Hey guys! So Jules and I were talking spoilage talk and BJu hate this morning and there's a promo picture of Brooke with her "I'm done" face and Julian. This is a small oneshot of how I hope that goes. Thanks to Jules for getting me started :) .. and Chandler for keeping me going and choosing the quote. And this is dedicated to all of my loyal BLers- the girls who still believe that people are meant to be together always find their way and it's not over til it's over. The people who believe that Brooke loves Lucas and no one else. I know there are plenty of us still out there who won't settle. Know- I'm not settling either.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. The characters belong to Mark and the CW even if they don't use them to the best of their ability. The title is from a song that I love by Vertical Horizon.
There's this place in me where your fingerprints still rest, your kisses still linger, and your whispers softly echo. It's the place where a part of you will forever be a part of me.
-Gretchen Kemp-
Brooke Davis has considered herself many things throughout the course of her life thus far. At one point, she'd have even called herself the fun whore. But for some reason, the way this girl says it- rubs her the wrong way.
The only thing they've told the actress playing her about the character is that she was easy. Fun and easy, with good shoes. That's not all she is. She has read Lucas' book. It killed her but she did. It killed her because of the moments she had to relive, though, not because of the way he portrayed her.
When she read it, she remembers thinking that he captured her. He captured how lost and alone she was when she was the "fun whore with good shoes." He also emphasized that she'd changed in the time he knew her. In the time that they were together and in love. She saw the first paragraph of the chapter completely dedicated to her about two weeks after graduation when she needed it most. He knew she needed faith in herself and the courage to strike out on her own and he gave it to her. The words he used to describe her weren't fun or whore or any combination of anything even remotely insulting. He said she would change the world. He called her beautiful and brave and brilliant. His words gave her strength.
The rest of the book- even the parts with her in it- hurt. But the chapter dedicated to her and to how much he loved her completely made up for it. Why would this Missy actress not know about that Brooke too? The Brooke that Lucas loved. The girl that changed. The girl that wasn't a whore. Why wouldn't they tell her about that girl? That's who she is.
Who she was isn't as important as who she becomes over the course of the book, right?
Sitting here alone, after kicking the actress out, in the back room of the cafe turned boutique, Brooke remembers a time when she was the fun whore.
"Haley or Deb can walk in any minute," Lucas protests weakly.
She laughs, "Come on, Broody, live a little. That's what's fun about it."
He looks unsure as she pulls her shirt up over her head and when she meets his eyes again- there's an animal instinct in them and he seems to forget where they are as he attacks her lips. "This is so your fault if they come in."
"Whatever you say, Luke," she manages to get out as he lifts her up onto the counter.
All thought of anyone catching them is out the window as he pulls her panties down from under the skirt she's wearing and teases her with his fingers. "God, Lucas, just .. please.."
Her hands go to his pants and she unbuttons them with expertise and pulls him toward her. "This. I want this."
He chuckles and she has a fleeting thought that if she didn't know better, she'd believe he had just as much experience at this as her. But he doesn't. He's been a choir boy before now and he still has the ability to make her turn to mush- and that scares her. All of a sudden, his hand is gone and he's looking at her concerned, "Is something wrong, Brooke?"
"No. No," she smiles seductively, "nothing's wrong. I just want you to stop teasing me."
He laughs again, "I'm teasing you? Ohh okay."
He pulls her forward and thrusts in without warning. "How's that for teasing?" He asks.
Instead of answering, she groans in response. His lips are on her neck and she's not sure her brain is ever going to think straight again if he can just do this forever. Forever. That's the first time she's ever thought that word and a boy in the same context. She tries to shake it out of her head as she kisses him back fiercely. She can feel her release building up and she's trying to stay as quiet as possible. No need for one of Karen's regular customers to tell her that someone was screaming in the kitchen while she was gone. It's coming.
Lucas starts to groan; he's going to release, too. It's too soon for him to be able to have control when she tightens around him.
Just as it hits fully, the door opens, "Lucas, someone's here for. . Oh my God Lucas!"
"Hales," he starts to say, "just don't say anything."
He's already pulled his pants back up and she feels like he's already left her completely. "Haley, I'm sorry," she says, "this is my fault. Please don't tell anyone."
"No really, Brooke. Who else's fault would it be? Of course it's your fault. I just expected more of my best friend." Haley just turns around and walks back out with what seems to be a face full of disgust.
"Brooke, she didn't mean anything-"
"--Yes she did. And she's right. We had fun, though, didn't we?" She smiles at him.
"We sure did, Cheery. If nothing else, we sure do have fun."
He bends down, picks up her panties, straightens them out, and slides them up her legs. Then he pulls her into a hug and says, "Come on, let me get you a chocolate milkshake. Looks like you need some chocolate."
She smiles. He was always so concerned about her. Even when he didn't love her. Remember that, what she remembers most is not Haley's face- now that's even kind of funny when she thinks of how many times Haley walked in on them the following year, not the sex- which was always amazing, even though he was just learning, but what she remembers clearly is the look on Lucas' face. He was sad for her. He didn't even know why probably but he was clearly worried about the fun whore.
Or maybe he was already sneaking around with Peyton by then and he just felt guilty. But she's pretty sure it's sadness. She'd like to think that that's how well he knew her- even then.
She wasn't always that girl, though. In his book, when he talks about after he broke up with her for Peyton, he talks about how broken she was. He talks about the affect that her sadness had on him more than he talks about the affect of Peyton just walking away. At one point, he even writes that he thought she was just having fun and he didn't think he could hurt her. He regretted being so wrong. Then he writes about the change in Brooke. As she thinks about that time, the time that they were apart, another memory hits her.
She's working at the café as part of a punishment that she brought upon herself. Lucas walks through the back door as she's trying to get everything situated on a tray to take out to the front. She can hear his laughter behind her and she tries to be mad but just hearing him makes her smile.
"You think it's funny?" she turns to him, "I'm not used to this."
It comes out whiny and, what she hopes is, cute.
"Aw, Brooke, I know," he smiles. "What table is it going to? I'll take it."
"Thank you, thank you, thank you, Luke." She jumps into his arms and gives him a big hug. He's been so great lately.
Karen walks in as he picks up the tray. "Lucas, oh no you don't. Brooke needs to do it or she won't ever be able to do it. Are you going to take her food out all night."
"Actually, Ma, I came to help," he winks at Brooke, "so yeah, I can bring all of her food out if that's okay with you."
Brookes smile brightens up her whole face and Karen looks between the two of them. "I guess less dishes will break that way and less food will be served on the floor," she sighs. "But Brooke takes the orders and buses the tables!"
"Eye, eye captain," he says mockingly. "Lead the way."
That was one of the happiest times in her life. The end of junior year with Karen and Lucas. She felt like she had a family for the first time since Anna Sawyer died when she was eight. That's when this place became home to her. That's when she fell in love with Lucas truly. Those months are what she knows Lucas attributes to the change in her. He gives Karen the credit. And while Karen played a pivotal role in shaping who Brooke became, she's not the only reason. Lucas chose not to see that Brooke changed completely when she decided to love. To love him. As a friend or as more, it didn't matter as long as he was happy. The change in Brooke took place when he gave her that same love back. She credits him- even if he doesn't know it.
Smiling, she remembers a time when she wasn't the fun whore. A time when she wasn't the whore at all. And she wasn't much fun, either.
"Lucas, I thought we said we were going to wait."
He keeps kissing her. "mmhmm," he mumbles as his hands fumble around.
She laughs, "Don't 'mmhmm' me mister. We haven't been together even a week yet." She pushes him back. "Lucas, I'm just not ready yet. I want you to love me. Without sex."
He steps back, concerned now, "Brooke, I do love you. So much."
She looks away from him and he continues on, "I love you without the sex, I love you if you don't love me, I love you in your cheerleading uniform and I love you in sweats, I love you here or in California, I love you now- I think I even loved you then, I was just dumb. But most importantly, pretty girl, I love you always. I need you to stop doubting it. I'll do whatever I have to so that you believe it."
She turns to him with tears in her eyes, "I love you too. Just give me a little bit longer, okay?"
"We've got all the time in the world." He smiles at her confidently.
No, they really didn't have all the time in the world. They had about six months.
Sure, the love lasted longer than that. It started well before then- even on Lucas' part. He said so in the book. He loved her through most of junior year. And it lasted through the first couple of months of senior year, even though they were playing games with each other. Then while they were together it was shining and ever-present, even through some of the hardest times of their lives. After they broke up, it still lived on in him for awhile and in her for, well, it's never gone away.
In thinking through all of that, she just can't imagine why they would tell Missy that the Brooke character is just a fun whore with good shoes. She is so much more than that. Julian knows that. Hell, he's dating her now. Doesn't he know how much she has changed? Maybe he doesn't- since when he talks about the 'other girl' in the book to her all that he can seem to talk about is popular, fun, and friendly Brooke Davis.
Brooke storms into Peyton's office at Tric, which is where casting is underway for a "new Peyton." Julian, Lucas and the director, along with the actor playing Lucas and the girl auditioning for Peyton look up.
"Julian, we need to talk," Brooke says as calmly as she can be.
Peyton walks out of the recording booth at that moment, seeming concerned, "Brooke- they're almost done and then you guys can talk. Whatever you're going to do, don't do it here. Now. Think about it a little bit."
Brooke doesn't even look at her. Her eyes go from Lucas to Julian. "I have thought about it. I have gone over every moment of my life since Lucas won that game when we were sixteen. And I have something to say."
Lucas looks anxious and understanding and it bothers her a little bit. "Well then say it Brooke," he assures her, "We're listening."
She picks up the letterman jacket that's sitting on the pool table and walks over towards her boyfriend. "I want to know who decided that my character was going to be nothing but slutty, life of the party, everybody wants her but nobody really wants her, unlovable Brooke Davis. And I want to know it now. And I figured I'd start with you, Julian, since that's all you seem to remember about the me in the book."
He looks up at her and states, "Brooke, okay, this is not the time to talk about how we're plotting this out. The movie and what goes on with you and me are two different things. Okay? I know you're not that girl anymore."
"Really?" she questions sarcastically and then thinks better of it and continues on, "I want to know, Julian. Who told Missy that Brooke is a fun whore with good shoes?"
The director throws up his arms, "Since when are we allowing everyone in this damn town creative say? It's a movie sweetheart. I'm sorry you don't like the way you're going to be portrayed. But maybe you should have talked to the author about that before he wrote the book. Or better yet, maybe you shouldn't have been that way if you don't like the way it makes you look."
She throws the letterman jacket down in front of Julian, "You can't see me and I don't want someone who doesn't know the real me in my life. I'm not that girl anymore, Julian. I haven't been that girl in a very long time."
Her eyes turn to the director and anger is flashing in them. Before she can say anything, Lucas stops her. "Brooke don't describe yourself that way. You were never unlovable. And I know plenty of people who always thought you were more. I'm one of them."
She ignores Lucas for the moment, just blocking what he's saying out. He can't make this anger go away. Not right now. "And you, director boy, don't know me at all. Is this the couple playing Lucas and Peyton?"
"Yes," the director says slightly backing down.
"Well, can I ask what their direction is? Cheating jackasses who think of no one but themselves, I hope." She yells without thinking.
"Brooke!" Peyton yells back. "Enough now. You're upset; we got it. But is that really necessary? It's not the truth."
"And me being nothing but a whore, is?" Brooke turns to her. "I get it, you guys love each other. It transcends all. But there is more to me than that."
She turns towards Lucas, "There is. You said so."
"I did say so, Brooke," he assures her. "I think it, too. I think you're amazing. You always have been. You may have changed some things- but that never changed. You were already great."
"Why would you let them portray me this way then?" She hates that she feels tears in her eyes. She's so used to being disappointed by him. Why is this a shock? It's Lucas she's mad at. She hasn't even tried to show Julian her heart- but Lucas should know it.
He shakes his head. "I would hope that you knew me better than that," he says louder than he means to, "If these two idiots told the actress playing you, less than glowing things about you, I had nothing to do with it. I would never let them do that to someone I love."
"Every time I think I know you, Lucas, you go and do something I don't see coming. Maybe this is the lost in translation thing you were talking about. How am I supposed to know?"
It's like everyone's fallen away and it's just the two of them in this room.
He laughs humorlessly, "You're supposed to know it because you remember it. I remember it too."
"Well, we remember it differently. I look back on the time we were together as something beautiful. You see it as a state of denial of your feelings for Peyton. Big difference!" She throws up her arms in defeat.
He looks at her like she's lost her mind and stands up to walk over towards her. "Do you really think that's all I remember? Brooke, what about the night in the rain? There was no denial that night. Only love. For you. And there was no whore that night. Just love. Or the weeks that you took care of me and my mom after Keith died and neither of us felt like moving and the night I finally lost it and you held me, while I cried all night. Or the night we got back together and just slept beside each other. You know what I remember about that night? Watching you. God, you're so beautiful when you sleep. Brooke, I don't remember how I feel about Peyton at all during the times I was with you. If you're portrayed in a way that you don't agree with- if we're portrayed in a way you don't agree with- I probably don't agree with it either. But I have been sitting here trying to figure out how I'm going to handle watching some actors perform scenes of my life- when I was so in love with you and not completely go back to that state."
"Lucas-"she whispers.
"No, Brooke. Not yet," he interrupts, "I'm not done. I've learned to live with you just as a friend. I've learned to not love you too hard. I've taught myself to get over the fact that I'm not the guy for you because I'm not the guy you want. I've chosen to completely block out the fact that for the biggest part of high school- you were the girl for me. But I will never let anyone, least of all you, think that you were just a good time while I waited to be with Peyton. That's not how it was Brooke."
"Okay." What else can she say? She doesn't believe it but she knows he does.
Lucas shakes his head. "No you don't believe me. It's true. And Brooke- if they want to portray you that way, I'll shut it down. I love you just as much as I love her. At one point, I loved you more. So much more. You were my world. Don't you remember?"
It's not just a court… it's where I came from, it's where I belong… it's my world.
So do I get to be part of this world?
The biggest part.
"I do remember. Too much," she says with tears from the memory that just assaulted her.
Lucas nods and turns to the guys sitting at the table, "You both got that? Brooke gets treated right or the movie doesn't get made. Not with me on it. It's that simple."
Both men are watching them amazed. "Can you two play Brooke and Lucas and we can have them end up together?" Reese asks seriously. "I can't imagine anyone doing it better."
Lucas shrugs and turns to Brooke, "Apparently we do a mean impression of a couple in love."
She laughs, "I guess we have an advantage. We were in love."
"Yeah, we were," he says softly and then turns back to Reese, "Sorry bud, I already told you how the story ends."
"Yeah, yeah," Julian finally finds his voice, "but is that how it's meant to end?"
"It's the way it ends," Peyton states. "Brooke and Lucas broke up a long time ago."
"The thing is, I don't know how to make that believable if Brooke is amazing," Reese ponders, "When she's a whore, it makes sense. Lucas is having fun- biding his time. But when she's amazing- as Lucas describes her- you wonder, why the sudden breakup? Why Peyton? It changes things. There are going to be people thinking you got in the way of their happy ending."
"Maybe she did," Lucas interjects. "But it's the way it is. We're all dealing with it. Right?"
He looks at both of the girls. They both nod. Right.
There's no other choice now. Lucas looks around and realizes finally that he's settled. Brooke and Peyton have settled. And he, like the audience of the movie will, wonders if it could have been different.
So there it is. Hope you all enjoyed.. and if you did- you know what to do ;)
-- Corey