"I was just like everyone else. Until I wasn't. I was a happy girl, with lots of friends. The only thing wrong with my life is the friend I lost. A fight never won. I walked away because I thought it would make me happy. It did anything but. Two months later my other friend is suddenly friends with Her again. They hang out, they talk, and they both probably hate me. On the last day of ninth grade was when it started. My best friend Silena was all dressed up head to toe. I wasn't, I looked like I just woke up. The look she gave me, lingered in my dreams. I never really knew why, I loved my body, I was considered skinny even without a thigh gap. But I guess little things started to change. The more Silena cancelled our plans to hang out with Her, the more I stopped buying junk food. The more I stopped playing video games. I focused on working out. Suddenly I wanted a flat stomach. A big butt. And a thigh gap. I guess it got obsessive at one point. But I always ate. I may have cut junk food out of my life but I still need food to live. So I ate all these healthy alternatives. And I started drinking a gallon of water a day. I made sure I never left the house without makeup and I was always wearing fancy clothes. I just wanted to fit in. My mind told me it was to show Silena that I could be better than Her. I could be the better friend. We were best friends. I think it was also to be better than Silena herself. Which wasn't hard. Tho I'd never tell her that. She wasn't the prettiest or the smartest. But she always had a boyfriend. And a boy lined up for when she got dumped. You could say she was a slut. She was. I could never say that to her. But I think somewhere in my mind I knew she wasn't my friend any longer she was who I wanted to be. I became a twisted version of her. A smart, pretty, athletic version of her. I was what she could have been if she wasn't caught up in the fake. But somewhere along the way, I destroyed myself. Everything I stood for. Everything I wanted to be. Hoped to be. I would scream at myself it I got anything but I B. I would burn myself in the shower when I slipped up. I couldn't be a screw up but I felt like one. No matter how many guys asked me out. No matter how many A's I got. I never realised something was wrong. Until my real friends pointed it out. I've been an empty shell since then."

"That is a lot to take in. Your real friends seemed to care about you. What happened to Silena after she saw your transformation?" Asked Dr. Kimp.

"She got mad, angry. She wanted what light spotlight she had and I took it away from her. We haven't talked since she called me a bitch."

"Can you recall how you two became friends?"

"It was in the third grade. She was new to school….

"Class this is the new girl Silena Upman. Please do your best to make her feel welcomed." said Mrs. Chambers. Being the young girl I was I wasn't shy of people yet, so I skipped right up to her desk.

"Hi! I'm Mckenzie Turner. Do you wanna be friends?" I asked. Another girl, Daisy, walked by.

"Trust me, you don't want her as your friend." said Daisy.

"I'll make my own choices. I want her to be my friend," I said.

"Really," Silena whispered.

"Yeah, we'll be the bestest of friends," I said.

….I later found out that her ad Daisy use to go to preschool together and were best friends. Until they had a fight."

"So you knew her for a long time? And you knew her well?"

"Yeah I knew her for a long time, but I didn't know her at all. She had an agenda for everyone in her life. I never knew mine was to hurt me so badly. She had a way about her that once you were in her life, You didn't want to leave. You were addicted. Addicted to the mental abuse she'd use." A timer beeped.

"Well I think this was a good first session. You're next one is scheduled for tomorrow same time." said Dr. Kimp standing up. I followed her outside of the room.

"Well how'd it go?" asked my mom.

"She answered every question and opened up a little. I look forward to tomorrow." said Dr. Kimp. My mom nodded. I walked outside of the office to wait for her. It was beautiful outside. Almost reminded me of home - I mean Pennsylvania. This was home now, Ames Iowa. Mom promised I could go back and visit. But we moved states away so I could get better. I didn't think a whole lot was wrong. Just an identity crisis. Mom thought I was depressed, and suicidal. That I had every known mental issue. It was so stupid. Nothing was wrong with me. But there are actual people who need actual help with those kinds of things. It was ten minutes later that my mom came out of the office. We didn't talk just drove to our new house. Mom parked then turned to look at me.

"Sweetie in two weeks you'll be starting school. You're gonna be a senior. I want you to know that the doctor doesn't think you should wear a lot of makeup." I was about to argue but a glare cut me off. "She said only light makeup, like mascara and lipgloss only. She wants to find the root of the problem before you can use all that other stuff. It might set you back." I nodded.

"Whatever mom. Its fine. Not only to I have to start a new school, states away from my old one, with no friends on senior year, but now I have to look ugly." I said opening the door.

"You are not Ugly," said my mom who followed me up to the door. I unlocked the door and went inside heading for the stairs.

"God mom I didn't mean it literally. Okay. I'm going to my room, I promised Alexa that I'd facetime her." I said. I ran past my room and up the stairs to the loft. My laptop and sleeping bag were already there. Mom said I was have to wait until the loft is fully painted before making it my room. I opened my laptop and facetimed Alexa. Growing up Alexa was always there but we were never friends until middle school.

"Hey girl. How'd the appointment go?" she asked as soon as she picked up.

"It was boring she asked me stupid questions. I told her how me and Silena became friends. Next appointment is tomorrow." I said. She nodded.

"Well everyone misses you. Marissa had us meet her. We are going to try and put together money so we can all visit during the first break from school. So all three of us got jobs."

"That's awesome. Did you find out what was going to happen since the class president moved away?" I asked.

"Yeah about that. Silena got it since she was the one who ran against you." said Alexa with a grimace on her face. I sighed. Of course she got it. She got what she wanted when she wanted it. It's always been that way.

"Look I've got to go, but we'll talk later," I said before ending the call. I went downstairs and saw my mom in the living room. She'd be happy about this.

"Mom Can you get me a pb&j?" I asked. She nodded and quickly got up leading me into the kitchen. I only really ate salads, berries, and peppers anymore. I'd lost my appetite. But I'd eat this sandwich, I need to. And I did. As soon as my mom sat it in front of me I forced myself to eat it. I faster I got better the sooner I could go home.

"Sweetie it's late. WHy don't you go to bed." suggested mom.

"Okay." I said before heading for the loft. I got changed and into the sleeping bag. As soon as my head hit the pillow I was out.

"So today we are going to pick up right where we left off." Said Dr. Kimp. I nodded as I sat down. "So you said that Silena had an agenda. When did you first notice it?"

"It was a year later. She was stealing people's homework and throwing it out. She said she wanted to be the smartest. She never stole my homework though. I made sure of it."

"What about your other friends. Your mom mentioned a Sadie."

"Sadie and I meet on the bus to kindergarten on the first day. Turned out we had the same class. We've been friends since then. But in 9th grade our friendship turned into that of a best friend. We got closer." I said.

"Did she ever do anything to you?"

"No. I mean when we were very young she had trouble keeping my secrets to herself. But she grew out of that."

"Did Silena like her?"

"She never had a problem with Sadie. They weren't friends and Silena would bully her behind her back. But they never really talked to each other unless I was around."

"Did Silena have a problem with any of your current friends?"

"Alexa. She always thought she was stupid and not good enough. She make fun of her behind her back and would try and turn me against her. It never worked because while Alexa comes off strong if you get to know her she has only good intentions and a pure heart."

"So Silena didn't affect you enough to stop you from making a deep bond with Alexa. Would you say that made her jealous. How many deep connections you had with other people?"

"Yeah I guess she'd be mad cause I was closer to our shared friends then she was. But I don't think she was like that with Alexa. I think Alexa was someone who was, in her eyes, better than her." An Alarm went off.

"Well this session is over. I won't be seeing you again until the first day of school. So you can get settled in and everything. In fact there's a nice bookshop on main street. Sally's Book Nook. You should check it out," said Dr. Kimp as she led me to the front room. My mom and I left as soon as she saw me.

"Sweetie. When we get home I want you to think up some things you can do tomorrow. I don't want you sitting inside all day." said Mom as she started driving. I just nodded and closed my eyes.