A/N: I was talking with a couple of my friends when I got this idea. A few of my online friends and I made up a parody of the Power Rangers that we're a part of, and somehow we got the idea of doing the same thing for the SSB characters. Since our parody group was treated non-seriously and all of us were one-dimensional and OOC, the characters representing "us" will be very OOC as well.
Also, this story will not have a consistent update schedule, if it is even updated at all. It will only get updated if I get inspiration to write for it.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this story.
*! *!
It was an ordinary day in the Smash universe. The sun was shining and the fighters were brawling. Everything was as it usually was.
Down in the Smash mansion's wine cellar, Marth and Robin were locked in an intense match of chess. But they were focused less on their match and more on tuning out a very hyperactive Pit, who had eaten too much floor ice cream and was now on a sugar rush. On the other side of the wine cellar, Shulk was lecturing Little Mac for being too normal and a chump.
"All I'm saying is that you have to try harder, okay?" Shulk said, an exasperated look on his face. "Everyone else does so much for the team. You have to step it up, too!"
"Give me a break, already, I'm doing my best," Little Mac complained. It wasn't his fault that he hadn't any special powers while the others did! Shulk was too demanding. And British.
Just then, a loud thump resounded throughout the wine cellar, followed by several objects clattering to the floor. Pit had run into Marth and Robin's chess table, knocking it to the ground and sending the pieces flying everywhere.
"Heh … whoops!" Pit rubbed the back of his head sheepishly and flashed the swordsmen a grin. "So! Who was winning – gah!"
The white-winged angel fled the wine cellar when Robin threw the chessboard at him and began screaming, while Marth grumbled about how he was a Japanese major and it was beneath him to pick up chess pieces. Little Mac marveled at how Robin was normally a calm person, but he would fly into a rage whenever Pit was involved. But their amazing leader, Shulk, didn't see the problem with either Pit annoying Robin or Robin going into a violent rage towards Pit.
"Guys! Guys! You guys!" Zelda came tearing into the room, waving a manga in the air. "I can't believe it! This manga is completely inaccurate in every way! What happened in Ocarina of Time is actually –"
"No! Spoilers!" Shulk shouted, just as Pit plowed right into Zelda and knocked her over – cutting her off mid-sentence. He didn't stop to say sorry, though, because Robin was now shooting thunderbolts at him. Shulk, however, remained oblivious to the mayhem. "You always spoil everything!"
"Well, hurry up and finish volume one already," Zelda huffed. She was slightly miffed that Pit had pushed her down, and even more annoyed that she wouldn't be able to talk about Ocarina of Time while Shulk was present.
Shulk was about to reply, but then the doorbell sounded and shifted his attention. "Who could that be?"
"Oh! My package! It's finally here!" Zelda exclaimed, gathering up her skirt and running out of the wine cellar to the front door.
Robin, who had reverted to his usual self now that Pit was gone, let out a groan. "That's got to be her Link figurine she ordered about a month ago. It got delayed, and then she complained about it to me all week."
"Did she order it from Japan?" Marth asked. When Robin nodded in response, the prince went on, "Good. I would've been terribly appalled if she'd got it from any other place. As a Japanese major, I know that their products are far superior."
"Yeah, but she used all of our hard-earned coins from battle!" Little Mac protested. "And now we're flat broke because of it!"
And then, they all heard it – the sound of a packaged object clattering onto the tiled floor. It should've been impossible to hear, as the main entrance was quite some distance from the wine cellar, but they'd trained themselves to be able to hear that one specific sound. It was the sound of one of Zelda's prized figurines being dropped on the ground, and they knew that she was going to be angry.
"Oh no, he dropped it," Robin said, palming his face.
"Quick! We need to stop Zelda before she does anything we'll regret!" Shulk yelled, and he took off in the direction of the front door.
"And we just started getting the mail delivered to our place again, too, now Zelda's going to scare this one away," Mac bemoaned as he and the others followed their leader.
*! *!
Far from the Smash mansion, deep in the heart of Subspace, Ganondorf was furious that his latest plans to take over the Smash universe had failed yet again. How could it be that mere mortals – children, at that – could thwart him so handily? It couldn't be through any fault of his own; rather, his incompetent henchmen were entirely to blame!
Bowser was also in a terrible mood. Not only had Ganondorf placed the blame for their continued failures in taking over the world on him, but his minions had brought him the wrong cupcakes! The pink frosted ones that Peach always made were his favorite, but the fools had brought him double chocolate chip instead!
"Those mortals may believe they have won, but this is only the beginning," Ganondorf growled as he peered into his crystal ball. "Bowser! What do you have planned in order to destroy those pesky Monado Rangers once and for all?"
"It's brilliant, Lord Ganondorf!" Bowser crowed, laughing as he mentally reviewed his plan. "Everyone in the Smash universe, including the Monado Rangers, depends on the Smash Ball to unleash their full potential. Once I send DeDeDe to steal all of the Smash Balls, they will be powerless and we will have all that power to ourselves! We cannot possibly fail!"
"Excellent." Ganondorf let out a low, menacing laugh. "Soon … soon, our plans to take over the universe will be realized."
*! *!
"Let me at him! Let me at him! I'm going to kill him for dropping my Link figurine –"
Marth and Little Mac held back a furious Zelda while Robin sighed and Pit observed the mayhem from the safety of the manor. The poor villager looked so terrified. He had only volunteered to deliver the mail so that he'd have something to do in-between battles, and because it reminded him of home. Now he was face-to-face with a very angry customer … and all he'd done was accidentally drop her package!
"I'm terribly sorry about her," Shulk said with a quick bow of the head. "She's usually very nice, but is kind of a violent maniac when it comes to her figurines. She really kind of scares me, you know?"
Robin grabbed him by the sleeve and dragged him back inside the mansion; Shulk wasn't helping matters at all. Little Mac followed close behind the tactician, with Zelda kicking and screaming in his arms. Marth trailed after them once he apologized to the villager and retrieved the package from the ground.
Once they were all inside Marth handed Zelda her package and she immediately calmed down, tearing open the wrapping and admiring the Link figurine inside. Shulk, Pit, Little Mac, Robin, and Marth all sighed at another crisis averted. Zelda's violent rage towards mailmen who dropped her deliveries her items had earned all of them a restraining order from the post office, so it was only on rare occasions that they ever got mail.
"We need to do something about her," Shulk complained. "Or else we'll be banned from everything!"
"This would all be resolved if we did not keep giving her money to fuel her obsessions!" Marth glared at the others. "One does not need to be a Japanese major to realize that all of you are enabling her!"
"Don't look at me, I'm not the one who gives her any coins," Robin muttered.
"But she's scary and she glared at me!" Pit whined. "Don't look at me like that, Robin! She's so violent! And scary! You would've give her your coins if it were you!"
"She bit me and wouldn't stop until I gave her some of my funds," Little Mac muttered, ignoring the commotion starting up behind him. "What's your excuse, Shulk?"
"Hey, tears are my weakness and she knows that! I can't say no to people when they are crying!" Shulk retorted. He didn't seem at all concerned about Pit, who was clinging onto Robin's leg, and the tactician's various attempts to pry him off.
Just that moment, a low-pitched siren sounded throughout the mansion and alarm lights flashed red. The six fighters snapped to attention and exchanged looks. It was the Ranger Signal, a sure sign that something was wrong.
"Quick! Everyone to the wine cellar!" Shulk shouted. "We have to find out what's going on!"
It took less than a minute for them to reach the bottom of the staircase leading to the wine cellar, but Little Mac – who had been leading – suddenly tripped and fell to the ground. A painful-sounding crunch accompanied his meeting with the tiled floor, along with a series of irritated beeps. Robin, who had been right behind Little Mac, barely stopped before he, too, stumbled over whatever Little Mac had.
"What's with the holdup?" Zelda demanded. "We have to see Master Hand! Little Mac, stop lying around!"
"I tripped on something," the boxer groaned. "Can somebody help me up?"
Shulk skirted around Little Mac and pressed a series of buttons near the bottom of the staircase, turning off both the alarms and the flashing lights. Once the wine cellar was illuminated normally, they all saw the object that had unbalanced Little Mac – eliciting a series of groans from everyone.
"R.O.B., I should've known." Marth shook his head. "But even a Japanese major brilliant as I couldn't have foreseen this."
"You jerk!" Pit stomped his feet, accidentally stepping on Shulk's foot in the process. "Why were you trying to trip us up like that?"
The robot let out several angry beeps and rotated its arms in rapid motion, until it finally rolled away in a huff. The Monado Rangers merely stared at it blankly, unsure what it'd said or even what to do.
"So, uh …" Robin let out a cough, breaking the uncomfortable silence that had descended upon them. "We should see what Master Hand wants."
"Oh yeah, right!" Shulk immediately turned to the control panel in the corner of the room and pressed a few buttons. Seconds later, the holographic image of Master Hand popped up above the control panel.
"Yo! Almighty hand! What seems to be the problem?" Pit greeted.
Master Hand, the powerful entity who had been the one to give them their powers, began signaling a message to the group using his fingers … much to everyone's consternation, as none of them knew sign language.
"What is he saying? I am a Japanese major, not a sign language major," Marth grumbled.
"None of us can understand him," Robin snapped, tired of hearing the prince mention his area of expertise so many times.
"Hold on, guys, let me set up the translation system," Shulk said. He began messing with the control panel and did his best to pretend that he didn't see Master Hand flipping them all off. "Okay, there we go!"
"I wonder why we can't just keep the translator on at all times," Zelda said to Little Mac. "It's not like any of us will learn sign language, so why do we keep turning it off between sessions?" Little Mac shrugged.
"Monado Rangers, can you hear me?" Master Hand's loud, authoritative voice echoed throughout the wine cellar. "We have a situation at hand." Pit giggled at the unintended pun, but shut up once Robin smacked him in the arm. "Bowser and Dedede have stolen all the Smash Balls and plan to harness their power to take over the universe. We cannot let them get away. You must stop them!"
"Not the Smash Balls!" Little Mac shouted. "Without their power I'm just an ordinary and normal – uh, I mean, that's terrible!"
"I can't use my Light Arrows without the power of the Smash Balls! And I can't let that Ganondorf harness their power either!" Zelda grabbed Robin by the shoulders and shook him. "Do you have any idea how bad that will be?"
"I don't know, I think I'd be fine not seeing Chrom show up every time I have a Smash Ball … and some times when I don't," Robin said.
"Smash Balls! Ha, I laugh at Smash Balls! I don't need Dunban and Riki stealing any of my spotlight whenever we –" Shulk trailed off once he saw the exasperated looks he was receiving from everyone. "I mean those fiends! We can't let them get away with this!"
"Yeah! Time to regain the Three Sacred Treasures!" Pit cheered.
Out on the streets, Ness and Toon Link were walking past the mansion. All of a sudden, Ness turned to Toon Link and asked, "What time is it?"
"It's smashin' time!" Shulk yelled, as if prompted by Ness's question. "Monado Rangers, assemble!"
Shulk, Zelda, Robin, Little Mac, Pit, and Marth drew their transformation devices. Then, they jumped in the air and were bathed in light of their respective colors.
"MONADO BLACK – POWER OF BEING A JAPANESE MAJOR!"
"MONADO GREEN – POWER OF EATING FOOD OFF THE FLOOR!"
"MONADO PINK – POWER OF BEING A LINK FANGIRL!"
"MONADO YELLOW – POWER OF FORMULATING INSANE STRATEGIES!"
"MONADO BLUE – POWER OF BEING ORDINARY!"
"MONADO RED – POWER OF SEEING VISIONS OF THE FUTURE!"
At the end of their transformation, the Monado Rangers performed a back flip and struck a pose. They were dressed in uniforms that bore a strong resemblance to the outfits worn by the Mii Fighters, in each of their respective colors.
"So … how long do we have to stay like this?" Pit, who had both arms up in the air and one leg off the ground, asked.
"We should … probably go now, you know?" Zelda pointed out, relaxing her stance as Pit toppled over and onto Robin – knocking them both down.
"Oh, right … we're on a mission." Shulk raised the Monado – his signature sword after which the group was named – into the air, paying no attention to Robin beating Pit over the head with his tome. "It's time for us to smash some things! Warp us to Bowser!"
And with those words, the Monado Rangers vanished from the wine cellar in a rainbow-colored beam of light.
*! *!
When they found themselves on solid terrain once again, the Monado Rangers saw that they were at a deserted park. It was to no one's surprise why the park was deserted either – Dedede was waddling around like he owned the place, a burlap sack over his shoulder. But then, his robes got stuck in a bush and the penguin swore as he tried to pull free. The Monado Rangers seized the opportunity to strike!
"Halt, villain! Your wrongdoings end here!" Shulk cried out as he and his fellow Rangers assembled in front of Dedede. "Return the Smash Balls to the good people of the Smash universe, or face the wrath of the Monado Rangers!"
"That's what you think, Monado Red!" Dedede laughed. "You pesky Rangers will never get through my army!" With a grandiose sweep of his arm, Dedede summoned Goombas and Waddle Dees to distract his enemies until he could untangle his robes from the bush and retreat. But before he could so much as turn his head, his army had been obliterated. "What! You … but … how could you beat my army?" he sputtered. "Bah! N-no matter! I am not done with you yet!"
Dedede reached into his sleeve and drew a remote controller, then pressed the button. A large, heavy object dropped down from the sky and landed between the Monado Rangers and Dedede. Glowering at its enemies, it let out a loud, piercing roar. The gust produced by the flapping of its massive wings made it hard for the Rangers to stand their ground.
"No …! It's the Meta Ridley-Bot!" Zelda shouted. She was clinging onto Shulk for dear life so that she wouldn't be carried away.
"That thing is huge!" Pit exclaimed, his own wings flapping as he hovered in the air. "It's bigger than I thought it would be!"
"Aw man, why is everything bigger than me?" Little Mac whined.
"I care not for its size," Marth said, drawing Falchion from its sheath. "This Meta Ridley-Bot is a dragon, and it is my sworn duty as a Japanese major to slay evil dragons!"
"But Japanese majors don't …" Robin cut his own sentence short, realizing how futile it was to argue with Marth. "Never mind. I have a plan … I think. But we'll need to work together to take him down."
"Just tell us what to do, you're the tactician!" Shulk said. "Hey, Meta Ridley-Bot! Do you hear that? Prepare yourself to face the strength of the Monado Rangers!"
Robin immediately began directing the team while the others hurried to follow his orders. Zelda and Pit distracted the Meta Ridley-Bot with their magic spells and arrows, keeping its attention away from Robin, who was charging up a Thoron spell. Little Mac launched Shulk into the air and onto Meta Ridley-Bot's head. Before it could shake him off, Shulk stabbed the dragon with as much force as he could muster. The Meta Ridley-Bot let out a shriek of pain, and Robin fired a Thoron spell into its open mouth as Shulk clambered off its head. The dragon collapsed belly up, and Marth took the opportunity to stab the Meta Ridley-Bot in the chest with Falchion. Their enemy incapacitated, the Monado Rangers regrouped around Marth.
"Is it done?" Little Mac inquired, his voice accompanied by the sound of his teammates breathing heavily.
As if to answer his question, the Meta Ridley-Bot suddenly let out a ferocious roar and flew into the air. The Monado Rangers jumped back, startled, their gazes trained on the dragon as it circled the air angrily.
"Our attacks didn't do anything!" Pit groaned and flopped onto the ground, as if he were conceding defeat. "And I'm tired to boot, too."
"Get up! This isn't over yet!" Robin snapped, shooting a gust of Elwind at the angel that catapulted him into a nearby tree. "… But he's right about one thing – it's too strong. We need a new plan."
"Curse that thing!" Shulk growled, shaking his fist at the Meta Ridley-Bot. "We need to stop it and get the Smash Balls back from Dedede!"
"Hey, speaking of Dedede … where is he anyway?" Little Mac piped up.
"Look!" Pit shouted from his vantage point – draped across a tree branch. "He's getting away!"
"No!" Marth gasped. "We cannot let him escape! One does not need to be a Japanese major to know that!"
"Just leave it to me!" Pit, who somehow didn't seem to be at all uncomfortable with his position, nocked an arrow and let it fly. Although it missed Dedede by several inches, it was enough to unbalance him and slow him down. A single Smash Ball floated out of his sack.
"A Smash Ball!" Zelda cried, pushing past the others and running towards it. "It may be our only chance!"
Dedede's jaw dropped open once he saw the Smash Ball floating around the park and he ran after it, sack still slung over his shoulder. "Argh! No! Bowser is going to be so angry with me if I don't get that Smash Ball!"
Realizing that she was too far away to reach the orb by foot, Zelda charged up Din's Fire and let it fly in the direction of the Smash Ball – and not a moment too soon. Right when Dedede was about to grab the Smash Ball, an explosion of fire sent him reeling back and destroyed the orb, transferring the power locked within it to Zelda.
"All right! She got one!" Shulk cheered, casting Monado Speed on Marth to help him dodge the Meta Ridley-Bot's attacks. "Now! Zelda! Your orders are to beat Dedede and get the rest of the Smash Balls back!"
"You got it!" With the power of the Smash Ball running through her body, Zelda formed a bow of golden light in her hands and fired a light arrow directly at Dedede – hitting him squarely and sending him flying into the distance. As he hurtled through the skies, he lost his grip on the sack full of Smash Balls, releasing all of them into the park.
"I've got it!" Robin exclaimed. "Everyone, grab a Smash Ball! We'll use their powers to weaken the Meta Ridley-Bot!"
The Monado Rangers wasted no time following Robin's commands. They each grabbed a Smash Ball – except for Zelda – basking momentarily in the flow of power before letting it manifest. Pit flew circles around the Meta Ridley-Bolt as he assaulted it with the power of the Three Sacred Treasures. A super-powered Little Mac smacked the dragon around with his punches while Shulk literally threw Riki at it. Robin summoned Chrom, whom he directed to team up with Marth. The two princes pierced Meta Ridley-Bot's chest with the full force of their Falchions before Chrom, along with Dunban and Riki, vanished.
"Did we win yet?" Pit asked, rejoining the others on the ground.
"No, but we've weakened it," Zelda replied, panting. "I'm not sure … how much longer I can keep this up."
"That thing just won't stay down, it's quite possibly the second most stubborn dragon I've ever known of," Marth muttered.
"So …" Little Mac scratched the back of his head. "What now?"
"I think we're going to have to call in the PokeZords!" Shulk said, and raised the Monado into the air. The blade of the sword extended and shot a beam of blue light into the sky. A few seconds later, the sound of a stampede could be heard nearing the Monado Rangers' location. The Charizord, the Jigglyzord, the Pikazord, the Lucarizord, the Yoshizord, and the Greninzord appeared in the distance, rushing towards the Monado Rangers, then they leapt into the air and combined to form the Halberd. The six wasted no time entering the Halberd and taking their positions.
"Monado Rangers, get ready for battle," Shulk ordered.
"Yuck! Why is there's gum on my panel?" Little Mac complained, poking it with a look of disgust. "Who put it here?"
"If it disgusts you so, then stop touching it," Marth said. "Honestly, it does not take a degree in logic to figure that out!"
"Ah, I love it when we get to break out the Halberd!" Pit let out a sigh and leaned back in his seat, placing his feet on the control panel. "Ooh, it's so roomy in here!"
Robin had a tight grip on his tome, as if he were barely resisting the need to throw it at Pit's head. "Shulk. Why do I have to be next to him again?"
"Enemy Meta Ridley-Bot at twelve o' clock!" Zelda warned the others. "He's coming for us!"
"You guys know what to do!" Shulk said. "Robin! Zelda! Barrage him with magic spells from the cannons! Little Mac, keep a close eye on our shield meter and make sure we can block his fireballs. Marth, prepare the main cannon. We've only one chance to blast him in the face! Pit if you touch that self destruct button so help me –"
"Uh, Shulk, bad news!" Little Mac spoke up. "The Halberd's shielding power is at low capacity! We're not going to be able to ward off his attacks any longer!"
"What! But how is that possible? Marth, you and Pit were supposed to be make sure that the Halberd was running at full power!" Shulk glared at them.
"But I made sure to do everything right!" Pit protested. "I even told Marth to calibrate the control system!"
"You didn't tell me to calibrate it, you told me to castigate it," Marth corrected. His regal demeanor, even in the face of danger and imminent doom, was unflappable. "You should choose your words more carefully."
Pit let out a nervous laugh and rubbed the back of his neck, as Shulk's forehead met his control panel and Robin hurled his tome at the angel's head. Zelda and Little Mac both narrowed their eyes in exasperation, but neither could claim that they were too surprised.
"Don't worry, guys, I took some time to install a new weapon onto the Halberd," Zelda said. "But … it might take some time before I can get it in position …"
"Shulk, the main cannon is ready," Marth said.
"Okay, new plan!" Robin cleared his throat to get everyone's attention. "Marth will fire the cannon at the Meta Ridley-Bot, as Shulk said he should. Zelda, if the cannon isn't enough to defeat him, would it at least give you enough time to prepare your weapon?" She responded in the affirmative. "Then do that. Start now, even. We have to take him down now. Shulk, is this all right with you?"
"You're the tactician, not me." Shulk clapped his hands decisively. "All right, you heard him! I'll use the Monado's power to shield the Halberd from Meta Ridley-Bot's attacks. Marth, fire the cannon once you have an opening! Little Mac, I hope you know how to fly this thing. Good luck!"
Much to Little Mac's dismay, he got relegated to pilot duties while Shulk used Monado Shield to ward off fireballs and other projectiles. Robin tried to help him steer, but wasn't of much use either. Pit was spinning around in his seat while Marth waited for an opening – and then, there was one. Marth fired the main cannon immediately, blasting the dragon right in the face.
A cloud of smoke from the cannon firing obscured Little Mac's vision, making him lose what little control he had. Shulk hurried over, pushed Little Mac out of the way, and took over piloting the Halberd. There was a tense silence as everyone waited to see whether their enemy had survived. Just when they were about to declare victory, the Meta Ridley-Bot shot through the smoke and gripped the Halberd in its claws, roaring angrily at the Monado Rangers inside.
"Now!" Zelda cried, launching the weapon that she had been prepping the entire time – a gigantic sword with an extremely sharp blade. It swung in an arc above the Halberd and sliced through the Meta Ridley-Bot, taking several parts of the Halberd along with it and scratching up its bottom. The dragon released its hold on the Halberd and fell out of the sky to the ground, finally defeated.
"We did it!" Little Mac shouted, accidentally flinging one of his boxing gloves into the air. "It's over! We did it!"
"The dragon is defeated, and we emerge victorious," Marth said softly in Japanese. "But of course, no one can best us."
"And it was all because of my brilliant leadership skills!" Shulk boasted. "Oh, and we got lucky because you decided to install your new super weapon as well, Zelda. Way to go!"
"Why thank you!" The princess beamed. "But I can't take full credit for it. I got the idea from –"
"No! Spoilers!"
Pit laughed at the exchange between Shulk and Zelda, a goofy grin on his face. "I think it's about time we go home and celebrate!"
"Uh, guys?" Robin had a concerned expression on his face. "I think Zelda's 'ultimate weapon' accidentally took out several integral parts of the Halberd … how are we going to get down?"