Steven Universe Meets His Doom

I was drunk when I made this lol

It was a sunny day in Beach City and Steven Universe was sitting in his bed thinking naughty thoughts about Connie. Just as he fantasized about going to town on Connie's curry hole, Pearl came up.

"Rose, don't you remember what today is?" She asked him. Steven then said, "Uhh, the day you get your sex change?" "No no, besides that, I'm talking about our anniversary, don't you remember when we first had sex, Rose? Well I thought that we could reenact all of the 50 Shades this time," Steven's boner dropped immediately. "Ew, not a snowball's chance in my ass, you sick old bag of yeast," Pearl then got that crazed look on her face. "Godammit Rose, I'm so fucking tired of you playing hard-to-get. I'm going to fucking kill you!" She screamed.

Steven got the fuck out of the house. Pearl chased him, and ran into Amethyst who was eating out of the garbage like a dog, "Yo Pearl want some of this shit covered toilet paper I found?" Pearl snapped her neck and continued her chase.

Steven ran along the beach like the fat idiot he is and bumped into Garnet, who was naked and singing Stronger Than You into a dildo. "Garnet, holy fuck you have to help me!" Steven yelled. Garnet turned around, "Do you need to jerk off again you fucking cock gobbler, I just gave you a handy like ten minutes ago!" Steven couldn't help but splooge a little at this, but there wasn't time to dwell on that.

"Garnet, Pearl went insane and she's trying to fucking rape and/or kill me!" Garnet got into her battle stance, laying on her back spread-eagle with her legs up, "Nobody gets to rape and/or kill Steven except me!" Pearl came up, frothing at the mouth like a fucking dog. "Stand down, Pearl, you know you can't beat me, remember last time we scissored you said you couldn't shit for a week?" Pearl yelled, "That was last night, and I was asking "is it in yet?"!"

Garnet was pissed now. She pulled her bra out of her sperm dumpster and was using it like a nunchuck, "I'm gonna fucking kill you now, shit-gooch!" Pearl pulled up her shirt, revealing her nasty boil and wart covered tits. Garnet ripped out her eyes and ran into the ocean to drown herself. Pearl then turned her attention to the fat midget jerking off to the ordeal behind a rock,"Why fap to her and not me, Rose?!". Steven finished up, pulled up his pants hand hauled ass.

Steven ran into the donut shop, where Sadie was topless and rubbing her crusty nipples wearing a strap-on, "Oh Stevie, you came just in time, I was getting extremely horny," Steven yelled, "FUCK THAT SHIT," and ran out of the shop. Peal ran in, and loud grunting noises could be heard. Pearl emerged, covered in blood and cum and wielding a dildo.

Steven thought to himself. Connie! He would be safe there and he would get to go to town on her too. Two birds with one stone! He ran to her house, and saw the walls covered in blood and Connie's headless corpse. "What the foreskin cleaning fuck?!" He yelled. Pearl came out of the kitchen, a smirk on her face. "You see Rose, I knew you would run to this house and eat some Indian if you know what I mean, so I teleported here and showed Connie my nudes, and her head blew up." Pearl approached Steven, rubbing a bulge in her pants, "It's just you and me now, Rosebud," Steven smacked her ass down with a bottle of lube and ran the hell out of there.

He ran and ran and ran and reached the barn where his friends Peridot and Lapis lived. He knocked on the door, and Peridot opened it wearing a shit diaper and baby bonnet, "Uhh, hi Steven, we were just, err, roleplaying our favorite anime, " "Yeah whatever, I need someplace to hide, Pearl has gone crazier than Christian Bale on the Terminator set!" Lapis emerged wearing a dirty Eeyore sweatsuit and cigarette in her mouth, "That reference isn't even close to relevant anymore you cum-gargler!" Steven gave her the finger and ran inside.

Steven thought he was safe, sitting there watching Lapis wipe Peridot's ass for the fiftieth time, and before he could undo his pants and give Steven Junior a spanking, Pearl busted the door down, wearing only a bra with spikes on the nipples and crotchless pantyhose. Peridot and Lapis each pulled out a gun and shot themselves. Pearl creeped creepily to Steven. "Now your sweet ass is finally mine, Rose!" Steve saw Pearl pull off her girdle, and her labia unraveled. Steven tried to run but Pearl's cooter lips lassoed Steven by the ankles and drug him to her.

Just as he was was about to assrape Steven, the diamonds appeared. Blue wearing a naughty nun outfit and Yellow in nothing but combat boots. Yellow grabbed Pearl by the clit, and it gave her such an orgasm, she blew into pieces. "Hooray," yelled the hairy man with a pink gem for a bellybutton. Blue grabbed him. "Finally, I needed a new dildo,"

Needless to say, he died and Steven Universe was finally cancelled, and nobody really cared. A few Tumblr people got triggered, but they would live.

THE END