Disclaimer: I own not X-Men in any make/form/'verse ... sob
With eyes shut tightly together, she pressed herself into her mattress forcing the breath out of her and tried in vain to numb the pain gnawing at her very essence.
'Never'... such a strong word, such a harsh, cold word... it would undoubtedly haunt her for the rest of her worthless life.
Her screams of injustice and pleads for mercy was muffled by the pillow she used in an attempt to smother herself. Life was never fair. She did nothing to deserve such a cruel and harsh punishment. She wailed and sobbed into her lavender scented sheets which, instead of calming her, spurred her on. Her tears flowed freely now, recovering from the shock only to be assaulted by a barrage of emotions; anger, guilt... sadness.
Anger at her worthless body, what purpose did she now serve? She always promised herself that she'd be everything to her kids that she never once had growing up. Again that blasted word, never. It should be skewered with adamantinum claws and then blasted into oblivion... recollected only to be ported away to a black hole and ripped apart from the inside. Never, it made her nauseous. She didn't want to think, she wanted to yell at Hank! Prove him wrong! Rub it in their smug, know-it-all faces! Not her! She had too much love to give, too big a heart! She loved so hard! And then the guilt settled in.
What right did she have ruining an innocent child's life? The child would never have had the opportunity to been breast fed, they would never know the feeling of their mother's touch. Would they have cursed their mutancy like she so religiously does? Would they blame their murdering monster of a mother once they discovered what they were? Subsequently, sadness suddenly overwhelmed her...
She's a monster, a hideous, childless, untouchable monster. What punishment was this? Never to feel her baby's breath on her face, never to cuddle a small bundle and whisper impossible promises, never to rush out of bed in the middle of the night to cradle her upset babe and in hushed tones, calm him back to sweet slumber. She thoroughly despised that word, never...
Fisting her bare hands, she clenched until her nails dug in and she drew blood. Poisonous skin and a treacherous body, what a perfect combination, she felt like Murphy's sick and twisted idea of a Mutant Midas. She reeked of death and despair, she was indeed, better off dead.
I want to end this...
Quietly, she rolled off the bed and stepped onto the carpeted floor with a renewed purpose.
I need to end this...
Drying her tears, she focused entirely on... nothing. Not sadness, not guilt, not anger... not even Never.
I've served my purpose dear god...
An eerie wave of calmness overtook her as she placed her bare feet on the cold tiles of the private bathroom she shared with her room mate. A brief feeling of uncertainty plagued her but it was so quickly and violently thrown out that she was reminded painfully of the others' recollection of their first encounter with the fiend she, ironically, brought into this world.
Defeated Apocalypse, I've done my duty...
She didn't feel the shock running up her spine, reacting at the abrupt coldness of the floor as both mind and body was under some sort of alien numbness that she couldn't bring herself to question.
Now please, give me courage...
She felt like she was on auto pilot and as she curled her fingers around the sharpened blade she felt a sudden wave of something her mind couldn't really process at the moment and for a brief moment wondered if a merciful god did exist.
Give me courage dear god...
She knew what was to be done. Her grip tightened and as the blade pressed into her skin, she still felt nothing.
Give me courage, and give strength...
She doubted herself for a brief second.
Courage to do what is necessary...
And then blood began to trickle down and she imagined that this is what euphoria must feel like. She didn't want to breathe anymore; she didn't want to feel...
And the strength to be embraced by you, oh lord.
She wanted this to end, now.
"Rogue, my dear, I'm afraid that according to your latest physical examination, that you may never be capable of having children.
Never say Never.
A/N: well I'm back again, no it isn't the sequel to my recently completed It's the little things... this is something new that plot bunnies have been clawing at my academically saturated brain for the last few weeks. You can guess this is Evo, just after Rogue kicked Apocalypse's blue ass. I don't know whether i should leave this as a one shot or a 2 part or even a multichap? I have an idea for a Remy POV or sumtin which can work as a 2 part. Not sure how good I am in the Angst/Tragedy department. Normally humour is my turf, so im up the creek, would some1 toss me a paddle? Lol Any suggestions? Reviews make the heart grow fonder lol