I don't own any thing you recognise, this is just a WIP that is helping me get over something.
TW: Rape.
Set pre-Michael.
Jeff walked into the choir room at McKinley. It was the first time he had been in there, but he knew where it was. He was auditioning for the New Directions; he had already arranged it with Mr. Schuester.
"We have an audition today. Jeff, would you like to introduce yourself?"
"Hi, I'm Jeff Sterling. I've just transferred from Dalton, where I was on the Warblers. I love singing and dancing. I'm a sophomore, and I'm not yet 16." He nodded to the pianist, who started playing as he sat on the stool in the centre of the room.
Regrets collect like old friends
Here to relive your darkest moments
I can see no way, I can see no way
And all of the ghouls come out to play
He sang softly, it was a stripped down version of the song, the only backing being a piano and a guitar.
Every demon wants his pound of flesh
But I like to keep some things to myself
I like to keep my issues drawn
It's always darkest before the dawn
He started to get into the song, emotion starting to show, he had chosen this song for a reason.
And I've been a fool and I've been blind
I can never leave the past behind
I can see no way, I can see no way
I'm always dragging that horse around
Our love is pastured such a mournful sound
Blaine looked up as he heard the raw emotion start to pour from his friend. He knew a lot about Jeff's past, more than anyone else.
Tonight I'm gonna bury that horse in the ground
So I like to keep my issues strong
But it's always darkest before the dawn
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
And it's hard to dance with the devil on your back
So shake him off, oh whoa
Jeff felt a tear start to roll down his cheek, and heard his voice crack ever so slightly when singing about the devil on the back, but he pushed through it, determined to finish the song.
And I am done with my graceless heart
So tonight I'm gonna cut it out and then restart
'Cause I like to keep my issues drawn
It's always darkest before the dawn
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
And it's hard to dance with the devil on your back
So shake him off, oh whoa
It was taking everything in his willpower not to break down, he was hurting so much.
And it's hard to dance with the devil on your back
And given half the chance would I take any of it back
It's a fine romance but it's left me so undone
It's always darkest before the dawn
Ooh hoo oooh hoo...
And I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't
So here's to drinks in the dark at the end of my rope
And I'm ready to suffer and I'm ready to hope
It's a shot in the dark aimed right at my throat, cause
Looking for heaven,
Found the devil in me
Looking for heaven,
Found the devil in me
But what the hell
I'm gonna let it happen to me
Jeff glanced up and saw Blaine staring directly at him, knowing the older boy would want to know what was happening.
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
And it's hard to dance with the devil on your back
So shake him off, oh whoa
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
And it's hard to dance with the devil on your back
So shake him off, oh whoa
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
And it's hard to dance with the devil on your back
So shake him off, oh whoa
He finished and stood up, tears leaking down his face at speed.
"That was beautiful, Jeff. Welcome aboard." Mr. Schuester said sincerely, not wanting to move too close to the boy, who was obviously on the edge of a breakdown.
"Thank you." Jeff managed to get out as he got surrounded by girls trying to hug him. He felt panic rising in his stomach and looked at Blaine pleadingly.
"Stop." Blaine yelled, recognising the terrified look in his friend's eyes. "Everyone, get away from him. Give him space." He moved towards the terrified boy as the others moved away. He put his arm round Jeff's shoulders and led him from the room, lifting him with ease when he felt the younger's knees go out. Blaine carried Jeff bridal-style out into the school field, an area of it that was seldom used. "Talk to me."
"Well, you know what happened..."
/Flashback/
"Dude, what have you got stuck up your ass today, Wes?" Jeff heard someone shout. Only 14, his first day as an actual Warbler. He turned and ran from the room, to be found throwing up in one of the gardens by Blaine.
"What's wrong, Jeff?" He hugged the freshman tightly, once he'd finished vomiting.
"Well..."
/Flashback further/
A 10 year old Jeff sat politely on the couch as his parents made a friendly exchange with his babysitter for the evening, Summer, and her boyfriend, Adam. He heard the car pull out the driveway before the teens sat either side of him.
"You were right, babe, such a pretty little thing." The guy said, caressing Jeff's face.
"So shy as well, but he always wants to please." The girl replied, starting to pull her top off as she undid the young boy's jeans with one hand. The older boy had quickly removed his own jeans before taking over removing the young boys. He forced the child into a kneeling position and thrusted himself inside the young, virgin hole as his girlfriend started licking and sucking the young boy, forcing herself upon him.
/End flashbacks/
"Because of it, I have never been able to, you know, put out." Jeff explained to Blaine. "Nick was getting restless. We'd been together for several months, and he couldn't wait any longer. He took me. He prepared me, all the time I was crying out for him to stop, he didn't understand, because I could never explain. Nick raped me. That's what the song was for. Both demons. The first one, the past I can't let go of, the horse I'm always dragging around. And the second, the devil on my back."
"I can't believe Nick would do that. He seemed to love you so." Blaine held the crying boy close to him.
"I thought he loved me too." Jeff sobbed. "I could never tell him about it though. It just hurt too much."
"I get that. How many people have you actually told about any of this?"
"You. No one else. I just couldn't open up like that to anyone else."
"I feel honoured that you trust me with it. I'll never tell another soul unless you want me to, but I feel so bad that you went through it at all." Blaine murmured. "Do you want me to drive you home before I go kick some serious Warbler butt?"
"Yes, please." Jeff whispered gratefully, he didn't know if he could face the rest of the day. "To the driving me home, not going to kick butt. Please don't, I don't want it made worse."
"We could get him locked up?" Blaine suggested.
"Then the rest of them will want to know what's going on, and I don't want it out. Not yet anyway." Jeff reached out for Blaine to carry him again.
"I'll take care of you, no matter what." Blaine picked up the young blond, he couldn't help but feel for the innocence of him, innocence that had been torn from him again and again.
"Where are you staying?" Blaine asked once they were in his car.
"With my aunt." Jeff gave him the directions, before falling silent. Blaine was the friend that he needed most.
Song used- Shake It Out- Glee Cast Version.