Miss Vanity
Calls at 3 a.m.
And stands you up again
She has ten thousand friends
It's just the way she is
He sighed. That really was how it had been lately. She would ring him up at the most ridiculous hours, awakening him to set up a date, only to have her not turn up. Her giggling gaggle of girlfriends had seemed to start taking priority over him, and while he wouldn't have minded if it had only been one friend she'd traded him for – one certain friend in particular – so long as he was able to join them occasionally, it was always the same large group of girly-girls who only ever seemed to show interest in three topics: boys, their appearance, and boys. She never invited him. Okay, so he couldn't stand those friends of hers, but it would have been nice to be considered once in a while. But he knew that was just her – she had been born and raised that way. So why should she change just for him?
Never waits in line
Never has the time
But she makes you lose your mind
Yeah, that's just the way she is
That's just the way she is
True, she could be inconsiderate of other people at times – she hated just waiting, and would do anything to jump the queue, even at times resorting to attempting magic (and that never went to plan). The same thing happened when he was running slightly late for the rare date she actually turned up for. In fact, she seemed to have taken so much upon herself socially this year that she tried to speed up just about everything so she could fit it all in to her schedule – she even tried to speed up her extensive and painstaking beautification routine…which did not always end well. In fact, more often than not it would end with her in tears and him on the receiving end of one of her more melodramatic tantrums (and that's putting it mildly).
But even so, for all of her flaws that were becoming increasingly apparent, he still loved her. On the few occasions they actually managed to be alone, her kisses drove him wild; her slender fingers fluttered and floated over his chest and back, and he almost couldn't breathe. If ever there was a girl who knew exactly how to make a man lose his mind, she did. It was difficult not to. But when she insisted on being so contrary, he felt like he was losing his mind in a completely different way. He would try to impress her; he would try to be thoughtful; he would buy her little heartfelt gifts; but nothing he did seemed to be appreciated anymore. She preferred to receive larger, more expensive and overly-ostentatious gifts. He wasn't sure if she even liked his kisses anymore. Lately, it had felt like she considered it more of a routine than anything. And because of that, he was starting to feel that way as well – the way he had promised himself he would never feel.
You'll never be what she needs
She'll always leave
With your sanity
She'll never do what you want her to
You know it's true
Miss Vanity
That's just the way she is
He shook his head. Those words were so true. As much as he hated calling her that, there really was no other way to describe her at the present time. Once upon a time, he had been as vain as she. All he had cared about were appearances – whether they were those of girls' or those of his own. But now he saw how wrong he had been. He wanted something more. Something deeper. Sure, she was cute when she fluttered about, talking excitedly about her latest purchase from the boutique. She didn't care about anything deeper. That would surely just distract from the important matters – the ones like appearances. Maybe she needed someone else. Someone who didn't mind there being no substance to the relationship. Then again, if he was growing tired of the whole charade, who else would jump into such a shallow relationship, even if it was with the most beautiful girl Oz had to offer?
Loves to turn you on
And you think you can't go wrong
She comes, and then she's gone
That's just the way she is
Yeah, that's the way she is
He was like a toy she loved to play with. She would flutter her eyelashes at him and make him feel like he was the only man in the world who had a reason to feel lucky. And then before he knew it, she would be off flirting with the other guys.
She teased him to no end. He sometimes felt he would die – oh, sweet torture! But then she would whirl back into his arms just long enough for him to fall in love with her all over again.
And so the dance would go on. He had her, but she always felt just out of reach. When at last he thought he had her in his arms, she would disappear like a glittery mist. They were supposed to be in a committed relationship. It never felt that way. He felt like the plaything she would return to when she discovered the latest object of her desire wasn't good enough. Did he really want that kind of relationship (if one would truly call it that)? His answer was no. But what could he do? He was still in love with her.
You'll never be what she needs
She'll always leave
With your sanity
She'll never do what you want her to
You know it's true
Miss Vanity
That's just the way she is
On your knees such a tease
Mmm bitter sweet
You know what I mean
She'll never do what you want her to
You know it's true
Miss Vanity
He raked his hand through his hair as he paced the floor. The words running through his head were all too true. But what could he do about it? He loved her. He would never be good enough for her, Prince or no Prince. But then, no-one ever would.
Knows just what to say
To all the hearts she plays
We love her anyway
That's just the way she is
She always said all the right things, no matter who she was with. Sure, she wasn't exactly the brightest bulb to have existed, and loved to create her own words in place of those missing from her limited vocabulary. But that just endeared her to the male population even more. And, as much as he hated to, he had to admit it: that included him. Yes, everyone loved her. No-one could have her – even he couldn't fully have her, as close as they were – but they all loved her.
You'll never be what she needs
She'll always leave
With your sanity
She'll never do what you want her to
You know it's true
Miss Vanity
That's just the way she is
Ooh Miss Vanity
Ooh Miss Vanity, yeah, yeah, yeah
This one-shot is based on the song 'Miss Vanity', which was the debut single by Rob Mills in the days before he became the second-best Fiyero ever.
Disclaimer: I DO NOT own any of the characters alluded to in the above story; they belong in their entirety to L. Frank Baum and Gregory Maguire. I DO NOT own the song 'Miss Vanity' - and while I do not know who does own the Copyright, I still do not claim it; it belongs, in its entirety, to them. I DO, however, own the story, which is protected in my name under Australian Copyright Law dating back to 2012.