Infatuation
She saw him for the first time getting out of his father's car on the first day of school. She didn't even know his name. Didn't matter. Her breath caught. Time somehow slowed, stopped, caught up with itself again. The black leather jacket, the way he walked, the set of his shoulders. Her eyes locked on him and followed him across the parking lot, up the steps, and through the glass front doors of the school.
Adoration
Lost. He'd been basically lost all day, new school, his father's words from last night ringing in his ears, what he had said after he shoved the plate of food off the table. 'Pick it up,' Craig took deep breaths and vowed that it wouldn't happen again. He could be good. He couldn't find his classes, the halls were so crowded. Falling asleep in homeroom. Off to a great start. Then he saw Emma in the library. He'd just seen her the other day with Angela and only knew it was Emma because he overheard. He narrowed his eyes at her and her friend, the girl with the thick dark hair in braids, the pretty eyes. She wouldn't remember him. There was no way.
But Emma babysat Angela and if he talked to her he could probably get to see his sister. And he needed to talk to somebody. So he sauntered over, sat next to her, and she peered at him over the cover of her book. He glanced at the other girl, she was really pretty. And he noticed how she was looking at him. Lovesick.
Invitation
She stared at him and knew she should stop. Couldn't quite help it, felt out of control. Listened as he pieced together his history with Emma, and now she had a name and a connection. Craig. Joey's stepson. Emma had dragged her to that wedding five years ago and she didn't really remember seeing Craig there. So she had been eight and he had been nine. Children. That time was unconnected to this one. So she gazed at him, comfortable with the fact that he was paying attention to Emma. Emma invited him to Spike's party, and Manny felt something twist inside her as she waited for him to say yes. Or no. But his eyes lit up and he would go. He left them and Emma brought her hands up to her mouth, giggled that he would be coming tonight. Manny giggled with her and thought that they could share it now but soon it would be hers alone.
Interruption
It was nice. The adults drinking and laughing on the little porch. Coloring with the sidewalk chalk with his sister. Manny was near him. He could see her sneaker as he colored the dinosaur. He could see her sock, the smooth skin of her calf, the edge of her jeans. He heard her laugh and he liked that. And he felt at ease for once. He'd be home on time.
Called over, standing on the little porch, listening to the adults joke, listening to Angela talk in her sweet little voice. Eating a hotdog but just one, so he would still have room to eat dinner with dad. And then the red convertible pulled up, and he saw Joey driving, Joey getting out with the kite wrapped in wrapping paper, and he stepped toward his friends, and Angela's face lit up and she ran over, "daddy!" and everything went on but he moved to the end of the porch, tried to hide. Joey couldn't see him. He might tell his dad. He might call him, or, or, something. Something bad like that.
But despite hiding Joey saw him, and from the corner of his eye he saw Manny and Emma looking at him with that look, that look like they knew something was wrong. He hung his head. "I don't know why but your dad had made it clear that he doesn't want you hanging out with me or with Ang," Joey said and Craig's eyes widened in alarm. "You talked to him?" That was that. He was dead. And he'd have to go home and face it, being hit, being kicked, beaten. Dark scowl on his face. Why'd this have to happen? He started to leave but saw Manny's sad eyes right before he left.
Glimpses
The next day at school she saw him here and there, mostly looking down. Sitting on the stairs, staring at the money he held. She saw a band aid on his hand, knew it hadn't been there yesterday, wondered what happened. Emma talked to him but she didn't dare. Emma talked about why he left so suddenly and what she had overheard. Emma had talked to her, too. 'Craig's dad doesn't want him to see Joey or Angela,' and Manny had shrugged, not sure why he couldn't see his sister but aware that his mother, who had been Julia, had died.
So he was not only handsome but tragic, too. She saw something tragic in his downcast eyes. She wanted to talk to him but didn't dare. It was okay that Emma did. For now it was okay.
Valley Girls
Craig bounded down the stairs, feeling the dog collar chafe at his neck. His father would never have let him go to this dance or do anything. He kept comparing his life before to his life now. He couldn't help it. Joey watched him enter the kitchen with amusement, sat on the couch and sipped coffee or tea. "I thought you had a date?" Craig said, and headed for the refrigerator. "Cancelled," Joey said, "Story of my life," He watched Craig in the kitchen. "Who are you supposed to be?" he said. "Sid Vicious? The Sex Pistols?" Joey shook his head. "Not too cool in the 80's were you, Joey?"
Drinking soda before he left, trying on the fedora. "Anyone special going to be there?" Joey said and Craig thought about Manny, her dark eyes and sweet smile, her sexy voice. Emma's friend. "There is this one girl, but she won't be there,"
He didn't actually know that many people. Sean wouldn't be there. Emma and Manny wouldn't be. How was it that everyone he had met was in eighth grade? Walking toward the school, thinking that it looked funny at night, he heard his name, stage whisper. "Craig!" He looked down and to the left and saw Manny and Emma dressed up, and he smiled.
Unexpected
It was enough to be here, to see Craig as he walked around in that outfit of that rock star. Manny didn't know who he was dressed as and she didn't care. He looked, with that dog collar and the sleeveless t-shirt, he looked…indescribable. He snuck them in, and she saw the slight tip of the hat and the wink as he walked away. She couldn't breathe around him. Felt high without oxygen. And Emma looked good tonight and maybe Craig liked her. She talked to him more. She remembered him from Joey's wedding. She'd sort of helped Sean and Joey find him the night he ran away. Emma had told her about it in hushed tones, 'His father beats him, and he was breaking down his door when he was on the phone with Sean. He stood in front of the train, Sean said, and would have let it hit him but Sean dragged him out of the way. Then Joey and Sean found him in the cemetery at his mother's grave, but I knew he would go there. I told them to look there,' So maybe he loved Emma. If he did she would have to accept that.
Slow song, and Craig came over to them, and maybe she didn't want to get hurt so she told Emma he was coming to ask her to dance, and she saw Emma's eyes get all shiny and excited. Manny took a deep breath. She had to pull it together, even though her heart was breaking. She'd have to be happy for Emma.
"Manny, do you want to dance?" he said, and she was so surprised all she could say was, "Me?" Swallowed hard and looked at Emma's heartbreak, but Emma was a good friend, too. "Go. You two go. I'll stay here," She pushed them away and Manny took Craig's hand, walked out onto the dance floor like walking out on a tight rope. Glanced back at Emma. One of them would always be left behind.
Oblivious
Manny was a little scared but it was okay, so was he. He didn't look back at Emma like Manny did. He had no idea she liked him, too. The disco lights swirled around them, the music was soft and slow, and it felt nice to have her in his arms.
Fantasy
Stuck in school, all these boring hours. Manny filled some of them by thinking about Craig. The dance. The way he had tipped his hat and winked. The feel of his arms around her on the dance floor. The lights shining in her eyes. Maybe he was in love with her. Like she loved him. Maybe he wanted more.
She wrote his name on the back of her notebooks but it wasn't enough. Somehow it wasn't enough. She saw him in her mind's eye, giving her a single red rose, stopping at her locker, kissing her lips. The words trembling on his lips, the emotion in his eyes, "Manny, I think I love-" Always cut off by some unpleasant reality. Ashley Kerwin, that goth chic in grade nine. He was always talking to her, leaning against her locker. But in class, the thick gold sunlight falling in through the windows, the teacher's voice a soft comfortable drone, she saw Craig dressed up, reaching out for her, giving her gifts and kisses and his eyes, the way he looked at her, just like he did that night at the dance.