It's been days since everything was over. Since she finally got back. It was still hard to imagine that she was indeed back in her own house, with her own family. Moira was still trying to adjust, none of this was easy. It just…wasn't. She couldn't sleep, her guard would be up at all times, both keeping her alert and exhausting her at the same time.
It was hard. At times, Moira would hear the chatter outside of her door, she'd hear the chirping birds outside of her window, little things like these playing with her head and confusing her. The images of deformed bodies and walking monsters plagued her waking and sleeping moments. She could not escape them, and they were waiting for her around each and every corner.
That's not how Moira imagined her adult life to become. She knew that there was always some risk involved by working at an organization like TerraSave, but she could never imagine that. None of it. The attack on the party, waking up locked up in that damp miserable cell, Gina dying, the monsters that came attacking them… It was everything she thought only belonged in the realm of nightmares.
It was only by a stretch of luck that she had people looking out for her, being around strong experienced people was the only reason she is alive today. Moira was glad that Claire could escape, as she was certain that she herself was going to die. Their ordeal finally coming to an end. But an end never came. On the contrary, her nightmare only continued, and survival became what she has done for four continuos months.
"Dad?"
He was better at dealing with these things than herself. Hell, he even decided willingly to pursue this career in hunting those monstrosities and all that crazy bullshit. Not only him, but others as well. Even Claire was a veteran in that by now. Everyone seems to be able to handle it and go through it time and time again. All but herself. Moira doubted that she would ever go back to being the person she was before all of this. Not while any bang made her jump, not when darkness meant that many things were waiting to come out and attack in the dead of the night.
At the same time, this harrowing experience was cleansing. It was during this time that her life made a turn. Facing death at every corner, Moira's mind began playing tricks on her. Images of her mother and sister would appear and disappear randomly. Memories would take her back in time, back when they were all one happy family. Back before she shot Polly and tore everything apart. Barry's death in these images and dreams was a horrible recurrence, she wished she would just up and die so that she does not have to go through it again and again.
"That time…. With Polly,"
A lump was forming in her throat, making it difficult to form coherent sentences. She knows that it was her fault, all of it. Because of her Polly could have died. Killed by her own sister. Moira always knew that it was her fault; she picked the gun and-
"I never… I'm sorry…"
Her shoulders shook as she tried to suppress the tears that were streaming down her face. She is entirely to blame for everything, and now, she is ready and willing to admit it. Her hands were dirty, being tossed in that hell hole was her retribution.