I'm not use to living on my own. I really never have. Even though I moved out of my mums house when I was 15 years old. I've always had some one there. But here I sit ,alone. in our empty flat. Its been weeks since I've been out of this place. I' forget he's gone sometimes. I'll hear him, calling me, asking a pointless question. I'll run to his voice thinking I'll see him lounging on the couch but he ever is. Every one was telling me I need to move on that he wouldn't want me to be sad. But he wouldn't want to be dead either. I loved him so much and he left me. I never been without him. He was my first love, first kiss, my first everything. I don't think I'll ever be able to move on. I need to get out of this place. He's every where I look. His voice is in everything I hear. But until now I haven't had the strength to move. I peeled myself out of bed. Unshaven and unshowered I left our home.

I just walked letting my feet carry me anywhere. London's weather, the dark cold gloom matched my mood perfectly. He had always preferred the warm sun, I recalled, but he would never feel it's warmth again. He would never feel the rain, the snow, see the sun or the moon. He was gone, but I could let go of the smallest bit the I had left. I headed to the one place that I feared most, but the one place that I could be with him again.The fence at High Gate Cemetery was old and intimidating. It's was a stones through from Lord's cricket grounds. That's why we choose this place for him. He loved cricket, he could play for hours. Though I'd only been here once for the funeral, I found my way to him without an upward glance.

I knelt down in front of the marker, I raised a shaking hand and traced the words etched in the cold stone. I knew that closure wouldn't come for a while but this was a step toward it. I wanted to say something to him but I didn't know what, I felt so stupid.

"I miss you." was all I managed to choke out

I sat there on the wet earth waiting. Waiting for something and nothing at the same time. I knew that what I really waited for would never be there again, I knew that my waiting was in vain, I knew and just didn't give a damn. There was so many things that I needed to get off my chest, so many things that I needed him to hear, but how did I know that he would even be able to hear me?

"Hey," I whispered after a time, " it's me, Dougie, I don't know if you can hear me, but I need you to try to listen."

Loud thunder crashed in the distance. A storm was coming, I looked up at the menacing clouds that were threatening to spill then contents at any moment. Cursing loudly I stood up tilting my head up to view the sky in it entirety.

"Go on then!" I yelled. "Rain! I don't care anymore!"

It was like the whole universe was against me. One comic sucker punch after another. Frankly I've had enough

"What did I ever do? Huh? Answer me!"

Another loud bang met my ears. I figured I'd got someone's attention.

"You took him from me! You took the only thing in my life that I cared about!" I continued screaming at the sky. The rain slowly started to fall. but in a matter of seconds the sky opened up and a torrential down pour ensued. Lange heavy drops pelted my body, soaking my clothes.

"You give him back to me! You give him back now! He was only 25, he didn't even get a chance! We still needed him, I still need him." Thunder, rain, and lighting was the only answer that I got

"Please come back! I love you! I need you! Please!" I sunk to my knees. The tears flowed freely from my eyes like the rain fell from the clouds. "I can't do this in my own! GIVE HIM BACK!"

"Dougie?" said a voice from behind me "What are you doing here?"

I looked in the direction that it came from, there Danny stood. Mud covered shoes and umbrella in hand. I stood and flung my arms around him, soaking his partially dry clothes. He dropped the umbrella and returned the embrace. He didn't need to say a word, he knew all I needed was this. To be held while I had my well over due breakdown. "I miss him so much" I cried into his chest "I just want him back"

"I know, Doug, we all miss him." he soothed. "It's going to get better though, it has to."

For a while the only sounds were of my sobs and the rain. Eventually the rain started to slow. I pulled away from him and wiped my eyes. "Let take you home and get some dry clothes." he said picking up his umbrella even though it was apparent that it wasn't need anymore seeing as we were both drenched.

I nodded weakly. I walked over the headstone, planting a small kiss onto the marble. "I love you, Harry. Forever and always."

I turned and to Danny. We then left, walking side by side to the waiting cab, leaving my companion behind us, in his eternal slumber, along with my heart which is forever his.