True lies

The truth.
It is a beautiful and terrible thing,
and must therefore be treated with great caution.
J. K. Rowling

Aaron Hotchner had always been a controlled person. Controlled, well-prepared and stoic. Every morning at 6am, he was woken up by the alarm clock on his nightstand, got up immediately and started the day with the usual 5-mile-run.

Okay, skipping the jog because of work-related midnight calls was quite common, and of course Hotch had just ignored the alarm clock a couple of times and slept in (which meant getting up at 8am instead - after all, he was a single father of a six-year-old, and Jack was usually up at sunrise, just like his father). So yes, there were occasional deviations from the routine.

But when Hotch woke up at 2:36pm, his head throbbing, the alarm clock lying shattered on the floor among pieces of clothing that were certainly not his own, a totally naked Emily Prentiss (he couldn't help but check ...) lying cuddled against his chest, Aaron Hotchner was far from stoic.

He didn't jump out of the bed screaming or cursing, of course (he was Hotch, after all, hung over and naked or not), but it was safe to say that Hotch, probably one of the most composed human beings on this planet, was hopelessly overtaxed with this situation.

The only positive effect this shock had was that Hotch suddenly felt sober - or at least sober enough to realize if Emily Prentiss woke up clutching her naked superior, she would probably kill him. And despite the temptation to just disappear forever, Hotch knew there had to be an alternative.

Although it was obvious what had happened the night before, Aaron didn't have any memory of what exactly had led to the two of them ending up in his bed. What he did remember was meeting the team in a bar after an extraordinarily hard case. Why hadn't anyone stopped him from drinking? For god's sake: why hadn't anyone stopped him from taking Emily to his place? Had they taken a cab and if yes, where was his car? He sighed loudly, freezing immediately afterwards, afraid he had just woken Emily up - nope, she was still sleeping, snugged to his naked body.

No matter how long he had been dreaming about being so close to her - this was just wrong. She didn't want this, didn't want him. He had to get out of here before she woke up!

Even when numbering among one or two bomb incidents and dealing with all those heavily armed unsub, Hotch had never moved more carefully in his whole life. It took him a few seconds to realize that he had made it out of the bed without waking Emily up, and when he did, he had to stop himself from sighing again.

Okay, so far, so good. Now what next? Clothes, he decided. The briefs he had been wearing the day before were closest to the bed (which made sense, although the logic this followed sent cold shivers up and down his spine). Hotch tried not to be distracted by the image popping up in his mind: Emily tugging down his pants, his briefs... Damn! This had to stop!

He grabbed his underwear and couldn't help but put it on immediately. With his nakedness now being covered, Hotch felt a little more confident that he was not going to be assassinated in the next few minutes. Nevertheless he knew that it was safest to leave the room as quickly as possible.

Carefully, Hotch gathered the rest of his clothes up from the floor, being even sane enough to avoid the cracking plank. On his way to the door, he scanned the ground for things Emily was not supposed to see when she woke up, and... Oh damn! That had clearly been the best decision he had made lately. Well... obviously they had at least been accountable enough to use protection! Slightly blushing, Hotch picked up the used condom and its wrapping and fled his own bedroom.

Standing there, half-naked, carrying a pile of clothes under one arm and a condom in the other hand, Hotch found that he had never been happier about Jack spending the weekend at Jessica's place than he was now. He didn't even want to imagine what seeing his father like this could do to his son...

After disposing the most obvious evidence of what had happened the previous night, Hotch started searching for fresh clothes, knowing that it was too dangerous to go back to the bedroom in order to get to the closet.

Emily would wake up sooner or later (he couldn't help but add "naked" and "in my bed" in his mind), but when she did, he certainly didn't want to be standing across from the bed, only dressed in his underwear, searching for clothes. Finally having found his second emergency go bag with several freshly washed and ironed pieces of clothing in it, Hotch stepped into the shower, trying not to think about Emily's naked body...

About half an hour later, Hotch - now properly dressed (yes, he was wearing a suit and a tie after waking up next to his naked colleague) - was leaning against the kitchen counter, waiting for his coffee to brew and his life to fall apart.