Author's Notes:
Thank you for reading my story, I hope you enjoy it.
It takes place during "Target" S5:E15
No spoilers.
By all means, please leave me feedback/reviews on this or any of the other stories I've posted here.

Story Notes:
The idea that Castle could seemingly so easily do something to someone to elicit the screams of pain that she heard weighed on Beckett. During a short break, Esposito helps her make sense of what went on and what she's feeling.

Disclaimer:
All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

"Yo Beckett, you done with the coffee?"

Esposito's voice startled her out of her trance "Sorry, yes." She says snapping out of it and taking her coffee to a table in the break room.

"What's goin' on Beckett? Why you off in space?"

"Sorry Espo. I'm just thinking about something that happened today."

Bringing his coffee over to the table with her he decides to probe further. "What's on your mind?"

Looking around to make sure they're alone she explains "I asked Castle what he did to Douglas Stevens to get the location of the farm out of him. He said that he 'Appealed to his humanity.' but we both know that wasn't it." Taking a deep drink of her coffee she continues "I didn't know he had that in him. When I looked at his face, I could see the darkness all over his face and in his eyes. Quite frankly, it surprised the crap out of me."

"Did you ask him about it?" Esposito asks.

"When I told him that I didn't know he had that side, he said something about it coming out for the people he loves." she says quietly, staring into her coffee watching the liquid move around.

"Kate." Esposito's use of her first name snaps her attention to him. Quietly he explains "We, you and I, are in unique positions, the dark places in our souls have been looked at and we've been trained to identify it and to keep it reined in. Castle hasn't had the benefit of that training and probably has never been forced to look into that chasm. You and I don't have children so we can't guess what we'd do if they were threatened but I think we've both been around long enough to know that the love of a parent for a child is unparalleled and can drive people to places they themselves didn't know they possessed. I'm sure if you ask Castle, he'd tell you that he didn't know that he'd go that far either."

Beckett reaches out and squeezes his forearm saying "I never thought of it that way. You're right of course. I can see some of that dark place when I think of Alexis in danger. When he said he'd like a minute with Stevens, I didn't hesitate, I knew it was going to be unpleasant but I didn't think twice about it."

"Uh hu." Esposito says nodding his head. "You've forgotten something else."

She pauses and thinks and can't place what he means. "Okay, I give. What did I forget?"

"You and I are among a very small group of cops who've had to pull our service weapons in the course of our duties. We're also members of an even smaller group, the tiny percentage of cops who have been forced to take a life." He looks down at his hands holding his coffee cup. He doesn't want to look at her face, it's too personal what he's saying "We know the impact it has had on us. We also know how hard that first one is. The act of pointing a weapon at someone and pulling the trigger knowing that you are about to cut short a life, to take from someone the most precious of gifts that they have. To end any chance of change or contrition. Knowing that with a mere two pounds of pull of your finger, you are going to take from someone their child, parent, husband, wife, brother, sister or friend. We know the awesome responsibility that this entails and the amount of effort that we have to exert to suppress our reluctance to do this when we must. We all have flashes of memories of the painful, desperate wail of grief that a parent has for a dead child every time the possibility arises."

After a short pause he says "We've seen some of his commitment to someone he loves."

"Don't keep me in suspense Espo." Kate says after a long pause not realizing what he means.

Esposito stands up to tend to making another cup of coffee for himself. "We're all impressed with Castle, that he acts like one of us but he's never been trained to pull that trigger when called to. He's a civilian, he naturally would hesitate more than we would. However, when challenged, he instantly took up a weapon and was willing to pull that trigger, take that leap, to protect you."

The revelation begins to hit her and she feels her face flush as her head feels like the room is spinning.

Turning and standing at the coffee machine he continues "Castle has, more than once, tried to step in front of a bullet for you. Barehanded, this man, a civilian, a writer, a man of words, not actions, threw himself bodily onto a trained, armed, stone-cold assassin, who was intent on killing you and he beat this man into unconsciousness with his bare hands. You said yourself, when Tyson had you on that bridge, Castle emptied the clip into Tyson. Not many of us that have had the training still have the ability to do that, he didn't hesitate."

He sees the tears welled up in her eyes and he sits down next to her again to speak softly to her. "Beckett, we all know we have these dark places. The thing we've learned over the years in this job is that the trigger to bring that darkness to the surface varies. I'm surprised actually. It has taken much more to expose his than I would have thought for a normal person. We shouldn't hold this against him. More importantly, you shouldn't hold it against him. I think you've learned a lot about him with just that one action."

"Maybe you're right. It just has to sink in." Kate says.

Almost whispering, Esposito continues "Kate. I've been into my dark place. I have had to do more than simply confront it, I've had to walk into it and almost embrace it. My life, before this badge, required something of me that you can't imagine. I learned to use that dark place to do things I still haven't forgotten. Things no one should ever have to do. Things that still wake me up at night. Don't hold it against him. If he hadn't done it for his daughter, I would have done it for my friend and the girl I think of as my brother's daughter and the results would have been similar or worse and I wouldn't have had a moment of discomfort with it."

After a short pause between them he leans into her and whispers quietly "I think one of the things that bothers you right now is that you know that if he didn't do that, you might have. Don't be hard on yourself. We protect our families, our children most of all."

With that he clears his throat, pats her on the back and leaves her alone at the table with her thoughts. Just as he's exiting the break room "Hey Espo... Javi. Thank you." she says without looking up.

"You're welcome. We'll solve this and bring her home safely. She belongs to all of us."

She watches through the windows as he walks back to his desk. Aware of how personal what he just shared with her is, she finds even more respect for him.

With a heavy sigh, she pushes herself up from the table. She makes another cup of coffee for herself and a cup of decaf 'to-go' for Castle. She needs to send him home to his Mother and to rest.

# # # The End # # #