Chapter 1: It'll Be Ok.
Lindsay pushed away the file she was working on, crossed her arms, and laid her head on her desk. She couldn't concentrate. Her mind kept wondering back to the stick in her trash can back home, its pink plus sign flaring in her memory. Why now? She wasn't even in a stable relationship, maybe not in a relationship at all. How had this happened? Well, she knew how it happened. She could remember the night perfectly.
She walked up the steps of his apartment leaving a trail of water behind her. Her rain walk was supposed to have been about her relaxing and forgetting how things had fallen apart with Danny. But as fate would have it, he called her and suggested she come over. Could she blame her aching heart?
Her blue knuckles knock on the door and she lightly bounced up and down to keep warm. She heard movement and the locks shifting before the door was opened. Danny looked shocked to see her there, dripping wet, at his door.
It took him a minute, but he finally remembered his manners. "Oh, er, here, come in," he said, stepping back to allow her entrance.
She walked past him and heard the door close behind her. She turned to look at him. He was dressed like every other night; wife beater and sweat pants. His face looked as though he had been running his hands over it and his eyes showed the sleeplessness of many nights.
"I'll go get some towels," he said, pulling her out of her thoughts.
She took off her jacket as she watched him go to the bathroom. Why had she come again? This wouldn't end well.
"You can just drop that there," he said upon reentering the room, gesturing to her jacket.
She looked down at the rain-soaked material in her hand then at the hardwood floor below it. "I don't wanna ruin your floors."
"Yeah, cause they're in such good condition now." He ran his foot over a deep scratch in the floor for emphasis. "Besides, you've already dripped water all over them. Why not add a wet jacket to the mix?"
Lindsay smiled, dropped the jacket, and took a step towards Danny to take a towel. To her surprise, he wrapped one around her and drew her in close. She automatically stiffened as he gently dabbed her hair and back with it.
She pulled away slightly to look up at him. "Danny, I—"
"I'm sorry Lindsay. I really am. I know you're mad and I know I pushed you away, but I really need you now. I miss you."
She looked up at his pleading blue eyes. How did she let herself become so attacked to one man?
He gently brushed a wet strand of hair out of her face. "Now, since you're here, why don't you tell me exactly how hard it is to love me?"
She smiled and, instead of responding, got up on her tip toes and kissed him.
"Lindsay?"
She was jerked out of her thoughts by the sound of her name and sat up. Hawkes stood in the doorway looking at her worriedly. "You ok?"
"Um, yeah," she said, shuffling papers around on her desk for something to do, "I'm just a little tired."
He didn't look convinced but didn't push her. "Ok, well Mac needs the Roadshaw case."
"Oh, sorry." She picked up the file and handed to him.
"Thanks. And I don't remember lack of sleep ever causing someone's stomach to swell. You might want to get the looked at." And with that he turned and walked down the hall to Mac's office.
Lindsay groaned and slouched back in her chair. Of course someone here would notice. The job was all about being extra observant. They saw everything, even a three month baby bump that was barely noticeable. She'd have to talk to Hawkes about keeping his mouth shut.
"Hey kiddo, you ok?" Stella asked as she entered the office and sat at Danny's desk.
"I'm fine," Lindsay snapped. She couldn't stand being asked that all day.
"Whoa there! It was a simple question. You don't need to get upset."
Lindsay sighed. "Sorry Stel. I'm just tired and cranky. I worked a double yesterday."
"Well, I just wanted to know if there was anything you wanted to talk about. You've seemed stressed lately."
Lindsay thought about telling her just as Stella's phone went off. "Bonasera," she greeted, "Ok. Yeah, we'll be there in a few." She hung up and looked at Lindsay. "That was Flack. There's a multiple homicide. All hands on deck. I'll go get Hawkes and Mac. Meet me down by the car in ten minutes."
Lindsay nodded and stood up, grabbing the coat off the back of her chair and heading to the door behind Stella. When they got into the hall, Stella put her hand on Lindsay's shoulder before she could walk off. "Are you sure there isn't anything you want to talk about?"
Lindsay forced a smile. "I swear I'm fine, but thanks for caring."
Stella smiled and gave her shoulder a squeeze before walking towards Mac's office. Lindsay headed in the opposite direction towards the elevators and slipped on her jacket, shielding the evidence of another life.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Oh this doesn't look good."
Stella was right. They had just arrived to the apartment and right there in the living room was a DB and blood splattered everywhere. Danny walked into the living room from the hallway.
"Three more in the back bedroom. Two female, one a baby boy," he said walking up to them, "Whoever did this was a serious psycho. One of the ladies was pregnant."
Lindsay felt her palms go sweaty as she walked around the victim in the front room, since he was already being processed, and followed Danny, Hawkes, and Mac to the back of the apartment.
"I'll warn you now, it's pretty gruesome," Danny said at they approached the room.
She braced herself, but nothing could have prepared her for what she saw. An older woman, maybe early fifties, was lying by the door, multiple stab wounds covering her body. Across the room was the most horrible sight Lindsay had seen in all of her years being a CSI. The pregnant girl couldn't have been older than twenty-five. Her stomach had been slashed open and the baby that had been inside of her was laying on the ground in front of her, knife in his chest, his umbilical cord still attached.
Lindsay felt as though the room was spinning and squeezed her eyes shut. She heard everyone around her talking, saying things about fingerprints and the baby's daddy, but she couldn't really concentrate. She dropped her case and leaned against the doorframe to keep from falling herself. Her stomach churned as she felt a warm hand on her back and smelt a familiar scent.
Danny leaned down so that his face was level with hers. "Linds? Lindsay? You ok?"
Not that question again.
"She was looking pale earlier," said Hawkes, "Lindsay? I think we should sit her down."
She felt Danny and Hawkes grab her elbows and hands and was lowered to the ground. Feeling the solid ground beneath her helped her a little, so she slowly opened her eyes, relieved to see the spinning had stopped. Everyone looked worried.
"Ok," Mac said, "everyone back to work. Hawkes, Flack, get Lindsay out of here."
They helped her up and kept a hold on her as they navigated her down the hall and out of the apartment. Stella followed them with her eyes, a worried look on her face, until they made it out into the hallway.
Lindsay's stomach churned violently as she thought of the scene inside. "Can we stop? I think I'm going to be sick."
Hawkes and Flack helped her slide down the wall and Hawkes knelt beside her, talking soothing words and rubbing her back. She leaned over to the side and pressed her face against the cool ground before she was engulfed in darkness.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Something cold was pressed against her head. Her mind quickly remembered what happened and she wanted to hide her face in embarrassment. Slowly, she opened her eyes and looked around. An EMT was kneeling beside her about to take her blood pressure and Flack was standing beside her with his arms crossed and a smirk on his face.
"Nice one Monroe."
She closed her eyes and groaned in response. She didn't need his ridicule right now.
"You freaked everyone out. What happened to the girl with the iron gut? Anyway, once you feel good enough, Hawkes said he'll take you home. Mac doesn't want you to pass out again."
Home sounded like a good idea. She could wallow in self pity without the eager eyes of her coworkers. She slowly sat up with the help of the EMT and was happy to see the world stayed solid.
The sound of heals approaching made her turn to the left. A young girl, probably just out of college, was walking towards them with a case in her hand and a CSI jacket on. She had long strawberry blonde hair that was pulled back into a ponytail and big green eyes. She couldn't have been more than an inch taller than Lindsay, but she had looks that could kill.
"Hello," she said when she reached them, "uh, I was told to come down here immediately because you were short staff? I'm Marley Swan." She extended her hand to Flack and smiled at Lindsay who was still on the ground.
Great first impression.
"Yeah. You're probably looking for Mac. He's in the back room."
"Thanks." And with that, she turned and entered the apartment. Flack watched her retreating form with a smile plastered on his face.
Lindsay wrinkled her nose. "You disgust me. She can't be older than twenty-three!"
Flack shifted his gaze to her. "Glad your feeling good enough to talk," he said sarcastically, "I'll go get Hawkes."
Oh, God. This was going to be a long car ride.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
They hit what was probably the tenth red light in five minutes. Hawkes had been good so far, not saying anything or asking Lindsay questions.
"So when are you planning on telling Mac?"
Shit.
Lindsay took a deep breath and thought about what she was going to say. "Look, Sheldon, I haven't told anyone, so please keep your mouth shut. I still need to work a few things out."
He looked over at Lindsay and saw the pleading look in her eyes. "I don't know Linds. The field is dangerous. You should be in the lab. Mac would flip if he knew you hadn't told him yet."
She rubbed her hands over face and sat back in her seat. "I know, I know. I only just confirmed it for myself this morning. I need some time. Just give me a week."
He smiled. "Ok, but after that I'll have to tell him myself."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Lindsay was woken from her sleep by the sound of the doorbell buzzing. Disoriented, she wrapped her blanket around her and stumbled to the door. She was surprised to see Danny when she opened it. His shift didn't end for another three hours.
He smiled. "Hey, how you doin'? Feeling better?"
"Um, yeah," she said, stepping aside to let him inside and shutting the door. She led him to the living room and sat on the couch while he took the adjacent armchair. "Sorry about that. I don't know what came over me. The room just started spinning."
"Hey, you don't have to apologize. It was pretty bloody. I just thought you'd be used to it by now."
She nodded and adjusted her blanket, making sure her stomach was covered. "I am. It's just… how could someone do that?"
He sighed. "I don't know. We think it was the girl's boyfriend, but we couldn't find anything. No finger prints, no nothing. We have a statement from the girl's friend saying that he didn't seem too happy about the pregnancy in the first place, but it's not enough to lock him up. It is motive though."
She felt the blood drain from her face. This sick bastard needed to be caught.
"What's wrong Montana?"
She looked at Danny who in turn looked at her with a concerned look on his face. "It's nothing. I'm fine."
He shifted so that his elbows were resting on his knees and leaned closer. "Nah, it's something. Hawkes told me you just need to work some things out. What's he talkin' about?"
Lindsay shifted uncomfortably. Should she just tell him? "It's complicated."
"What? Do you have to go back to Montana?"
"No."
"Than what's wrong?"
"Nothing!" She was getting a little aggravated with all his questions. He was the reason she was in this position. It wasn't fair! Why did she have to go through this? She had to get moody, fat, and was going to be stuck inside the lab while he got to go out on the field. She felt tears sting her eyes. Life could be so unfair.
He was startled by her sudden outburst and the fact that she looked on the verge of tears. He moved to sit next to her on the couch and wrapped his arms around her, rubbing his hand in soothing circles on her back. "Hey don't be upset. I just wanna know what bothering you, that's all."
She tried to hold them back, but the tears came anyway. She silently cursed her raging hormones. "You're going to flip when I tell you."
"No I won't. It can't be that bad."
Fine, she thought, he thinks he can handle everything, I'll let him.
She pulled back so that she could look him in the eyes. She wanted to see his reaction "I'm pregnant."
For the longest time he just sat there, staring at her. He was sure he had heard her wrong. He counted back one, two, three months. Finally, he found his voice. "But… am I…?"
"Yeah. Congratulations!" she said sarcastically. She was really on an emotional rollercoaster tonight.
Danny was still staring at her. "But than you'd have a… a…" he made a gesture infront of his stomach.
Lindsay sat up straight and let the blanket fall around her. There, in plain sight, was her barely-there baby bump. Danny's breath caught in his throat. Lindsay's tears came faster, but from anger or sadness, she didn't know. She had anticipated this, she'd even thought worse, especially after the homicide they saw today, so why was she so upset?
She couldn't stand his staring anymore. "Fine!" she screamed, suddenly jumping to her feet, "If this is too much for you, that's fine! I don't need you, I haven't even had you for the first three months! You can just leave." She walked over to the door and opened it, looking expectantly at him.
Her yelling seemed to have pulled him out of his trance. "What? Wait, hold on! Jeez, let me process this Linds! I mean, I just found out that I'm going to be a… a…," He looked up at her, tears streaming down her face and cheeks flushed in anger, "a dad," he said, barely above a whisper.
She didn't say anything, just stood there and continued to glare at him. He got up and walked over to her, drawing her close and resting his chin on her head. She lost it then. Her legs seemed to turn to jelly as she let Danny support her full weight and she started sobbing uncontrollably. Danny sank to the floor and rocked her gently back and forth.
"It'll be ok," he said soothingly into her hair.
"No it w-won't," she said, choking on a sob.
"Shh, Linds, shh. Yes it will. No matter what, it'll be ok."
A/N: So what'd you think? Please review!