Starducks
By Sharan McQuack, Launchpad's wife
Life is like a hurricane dep't: Sorry if these two stories were delayed due to Hurricane Irene, I couldn't get to the library on Saturday because of her.
One day, a bunch of ex-astronauts came to Launchpad and my house to make Launchpad a proposal. They were out of a job now that NASA is only using brave little toasters (probes) to explore space. Which nobody cares about, but it's not like NASA don't know that.
"We're sick of relaying on NASA. The space shuttle was a lemon, anyway. TWO of them exploded, killing everybody aboard. Too often it's been delayed due to fallen off tiles, leaky fuel systems, all sorts of junk." their spokesdog began.
It's way too clear to us that the big brains at NASA are insanely jealous of us for getting to go when they don't want to and for getting the attention when we are willing to "bell the cat" and they aren't." Spokesdog continued.
You designed the Thunderquack, which can fly into space like a plane, with the right fuel. We want to buy it from you. Buy the design, too. Start our own space program, no NASA, no government, just us. " The spokedog for the astronauts said.
"How are you going to pay for all this?" Launchpad asked.
""We'll sell posters and buttons and Jr. Astronaut stuff. We'll start a club with dues and a museum- anything to raise funds. Once we're going, we can sell better weather forecasts, rides on the ship even." Spokesdog replied.
"You guys have read "The Man who Sold the Moon"(1), haven't you?" I asked.
"Too bad that didn't happen. But maybe it can now." Launchpad said.
"You know, Launchpad, this might be a way for Mr. McDee to get back his treasures a LOT faster...and who'd expect him to use a spaceship to get to them or get back?" I suggested. "A lot of the treasures he's trying to recover, he originally found in places like Australia and China that it takes 16 or 20 hours to fly to from the US. How long would it take to get there from the US if we flew into sub orbit and back down?
"About two to four hours. (2) Launchpad replied. "With no sonic booms, neither. And it's kind of hard to steal from us if we can go suborbital."
SO...Launchpad spoke to Mr. McDuck.
"Hmm. A lot of people in the US would like to visit Australia or China, but don't because the flight is too long. And once this is a going concern, the price of flying there will go down. And it would save me a lot of time on my treasure hunt. Launchpad, you given me an opportunity for a good investment, here." Mr. McDuck said. "We'll call it Starducks Airlines."
Launchpad told the ex-astronauts about this. The idea, of course, was to use the profits from the "normal" suborbital flights from US to China or Australia or Russia to finance space flights to Mars or where ever.
Later...
"I need to recover some priceless Ming vases I bought in China, which returned back to where I got them, along with the rest of my treasures. But...do you remember that walled city we left Sen Sen ruling?" Mr. McDuck asked Launchpad.
"Topa? Sure. What about it? That was centuries ago." Launchpad asked.
"You, me, Bubba and the boys are the only ones who know about that ancient city. It was in the same general area I bought those vases in. What if, as long as we're there, we do a little digging and find the ruins of Topa?" Mr. McDuck suggested.
"Find the ruins of an ancient city nobody's else ever heard of? That would be something, wouldn't it? In my journal, I wrote down the latitude and longitude of where we landed, since I didn't know WHEN we were. We walked east from there. So I can look it up in my journal where we landed and we'll know it's walking distance east from there. That should help narrow things down." Launchpad replied.
"Do you think we should bring Bubba along? Do you think he could help find Topa?" Mr. McDuck inquired.
"Do you trust Bubba near priceless Ming vases?" Launchpad asked.
"Some people might ask that question about YOU." Mr. McDuck pointed out.
"YOUR opinion is the only one that counts here. Do YOU trust me or don't you? Because I'd ask the boys and not Bubba. They were there, too and are more likely to help and less likely to break things." Launchpad replied.
THEREFORE...
"Boys, do you remember the walled city of Topa? How would you like to come with me and try to find it's ruins?" Mr. McDuck asked.
"Ruins? We were there, like three years ago." said Louie, who was having a "duh" minute. We all have those occasionally.
"Dummy! We traveled back in time! That was centuries ago!" Dewey snapped.
"Do nah call your brother a dummy. You were all at the city of Topa a few years ago, he can be forgiven for forgetting we used the Time Machine to get there and that it was centuries ago that city existed." Mr. McDuck said.
"Sorry, Louie." Dewey muttered.
"We get to go on a real dig? Oh boy!" Huey said.
"Do you think you can help me FIND the place? Everything will have changed." Mr. McDuck asked.
"Except the mountains! They should be about the same! And we climbed up them, so we got a good look at them!" Louie said, wanting to make up for his momentary denseness.
"Louie, that's a great idea! The mountains are the one thing that will have hardly changed at all in centuries!" Dewey said, who wanted to mend fences with his brother.
"But what if somebody's built over where Topa used to be?" Huey asked.
"I don't think so. I bought some Ming Vases in a small village north of there and it's the only habitation in the area. Nothing but empty elsewhere in that area." Mr. McDuck replied.
"Launchpad will be flying us there. We're going in an unconventional manner, via sub orbit. We'll fly straight up, diagonally towards China, then diagonally down again. It'll only take about 4 hours instead of the usual 20." Mr. McDuck said.
The boys found out just how unconventional this trip was going to be, later.
"The Thunderquack! We get to ride in the Thunderquack!" the boys cheered. (3)
"Why didn't you put any doors in this thing?" Mr. McDuck asked Launchpad.
"To make it harder for the Bad Guys to break into it. They'll waste time looking for doors that don't exist." Launchpad explained.
And he unlocked the Thunderquack. Once it was unlocked, he could access a hidden switch that made the Thunderquack's "beak" open and it's "tongue" ramp lower down.
"See? No need for doors." Launchpad said, pleased with his own cleverness.
"I only found out about this yesterday. I didn't have time to design, let alone build another craft. I'm not even sure what to call them, they're not jets, or planes and I don't want to call them shuttles." Launchpad said.
"How's about skyclippers?" I suggested.
"Good enough." Launchpad replied.
So, we boarded the Thunderquack.
"We're going into outer space and we don't even need a launch pad! " Huey said.
"Of course we need Launchpad! Somebody's got to fly this thing! Besides, without Launchpad, who would buy the comic book?" I asked. (4)
The trip was oddly enough, uneventful. We flew up diagonally towards China until we exited the blue and entered the black, then back down diagonally towards China.
"Can't you hurry this up? Time is Money!" Mr. McDuck snapped.
He had apparently forgotten just how long this trip normally takes.
"If you're really in a hurry, I can make a splash landing. That way I can use the force of reentering Earth's atmosphere for more speed." Launchpad suggested.
"Do it, then." Mr. McDuck ordered.
So, Launchpad did so, and soon we splashed down into the ocean off the coast of China. And went under water.
'WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" screamed Mr. McDuck, in full panic mode.
"Relax, Mr. McDuck. The Thunderquack is fully submersible. Launchpad's just cooling it off before going back up." I said.
"Sorry, Mr. McD. I forgot to tell you the Thunderquack can go under water, didn't I?" Launchpad asked, shamefaced.
"This thing is a sub, too?" Dewey asked.
"I wanted to be able to go anywhere in it." Launchpad shrugged.
"Which is why the Thunderquack can land on snow or ice without skies, on water without pontoons, can fly like a plane, go into outer space, or be a sub." I said.
I am very proud of my Launchpad and I don't care who knows it, either.
Once the Thunderquack had cooled down, up we went, flying like a normal jet until we landed pretty as you please in the proper area of China.
"This is about the spot. It's not like I can see the tracks I left when I landed here...4 or 5 thousand years ago. We walked seven hills east of here...the hills should still be there, I would think." Launchpad said.
"Let's get walking, then. We'll walk east for seven hills and then look around." Mr. McDuck snorted.
We did so.
"Mr. McDee? See that mountain with the funny looking cliff? I'm not sure, but I think it's the same one me and the boys climbed to re-freeze the bomblastium." Launchpad said.
"He's right, Unca Scrooge! Some of the cliff has fallen down, but it's the same mountain, all right!" Huey said.
Dewey and Louie concurred. So, we soon started digging, slowly and carefully, looking for the ruins of Topa.
HOWEVER...news of the this sub orbit trip to China had somehow made it's way to the net. And some local bad guys,China's answer to the Beagle Boys were VERY interested in what Scrooge McDuck was up to in "their" neck of the woods. Let's call them the Lhasa Apso boys, OK?
The Lhasa Apso boys often hide out from the law in the mountains in this area of China. They attack travelers and merchants who pass the mountains, and occasionally raid cities on the other side of the mountains. I wouldn't be surprised if some of them are descendants of the bandits who used to harass Topa.
The Lhasa Apso boys watched our heroes from a safe distance. The Lhasa Apso boys recognized Scrooge McDuck, of course. Seeing our heroes carried nothing of value and were digging, the Lhasa Aspo boys realized our heroes were looking for artifacts. The Lhasa Apso boys quickly hit on the "wait until the treasure is found, then steal it" strategy. Great minds think alike.
At first our heroes found junk: pottery shards, bits of glass, bones...then...
"Aha! Here's a priceless treasure!" Mr. McDuck said.
"It's just some stone tablets!" Huey said.
It was his turn to have a "duh" moment.
"Yeah, but they got something WRITTEN on them. Must be something pretty important to bother engraving it in stone." Launchpad said. "Too bad we can't READ it."
"Ah, but I can! Sen Sen taught me how to read their language, while I was there!" Mr. McDuck said. "This is a history of Topa, starting from right after we left, from the beginning of her rule over the city! "
"What happened to her, anyway?" Dewey asked.
"Says here, a traveling merchant duck came to Topa and he and Sen Sen fell in love. Sen Sen feared she could not marry him, for he was a commoner. But he pointed out only SHE knew that and she hardly had to tell anybody else." Mr. McDuck began translating.
"The merchant had previous dealings with the bandits of the mountains, he bought and sold to them so they would leave him be. He found them, still frightened and running from the iron giant that walked." Mr. McDuck continued.
"The merchant convinced the bandits to round up wild sheep, and wild goats that lived in the mountains. The merchant came to Topa in the guise of the King of the Mountains, wearing borrowed finery the bandits had earlier stolen, riding a previously stolen horse. He called himself by a different name and no one but Sen Sen recognized him. He presented the sheep and goats...and some horses, too..(the bandits had stolen a number of horses, which had mated and made more horses).as his dowry." Mr. McDuck read.
The bandits, too, were a gift...they became a cross between guards and an army, trained to protect and defend Topa. Sen Sen married the "King of the Mountains" and ordered these tablets to be written, then hidden, so the Truth could be known someday." Mr. McDuck continued.
"Oh, good! She was nice. I'm glad everything worked out for her." Launchpad said. (5)
Meanwhile, the Lhasa Apso boys were sneaking around attempting to surround our heroes so the Lhasa Apso boys could ambush them. Only the need to remain silent and unseen, which is difficult when you're out in the open and on rough ground, slowed them down.
"This isn't the site of Topa. It was near here, but not quite here." Mr. McDuck suddenly stated.
"Huh? We found the stone tablets here." Launchpad pointed out.
"The tablets say they were HIDDEN. Sen Sen would hardly hide them in Topa itself, she didn't want them to be found until long after she died and it didn't matter any more. Only they were never found...until now." Mr. McDuck pointed out. "Sen Sen hid them BEHIDE the walls of Topa. Behide the far wall, on the opposite side of the gates of Topa."
"That mountain you recognized- you say part of the cliff fell down?' Mr. McDuck asked Launchpad.
"Right. I noticed the funny looking cliff when we were first here. I almost didn't recognize it, because a large part must of fallen down over the centuries...which must of triggered an avalanche, burying the ruins of Topa! The mountain is bigger at the base then it used to be!" Launchpad said, catching on.
"We thought Topa was here because we're about as far away from the mountain as Topa used to be. Only the mountain is now bigger at the base then it used to be, so we're past where Topa was." Mr. McDuck explained.
Our heroes then moved to search for the proper location of the ruins of Topa. Our villains soon found they had succeeded in surrounding nobody. They scratched their heads, then noticed our heroes tracks, so the Lhasa Apso boys followed, quietly and sneakily.
"We're going to need machinery to find the ruins of Topa, Mr. McDee. It's buried under these huge boulders that must of slid down from the mountains and not just dirt." Launchpad said.
"Too bad we can't use that iron giant you used to scare off the bandits." Mr. McDuck joked.
"Of course not. It's buried under the rocks, along with everything else. We can hardly use it to move the rocks it's buried under...assuming it even still works after 4 or 5 thousand years. It probably doesn't." Launchpad replied.
"Launchpad, we're on a plateau. Some of the rocks and boulders have already rolled off years ago. If we could trigger off an avalanche..." Huey began.
"We could get squished by it." Dewey finished.
"Especially if we're dumb enough to stand right in front of it." Louie put in. (6)
"The ultra-sonic digger in the Thunderquack could trigger off an avalanche! We could walk back to the Thunderquack, gathering firewood as we go. You boys could cook lunch- while Mr. McDee supervises- and I trigger off the avalanche. Then we can break for lunch and walk back. Is that OK, Mr. McDee?" Launchpad asked.
"That will be faster than going back for machinery, I suppose." Mr. McDuck snorted.
So we did so. Meanwhile, the Lhasa Apso boys were sneaking around AGAIN, trying to surround our heroes again. They were on top of the plateau when Launchpad flew over in the Thunderquack to set off an avalanche and he DIDN'T SEE THEM! Assuming that there was nobody in the area (middle of no place), Launchpad was readying the ultra-sonic digger. However, Mr. McDuck was watching the Thunderquack via binoculars and he saw our villains. Mr. McDuck didn't know who they were nor why they were there and even if he somehow suspected they were up to no good, he didn't know that for a fact.
Mr. McDuck ran down the seven hills screaming :"Don't! DON'T USE THE DIGGER! SOMEBODY'S THERE!"
Launchpad saw Mr. McDuck coming and did not use the digger. but Mr. McDuck's screaming set off an avalanche of snow from the mountain top. Launchpad swooped down in the Thunderquack, Mr. McDuck jumped in almost before it had slowed down. The Lhasa Apso boys hesitated a moment...they were worried about ended up in jail, but they saw all the snow and ice coming down already a lot closer and hopped in. Launchpad got out of there, post- haste.
A few minute later Launchpad landed.
"Just what were you people doing here?" Mr. McDuck demanded.
"We were planning to steal whatever you are searching for. But you two saved our lives and we are grateful." replied Topknot, leader of the Lhasa Apso boys .
"How would like an honest job, then? Helping us dig out the ruins?" Mr. McDuck offered.
The Lhasa Apso boys agreed, after Topknot insisted they do so.
"Psst! Boss! We're not really going straight, are we?" one Lhasa Apso boy asked.
"I have heard of an ancient city with gates of gold and much more gold hidden here. If we help find it, we can steal it's gold more easily." Topknot replied.
HDL overheard this and reported what they had heard to Mr. McDuck.
"Unca Scrooge! Those guys you just hired are planning to steal the gold of Topa!" Huey said.
"Now boys, would I have not tried to buy that gold if it was worth anything? I got a good look at those golden gates and that gold hat Sensen wore. They were very thinly plated tin, or else how could have Sensen wore that hat?" Unca Scrooge asked.
"A solid gold hat would be way too heavy!" Dewey said.
"And even if you were risking changing the past, you would have tried to buy that gold, if it was solid gold!" Louie said.
'Right. The gold was so thin, it couldn't keep the tin from corroding for long. It's long since crumbled to dust." Mr. McDuck stated. "But by the time they find that out, we'll have uncovered the city. And perhaps some will like being honest men."
Mr. McDuck split the L boys into teams, and promised them bonuses for artifacts found and for ratting on would-be thieves. This kept them honest. Besides, they only found artifacts museums would be interested in, no gems or gold. Like more stone tablets, one that told how Topa came to be destroyed and abandoned.
Long after Sensen died, when her great-great-etc. grand daughter ruled Topa...
Fade to black to signal flashback...
Seems a guard, trained to operate the iron giant decided to use it to conquer and rule Topa. He snuck into the giant and set off in it, destroying buildings and scaring people until they surrendered to him. Only to discover: nobody had taught him how to STOP the giant.
It ran amuck destroying the city, while he TRIED to stop it, until it finally crashed. He found himself surrounded by VERY angry people and thrown in jail. But Topa had been destroyed. It had been going downhill for quite some time. With no bandits in the mountains, the need for a walled city was gone. The city charged too many taxes and had too many rules and regulations. People got tired and left. The iron giant destroying Topa was just the last nail in the coffin.
Cut back to "now"...It soon became apparently to the L boys that there were no gems or gold in the ruins. But they did find a type of truffle(7) that grew in great numbers underground. It was both tasty and nutritious and in China, there are so many people, food is a big problem.
Soon, the L boys were digging up, planting and selling the truffles. Some, especially the younger L boys, went back to the mountains and their thieving ways. But quite a few, especially the older ones, who were tired of sleeping outdoors and waiting for the one big score that never seem to come went straight.
They had built houses out of some of the rocks and boulders that remained and that they had to move out of the way, anyway. They liked being comfortable and having a steady paycheck and Mr. McDuck was soon paying them to grow and sell the truffles.
Mr. McDuck soon set up a museum of Topa and our heroes went home.
The End.
(1) By Robert A. Heinlein.
Don't you love how dweebs have a problem with brave men, but brave men don't have a problem with dweebs? No matter how successful a dweeb is, no brave man ever begrudges that success.
(2) Think I know that for a fact? I made it up!
I am SO tempted to have Launchpad quit his job for Mr. McDee and work for these guys instead. If Boom "offs" Launchpad or if they distort him until his no longer Launchpad,(as they did in DW) I will do something like that.
I do not care if the fake "Launchpad" in DW is a skrull who got mis-assigned when Disney merged with Marvel.
(3) Leave "Launchpad" OUT of DW and I will be even more willing to throw in free plugs.
(4) Certainly not ME, that's for sure.
YOU, Disney/Boom have access to your sales reports and can tell me how many Disney comics you were selling without him. Not as many as you sell with him, I bet.
If Ducktales #6 is the last issue...You DO know that Ducktales 25th anniversary is next year, right? Any chance you might change your mind? Please? Pretty Please? Not that it would surprise me if you don't. At this point, the only thing you can do to surprise me is to keep publishing Ducktales and drop the "Launchpad is an idiot "shtick.
(5) In LAUNCHPAD'S version of the story that he told ME, Sen Sen was a 12 year old girl(Launchpad was about 17) condemned to die on her 13 birthday (which was rapidly approaching) for the "crime" of being an "old maid". Having nothing to lose, Sen Sen chose to defy Mong Ho, the ruler of Topa so her death might have meaning. Perhaps it was less embarrassing to die as a troublemaker and hopefully become a martyr than to die a "failure".
Since Launchpad isn't exactly famous for being a liar, I tend to believe him. Especially since writers are notorious for throwing in romances where none occurred to fatten up a thin story.
(6) The avalanche Mrs. Beakly caused in "Maid of the Myth" was an unusually polite one. Most would of squished her, too.
(7) A type of mushroom and how should I know if mushrooms or truffles grow in China?