Disclaimer: The characters from the Ghost and Mrs. Muir belong to 20th Century Fox and David Gerber Productions. All other characters are mine and may not be used without permission.

Summary: Candy learns a shocking truth!

Rating: K+

Thanks to Mary and Mara for helps with names of the popular people in the 70's, and also to Mary for the edit.

MY MOTHER IS A PERSON

My mother is a person! Don't tell anyone, it would be embarrassing, but it's true. She's a real, live, bonafide, 100 human being.

I love my Mom, don't get me wrong, but like most kids my age, I assumed that she was, well, just that, my mom. Mothers scold you when you are bad, praise you when you're good, help you with your homework, tuck you in bed at night (at least until you say you are too old), make sure you eat your veggies, tell you to pick up your room, sign your report cards and tell you they love you. And for the first twelve years of my life, I was content in knowing this. Until this weekend. And then I discovered the shocking secret. My mother is more than just my mother, she is a person.

My mother has two best friends, Susannah Marshall and Janie Fraser. I have known them my entire life. Aunt Suse is blonde and tall and pretty and has two children close to my age, but I don't know them well. Aunt Janie has red hair that is so bouncy and wavy it makes me want to cry, is short like Mom and has a face full of freckles. She has a daughter, Aly, who is Jonathan's age and they write to each other all the time. I highly suspect they like one another. But I'm getting off of my intended (new vocabulary word) thoughts.

They are like my mother in a lot of ways, they take care of their kids, tell their husbands what to do (okay, so Mom doesn't technically have a husband, BUT) and talk about their increasingly bad eyesight and expanding waistlines and do you remember when we...?

Both of them came up to see Mom, a nice treat for all of us. Aunt Suse always brings magazines and the newest 45's and Aunt Janie is a huge proponent (another new vocabulary word) of money, always saying, "I think I forgot your birthday."

They came on Friday evening, making the drive from Philadelphia together in Aunt Janie's new convertible. Uncle Doug has his own car dealership and they always have the coolest cars. Martha had dinner ready when they got here and we all gathered around the table and ate lasagna and bread sticks and Mom had bought a bottle of wine and I even got to have a little sip. (I liked it, but Jonathan thought it was gross).

Usually when we have company, Captain Gregg goes to the wheelhouse or sits invisibly and watches them, but since both Aunt Suse and Janie know he is here, he joined us. He likes to tease Aunt Janie about her red hair and freckles and tells her that his first love was a fiery redhead and that he thinks she is Amelie — reincarnated. He enjoys flirting with her and she enjoys telling him to stop.

After dinner, Martha chased everyone out of her kitchen, and Jonathan and I got permission to go outside if we didn't leave the yard, and Captain Gregg leaving with a flourish (I love that word, I learned it in reading this week) and a wink to our guests.

Mom and her two friends went into the parlor to talk about women things. Martha brought them coffee and told us we could have Kool-Aid when we came in. It was a nice night, but after we taught Scruffy a new trick and I skated some, while Jonathan looked at the sky with the little telescope Grandpa had gotten him for Christmas, we decided to go in. Not only did we get Kool-Aid, but cookies, too, and Martha told us a story from her vaudeville days while we had our snack. We went into the parlor to say goodnight and got a hug from all three of them — Mom saying she would be up in a minute. I thought they had changed the subject really fast when Jonathan and I walked in, but he said he didn't notice anything.

I got into the bathroom first and made Jonathan wait a little while. He might as well get used to it because in a few months I will be a teenager and then I'll be obligated to spend lots of time in the bathroom. At least that's what my friend, Sarah, says. Mom did come up and tuck us in — well she made sure we didn't need anything and that we had actually brushed our teeth and didn't just say we did. She did kiss us both good night and told us she loved us and we told her back. Then Captain Gregg came in and said he'd tell us a story and then started one we hadn't heard before about him and Uncle Brendan (his best mate and groovy looking ghost) fighting a hungry shark while they were trapped on a raft in the middle of the Indian Ocean.

It didn't take Jonathan long to start sawing logs, but I couldn't sleep. I started decorating my new room in my mind, seeing it all clean and pink and brother-free. Mom said that she had hired Mr. Peavy to start repainting the guest room in what ever color I want (we get to go to the hardware store on Monday and look at them all) and she will let me pick material for new curtains and a new bread spread. I'm thinking pink right now, but I might change it later. She said if I was really good and got all A-s on my next report card I could have my own phone. I still couldn't sleep, so I got up and went to the bathroom, getting a drink in one of the little Dixie Cups from the dispenser and swished the water around in my mouth. Then I stared at myself in the mirror and wondered what I would look like with makeup. I started growing my hair out last year, and it's really pretty, but NOT wavy — just straight as a stick. Mom says I can wear light makeup when I'm thirteen, and I'm counting down the months. I also do happen to know that she bought me a little bag; with pink roses on it that has some blush and mascara, lip-gloss and two kinds of eye shadow in it. She said we would discuss foundation and eyeliner and actual lipstick later, which in 'mom-talk' means about three or four years. (But I won't complain too much, Sarah can't wear any make-up at all until she's sixteen!) And I get my ears pierced on my birthday, too, but again I digress. (Another cool word I learned in reading — it sounds very grown-up)

So, I went out into the hall and Aunt Suse was out there in a pair of shorts and a shirt that said, "Have a Happy Day" with a yellow smiley face in the middle and she's carrying three bottles of pop. She asked me if I couldn't sleep and were they making too much noise and I said yes to the first and no to the second.

Next thing I knew I was being invited in and Aunt Suse was telling them I couldn't sleep and that maybe a little girl talk would settle me down. Mom and Aunt Janie nodded, and Mom patted a space on the bed beside her, so I happily jumped on. All three of them gave me a little bit of their Coca-Cola in Mom's water glass and Aunt Janie told me to help myself to the bag of potato chips she had brought. I just sat listening to them, enjoying this treat, when I started to notice a few things.

It had been weird seeing Aunt Suse in shorts and the smiley face T-shirt, but it was really bizarre to see what Aunt Janie was wearing. She had on shorts, too, but at second look I think they were boxers, like grandpa wears and T-shirt that had a picture of a cow on it and said in big black letters "Bull Shirt." I kept staring at it, trying to figure out what it meant and why someone as fashionable as Aunt Janie would be wearing such an ugly shirt. I finally did figure out it wasn't a cow but a bull, it had horns and everything, but I couldn't figure out why Mom and Aunt Suse thought it was funny. But MY MOTHER topped them all. My mother, who floats around the house in beautiful nightgowns and long dressing gowns and what Grandma says is properly called "lingerie," was wearing only a T-shirt, and I noticed when she stood up that it fell past her knees and it said across her chest — "What are you staring at?"

Again, I didn't get it, but the more I thought about it, the more I kind of did. Since the words were on Mom's chest and well that's where the... um... to be proper the breasts were — did people look at my mom's boobs? Like the boys stare at Deborah McCallie and try to see her undress after gym? I shivered; it was just too much to think about.

Aunt Janie asked me if I had a boyfriend and Mom said I wasn't allowed to date yet and Aunt Janie answered her back that having a boyfriend and dating weren't the same thing. I told her I liked Chad Hunter, before I realized that my mom now knew who I liked, but decided I didn't care. Sarah keeps saying you should never tell stuff like that to your Mom, but I hate keeping secrets from her. Music was playing in the background and I started humming along when one of my favorite songs by Simon And Garfunkel came on.

"We went to see them in concert last month," I heard Aunt Suse say, and at first I thought she was joking, but she wasn't. She went on to tell all about going to their reunion concert in Madison Square Gardens and how they sang all of their hits and when they sang Mrs. Robinson, Paul teased her about finding her graduate, now that she getting on in years. (She's thirty-seven, so she really better hurry). Janie said something about she didn't know that that they were voting for McGovern and Mom started to laugh and said something about Nixon but I didn't quite catch it. Beside I was too appalled; Aunt Suse liked Simon and Garfunkel? But, she was, well, she was thirty-seven.

My mom got up and turned on the small TV they had brought upstairs and after flicking through the first two channels that were showing Shock Theater, she found one that was showing a Cary Grant movie. I don't see it myself, but Mom and Martha love him. She said she would leave it on for the noise but Aunt Suse started giggling and said it was for the sex appeal, and then Aunt Janie said something about Mom not needing that with Captain Gregg around. She laughed and asked Mom if he could outlast other men then she looked at me like she had forgotten I was there and started talking about butterflies. Grownups are a little weird.

Then Aunt Suse said that she and Uncle Paul had tickets to go see My Fair Lady next week and Aunt Janie and Mom sighed at the same time and MY mother stood up and started to SING 'I could have danced all night, I could have danced all night' dancing around and doing motions to the song and then all three of them started laughing. I've never seen my mother do anything like that before.

Aunt Janie sighed again and asked them if they remembered seeing the play back in '57 and then the other two sighed and Mom said she had never, ever, still to this day seen anyone as sexy as that Edward Mulhare. They all agreed and nodded and swooned (I swear they did) and then Aunt Suze said that she hated them because they both got to meet Mr. Mulhare and she didn't because she had had to go to the ladies room. Then Aunt Janie started talking about how sexy he had been and tried to imitate this voice (I have no idea who they were talking about) and then she started to laugh really hard and told Mom that Captain Gregg would look sort of like him if he didn't have a beard and then Aunt Suse groaned and Mom turned red and then they all laughed. I still don't get it.

But Mom did go her little keepsake box and pulled out a picture of a very handsome man and I saw it was signed, to a dear lady from Edward Mulhare. And he did look a little bit like Captain Gregg only the Captain is much handsomer.

It's a little bizarre (another cool word I learned a few weeks ago) to think about your mother and her friends having a crush on someone like that. I mean it's just like me and Sarah liking Bobby Sherman or Davy Jones or something. So I'm not really listening for a minute then I hear Aunt Suse say something about Uncle Paul and Matt watching Adam-12 and how depressing the cop shows are and then again MY mother says, "yes they are however have you ever noticed what a tight butt that Kent McCord has?" I almost died, I did die actually. I think I still might be dead. Mothers do not say things like that, and certainly not out loud.

Aunt Suse shook her head and Aunt Janie said that "yeah he was one of the cutest — right up there with Chad Everett" and that was more than bizarre since I think that Chad Everett is so handsome and sometimes I daydream about him operating on me (okay, so I know he's not a doctor for real, but still...) And they like him? And think he's cute? And then it hits me. Oh my gosh, my mother (and her friends) are really people. I look around the room and see their snacks and I notice an open bag of make-up (with some really cool sparkly nail polish and then I notice that Mom has it painted on her toes!) and see that they have been looking through magazines — I see the corner of one that does have, of all people, Chad Everett in it and I suddenly feel cold all over. The room looks JUST like it does when Sarah and Betsy and I have sleepovers and get together and spend the night not sleeping. It's scary and cool all the same time to think about your mother this way.

I did go to bed shortly afterwards. Mom said they played Truth or Dare after I left and she wouldn't tell me what they asked, but I do know that Aunt Janie ended up having to wrap in a white sheet and stand out on the widow's walk for fifteen minutes and that a group of boys walking by (way past their curfews I'm sure) started running 'cause they thought she was a ghost!

The next day, they took me into town with them, where all three of them bought goofy sunglasses (a pair for me too) and bubble-gum. Then they proceeded to have a bubble blowing contest and I got so excited when Mom won I forgot to be embarrassed that my mother and her friends were acting that way.

Because, maybe I wasn't embarrassed, and I really think I'm not now. But I still will never get over the fact that my mother is not just my mother but she is a person — just like me. And that's cool. (But don't tell anyone I think so!)