"Dumbledore?"
"Yes m'boy?"
"What happened to the stone?"
"Well, Harry, I destroyed it cough, no I didn't, cough"
"Dumbledore?"
"Yes Harry?"
"Are you okay? You seem to be coughing."
Dumbledore coughed again.
"Err... Well, I am in the middle of a… Passionate love affair with Bathilda Bagshot."
"Oh, Dumble-Wumble! I'm so proud of you!" Harry looked confused for a minute.
"Wait… Wasn't Bathilda Bagshot the one who was possessed by Voldemort?"
Dumbledore gasped.
"So this whole time I've been snogging a snake?"
"Well.. You have to admit, the snake is pretty sexy."
"My God, Harry, you're right! Have you seen its arse?"
"Of course, I have! It's so damn sexy."
"Damn straight. The first time I saw it, I was like, OMG! That snake is HOT!"
"Yeah…"
Dumbledore sighed.
"Well, Harry m'boy, if you ever need to talk about women, I can help."
"Okay. I gotta go snog Hermione now."
"Ooooo! You guys are an item?"
"Nah, we're friends with benefits."
"Ah… Like me and Professor Snape."
"Yeah – WAIT!"
"Mmm?"
"You and Snape are – are…"
"Yep. Why do you think I trust him?"
"Omigod."
"Totally."
Later, as Harry was snogging Hermione like no tomorrow, Ron suddenly burst in on them.
"Oh my God. Snape… And Dumbledore… And Snape…" Ron was speechless.
Harry sighed, disentangling himself from Hermione.
"God, Ron. This wouldn't happen if you weren't so fat. Couldn't you have chose to burst in another time?" Ron seemed to notice the position Hermione and Harry had been in.
He sighed.
"You two were at it again?"
"Yes, we were Ronald!" Ron blanched as an angry Hermione glared at him.
"So, Ron, what did you want?"
Ron seemed to snap out of it.
"Harry… You should have seen them, Harry. Oh, God, the image is permanently scarred into my naïve, virginal eyes."
Harry giggled. "I see you have stumbled upon Dumble-Wumble and Snapey in their, err, private time."
Ron choked.
"Oh, God… You knew?"
"Why, yes I did. I and Dumble-Wumble had a pleasant conversation about girls." He glanced furtively at Hermione.
Ron gagged.
"Okay, I think I'm gonna be sick." He ran off.
Hermione and Harry went happily back to snogging.