too tense, but she continued inviting me. I loved her even more for not realizing how bloody amazing it made her, not understanding what was going on between James and I... and I hated her for being her, for making both of us fall in love with her, and then not understanding. She didn't understand... and I wouldn't want it any other way.