A/N: My friend who shall remain nameless begged me to write him a funny one-shot staring Naruto and Sasuke. So I decided to poke fun at the NaruSasu pairing. Please if you like this pairing, don't take this seriously. Enjoy.

Disclaimer: No ownie.

"I AM NOT G-A-Y!"

"Geez…alright I wont push it. Why are you getting so defensive anyway?"

"HOW COULD I NOT BE?! What the hell gave you that idea, teme?!"

The blue birds were chirping happily this morning, in the presently peaceful, Konohagakure no sato. Men and women, civilians and shinobi alike were waking up at this hour just a little before the sunrise. Usually people would wake up to the blue birds chirping outside their windows, this day of course was different.

Instead of the beautiful bird noises they were accustomed to hearing, they heard this, "GAWD DAMN YOU TEME! I'M NOT FUCKING GAY!"

One older civilian woman looked out her window to see what kind of creature could project such a loud annoying noise. She peered out to see two men, about their early 20s. One with long spiky blonde hair, so long she should yell at him to get a haircut and stop looking like those damn hippies. He had piercing blue eyes and tanned skin. He wore the custom Jonin uniform, that seemed to fit his lean body shape perfectly. The woman sighed if only she was a bit younger. Growl. Of course she knew who this man was, it was none other than Uzumaki Naruto. Although at first he was known for containing the Kyuubi, Naruto had made himself a legend. There was not one person alive in Konoha who did not know his face. The man who almost single handedly saved Konoha from the near destruction of Orochimaru, not to mention some of the Akatsuki. He was also training to be Hokage in the next coming year, his life was going perfectly well as far anyone else could see.

The other man walking with Naruto was also very easy to recognize. Jet black hair, pale skin, and dark eyes. He wore the Anbu uniform, that showed off his tightening muscles. The woman growled again. His name was Uchiha Sasuke. Everyone knew the story, his clan was brutally murdered by his older brother blah blah blah…the real story was how he returned to Konoha. After getting revenge on his brother, he decided to kill Orochimaru. He figured the Sannin was just standing in his way. Too bad he had no idea Naruto had already had his own plans. They met up when Naruto went on one of searches for him, they planned the murder together and succeeded. After much arguing Naruto finally dragged Sasuke back, and yes I'm speaking literally. Once Sasuke was back home, he wasn't particularly welcomed with open arms…in fact they threw him in the Konoha Prison. After much discussing and some time served in prison, Sasuke was set free. He worked tirelessly to become part of the Anbu, it was much harder for him, people still didn't necessarily trust him and argued that they were giving him too much power. Naruto, and the rest of the Rookie 9 stood up for him, as did Tsunade, believing that everyone has a right to change if they really want to.

The woman sighed again, they appeared to be having an argument. She rolled her eyes and went to get ready for work.

The two men were walking to their usual training ground, they did this every morning. They would usually talk about training, what they were doing next week, how many missions they have gotten this month...but today was different.

Sasuke had brought up a rather shaky conversation about women, not ever being with one, he wouldn't know what a relationship was like. Who could blame him? He was with Orochimaru majority of the time, and never got to see many women. Besides, he could never form bonds with one of Orochimaru's test subjects…they all died anyway.

He believed that Naruto had to have at least been with one woman while he was gone. Naruto wasn't obsessed with any revenge, so he had time to be with someone. Sasuke knew that Naruto wasn't with anyone at the moment, he decided to ask about it.

The conversation soon grew ugly and before he knew it, Naruto started screaming, "I'M NOT GAY!" Over and over and over again…

"I didn't say you were gay, and there's nothing wrong with being gay…I just find it odd…You've never kissed anyone but me." Sasuke said as he thought back to their time in the academy.

"TEME! YOU KNOW THAT WAS AN ACCIDENT!" Naruto screamed back.

"Well I know I didn't mean it…but I could've sworn you trying to make it into some tongue action." Sasuke smirked. He never really got a chance to joke around with anyone, but with Naruto he found it easier.

"Fuck, I think I'm gonna vomit. You're sick Teme. Plain sick. And you're an asshole. If anyone's gay, its you! You probably wish I was gay, so your gay fantasy could come true!" Naruto put his hand over his mouth and pretended to be gagging.

Sasuke rolled his eyes, "Shut up, Dobe. We both know why I haven't been with anyone, there's no excuse for you. Besides whatever happened to your stupid crush on Sakura? I haven't once seen you asking her out on dates like you use to." The black haired man noted.

Naruto was quiet for a moment or two, and they began walking at a slower pace, "I grew up…Sakura was just that. A crush. Now that I think back on it, it was really silly. She's like family to me, when you were gone we both needed each other, not like a couple, but like siblings. She's my sister, and I'm her brother, we stick up for each other. Besides…her stupid crush on you hasn't went away. I think its gotten even bigger." Naruto smirked in Sasuke direction.

"Hn…no kidding." Sasuke mumbled with no interest as he looked up at the rising sun.

Naruto went wide eyed, "Geez Sakura's one of the prettiest, smartest girls in Konoha and you still aren't interested. Maybe if I said she's gotta penis, does that interest you perhaps…SasGAY!" Naruto began to laugh in hysterics at his own joke.

Sasuke again rolled his eyes, "Whatever Dobe. You're the gay one. If Sakura is so pretty and smart why did you just see her as a sister? Any straight guy would've went for her." He shot back.

Naruto growled, "Maybe if she wasn't so stuck on you. But I guess...it's all in the past. Me and her weren't meant to be that way. If we were, it would've happened a lot sooner, don'tcha think?" The blonder haired man said in a quieter tone.

Sasuke shrugged, "Still…Sakura isn't the only pretty and smart girl in Konoha. You got variety." He said nonchantley.

Naruto shrugged as well, "I was so caught up with getting you back, I didn't really notice the people around me."

"It's been awhile since I came back Naruto. Everything is alright now. Why don't you go out there and look around?" Sasuke insisted.

"I'm training to be Hokage, Teme. My village comes first, even before my love life." Naruto said with a smug look.

"The problem with that is you have no love life, Dobe. Why don't you just admit it." Sasuke said with a smirk.

Naruto looked at Sasuke with confusion, "Admit what?"

Sasuke smacked his own face in frustration, "Gawd, you're retarded. Admit that you're just making excuses, and just embrace the truth that you're…"

"That I'm….??"

Sasuke sighed again, "That you're gay."

Naruto face became red with rage, "DAMN YOU! HOW MANY TIMES DO I GOTTA SAY IT?! I'M NOT GAY!" He screamed.

"Prove it…" Sasuke said simply.

Naruto looked at him with confusion, "Uhhh…huh?"

"Prove you're not gay, Dobe." Sasuke said.

"How?" Naruto asked.

Sasuke sighed again, "What do straight men usually do?" He asked.

"Watch porn?" Naruto asked.

"I guess…but gay guys watch porn too." Sasuke admitted.

"Hahaha…you would know that Teme!" Naruto laughed.

Sasuke rolled his eyes, "Kiss a girl." He answered.

"What?! I can't just go up to a random girl and kiss her." Naruto yelled.

"Ok, I guess from now on I'll call you Naruke." Sasuke shrugged nonchantley.

"Damn you Sasuke. Fine…but who?" Naruto asked.

"Hmmm…it doesn't matter to me who it is. How about the first girl we see?" Sasuke said.

"You're a sick, twisted teme. But I'll do it."

In another part of town

Hinata Hyuuga had just come back from a solo S-Ranked mission. Her hair was tied in a messy bun, that was falling apart. Her face was covered in grime, sweat, and dirt. Her Anbu uniform was even coming apart. She had to hold one of the straps so her breasts wouldn't show. All in all, she was tired, dirty, and just wanted to go home before anyone she knew saw her. Although at the moment, Hinata maybe describe as dirty, she was an extremely beautiful young lady. Gracefully long indigo hair, flawless pale skin, and pale, moon shaped eyes. Her body had grown increasingly during her late teens. Although she didn't seem to notice, there was a large number men looking her way nowadays.

She sprinted from building to building. Before she could go home, she had to see the Hokage first, it was an unfortunate rule of all returning Anbu.

She made it to the building. Unlike most of the times, she decided to jump in through the window to not be seen by Shizune or other Anbu guards. She remembered seeing Naruto do this on occasion, so it seemed to be alright.

When she got inside, she was met with hazel eyes.

Tsunade, the present Hokage had not looked a day over 25, and yet she was in her early 60s. It still amazed Hinata how a simple genjutsu could do this. The woman looked at Hinata, up and down, then sighed as she put some paper work away.

"Hinata, I didn't expect you back so soon from your mission. My you look…different." Tsunade said as she got up from her chair to examine the girl more closely.

"I'm sorry…I wish I could be more presentable, Hokage-sama. But your rule is to come see you first when we return from missions." Hinata said with a bashful smile.

"Yes...I do say that. But maybe you can be an exception. How about you go home, and come back when you're ready to give your mission report, how's that sound?" Tsunade asked.

Hinata merely nodded, "Hai, Arigato Hokage-sama." Hinata said as she was about to leap out of the building.

"Hinata…I think you should walk home. You look tired, and might exhaust yourself." Tsunade mentioned.

Hinata blushed, knowing there was no hiding from people now. "Ano...hai, Hokage-sama." She said as she walked out of the office.

Back with Naruto and Sasuke

"We've been sitting here forever…I don't think we're gonna find anyone." Naruto said as he laid down in a grassy area.

"Maybe we should get outta the training ground and go to a park or something." Sasuke said in a bored tone.

"I'm not going to a damn park. Little kids go there. I don't want some little kid seeing me get beat up for randomly kissing someone." Naruto whined.

"I doubt they'd beat up their future Hokage." Sasuke stated.

"Whatever. I'm not taking that chance!" Naruto yelled.

"Shut up…do you hear that?" Sasuke asked as began to the listen to something intently.

"Hear what?" Naruto asked as he sat up.

"Sounds like someone's coming. This could be your lucky day Dobe." Sasuke said as he got up and began to walk in the direction of the noise.

Naruto followed, and began to hear it too.

"Sounds like really soft footsteps." Naruto said as he looked around for any sign of someone. Before Naruto could say anything else Sasuke stopped walking.

"Hn…I see her." He mumbled.

Naruto looked in the same direction and noticed a familiar face walking behind the trees.

"What happened to her?" Naruto asked as he looked at the Hyuuga woman and saw her condition.

"Why don't you go ask Dobe?" Sasuke suggested.

Naruto hesitated, but finally nodded, "Yea, ok." He mumbled.

Naruto blushed knowing full well Hinata might be the girl he was going to kiss. Hinata and him had gotten closer over the years, though not as close as he would've liked. During the time when he was searching for Sasuke, Hinata had helped him look for Sasuke as much as she could. They had made a good team for awhile until Hinata had become part of the Anbu. The difference in ranks didn't give them much time to catch up with one another.

He was walking quickly now to catch up to her. Hinata could hear loud footsteps behind her. She blushed and looked down. She thought that going through the forest to get home would have no people around, oh well time to face the facts. It could be worse, the person could be…

"Hey Hinata!" Oh dear Kami that voice.

Hinata turned around to meet a pair of beautiful azure eyes. "N-Naruto-kun." She stuttered as she looked down blushing.

Naruto smiled, same old Hinata.

"Are you ok? You look really dirty and stuff.." Naruto said as he looked her up and down. Her body was covered in dirt, and her uniform was coming off right before his eyes. He looked away blushing.

"I just g-got back f-from a difficult mission…I'm going home to get cleaned up." Hinata said as she tried to cover her exposing thighs.

Naruto saw the embarrassment on her face, and sympathized. She probably had went in the forest so no one would see her, he concluded. He unzipped his Jonin vest and handed it to her, she took it with a blush.

"It's not much, but it'll have to do. I'll walk you home, ok?" Naruto said.

Hinata's blushed intensified as she put on his vest. It was large on her, which was a very good thing as it covered every exposed area.

"Arigato, Naruto-kun. That's very kind of you." Hinata said as she bowed politely.

Naruto smiled back, and put his arm over her shoulders, "That's what I'm here for." He said as they began to walk in the direction of her house.

Sasuke watched with fascination at what unfolded before him. He smirked. There was no questioning Naruto's sexuality now. There was an obvious connect between him and the Hyuuga girl, Sasuke didn't even need to see a kiss. He smiled, slightly proud of his blonde friend. He turned around and cursed, he would not let Naruto get a girlfriend before he did. Where's Sakura when he needed her?

The Next Day

"And then we just kissed! Just like that! It was like magic or something." The blonde said as he and Sasuke walked to their usual training ground.

"I'm proud of you Dobe." Sasuke said with a smirk.

"I mean…when we kissed I didn't even think about it. I didn't feel like I had to do it. I just really wanted to." Naruto said with a triumphant smile.

"So you and her are going out now?" Sasuke asked.

"Hmmm…I guess. I didn't really ask. It just happened so fast. I mean one minute I'm kissing her outside her house, then the next minute I'm on her bed. Weird huh?" Naruto asked as he looked at his friend.

Sasuke's face paled, "YOU WHAT?!"

"What's the problem Teme?" Naruto asked with curiosity.

"Don't tell me you two…you two…actually…"

"Had sex?" Naruto answered.

"Now I get it." Sasuke said soberly.

"Get it? Get what?" The blonde asked.

"The reason why you haven't been in a relationship with anyone." Sasuke stated.

Naruto looked surprised, "Yeah what's the reason?"

"You're a pervert."

"DAMN YOU TEME I AM NOT A P-E-R-V-E-R-T!"

The End

A/N: I feel like shit at the moment. I have the stomach flu, and yeah the only thing I can hold down is 7up. Uhhh…I also hope this story hasn't offended anyone. If it has, I'm sorry.