Holding On
Chapter 1
Brooke sits on the couch as shes trying to listen to what Julian's saying, for some reason she can't keep her mind focused. She figures the stress of her work is getting to her.
" Brooke? Are you even listening to what I'm saying?"
" Huh? Oh um--"
" I guess that answers my question."
" I'm sorry, I've just been tired that I'm blanking out lately, guess from all the work that I've had to do."
" Its alright, maybe I should leave and you should get some rest."
" No stay, I can get some rest after. So what were you saying?"
" I was talking about the movie with Lucas..."
Lucas. Lucas Scott.
It was a name that held so many emotions for her, emotions that went from being happy to sad to hurt.... He was the one boy she gave her heart too, the one who never gave it back.
Brooke and Lucas haven't been together since back in senior year in highschool but years later she still feels the same for him now. She was madly in love with him and she still is even though she hides it from him and just about everyone else.
Afterall, she gave Lucas up for the sake of her best friends happiness, shes the one who is always cheering them on even though deep down it hurts so bad to know that there together. It was supposed to be her with Lucas, she was supposed to be engaged to him, she was supposed to be carrying his baby, not Peyton.
She's been trying so hard to move on but her heart just won't let her. Julian's been great to her, but he's no Lucas. She tries to snap out of her thoughts as she see's Julian eyeing her again.
" Thats it, you need some rest."
" No I'm fine. I'm sorry, I just kind of wandered off."
" Well you've been wandering off alot today. And everytime you wandered off it was either because I mentioned Lucas or something that involves him."
" Thats not true"
" Oh come on Brooke, it so is. Is everything okay with you and Lucas?"
" Yeah, why would things not be okay?"
" I don't know, maybe because your really not okay with him and Peyton having a baby. I read the book Brooke, I know you guys shared alot of history together, so its only natural to see you hurting from your ex."
" I'm not hurting Julian, I've moved on from Lucas a long time ago. I'm happy for him and Peyton, that baby's gonna have two wonderful parents." She said looking down.
" If you meant it you wouldn't have been looking away from me while you said it, Brooke be honest with yourself. I know I'm hurting, Peyton was the girl I wanted to spend the rest of my life with but then things changed and it hurts to know shes spending her life with somebody else. I know you feel the same way about Lucas."
Brooke sighed. " Okay, yes I feel that way about Lucas but it doesn't matter what I feel."
" Why do you say that?"
" Because it just doesn't, they're happy and I'm sure Lucas doesn't feel that way about me anymore. There's no point in me letting out my feelings and bother trying to get in between. I'm not going to be the girl who comes in the middle and ruin someone's happiness."
" You mean like what Peyton did to you?"
" You may have read the book but you don't know every little detail."
" But that did happen, didn't it?"
Brooke became hesistant but then replied " Ok yeah it happened but that was back in highschool....were adults now....This is weird, why are we talking about our ex's?"
" Because it seems to be the only thing were thinking about lately."
" Wow."
" What?"
" You're the only person who's gotten me to say those thing's about Lucas in like....I can't even remember."
" Maybe you ought to talk to Lucas."
" No, saying it to you is one thing but saying it to him is another, it'll just make things awkward, were just friends Julian. And why are you pushing me to my ex, your with me your supposed to want to keep me."
" Brooke, I care about you and I like you alot but I want you to be happy."
" I am happy, you've made me happier then I felt in a long time."
" I feel the same way but your not as happy as you could be with Lucas."
Brooke then got frustrated " Julian, just stop okay! I am not going to be with Lucas, he is with Peyton, just fucking drop it okay!" She said as his eyes got big.
Brooke then realized what she did " I....I....I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get mad at you."
" Wow, I think thats the first time I've heard Brooke Davis swear. Its kinda hot when your mad."
Brooke then laughed. " But seriously Julian, I don't want to talk to Lucas about any of this."
" But Brooke you need to talk to him."
" We're not ever going to be together again so there is no point in telling him how I feel, it will just complicate things and I think its about time everyone leads a drama free life."
" If you really think you're not ever going to be with him again, then so be it but you still have to talk to him."
" Why?!"
" Because you need closure. You're never going to be able to fully move on without closure."
Brooke looked down, he was right but she didn't want closure, she wanted to be with him but she can't. She can't win either way.
" What about you and Peyton? I know you still have feelings for her, you pretty much said it."
" I guess I'm going to have to talk to her too. Well then its settled, were both going to talk to our ex's."
Brooke looked down with her eyes getting a bit watery, Julian noticed and brushed the teardrop that was falling from her cheek.
" Brooke, everythings going to be okay." Brooke nodded with Julian leaning in wrapping his arms around her with her resting her head on his shoulder.
She wanted to believe that everything would be okay, that she could finally move on and truly be happy; but deep down she knew she'll never be able to. Lucas has the other half of her heart and he'll never be able to give it back. Its like he has some type of spell cast on her.
They tried having closure before and it didn't work, this time will be the same, for her atleast, she thought. She is scared terribly to let her guard down and just straight out tell him everything, he probably doesn't feel half the things she does about him. It will just make everything awkward and complicated but she knows she needs it even if he doesn't.
This is one talk long over due.