Requiem For A Lost Sibling
This is a short story set in the same universe as my story Gossip Mode Style. For those familiar with that story it follows the series very closely with a few differences. In that story Justin knew about his mom being pregnant. I felt the needed to address that situation but decided it would be best to do it in a separate story. You can follow this story without reading the Gossip series.
This story is dedicated to everyone who has lost the child to a miscarriage or stillbirth. I have seen firsthand the pain that those situations can cause.
Summary: He wasn't supposed to know about the child his mom is-was carrying, but he did anyway. He wished he didn't. Because if he didn't know about the child's existence in the first place he wouldn't be mourning the loss of that existence now.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
Spoilers for episodes 4.12
Rated a light T for subject matter
Requiem for a Lost Sibling
He wasn't supposed to know his mom is - was pregnant. He was a teenage boy who loves to eavesdrop on every conversation. At the time, he was looking for information that may help get his aunt together with Daniel. He thought it was in his best interest to listen to his mom's conversation with his Aunt Betty.
That's when he found out he was going to be a Big Brother. He was in such shock that he pretended that he didn't hear it. His acting skills were wonderful because his mom never questioned his ignorance of the situation.
At first, he was angry. He was used to being an only child. He didn't want to compete with a new brother or sister. When he came home from school sick last week, he did it to prove that his mom still loved him. When his mom dropped everything and Bobby came over to feed him that horrible soup he knew things would be okay.
As he was preparing to audition for the special acting class, he started fantasizing about all the things he would do with his new brother or sister. He would pass on his love for the theater and all things Broadway. His new brother or sister would have the entire musical Hair Spray memorized by the time they were four. He would teach new brother or sister the philosophies of Cocoa Chanelle. His new brother/sister would be the best dressed preschool student ever.
In his mind, Justin had this picture of the perfect family. Bobby would be the dad he never had and he would get to be the big brother. He would protect his little sibling from the stupidity of others. He would make sure his new brother or sister was truly free to be themselves.
Then today that fantasy fell apart. He should have known something was up from his mom's body language. She looked completely miserable. Bobby looked worse. Everyone else in the house was walking on eggshells. The tension was horrible. They all thought he was too nervous about getting into the acting class to pick up on the change in atmosphere. However, he noticed everything.
He pushed it out of his mind when he got the phone call. He got into one of the preeminent acting classes in the country. He was happy. Before he could tell his entire family the good news, he overheard the revelation that shattered his illusions of a happy family.
His mom lost the baby. He didn't get the details but he knew enough to know it was a spontaneous miscarriage. Bobby tried to reassure her that they would still be a happy family regardless of the continued existence of the child that she was carrying. Justin wondered if it was just a pretty lie.
Justin wanted to go down there and make his mom feel better. He wanted to say everything was okay. He couldn't, he wasn't supposed to know about this child. Instead, he went down and put on a performance that proved he belongs in that acting class. He screamed for joy and ran down excitedly, still clutching his cell phone. He delivered the news just as eagerly as he was planning. He gave no indication that he knew the true situation. Just like his aunt, he was great at denial.
His grandpa prepared him his favorite dinner of low fat but tasty foods that night. His mom talked about how great he would Be In the class. Bobby talked about how great an actor he would be someday. His grandfather talked about how proud he was of his only grandchild.
It was just the four of them in the house because his aunt went back to her apartment in the city. The four sat around the table pretending as if nothing was wrong. They acted as if they were the perfect family
A few days later Justin sat in his ninth grade English class looking at his assignment. They were supposed to write a short poem freestyle about something going on in their life. He had so many emotions running in his head he didn't know what to write.
He hated high school. He was tired of the homophobic slurs. He was tired of people assuming he like guys because he actually cared about his appearance. Who he had a crush on was his business not theirs. He didn't need to call his female classmates nasty names to feel secure in his masculinity.
He didn't have any friends at school. At least he didn't have any friends that he was close enough to talk about the sibling thing.
He cannot talk to his mom about this. She has an even a knowledge that the baby existed to him. She was still under the delusion that he didn't know. However he did and now he was in just as much pain as she was. He thought about talking to Marc but hasn't been able to get into the city since he found out he wasn't going to be a big brother after all.
He stared at the paper again and decided may be if he couldn't tell anybody how we felt he could put it down and words. Just like his aunt, he was good at writing. It was just he was more likely to write a play than a magazine article. He was sure he could do freeform poetry just as well.
The words flowed from him quickly as if they magically appeared on the sheet of paper before he even wrote them down. 10 minutes later his poem was completed. He quickly made a copy in his notebook to keep for himself. He read through the assignment one more time before turning it in.
Requiem for a Lost Sibling
I didn't want you
Not at first
Things were fine the way they were
Nothing needed to change
Finally, I became aware
You would make things better
Not worse
I pictured happy family moments
Trips to the Jersey shore
Family Broadway nights
I would teach you the philosophy of Chanelle
I would protect you from the stupidity of man
It doesn't matter now
You died before given birth
You are another lost sibling
Another child that never existed
Yet was still loved
At first I didn't want you
Now I never will have the chance to meet you
This is a requiem for a lost sibling
A eulogy to a child that died before life
A child that was still loved
5 minutes after turning in the assignment his English teacher was crying. That afternoon when he arrived at the house, he will place the poem on his mother's pillow.