A/N: this fic is different from what I usually write, but I like it. I hope you will too.
I borrowed one tiny tidbit from the actors, BD Wong and Raul Esparza (besides the love of musicals)- both have the same birthday, and are ten years apart. In this fic, I had the characters have the same birthday, five years apart. It was too cute not to keep!
Enjoy the fic!
One
"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury…"
George watches Rafael, watches him weave his closing statement like art. Every word so carefully chosen like colors from a pallet. Pictures held up, life stories told of a young girl gone too soon at the hands of violent, sadistic psychopath. Eye contact made and then broken at just the right times.
And then the tear slides down Rafael's face and it tugs at someone inside George, something fierce but tender, something that wants to protect but more than anything to fix. He wants to erase that wounded look in Rafael's eyes and bring back laughter.
Rafael's summation ends. He leans against the table and slowly gathers himself. George sees every flicker of emotion come over his face, and not just because he's trained to see it. Rafael's walls have come crumbling down and he can't get them back up.
The jury is dismissed, court is adjourned, and Rafael all but races after the room. George wants to chase after him and tell him it's okay. He wants to bring him soup and make Rafael strong again.
But he can't. Not now.
So he stands, walks out of the room, and spends the night at the symphony.
Two
Guilty.
Guilty.
He's done it. He's gotten some small amount of justice for that poor girl. Righted what was wrong, as much as was possible.
"Good job, Counselor," Rafael hears from the team. He nods at them, says his usual modest line about how it was the jury that made the right verdict. He will never take credit for his successes, only his failures.
But Doctor Huang is there too today, and somehow, when he says the exact same words, they mean so much more. He smiles, really smiles, and says, "thank you."
His heart feels a little lighter as he returns to his office.
Three
George sees Rafael in the courthouse, briefcase swinging like an anchor as he walks. He catches Rafael's eye and they both stop in front of each other.
Something seems to be changing about him. George sees it in his eyes. There's deep hurt, grief, even a bit of fear. This case has damaged him.
He's said the words so many times, but never with so much sincerity. "I'm here if you need to talk. Any time."
Rafael smiles, but that wounded look doesn't leave. It makes George's heart ache.
Four
It's like his world is out of balance. He can't find his footing anywhere.
Finally he takes George up on his offer to talk. On his advice, Rafael decides not to use his lunch break to eat. Instead, he goes to the store, buys a teddy bear and a balloon, and walks to the cemetery where that poor girl lies. Kneeling in front of the granite, angel-shaped gravestone, he sets the toy down.
"I'm sorry," he whispers. "I'm sorry no one protected you, sweet girl." A tear slides down his face. "No one should have to go through what you did, especially so young. I'm sorry the world failed you. But that man will never leave jail, you understand me? And I'll personally see to it that your sisters are safe."
He can't stand to stay here anymore. So he returns to his feet. Before he leaves, he says, "The man at the store said the bear's name is Ursy. Take care of him for me, okay?"
Something eases inside him as he returns to his car; the hurt starts to fade, though not completely. Affection swells inside him as he decides he owes Doctor Huang a thank-you.
Five
"You don't have to thank me."
"I know I don't have to. I want to."
George smiles wryly. "Then… you're welcome." He looks over at the sofa where Rafael is lying and gives a sad laugh to himself, remembering his in-joke with Alex Cabot. He's finally gotten an ADA to lie on that couch.
"I- I want to do something. For her family," Rafael blurts out.
"Like what?" George asks. He looks at Rafael and sadly remembers how the first time they had met, Rafael had had a reputation for being the least compassionate ADA in the sex crimes bureau. There is no trace of that man now. The crimes have gotten to him the way they get to everyone eventually.
He wants to take it away, all of it. He would make Rafael's pain his own if he could. He'd dealt with it before and survived.
"I don't know." Rafael tilts his head back and closes his eyes. "Anyone ever fall asleep here?"
"On the couch? I can't say they have," George says, laughing softly.
"I just might become the first."
George frowns. "Have you been having trouble sleeping?"
"It's just the caffeine," Rafael says dismissively. "I'll cut back."
"No, you won't," George says simply, turning his attention to a paper on his desk.
"Alright, I won't. But that's all there is to it," Rafael insists.
George lets the subject drop there.
Six
Rafael's apartment feels so empty. When he'd moved in fresh out of law school, it hadn't felt like enough. He'd longed for space after growing up so cramped- his parents, him, and eight brothers and sisters to three rooms. There had never been space or quiet.
The first thing he'd done when he'd moved here was make sure he had nothing but both, but now he'd had his fill of it.
He pours himself three fingers of scotch on the rocks, leans back in his recliner, and sighs.
He'd closed off his emotions for so long, but now they're catching up with him.
He's afraid, hurt, and angry.
And lonely.
George's soft words have made him realize how much less grief hurts when there's someone to share the pain. It's like lifting heavy things- it strains his muscles when he does it alone, but feels so much lighter with someone strong to share the burden.
He doesn't just want to share grief; he wants to share so much more. He wants to share brighter days, hopes, and dreams, if someone will let him.
Thinking of that little girl, he murmurs into the empty air, "What have you done to me, niña?"
Seven
George doesn't think about his loneliness much. He simply distracts himself. He has friends. A spoiled fat cat that only he could love.
But no family, and no husband. He'd thought he'd found someone all those years ago, but…
But.
And now his heart is starting to make pieces fit, pieces he knows won't link. For his part, he does try to stop it.
But when he sees Rafael's soft hazel eyes, hears him laugh before making a smart remark, he knows he's a goner. It's just a matter of time.
He wonders if Rafael is a cat person. Mei Li would probably like to see a new face.
Eight
"Something the matter?" Rafael asks George, frowning.
George shakes his head and sips at his tea, but every motion betrays a lie.
"Oh, so you expect me to be honest with you, but you won't give me the same courtesy?" Rafael snaps. He's angrier than he probably should be. If he's let the doctor see him at his most vulnerable, surely he's earned the right to just see George on, what, a worse than usual day? "I didn't want to admit all those things to you. I would have been happier closing myself off," he says. To himself, he adds, no, I wouldn't.
George rubs his face with two hands, hiding his eyes, trying to tone down his own anger. He doesn't succeed. "I just listened to a man describe, in loving detail, a dozen rapes he committed. On the same woman, over a period of thirty-six hours."
Rafael softens at once, remembering his own horror at the crimes of William Lewis. Anything similar is enough to make his skin crawl. "I'm sorry."
"No, you have a point," George admits. He slides one finger over the cup. "It's a bad habit of mine. I can't afford…"
"To let anyone see you be weak?" Rafael finishes, nodding slowly. "If anyone knows what that's like, it's me. And if there's anyone you can afford to let see… it's me."
Closing his eyes, George murmurs, "You're right." Of course he is.
"I'm not used to this," he warns Rafael, but he starts to tell him.
Rafael hates every word, but he doesn't complain. George was there for him, and he won't as much as consider not doing the same for him.
Nine
Rafael can't take the quiet anymore, so he does the craziest, most impulsive thing he has ever done.
He buys a cat.
Hunter is a small, friendly guy who came from the shelter, already trained to use the litter box. He's an adolescent who has some trouble keeping weight, indicating that he was abandoned as a kitten.
"Welcome home, Hunter," he says and opens the box. To his dismay, the cat dashes out and runs under the sofa.
"Aw…" Rafael swears under his breath. He grabs a new catnip toy and shakes it in front of the sofa. "Here boy, don't you want it? Come 'ere boy, come on!"
Rafael realizes quickly that cats do not respond the same way dogs do. Suddenly he wonders why he didn't get one of those instead. He's had dogs before, but not a cat. He doesn't know the first thing, really. He isn't even sure he likes cats.
He sits on the floor for a long minute, feeling helpless and, quite honestly, stupid. Then, sighing, he pulls out his cell phone. He thinks he remembers George mentioning a cat.
"Hello?" George says, picking up after three rings.
"No time to explain, but how do you lure a cat out of a hiding place?" Rafael asks.
He can almost hear George frowning. "Do you have any treats?"
"No, but I have milk?" he says a little desperately.
"Milk actually isn't good for cats. Upsets their stomachs," George informs him. "Do you have any tuna?"
"Let me see." Rafael stands, walks to his pantry, and searches for a while before finding a can. "Okay, here we go. What do I do now?"
"Open it and set it down in front of wherever she-"
"He," Rafael interrupts.
"He's hiding," George finishes patiently. "Don't leave, but move a good distance away. Give him time to acclimate."
"Alright," Rafael says and pulls open the tab. "Here goes nothing. Thanks. I'll let you know if it works."
An hour later, Hunter is finishing off the last few bites of food. Two hours after that, Rafael is holding his new companion in his arms. "You're not so hard to take care of, are you?" He mutters, stroking a patch of soft grey fur as Hunter rumbles with purrs. "You were just scared. I get it."
Contment spreads through his body and he realizes how badly he had needed this.
"Guess we owe our friend another thank you, hmm?" Rafael says, lips against Hunter's head.
Hunter purrs harder.
Ten
"He's cute." Smiling, George hands Rafael's phone back to him. "But not as cute as my cat," he adds, making Rafael snort.
"You'd think they were kids."
"Some of us might say so."
Rafael mock-groans. "I can accept a lot of quirks, but this might be a deal breaker."
George grins and shakes his head. "Then leave. Next time you lose your cat, you can find him on your own."
"One, I didn't lose him. He hid under the sofa. Two, I didn't mean it."
"I know you didn't," George says, laughing.
"I knew you knew," Rafael insists, defensive now.
George laughs again.
Eleven
"George, are you crazy? Make a move!" Alex demands, leaning back at her desk.
Even after returning from Oklahoma, George hadn't had much time to meet up with Alex these last few years. Alex had been reassigned to Queens after the Delia Wilson scandal. Though not guilty of wrongdoing herself, the entire Manhattan sex crimes bureau had been scrutinized and she'd decided it was time to move on.
But they still remain close, and if there is anyone George can tell about these feelings he has without feeling foolish, it's her.
"It's not that easy," he insists.
"Why not?" Alex asks, removing her glasses.
"I don't know if he likes men, for one," George says.
Alex shakes her head. "Only one way to find out, isn't there?"
George nods. "Of course."
"So what's stopping you?" Alex asks.
George smiles sadly. "I'm not ready to risk being let down."
A sympathetic, knowing look in her eyes, Alex sets a hand on his upper arm. He traces one finger over the back of her hand and falls silent.
Twelve
"You and Ellis," Rafael begins, leaning back in his chair. They're at their standard "sidebar" restaurant; the place where Rafael feels safest opening up. At least, opening up to people not named George Huang.
Olivia looks down at the ring on her finger, out of habit, and smiles. "Yeah… Yeah?"
Rafael fiddles with his cup of coffee. "Did you two just… happen?"
"No," Olivia says simply. "Why?"
Rafael sighs. "Just wondering." Before Olivia can say anything, he adds, "I have a lot on my mind."
And then, because he simply can't hold it in anymore, he tells her everything. By the time they've arrived back at his car, she's all but begging him to take a chance.
He isn't sure. Not yet.
Thirteen
George hears someone talking in Spanish as he walks through Central Park.
He knows it isn't him, but he still turns his head and feels disappointed when a young man in a t-shirt returns his gaze instead of Rafael.
He smiles politely, continues walking, and wonders how he could have fallen so fast.
Fourteen
Rafael suddenly realizes how much time he's spent silently rehearsing a question he isn't sure he'll ever ask.
He groans in frustration, gently pushes Hunter off his lap, and pours himself some scotch.
Fifteen
George pulls out his cell phone and tries to think of an excuse to call Rafael. Rafael isn't the type to talk just to say hi, so he needs a reason.
He fiddles around with the buttons and tries to get the gears in his head working.
He calls Rafael's number, but his mind goes blank when Rafael answers.
"Sorry," he manages. "Wrong number… you're right next to a co-worker in my contacts."
"Oh," Rafael says and clears his throat. "Don't worry about it. Bye."
"Bye."
Sixteen
Between the little girl, his new pet, and his… other situation, Rafael hasn't been spending as much time on work as he should. He's shamefully behind.
He scolds himself and spends hours catching up. He has more energy now; it almost feels electric.
When he's done, he goes home, wrestles Hunter into his carrier, and brings him to the vet for his first checkup. As Hunter hisses in the waiting room, he finds himself wondering what George's cat is like. And then wonders if maybe that's a place to start. If George's cat really is like a kid, then maybe this is something to bond over. It's better than nothing.
Seventeen
George comes to court even though this isn't his case. This one is important to the team, and most of all, it's important to Rafael. So he wants to be there for the verdict, either to congratulate Rafael or reassure him.
He hopes it's the former. He really wants to see that smile Rafael gives when he wins a hard case.
He wants to see Rafael smile, period. Wants Rafael happy.
Wants…
Wants.
And finally, he realizes that he can't take wanting much more. He doesn't want to be let down, but he feels crazy like this and he needs to know one way or the other.
Soon, he tells himself. Soon.
For now he watches as the juror announces that that they haven't reached a verdict yet. He feels the disappointment radiating off Rafael and silently begs him to hang in there. He knows Rafael will get a conviction and knows he'll beam with pride when it happens.
Eighteen
It takes him a moment to figure out what feels strange, and when he finally does, the realization makes him pause.
Before, after important verdicts, he would turn and look into Olivia's eyes first, to see her approval.
But now, he finds himself meeting a different pair of eyes- even though George wasn't even on this case.
When he finally does look into Olivia's eyes, she doesn't look hurt; instead, she smiles at him encouragingly. She understands.
But as he walks over to George, he doesn't know what to do or what to say.
"Good job," George says softly. "I'm not sure anyone else could have pulled it off."
Those words make Rafael suck in a slow breath. George had told him, weeks ago, about how close he was to some other ADAs. And since George isn't a man of empty words, this means he truly does think Rafael is the best. Something falls into place as he thinks that over.
For the first time, Rafael doesn't deflect; he doesn't credit the jury or the strong case the detectives made. Instead, he tells George, "thank you. I… I worked so hard."
No one else has ever heard anything like this coming from him, and Rafael thinks no one else will again.
He smiles warmly at George and tries to figure out how to tell him just how much those words mean coming from him, but he can't.
Nineteen
Mei Li rests on George's chest while he tries to fall asleep.
He huffs in frustration when his phone beeps and brings him back to full wakefulness. Another text from Rafael with another inane question about cat care. "Why did he get a cat if he doesn't know how to take care of it?" He grumbles to his dainty black and white princess. "'He ate a bit of ham, should I do something?' Why doesn't he just ask a vet if he's so worried? I know, I offered to help him, but…" Letting his phone drop to his side, he huffs. "Rafael's a great guy, Mei Li, but I don't understand him sometimes." He scratches behind her ears and thinks. "A lot of the time. That's the problem, isn't it?"
Mei Li bats her paws at his chest. He smiles and scratches firmer.
"I could always offer to go over and see for myself," he laughs and strokes her chest. "That would give me a way in."
Twenty
"I still don't know what I want to do," Rafael announces as he looks up at George's ceiling. This couch is a lot more comfortable than he would have thought a month ago.
"Hm?" George says distractedly. He's lost in a textbook, desperately searching for some condition to match the profile he's formed.
Rafael tries not to let his hurt show, but doesn't succeed. "Never mind."
He has George's attention now. "Rafael, I'm sorry," George says, a hint of plea in his voice. "What were you saying?"
It takes only a few seconds before Rafael decides to continue like nothing had happened. "I still need to decide what to do. For Valentina's sisters. I could set up a college fund or something, but I don't want to just throw money at them like that fixes anything. They lost their sister. Money won't heal them."
George taps his pen thoughtfully. "You know, a problem a lot of kids have, when they lose a family member… especially so violently… is that their peers often somewhat abandon them."
"Why?" Rafael asks, frowning. "Because they're afraid it'll happen to them?"
"That's part of it," George confirms. "But they also don't know how to address it. Not having lost anyone themselves, they don't know what to say, and they don't feel they can go back to normal either. So they just walk away- leaving the kid who lost someone even more isolated and hurt."
Rafael thinks this over before asking, "So… I should find them a friend? A pity date?"
"No. You should be their friend."
"Me?" Rafael can't resist laughing.
"Yes, you. They like and trust you, and at their age, it doesn't make a difference whether a friend is their age or an adult. And you aren't bad with kids. I've seen you interact with child victims."
"That's just it, though," Rafael sighs. "Victims. That's different."
"Are you… are you afraid of healthy children?" George asks.
"Maybe a little," Rafael admits. He exhales slowly. "I'll think about it."
Twenty-one
A perp uses a psych defense. Rafael finds himself disappointed that the doctor assigned to examine him isn't George.
He retreats to his office, leans back in his chair, and pulls out his phone. "Now a good time?"
Twenty-two
Even knowing he'll feel like an idiot, George forces himself to go through with an idea he's had for a while.
He picks up a bag of cat treats- "Hunter is a picky eater," Rafael had explained- that he's pretty sure no cat can resist, because not even the pickiest cat he's owned had disliked these. But they're hard to find and quite expensive. Only a few places in the city sell them.
At lunch, he grabs the bag and hands it to Rafael. "I got these for you- well, for Hunter. He'll love them."
"Thanks," Rafael says appreciatively. "I'll give them to him later."
"Let me know if he likes them," George says.
"Or you could come by yourself," Rafael counters. "You know more about him than I do, it seems." He smiles.
Strange how George had been wanting to hear just those words, but they still terrify him. But he can't refuse after all this, so he nods. "Alright."
Just as George thought he would, Hunter loves the treats and begins to all but worship George when he realizes he's the one behind them. He rubs against George's legs while Rafael snickers. "He was supposed to be my cat, you know."
"He still is," George says, smiling when Hunter returns to Rafael.
Twenty-three
Rafael watches the clock turn to midnight and groans in frustration, turning to the small grey ball occupying his pillow. "I didn't mean to fall in love with him."
Hunter shifts and seems to watch him. More likely, he wants more of those treats. But Rafael had had to cut him off a few hours ago.
"Tell you what. If he feels the same… if this works…" He sets his hand on Hunter's back, but doesn't pet him, lost in thought. "If I ask and he says yes, you can have as many as you want." He laughs softly. "Might just give everyone everything they want if that happens."
Twenty-four
George stares at his phone, waiting for a call he knows will never come.
He hadn't expected… but…
He sighs, running a hand through his hair.
"What's going on?" That voice asks, that amazing beautiful voice that makes him look up at once, stomach fluttering.
"Nothing," he lies impotently.
"Mm-hmm," Rafael says, eyebrows raised.
There's no lying to this man. George looks down. "My family and I aren't that close anymore." He can feel Rafael's sympathy without looking at him. "Today's my birthday. I hate birthdays, but… it would just be nice…" And he trails off, sighing again. "I don't expect anything to change now, but I keep wishing."
Rafael is surprisingly silent. George looks up and sees something like wonder in Rafael's eyes.
"You too?" Rafael asks when George meets his eyes.
"Me too… what?" George asks.
Rafael grins wryly. "It's my birthday too… and my family called but only to let me know they couldn't make it, again."
"Oh."
"Oh," Rafael agrees as he sits next to him.
"How old are you today?" George asks to break the heavy silence.
"Forty-two."
"I'm forty-seven… I feel old," George complains.
"I do too," Rafael tells him. Then he brightens a little and says, "We can spend tonight together. Liv and Rollins have been bugging me about plans. If I tell them I'm celebrating with you, they'll leave me alone, and you and I don't have to actually celebrate. We can pretend it's just another day."
"That sounds like a good plan," George says, smiling.
"But if you show up with a cake, I'm leaving, right then and there," Rafael warns.
"I won't bring a cake if you won't sing Happy Birthday," George offers.
"You've got a deal." Rafael smiles. Then he turns serious again and asks, "Why aren't you and your family close?"
George's heart hammers in his chest now. He could be vague, could tell Rafael that it's a clash between his personal beliefs and his family's traditionalism, but he won't. He needs to tell Rafael the truth, and if Rafael doesn't approve…. Then he'll have to move on, even if it will crush something inside of him.
He inhales and then simply says, "I'm gay."
George forces himself to look in to Rafael's eyes again. He doesn't see judgment. He doesn't see sympathy.
He sees understanding.
Twenty-five
It's only a matter of time now, Rafael thinks. Things seem so clear, so set on this one path. He's bi, George is gay. That seems to have settled it. They have too many things in common to go any other route.
After last night, it seems clear that George feels the same about him. And George must know how he feels- he was pathetically obvious.
Things have been set in motion. It's only waiting for it to come to a head. He can wait, he thinks. Probably.
Twenty-six
A month ago, even a week ago, asking would have been terrifying. But the words come out of his mouth so easily, it's like they were always meant to.
"I've got two tickets to Newsies this Saturday. Want to join me?"
Rafael looks him over and beams. It's the happiest George has ever seen him, and it makes something warm fill him. He's smiling too within a second.
"Sure," Rafael says. "I'd love to."
Twenty-seven
Hunter is on Rafael's stomach, purring, while Rafael lies and watches TV. "Three days," he says and smiles. "Think I can last that long?"
Hunter leans over and sniffs his fingers. Rafael laughs and touches Hunter's pink nose.
He leans back, reliving the last month in his head. The day he'd brought Valentina's case to court, he'd felt so shattered, he'd doubted even a conviction would help. And something inside him does ache, still, and he isn't sure when or if it'll go away.
But between George and Hunter, he feels… soothed. Healed. Things he had wanted but hadn't realized just how much are in his grasp now. And he's excited to give George those same things, if... if.
The last month had brought on a metamorphosis. A painful one, but he thinks it's for the better. Even if things don't work with George… it will hurt, he knows, but it will still have been worth it.
Twenty-eight
Olivia seems to have noticed the change in the two of them. She sees them discussing a case while standing a little too close together, catches their eyes, and tells them she's happy for them.
It would be Olivia, George thinks, to realize before the others. She's the closest to them, especially Rafael.
But they both end up shifting awkwardly, unsure how to respond because things are still new. It's not like they're engaged. They're a few days away from their first date.
After Olivia leaves, they stay quiet for a few minutes before Rafael clears his throat. "So, Newsies… have you ever seen it before?"
"Once," George says. "When it first opened."
"I never got around to it," Rafael admits. "Too busy."
"I won't ruin it for you, then," George promises.
Rafael grins. "Thanks." Looking at his watch, he sighs. "I'm due in court. Talk to you later." He straightens and touches George's shoulder before he leaves.
That tiny touch really shouldn't provoke the reaction it does. Rafael's hands are strong, but soft, and he wants more.
It's all George can think about for the rest of the day.
Twenty-nine
Neither of them will admit it, but like nervous teenagers awaiting their first date, neither get much sleep that night.
Thirty
Rafael loves the show even more than George does. He's engrossed throughout the entire performance and at the end, he vows to see it again as soon as possible.
"You loved it that much?" George asks. "I knew you'd like it, but..."
"I did," Rafael says, grinning like a young boy. "It was amazing."
God, seeing Rafael happy like this just does things to him. It makes him feel like everything is right in the world. And that makes him smile too, which in turn makes Rafael happier.
"Thank you," Rafael tells him as they leave the theater. They'd both decided to get a late dinner after, so they make their way to an overpriced, fancy restaurant.
"No need to thank me- I liked it too," George says.
Rafael looks around for a moment, then, coming to a decision, wraps an arm around George's waist. George lets out a soft sound of contentment and leans into him. "Rafael," he sighs.
"George," Rafael replies lightly.
George chuckles softly. He taps Rafael's hand and gets him to remove it from his side, instead letting him hold it. He squeezes tightly.
Rafael squeezes back, looking thoughtful but still so happy. He traces his thumb over George's palm.
"We're here," Rafael says, tugging George's hand to guide him in to the restaurant. "And I'm paying, so don't even try it."
"Alright, alright," George laughs. He closes his eyes for a long moment after they're seated, letting the warmth and happiness wash over him, and then opens them again and looks at the menu. "What do you like here?"