The justification for a single warm smile of contentment
You'd think a guy like me wouldn't spend much time considering his place in the world. You'd be wrong.
It's because the surface is haunting me. I close my eyes, it's all I can see. Endless air, stretching to forever, under a glittering ceiling so high that I'm not even sure it was real. The purest, whitest light I'd ever seen. And every time it's quiet, I can hear that hard taste of disappointment in my father's voice as he decided that I wasn't ready to share his adventure yet.
So I guess I didn't like sleeping that much for a pretty long time. But then there was this boy. It's funny, 'cause I never noticed him back when he was a son. But there was a cave-in, and these things happen, and it's not like the chief didn't make sure he was being fed okay, but after that he just seemed kind of lost and quiet, and damn if I didn't know how he felt. So I told the kid he could stick around with me if he liked, and sometimes he turned up in my room during rest hours and sometimes he didn't. It's not like I didn't care, I mean, I noticed he was on his own, didn't I? But back then, even though I cared, it wasn't the same as it is now.
He's the one who changed it. See, like I said, cave-ins... they just happen sometimes, and I used to think there was nothing you could do about it. So yeah. Me and Simon were trapped, and I kind of figured we were going to die, but I didn't say it, because I didn't want to upset the kid. Going down crying just ain't a man's death, and I didn't want to do that to him. I kind of settled down, tried to get comfortable, started thinking about all the cool stuff I'd pulled off while I was alive. Only it turns out he wasn't thinking we were screwed at all. There we were in this tiny space, squashed together like pig-moles in a pen before a feast-day, and there was hardly any air, and we were both pretty beat up, and out came his little hand-drill. And cool as you like, he started digging, like it was just any normal shift. We must have been in that damn tunnel for three rounds of rest hours, but he just kept on digging. Walls came in on us three times, and every time I thought I was dead. There's nothing in the world you can compare it to, that feeling when you're trapped under the earth. I guess either it's happened to you or it hasn't. I can't think of anything that frightens me more than knowing I could be stuck like that again any time. But when I was with Simon in that tunnel, there were always his little hands, dragging the mud away from my face, and it's like suddenly he's the father, when I thought I'd been the one looking after him. Maybe he was looking after me all along. I mean, we were both on our own to start with, not just him.
When we got back to the village, nobody said it, but it was pretty obvious they'd all thought we'd died in that damn hole. After that, it was me and Simon against everybody else. He's everything I have of worth. He's all my friends and family, and he saved my life, but it's bigger than that. He let me know that my soul was bigger than any stupid damn pit, and that I couldn't be squashed if the whole damn village fell on me. He got me thinking about the surface again, and how it was the only place big enough for two giant souls like ours.
Funny thing is, though, he didn't change. Acted like it was no big deal. Slept a shift then went straight back to work. It had been there all along, whatever it was that made him that strong. And I felt like such an idiot. I loved him completely after that. I'd do anything for him. He still ain't perfect though. I really want to see the little guy looking happy from time to time. I wish he'd stop walking with his head down low. It ain't right, someone that special acting so small.
One day I'll break that ceiling for him, and he'll realise that we're all small, and that's okay, because he's the biggest man in the village.
Until then? I guess I'll just hold him a bit closer whenever he sighs in the night.
I mean, it's not like it's bad for me, either. Gives me something to take my mind off things, you know?