Authors Note: There will be a few of these appearing on this site over the next few weeks. I discovered that my laptop is begging me to free up some space. I'm terrible at space amangement and so... i'm going to finish all my partly written computer fics, mend thier broken wings, spinkle them with a little fairy dust and set them free into the ff universe. I hope they are all well received or even just enjoyed slightly.

This is the first to break out of the Batcave... treat it with respect, its been sat on my laptop since Callie and Arizona were getting married. Its anniversary rolled around and i just plain ignored it. It deserves some love.

xxxx Peace Love and Frowny Brownies xxxx

Closest to Heaven

She sat alone, pen in hand, head bent over a clear white sheet of paper, tears threatening to fall and as she sucked in a breath, she began.

Mom…

I miss you like I've had you all my life and these days without you are new… how is that possible?

It's been fourteen years now, things have changed a lot in my life, and some thing's have stayed the same. I know, you know, that I have four other children now. You've seen their faces smiling out of the front of the Christmas cards I make sure I send you every year. I also know that from these pictures you know, that I'm still happily married, to the love of my life. I know you don't approve of our relationship, and I know that you never will. That this letter is probably pointless, but never the less, the words are etched in my heart, and its hurting me to keep them around.

This letter, it wasn't my idea. No, this was all Arizona, sometimes she's hard to say no to, she's pushy and as much as it frustrates me, I know she does it because she cares. I wouldn't change her for the world.

I'm happy mom; I know you don't understand it. I know you'll never understand it, but I can't live my life to please you. I have to do what feels right for me, and as a mother, I can honestly say I don't understand how you could give up on me so easily. I get that you're scared, that you're ashamed, and it's taken me a long time to build up the courage to tell you this, but I'm ashamed too. I'm ashamed that you can't open your eyes and love me for who I am, a mothers love is supposed to be unconditional… I know mine is.

I think about you every day, although I've stopped hoping to hear from you. It took me a while but I had to let go a little, the sadness was consuming. Even though I haven't heard from you, you're still there. You're in every word of caution, every piece of wisdom I pass on to my kids, your presence lingers, sitting on my shoulder, whispering in my ear and helping me along.

They're beautiful… all of them. A perfect mixture of the good things Arizona and I both have to offer. To look at them apart it's hard to know that they're sisters, Sofia, Aubrey and Allie all with their dark hair, and my caramel complexion, Livvie and Joss the same porcelain features and blonde hair of their wonderfully perfect momma, but the moment they're together, you can see it…they're a family.

You can see it when Sofia is the first one to answer Joss's cries, slipping into her room and cradling her in in her arms, singing softly to her, calming her in a way that neither Arizona or I know how. You can see it when Aubrey, who struggled for so long to learn to tie her laces, displays patience as she bends to her knee and teaches Livvie, not once sighing in frustration, but offering a comforting hug and a simple remark of 'It's okay…You'll get it soon'. It's witnessing things like this that helps me cling to my faith.

That weekend you were here, you could have bit your tongue mom, smiled and pushed aside your idealistic concepts. You could have, for once, put your love for your daughter before your love for your God. I was kidding myself to think that you could accept my love, my family, my wife, but I've come to realise that I don't need, or long for your acceptance anymore. I just want you to know that I don't hate you either.

I pity you, more than anything. You've really missed out on something truly special. On your granddaughters, on watching them come into this world and grow into beautiful people. On your daughter being happier than she ever imagined, regardless of what you think mom, I've never felt so loved in all my life, so whole…

And so I'm writing you this letter mom, and it's filled with the hope that you get experience the kind of love my life is filled with every day. You are so worried that I'll never get to heaven, that I'll never experience the wonders of Our Lord but I'm worried that you've overlooked the wonders that he placed right before you. Because heaven is what you make it, mom… and my wife, and our daughters, they're the closest to heaven I'll ever need to be.

Yours always, Calliope x

She set down her pen on the polished oak and pushed against the frame, rolling her chair back enough to allow room to stand. Brushing her hands over her thighs and smoothing out the invisible creases from her pants. She allowed a deep inhale of freshly entered summer air to fill her lungs before she began to cross the room, heading for the door. Reaching for the handle, her fingers grasping the cold metal orb and pulling lightly, she freed the door from its frame and stepped out into the hallway.

Four doors facing each other on both sides of the walkway, each one swung open slightly, she began to walk slowly towards the first door, her head turning slightly to the left as she gazed over the threshold and in through the doorway.

Two singles separated by a bedside table, in each a child she thanked god for every day, one with mocha tresses that spread over the expanse of her pillow. A complete contrast to the short blonde locks of the girl opposite her, but bond between them visible even in their sleeping state, by their hands, fingers interlocked across the small gap between their respective spaces. The sight brought a tear to her eyes. She back stepped and continued along the hall, glancing in the next doorway where her two eldest children were lying flat on their stomachs, legs raised behind them, laughing and smiling as they stared into the same magazine. She smiled as she remembered her own childhood, how she and Aria would do the exact same thing; she missed that sisterly bond, but was proud that it was replicated by her daughters.

The third room was awash with the soft chimes of a lullaby that warmed her heart. Her wife standing over the large oak crib, her hands pulling the soft caress of the baby blanket around the sleeping frame of their newest addition. She watched in absolute adoration as the tips of her wife's' fingers traced the soft newness of a face they had known forever, they had seen in their dreams for months before she appeared before them, a vision, a blessing, and completely theirs. Stepping back as her wife approached her she opened her arms and allowed Arizona access to her chest. Wrapping her arms around the blonde and inhaling deeply the scent she had memorized after all these years, she smiled softly at how good this all felt.

'Did you finish your letter?' Arizona whispered softly, pulling her head back lightly from Callie's chest and meeting her chocolate brown gaze that glistened with constellations of tears that threatened to fall. Callie nodded softly and leaned in to her wife, noses meeting as she placed a soft kiss on her lips, before nuzzling into her wife's neck, content to just hold her, in the peacefulness the night had seen fit to offer them.

Night times were a struggle; a routine of madness, a single deviation could throw the entire night into a panic, into a rampage of racing feet and raised voices that could be heard at the bottom of the street, even on the loudest of wind filled nights.

Bath times could turn instantly from a calming end to the day, into a splash fest where the bubbles would cling to your hair and tickle your nose further heightening your frustration.

Bedtime stories could turn into a marathon, that would leave you aching after wandering the yellow brick road for miles and miles. But Callie knew she wouldn't change it for the world.

Things were never easy, but she embraced the challenge, after all, nobody said family life was ever simple, they just said it was worth it.

And if she ever forgot… ever felt too overwhelmed, then she would, in the silent hours when darkness allowed the stars to kiss the roof of their home, sit at the bottom of the stairs, one arm wrapped languidly around Arizonas waist, a head of golden curls spilling over her shoulder as they stared at the doorway.

The entrance littered with a mound of shoes, coats and various rain shields that symbolised the chaos that was their family life, and her gaze would find the glittering ruby red slippers they had bought for Sophia, the year she had finally been able to read her favourite book without her mothers' help. She would see them, sat at the doorway, tired and worn, scuffed at the toes from being the favourite item of footwear for four of the Torres girls so far. She would see them, despite their exhaustion… expectant and eagerly awaiting the adventures of the fifth… an eternal reminder for Callie and for her wife, that there really was no place like home.