Author Note: Okay okay, sorry i haven't been posting muchly lately, but i've had writers block on all my longer stories, so i thought maybe writing some oneshots would help with that!!
Instead i now have 2 more longer stories going =/ typical really!! But this is going to be a twoshot, me thinks, so the next chapter will be with you as soon as i stop being lazy and write it =)
Anyway, a massive thank you to my awesome beta, Lord Jellyfish!! As always you get my work from alright to a heck of a lot better than that!! Lol thanks dude, you rock!!
On with the show! Enjoy =)
Warning contains femslash don't like, don't read =)
Disclaimer: I do not own Camp Rock or the characters (unfortunately)!!
Caitlyn's POV
"Caitlyn."
I turned to find Mitchie in the cabin doorway. She looked so beautiful stood there, the sinking sun behind her, silhouetting her and making her glow like the angel she was.
"Mitchie?" I took a step towards her. "Are you okay?" She didn't reply, just stood there staring at me, our eyes locked.
I couldn't tell what she was thinking at all.
"Mitchie, what's going on?" My voice sounded so loud in the silence of the cabin, even though it barely came out as a whisper.
Still she didn't say anything, didn't move, her gaze holding mine, burning into me and sending shivers down my spine.
I took another step towards her. I was close enough now to be able to stretch my arm out and touch her.
"Mitchie, I'm serious, what's wrong?" She was scaring me now. "Mitchie, please, just-"
"I want you." I froze mid-plea, my mind going blank.
"W-What?" I was hearing things, I had to be.
"I want you, Caitlyn," she repeated.
My mouth opened and closed; but nothing came out.
I had imagined her saying something like this to me for as long as I'd known her, dreamt about it, even, but I'd always know that's exactly what it was.
Just a fantasy, just another dream that would never come true.
But here she was, Mitchie Torres, telling me she wanted me.
This had to be a joke. She could never want me the same way I wanted her.
Not in a million years.
"Mitchie, I don't-"
"I need you." There was an edge to her voice now, and in her eyes, I swore I saw something there, something I'd never seen before. "Caitlyn, I… I need you." This time she took a step forwards but for some reason, I seemed to stumble backwards.
She stopped, her arm half raised, reaching for me.
"Caitlyn-"
"No. Mitchie… no." What was wrong with me?!
I'd wanted this for so long that I'd forgotten what it was like to not be in love with her! So why the hell was I freaking out?!
"Caitlyn, please! You don't understand! I can't do this anyway, I can't hide it. It's killing me!" I heard it again, that edge to her voice.
"Mitchie, don't. Don't say it." I couldn't take it.
I'd put up all my defences, protected myself in every way I could think of over the years, and I knew if I heard those three words come out of her mouth, I'd never be able to put them back up and I did not want to be hurt again.
I'd had more than enough pain and heartache in my life.
I was only 16, it wasn't fair. But I'd learn that life wasn't fair.
I'd learnt it a long time ago.
"Caitlyn, I-"
"No! Don't you dare!" I clenched my fists at my side, my whole body shaking as I stared at her. "Please don't."
She took another step, I couldn't move this time, couldn't get away from her.
She was so close now. I could smell her intoxicating scent; see the hundred different colours in her eyes.
"I love you." I squeezed my own eyes shut, shaking my head. "I love you, Caitlyn," she whispered again, her hand coming up to stroke my cheek. "I know you feel it too. I know. You don't have to be scared anymore. I love you."
I couldn't speak, couldn't think. I could hardly breathe!
I just stood, frozen, there in the middle of the cabin.
"Say something. Anything! Please, Caitlyn!" I shook my head slowly.
Suddenly, I felt her hand close round my right fist, her thumb rubbing soothing circles into the back of my hand.
She didn't speak as I slowly unclenched my fists, letting her slip her hand into mine, lacing our fingers together tightly.
Another minute went by as I breathed in and out carefully, slowing my heart down best I could.
When I finally opened my eyes, it was to see a dark haired angel staring back at me, worry lining her beautiful face.
"Caitlyn…" I glanced down as she squeezed my hand gently.
We'd held hands before, but not like this. This was different, new.
I… I liked it.
She waited for me to look back up at her before she spoke again.
"I won't hurt you, Caitlyn, I promise never to hurt you." How did she know what I had been thinking? What I'd been afraid of?
It didn't make sense.
"I love you, Caitlyn Gellar, and I'm never letting you go." I swallowed hard and looked back down at our hands.
I hesitated but then I felt her free hand cup my chin, gently lifting my gaze back up to her.
I loved her eyes. Every time, without fail, I managed to get lost in her deep brown eyes and it took all my willpower to pull myself back to reality; but this time, I had no willpower… and if this was a dream… I did not want to wake up.
"I love you, Caitlyn." She'd said it over and over, but still it didn't seem to be sinking in.
That was until she leant forward and pressed her lips gently to mine.
For a second, I froze completely.
My brain stopped working, my heart seemed to falter and miss a beat and I forgot how to breathe.
But then her hand came up to cup my cheek again and her lips moved against mine and I was back.
My heart started racing; my brain went into overdrive; and every single nerve ending in my body was suddenly super sensitive.
I could feel every touch of her hand; every brush of her lips; the feel of her body, so close to mine.
My senses were going wild. They were in heaven as her scent overpowered my nose, the sound of her ragged breathing filled my ears, fireworks exploded behind my eyelids and her tongue pushed its way into my mouth making me moan softly at the taste of her.
I couldn't describe how good she tasted, and to be honest, I didn't think my brain could handle any coherent thoughts right now.
I managed to kiss her back burying my free hand in her hair, pulling her closer to me as our tongues met in a hot, wildly passionate kiss.
"Mitchie…" I managed to gasp out, kissing her harder. "Mitchie, I love-"
-----------------------------------------------
I sat bolt upright in bed, my hair plastered to my face as sweat poured off of me and I gasped desperately for breath.
That was the fourth time in as many nights that I'd woken from a dream like that, only to find myself in a worse state than when I went to sleep.
It was ridiculous but there was nothing I could do to stop the dreams from haunting me at night, and then taking over my day as well, plaguing me with the memory of what I would never have.
"Fuck…" I sighed, wiping my face with my hands.
I'd never get back to sleep like this, I was hot and sticky and my head was starting to pound. Great.
Careful not to wake the peacefully sleeping campers I shared the cabin with, I slid out of bed, pulled my converse on, grabbed a jacket and silently crept out the door.
It was quiet and very still outside. The cool night air washed over me… and I found I could breathe properly again.
"Thank god…" I stood for a moment; eyes closed; as the breeze ruffling my damp hair and cooling the sweat on my face.
I glanced around me quickly before pulling my jacket on and heading in the direction of the lake.
-----------
I sat with my legs dangling over the edge of the pier, just above the water, as I gazed out across the silent lake.
My mind kept wandering back to that last dream.
Replaying it, as I tried my hardest to fight against the familiar longing, the need to just throw myself into the lake and get it over with.
Anything to stop these images, these thoughts running through my mind again and again, over and over till I felt like I was going insane from it all.
I squeezed my eyes shut, gripping the edge of the pier so hard my knuckles started to turn white; trying to shake the images out of my head.
But no matter how hard I tried, it never worked. Nothing did.
It was impossible to get away from them.
From her.
I mean, I didn't want to get away from her, not exactly. What I wanted to get away from was those dreams that gave me no peace at night when I needed it the most, those images of her that my mind kept conjuring up to torture me, those thoughts of her I kept having, whether I was with her or not, that never let me relax, in case I accidently blurted something out.
She couldn't know. No matter what, she couldn't know.
It was wrong. She was my best friend, my girl best friend! And I wasn't supposed to have these dreams, these thoughts, these… feelings.
It was wrong. It was not how things were supposed to be!
I sighed in frustration, raking my fingers through my hair.
What was I going to do? What could I do?!
Even when I wasn't at Camp Rock, I thought about her constantly!
Thought about what she was doing, where she was, who she was with, what she was wearing… if she was thinking about me…
"Stop it! Stop it right now, this is just stupid and… stupid and… and not doing any good!"
What was wrong with me?!
I couldn't figure it out.
I'd tried to be normal, a normal teenage girl, obsessing over clothes and make up and gossip and… boys.
But I couldn't do it. That wasn't me, wasn't who I was.
I was the exact opposite of almost every other girl at my school.
When they wore pretty dresses or low cut tops, I wore skinny jeans and hoodies.
When they wore fake tan and had perfect hair and makeup, I wore black eyeliner and looked like I'd just rolled outta bed.
When they were huddled together in their clique-y groups whispering and giggling secretively, I was sat on my own with my laptop and my headphones in, lost to the world.
And when they were gawping at guys and rating how 'fit' they were, I couldn't care less.
I only had eyes for her.
I was going insane.
I hated secrets. I hated keeping them, because I could never relax, never truly be myself.
I had plenty of secrets, I'd accumulated them over the years and with each new one, it got harder and harder to just get outta bed in the morning, never mind cope with all the shit I got at home and school.
I hated it.
I'd have given anything to just be able to be a regular teenager, without all the pressure and stress and constant heartache I had because of her!
I felt myself start to get mad.
My blood boiled, my vision clouded with red and all I wanted to do was be far, far away from here… from her!
I hated it.
I hated her!
This was all her fault!
She was driving me insane!
I was losing it, losing everything I had, everything I was, all because of her!
I hated her more than any-
"Caitlyn?" I froze, her quiet voice stopping me mid rant.
I swivelled slowly where I sat to look over at her, making her way hesitantly towards me.
She was in her pyjamas and one of my hoodies, her arms wrapped round herself to keep warm.
Her dark hair was blowing about her shoulders and her face and she looked sleepy, like she'd just woken up. But to me, she was the most beautiful thing in the whole world.
Who was I kidding?! I didn't hate her!
Not even a little!
I loved her with all my heart and soul, with everything I had and was.
I could never ever hate something so breathtakingly beautiful, because it just wasn't possible.
------------
Author Note: First part done and dusted =) Hope you guys all liked it!! Please review and let me know what you think!! Thanking you muchly and later dudes =)