A #Jelly Story: So Much for the Rules
Chapter One
As she turned and walked away from the beautiful young woman who stood before her, she said "I'm sorry" in a soft, yet shaky voice. The dark haired student teacher's gaze followed her slow footsteps along the uneven gravel floor of the ruins of the church. Her head down allowing her dark shoulder length hair to fall and cover her face and most importantly hide her eyes, this enabled her to hide her true emotions from the woman to whom she was so attracted to and yearned for as she headed toward the steps.
"We can still see each other …. we … we can still be friends?" questioned the red headed young woman in a desperate plea to gain Jen's attention and to try to salvage any kind of 'relationship' between the teacher and the student. Tilly took a step towards Jen. She hoped she could change Jen's mind, reassure her that the rumours would die down and that she was mature enough to handle their relationship, or whatever it was between the two women, and tell her that she could abide by Jen's previously set out rules. Jen turned slowly on the spot to respond to her question, Tilly knew straight away from Jen's lack of eye contact and her body language that this was not going to end how she had hoped or imagined. Tilly noticed Jen playing with the strap to her watch on her right wrist. To Jen it seemed that trying to untangle her watch strap from her bangles and bracelets was a subconscious ploy to avoid further interactions and eye contact with Tilly. Jen remained half way up the small set of steps leading to the pathway, she replied "when things have calmed down a bit ...maybe".
Tilly instantly sat down on the wooden seating behind her and let out a gasp. Her heart sank to the pit of her stomach, lost for words and devastated she couldn't bring herself to look at Jen. Her eyes remained glued and fixated on the floor. A lump formed in her throat, her eyes began to fill with tears. She couldn't hold them back any longer.
Jen turned to face the teenager, who sat in the sunlight which beamed through a hole in the wall of the ruins. She noted how the sunlight made Tilly's hair look lighter and how pale her face was but yet how angelic and beautiful she looked. Fighting back all her pent up feelings of lust for the teenager, "I'm sorry" Jen stated once more as she turned around and continued up the steps and moved toward the shrubbery along the main path. Just before heading out of sight, she gave a small look back over her shoulder flicking her dark hair over her denim jacket and looked directly at Tilly. She stood there for what seemed like minutes but it was actually only a few seconds, taking in the girls heartache but knowing it was the right thing to do. Seeing Tilly's face shimmering with tears in the dimming sunlight, Jen herself let her emotions out as tears began to roll, one by one over her rosy red cheeks. She turned again and headed out of sight. She was glad Tilly did not see her, this would have only added to the turmoil they both were suffering.
Tilly remained seated as if frozen in time. She couldn't believe what had just happened. Is this really it, it can't be surely, not after everything we have been through? She thought to herself over and over again. She pulled the sleeve of her bright blue coat down over her hand and used it in an attempt to dry her eyes. This however did not help. For every tear she wiped away, two more rolled down her cheeks and onto her navy top underneath her open blue coat.
After many hours of sitting in the same position, thinking about Jen and what could've been, Tilly suddenly realised that the light had faded and darkness was drawing in. She felt the chill of the evening air as she finally moved from where she had been glued, she stood up and searched for her oversized green and blue bag, which was still perched on the other side of the bench from her arrival to meet with Jen. She zipped up her coat and rummaged around in her bag for her mobile. She was hesitant to look at it at first and considered giving up the search for it as she moved her hands from her bag to the pockets of her coat. As she felt the phone in her pocket, she paused before taking it out, was there a text or missed call from Jen? She longed for the teacher to contact her, to let Tilly know that she too was feeling heartbroken, lonely and devastated. Jen always had a way of hiding her true feelings from Tilly. Although on most occasions Tilly could always read what Jen was thinking just by her facial expressions and her eyes, her most stunningly gorgeous brown eyes. When they had shared looks or passing touches, Tilly always knew that Jen was there with her, in that particular moment, but Jen was able to mask the extent of her feelings towards Tilly. This left Tilly so confused and overwhelmed on occasions but this time was different, Jen had actually told Tilly that she wanted her, she wanted to touch her, wants to touch her, as Tilly relived in her mind what Jen had said to her. With a lump in her throat, Tilly turned her phone around to see the screen. She had five missed calls as well as three text messages. None of whom were from Jen.
With this added devastation confirming, in Tilly's mind, that Jen did not care for her as much as she had hoped or as much as Jen had lead her to believe earlier that day, she said to herself out load to ensure she heard it "right Tilly, it's the weekend. Forget about Jen and concentrate on your revision. No point messing up your exams and any chances of getting to Cambridge". She replied to George, Maddie and Sinead's texts, apologising for missing their calls and stated that she wouldn't be out this evening and made up some excuse about not feeling well but she would probably catch up with them over the weekend. She headed out of the ruins and along the pathway back towards the village. She wanted to be alone tonight with her thoughts, her thoughts of Jen. She couldn't bare being with people right now or even the tought of going clubbing with her friends. No, she just wanted to be by herself and be left alone tonight. Her thoughts were 100% of Jen as she walked through the darkened village and headed home, alone.
Little to Tilly's knowledge, Jen was feeling the exact same way. She too wanted to be on her own this evening. No actually, what she really wanted was to be with Tilly but after the events from the past couple of days at college she knew this was not at all possible no matter how much she craved to be with Tilly, to touch her. Jen had concluded that their relationship was a definite non starter. The rumours were still on peoples tongues around the college and Jen wondered if they would ever be forgotten.
Jen had returned to her blue Jeep after leaving Tilly at the ruins earlier that evening. She had sat in her car for hours, just staring into space, thinking, and wishing things were different. She had her mobile in one hand ready to respond should she receive a text from a certain red head that played so deeply on her mind. Upon realising the dark skies ahead and the chill through the car, Jen was brought chrashingly back to reality. She headed to the rear of her car to clip the white material roof onto the back of her Jeep. The sun had been out all day, high and burning in the sky. It had been beautiful. Jen had taken the roof off to allow the warm air and suns rays to fill her car in an attempt for a single moment of happiness and content as she drove to college that morning. Taking a lifetime to secure the roof to the Jeeps rear bars by means of the cold metal poppers, Jen, still in a semi daydream, let out a sigh which did nothing to lift the weight on her shoulders. With this failed attempt to convince herself she had done the right thing, she decided to head for home.
She entered the front door and made her way through the lounge heading toward the stairs, hoping not to be noticed. "Hiya love" called Diane from the kitchen table. "You ok?" she questioned noticing the puffiness and red eyes on Jen's face. "yeah, Im fine, just coming down with something, that's all" replied Jen, who had reached the stairs to which she so desperately wanted to run up and lock herself away in her room. "Well I've just made tea for everyone, come and join us, there's plenty left" Diane replied, pointing at the hob of the cooker where the pots and pans remained behind her.
Jen turned and looked in the direction of the dining table, Sinead, Bart, George and Maddie were all sat in silence staring at her. Her heart jumped into her throat after scanning the table and seeing a sixth plate laid on the table. Her heart pumped the blood through her body so fast she could feel it burn inside her. Could Tilly be here too? Would she want to see me after today, could we find time to talk, would it be awkward? Would everyone know what was happening and notice the atmosphere? Jen thought to herself. Sinead, noticing Jen's elongated stare at the untouched plate said "it was set out for Tills, but she's not coming. She's not feeling well either". "Must be something going around" said Maddie, shooting a raised eyebrow and a slight smirk at the teacher. Jen's gaze turned from the plate to Maddie and then to Diane. "No, Im fine, thanks though. Just gonna go and try to sleep it off I think" replied Jen in a weak voice with a false smile.
With this, she turned and headed up the stairs. Out of sight from the group she let out a sigh. She could hear the conversation continuing and she headed for her bedroom. She flung the door open, chucked her bag down on her dresser, removed her denim jacket in one swoop and threw herself face down onto her bed with her hands clutching her face while tears ran heavily from her eyes, over her fingers and cheeks and onto her pillow.