He sat watching her over the small table, not saying much for a long time. He was deciding whether or not to go through with the idea that's been burning through his mind for nearly a month. Her long blonde hair spilled over her shoulder as she sipped coffee, scanning the morning paper absentmindedly. She had been chatting lightly for some time, to a man lost in his own thoughts. They were at one of their favorite coffee houses in the area; it was hardly populated with a nice little courtyard to enjoy flowery gardens and a cup of tea. He was trying to concentrate on the case they've been working on for the past 3 years, but because of recent breakthroughs, more pressing question captured his attention.
Logically, his idea made perfect sense. I mean, we live in the 21st century, all traditional outlooks on love and relationships were being reevaluated, so why not try to move one step further? They worked well together and got on as if they've been best friends their whole life. No…not best friends, John corrected himself, no matter what that spot would always be taken.
But she was healthy, kind, beautiful, intelligent, and given both their circumstances each other was the best option they had. He wasn't even that nervous to ask her, even if she'd say "no" it wouldn't make too much of a difference to him (he was bound to be miserable forever either way). He just didn't want to sound mad, that maybe since everything happened his logic had grown too cynical, skewed or hopeless…but he was pretty sure it hadn't.
Her blue-eyed gaze drifted from the inky text to meet his intense stare. Seeing how kind she's always been, how enormously clever, and how much hurt he could see behind her casual, easy smile, he figured it was worth an ask.
"They found that missing girl," she mused, placing down the paper to pluck up a piece of crumb cake she's been working on, "Only a week to find her too. She was actually down the-"
"Mary...can I talk to you about something?" He asked, cutting her off. He wasn't usually one to interrupt, but to be honest he hardly had been paying attention. He decided now was as good as any a time to bring it up. His unexpected voice made her jump slightly, but her face now showed only intrigue and concern.
"Sure, what's up?"
"Er…I've been thinking, and I know this is going to sound very weird. Very…different. But please just um...hear me out to the end, alright?"
As she nodded her bangs slid into her eyes, which she absentmindedly pushed back. He looked a little more fidgety than normal, hardly meeting her eyes and barely focused on anything she had to say.
"Do you believe in 'the one'?" He asked, using air quotes respectively, "As in, in life we only have one mate that truly was meant to complete us?" He looked uncomfortable, romance being a topic they both gracefully avoided talking about.
Her face automatically dropped, which he knew it would, as it always does when love is mentioned. She thought about this for a second, her lips slowly tightening.
"Yes, John, I do. Love is a strange thing, and for some people maybe under extreme circumstances there could be two soul mates and what not, but…in my case? Definitely only one person will ever be it."
He nodded, expecting that answer. "I do too; I know that there will always be just one person that I was truly meant to be with." A tightness blossomed in his chest, bringing a familiar nagging pain with it. He feebly pushed it away, focusing on the task at hand.
She reached out and touched his hand, knowing his sadness.
"This is why…Mary, I would, um...I think we should get married." There, he said it.
She immediately drew her hand back and stared at him in shock, unable to react initially. She would have thought he was joking if any trace of a smile appeared on his face.
"Look, I mean-"
"John, are you on drugs?"
"What? No, I was just-"
"Drunk, then?"
"Drunk? It's not even noon yet." They were both growing in unexpected agitation.
"Married, John? Really? Have you forgotten how we met in the first place?" No, he had not, which was playing a major factor in this whole idea.
"Of course not, but given the circumstances-"
"What circumstances, John? The fact that I'm a lesbian or that I came to you asking for help finding my fiancé?" She couldn't prevent her voice from rising. She was mixed between finding this comical, hurtful, or angering.
"Look I've been thinking about this a lot since we found out about…recent events," he was careful not to speak directly about the discovery of her fiancé's almost certain death, the news being too raw to directly speak of.
"Oh have you? And you think that I'm just going to abandon her? For what, you? A depressed, gay doctor?"
She went there. He had no idea she'd react like this, getting angry before even hearing him out.
"Mary, please," he had to clear his throat and adjust himself in the chair before continuing. They were both sensitive when it came to this type of thing, so he had to be careful, for the both of them. But her anger was making it rather difficult.
"John, honestly you're my closest friend and I love you dearly, but marriage? Are you thick or something? My fiancé is out there somewhere, and sitting around talking about this nonsense isn't getting us any closer to finding her." With swift frustration she stood up from the table. As she turned to leave she heard him mumble, almost to himself, without trying to stop her from leaving.
"We both have…nothing left."
She turned back to him, anger melting into sympathy for the man, seeing the pain in his face as he squeezed his eyes shut and covered his face with a hand. She dropped her senseless pride, sat back down and took his free hand in her's.
"John, I…I'm flattered by your request," she slowly began, "but you have to admit it's a little out of the blue. I know you're not a real professional at relationships, but normally most people date before getting hitched, or at least have some type of courtship." The smile in her voice lightened the mood for them both. John cleared his throat and leaned over to her, taking her other hand.
"Why do you want to marry me, John?" she asked quietly, more confused than anything else at this point.
He was quite for a long time, looking down at the table cloth to gather his thoughts and composure. He slowly exhaled and raised his eyes to meet hers.
"Because…because when I look into my future, imagine what my life will be like in 5, 10 years, I know...I know that no matter what, I''ll still be a sad, broken man. Don't try to say I won't be, that I'll find someone else, because we both just agreed that that won't happen. That for us, there will only be one person. And I know you still have hope for yours, but…I don't have that. The only one that I will ever love…is so gone, so…" he had to stop himself as his voice tightened. She felt a burning behind her eyes, hearing her own pain pulsing behind his words.
"…Irrevocably absent. And no one I could ever meet can possibly live up to the outlandishly high standards he left. But that leaves me with the problem of the rest of my life. What do I want to do with it?" John sighed and squeezed her hand, "Remember all those dinners? We talked about the families we wanted to have, the lives we wanted to share with someone. Look, I'll admit that we're not in love but…will we ever be in love with anyone, ever again? I don't know about you, but I won't. And it's not a melodramatic pity party, it's just straight facts. My heart belongs to someone who's just plain gone."
Each one of his words were sinking into her skin like water into dry soil. It hurt to hear him talk like this and it hurt to see him so broken. Not only for the care she held for him but the reflection she saw there as well.
"Look, Mary, I know you still have hope for her, and as long as that hope exists I will travel the ends of the earth with you, tracing down every lead. But…the future of your current…situation grows more and more open-ended as we get deeper into it. I'm posing the question to you as a plan B, if you will."
"John, we're going to find her…" she barely believed it herself.
"I know…but, if we don't? Do you really think you'll ever find anyone else to replace her? I'm sorry- that sounded a bit harsh…But honestly, we make a pretty solid team, you and I. We work well together and we get each other, and no one's been able to comfort me like you have. I know that traditionally a loveless marriage is not something sought after…but that just isn't the reality available for either of us."
She hadn't been able to say anything back, just staring at their hands.
"It sounds bleak…but that's what we've been dealt. Bleak. We might as well stick together and make it less bleak for each other, right?"
She let out a weak laugh, and pushed a tear away.
"You and your wonky logic," her laugh was tear-stained but she managed an almost lighthearted composure. He smiled down at the white table top again, and stroked his thumb across her hand.
"We both want kids, right? We could raise a family together, keep each other as happy as we can."
For a moment she imagined a little girl running around in her apartment barefoot, and him smiling by a well-made fire, holding a baby. It was the first time she ever dared thinking about a future with anyone but Trisha, but it didn't hurt nearly as much thinking that he'd be there with a cup of tea for her every afternoon, to hold her hand as she cried.
She looked back up at him, as if for the first time- His soft eyes, honest smile lines, and ruffled hair. The subtle sadness in his careful movements, the way he readily offered his shoulder to cry on but slowly accepted her's. He was a man of loyalty, of honor, with an overwhelming sense of lost love glooming over him like a cartoon raincloud. She had never really been attracted to the opposite sex, but John Watson was a gentleman of the highest standards, and if she was doomed to follow down the same path he had to trod, she might as well have a hand to hold.
"John," she finally said after a teary silence, "I do not plan on giving up on Trish, and I still..I have to hold onto hope. But if after we've turned the world upside-down looking for her and I have to face a truth I will never be able to…then, I suppose, I would be honored to platonically marry you."
The empty happiness that filled John showed plainly on his face, neither of them overjoyed about their prospects, but knowing that through the darkest nights there may be an empathetic shoulder to lean on made the fearful idea of the rest of their lives slightly less daunting.
5:32am
Hi Sherlock, it's Molly. I got this number from your brother (after much pleading). I know you told me I really shouldn't contact you, but something BIG has come up. Please pick up the phone, I need to talk to you.
5:34am
Sherlock, please its Molly Hooper, from St. Bart's? I've left you a voice mail to prove with my voice. It's urgent.
5:40am
It's about John Watson.
.
5:41am
What is it?
SH
.
5:42am
My God you actually responded, its actually you. I'm sorry, but I haven't heard from you in a really long time. I'm shocked your brother actually gave me the right number.
5:47am
Sherlock?
.
5:50am
Well, out with it then.
SH
.
5:51am
Dr. Watson is engaged.
.
6:00am
Really Molly? He's getting married? That's your earth shattering news?
SH
.
6:01am
Well I just thought you should know.
6:01am
And also you really don't have to sign your initials at the end of each text, I know who it is.
6:05am
I'm sorry to bother you, I just thought you needed to know.
6:15am
He doesn't love her.
.
6:20am
Obviously.
SH
.
6:21am
What? What does that even mean?
6:29am
Sherlock?