I don't own victorious
….
1. He will come out. He won't break up with me.
2. It takes some time to come to the door.
3. He will be by my side in no time.
4. Okay sure we fight a lot but that's how we work. This is us.
5. I hear footsteps. Finally he's coming.
6. A loud noise and some screaming. I stop for a minute until there is only silence.
7. I hear him again. He is getting closer.
8. He is by the door now. It will be opened any minute.
9. Is he just trying to make it dramatic? Or is he really thinking about it? He is really not coming out.
10 I shout. Nothing. We're over. So simple. I try to reach for the door but then I stop. I am Jade West. I won't beg. He just finished a relationship not by talking, shouting or even fighting. But by not opening a door. Suddenly I just can't take it any more. Tears are about to fall from my eyes and I can only think of one thing.
You said you would protect me. But in the end you broke me.
I get in my car and just sit there in the dark. I wait for the pain and the sadness but it's not coming. I actually feel empty. Memories fly through my head. I remember the first time I came to his RV after my dad had told me that I am a worthless loser and that everyone will understand that one day and leave me. He was very drunk that night. After he called me a bitch and a whore he had threw me on the mirror in my room causing the glass to break and fall on me. He left me there and I stayed still until I knew he had fallen asleep. As silently as I could I left the house still covered in glass and some blood. I started to walk. I didn't know where I was even going before I got in front of his RV. Instead of breaking the door I just knocked. I had to do it multiple times because he was sleeping. When he opened the door he looked at me and then his eyes filled with fear and sadness. He took care of me and my injuries. I didn't even have to say a word. I slept there that night covered in a T-shirt he had lend me and his arms which hugged my tightly.
I have already started driving to my house when another memory grabs me. It was the first time I sang to him. We had only been dating for two months when he said that he had never really saw me sing. And it was true. I didn't sing back then. It felt too personal. But I did for him. I don't know why, but I did. And when I did the look in his eyes was priceless. It was the first time I saw Beck Oliver truly amazed. His eyes glowed. When I finished he just smiled and kissed me. Your voice is beautiful. You should sing more often, he told me. And I did. Right after that I started to sing. And he was there. In every performance or practice. With the same look in his eyes.
I finally got home. My step mother and my father were out with my little brother so I had the house to myself. But I still didn't feel anything. I felt like a robot. I wasn't even Jade. When I got to my bedroom I lied to my bed and checked my phone. 3 messages and 5 phone calls. The first message was from Cat.
Jade r u ok? Want me to come over?
The other was from Tori.
Hey how are u? I'm here if u need me.
And the last one was again from Cat.
Hey Jade please answer! U know my brother once ate a coin, but it turned out it was a chocolate one so he was ok. Anyway call me pleaseeee!
I just ignored them all until my phone buzzed. I log into the slap and I saw there was a new update. Tori had uploaded a photo of them playing cards. I spotted him immediately. He looked fine. Not even a little sad. His face was emotionless. I guess that's what broke me. Suddenly I can't feel anything except my tears. I cry and sob all night long thinking of him. He doesn't want me. He is the only one I showed my real feelings and he broke up with me. He was the only one I trusted, the only one that knew what I've been through. And he abandoned me without a word. He practically didn't do anything. He didn't even open a damn door. Around 5.00 in the morning I take a look of myself in the mirror. I look really horrible. My eyes are red and my face is black due to the large amount of mascara I had worn. Great. I try to relax. It's like a bet with myself. I will go in the school looking amazing. Like my heart is just perfect and not broken or torn into pieces. I am strong. I just hope strong enough to go through this. So for an hour or so I relax. I wash my face over and over and I have a shower. After I go out I breathe relieved. I look a lot better. Not like every other day though. My eyes look tired and my blue eyes are covered in sadness. But that's not a problem. Make up and the fact that I am a very good actor will help. It's around six am so I start to dress up. Soon enough I realize that I don't really care. All I want is to go in my bed and cry as hard as I can. But I can't. I have school and I am strong. I will just put on a mask and pretend I am somebody else. That Sikowitz made me perform a role all day long. I am not even jade west anymore. Because jade west is broken.
….
I make it to school on time. I take a deep breath and I am into character. I can do this. And when I open the door and I see beck and a whole bunch of cheerleaders around him I just ignore it. It's not easy and it makes my heart break once more but I am proud of myself. I can do this I think over and over. So instead of shouting I open my locker with my precious scissors and search for my books, I haven't even close it yet when I see Tori and Cat beside me. They look at me with worried looks and I raise an eyebrow at them.
What? I snap. Tori looks at me weirdly.
Jade you didn't respond to any of our phone calls or messages.
So?I continue challenging them to say it. The word that will crack my heart again.
We just want to make sure you are alright.
Why wouldn't I be alright?I say closing my locker.
Because you and beck broke up... And you know he is there with the cheerleaders...
And there it was. I could almost hear my heart break. I felt an urgent need to cry and shout no I am not okay. But I don't. I can't.
I told you I am fine I tell her and then I make my way to my classroom. I can feel everyone looking at me even beck. So when I am about to open the door I look at him with a look that shows exactly my feelings. This is low beck. Really low. I see him lower his head and I don't give them any more attention. The bell rings. Time for class.