The Grave
My name is Mikasa Ackerman and I live in a merciless, yet beautiful world. I have learned that in order to survive in a merciless world, I too, must become merciless. And I did just that in order to survive the Capitols Games.
Six months ago I volunteered to be a Player in the 74th Games. As punishment for the rebellions that happened after the Walls were built, the Capitol takes one boy and one girl in each of the six Districts to fight to the death in the Games to remind us that we are powerless against the Capitol. And I volunteered to be in that death match for one reason only; to protect the only family I had left, Eren Jaeger. I failed protecting him but I made a promise to him that I would keep on fighting and keep on living. So I became merciless and I won the Games.
I was warned by my Mentor that my life will be forever changed and he was right. Everything is different now both for the best and the worst. The good changes that have been made that with my winnings my District, which was once very poor, is a little better off now. But now my life is almost completely controlled by the Capitol. I was moved to Victors Lane, which is a gated neighborhood with very large houses for the Victors. Unfortunately, District Six doesn't get much Victors and the only people living in Victors Lane are my Mentor, Levi, who won the Games five years ago and now me. Technically, Levi doesn't actually come from District Six. He grew up alone in an underground village that the Capitol eventually found and killed everyone who lived there besides Levi. That year they then placed Levi in District Six's Reaping but his name was the only boys name to choose from so he would be put into the Games no matter what as punishment. Levi got his revenge by winning the Games though and was known to be one of the Games most deadly Victors.
I'm all alone in this huge house because I have no family left. My parents were murdered when I was nine and after I was adopted by Eren's family, his dad mysteriously disappeared and his mom was killed by raiders and now Eren's gone as well. I didn't want to move to this huge house only to be by myself but I didn't have a choice.
My friend Armin does come to visit me often though. It's nice to have him for company. At first I thought that he would hate me for failing to protect Eren but he's never blamed me and he's helped me a lot during my low times. He's been a great friend and I don't know what I'd do without his help.
I step out of my new house into the brisk winter air. I'm immediately faced with Levi's house that's right across the street from mine. Ever since returning to District Six I've barely seen Levi. I don't know what I was expecting from him but it definitely wasn't this. I didn't expect to be ignored by him after returning home and I start to feel a familiar ache in my chest that I usually get when I think of Levi.
But I have no time to dwell on thoughts of Levi because I have somewhere to be right now. I make my way through the rundown part of the District. It's comforting being in this part of town again. I enjoy the familiarity of it and seeing all the familiar faces again. Everyone smiles at me as I pass them and I smile back. Everyone thanked me for everything I've done for them. After I won, my District was given money and food from my winnings. They all have been very grateful and they've never blamed me for what happened to Eren even if I still do.
I make it to the gate at the edge of our District and am greeted by the Wall Guards. They patrol and guard the Wall and the borders of our town, because we are not allowed go outside of our District. But Hannes is a friend of mine and the Guards here have stopped caring about the Capitols rules so they allow me to pass.
"Hey, Mikasa." Hannes is on guard duty today and I pull out his alcohol in exchange for letting me outside the gate. But he shakes his head at me. "No. No more. I haven't drunk since you and Eren were taken."
I put the alcohol back in my bag. "I'm sorry."
"Don't worry about it, you can still pass." He says smiling but he must have noticed something in my expression because his smile fades. "Look, Mikasa, you have to stop blaming yourself for what happened to Eren. It wasn't you who put him in the Games, it was the Capitol."
I nod and pass through the gate and make my way to Eren's favorite oak tree. Usually after a Player dies in the Games, their remains are sent back home to their families for a proper burial. But Eren didn't have any family. So we never got his body back. They gave him a headstone in the graveyard but I couldn't bare visit an empty grave. Instead, I come to see Eren by visiting his favorite oak tree. There's more of his spirit here than anywhere else in this town.
I kneel in front of the tree and place a hand on the rough bark and bow my head. This is my first time coming out here since coming back from the Capitol. And this is my first time to properly mourn him. Tears start rolling down my face harder and harder and a cry escapes me and I'm crying harder than I've ever cried before. My cries turn into gut-wrenching sobs and my entire body is shaking and I can't seem to stop myself. I wasn't able to cry for Eren in the Games, it just didn't seem real at the time. But now that I'm back it's finally really starting to sink in that he's gone forever. I miss Eren more and more each day.
Since returning from the Games my nightmares have gotten even worse. I can't escape Eren's hateful stare from when I saw him in my hallucinations from the Tracker-jackers. I know nobody blames me for what happened to Eren and I shouldn't blame myself but I can't help but feel that it is Eren who blames me the most. I also see all of the faces of the people I killed and the ones I couldn't save in my nightmares. It's not only my nights that are plagued with vicious images of the Games but everywhere I go even the littlest of things will trigger violent flashbacks and I'm powerless and incapacitated for a few seconds to a minute or more.
I make my way back to my house but something's not right. There's two military police standing outside my front door and suddenly two more burst out of Levi's house with an enraged Levi in their grasp. What is happening?
"Levi!" I call and he looks over at me, there's panic in his eyes and he's about to say something but I suddenly feel someone grab my arm.
"Ms. Ackerman, if you would please just calmly enter your house. The President is waiting for you both," a Military Policeman tells me and escorts me into my own house and Levi follows.
The President? It's almost unheard of for the President himself to come to the Districts. And I have no idea why he would want to see me. Unless it's something extremely serious, then I'm in trouble. We're both in trouble, I think looking back at Levi, who is still in the Military Police's grasp. They take us to my office, it's big and empty because I never use it but President Darius Zackly is there sitting behind my desk and Levi and I are forced to sit in the two chairs in front of him. The President isn't really a cruel man but he is known to be very strict and showing no mercy if you break his rules. And there is always a strange heaviness around him that puts even the bravest man on edge.
"Well, if it isn't my two favorite Victors," the President says smiling at us with his pure white teeth. But his smile makes me extremely uncomfortable, it reminds me of a cunning cat that's about to pounce on its prey. "We came knocking on your door, Mikasa, but nobody answered. Where were you just now?"
I try to speak but no words come. They can't know that I've went beyond the boundary of the town. "Just for a walk," I finally manage to say.
"It's a little cold for a stroll wouldn't you say?" The President asks and adjusts his glasses.
"I actually find it refreshing. It clears my head."
"Just tell us why you're here and get it over with already," Levi says sounding bored. I take a nervous glance at him but the President just laughs.
"You're still inappropriate as always, Levi. Very well, I will get down to the point. As you know, tomorrow you will be going on your Victors Tour. I came to warn you that tensions in the Districts are exceptionally high because of you, Mikasa. Oh yes, I heard the rumors. I've heard what they are calling you, Wings of Freedom."
"I didn't have anything to do with those rumors! I never meant for that to happen!" I try to desperately explain.
"Oh, I know, dear. But I want those rumors to stop. You may think that you're invincible and you have nothing left to lose but you have no idea what we can do to you, right, Levi?" the President smirks at my Mentor and my blood runs cold and Levi's bored expression turns into a deep scowl. "So since you both already have a reputation I need you two to be on your best behavior during the Tour."
I nod and the President smiles. He gets up to leave and pats my head on the way out and his Military Police follow. I let out a relieved breath once they leave and I look over at Levi. His face is still in a deep scowl and his forehead is broke out in sweat.
"Bastard," Levi curses. "He came all the way from the Capitol to just tell us to behave? Something's not right about this." He then looks over at me. "Come on, Hanji will be here soon. We better get ready." He also gets up to leave but I reach out and grab his sleeve.
"Wait, Levi," I start and he freezes. His shoulders tense up but he slowly turns to look at me. His face, as always, is unreadable and I'm once again lost in his dark eyes. It's been so long since I've seen him I've almost forgot how entrancing they can be.
Before I can say anything though there's a knock on the door. "Mikasa?" Armin's voice calls out.
I let go of Levi and he takes a few steps back. "Come in, Armin," I answer.
A few moments later Armin finds his way to us. He's taken aback when he sees Levi. "Oh, hello, Levi," he says awkwardly. "How are you?"
Levi just scoffs. "I was just leaving." And he exits the room without a second glance back.
Armin looks back at me with a very confused look. "Mikasa, I saw the President leaving Victors Lane. Was he here?"
"Yes, he was. He threatened me and Levi. He knows about the rumors people in the outer Walls are saying about me," I explain. "I don't know what to do, Armin. The Victors Tour is tomorrow and if I can't convince the President and everyone else that I'm not the Wings of Freedom something horrible is going to happen."
"It's okay, Mikasa. You just need to act normal and stay low. All you have to do is just say a few words and you're done," Armin reassures me. And I already feel a little better.
"Come with me," I say suddenly grabbing his hands.
Armin's eyes widen. "What!?"
"On the Tour! Come with me on the Tour, please. I would feel a lot better if you were with me. You always have such great ideas."
"I-is that even allowed?" He asks.
"I'm sure if I just talk to Hanji it should be fine," I tell him.
Armin smiles at me. "Of course I'll go on the Tour with you. That is, only if it's allowed."
I hug him. "Thank you, Armin." I close my eyes and smile. "Thank you."