Di,
You know that hot guy I met the other day? Well, I bumped into him at the salon getting a manicure! I mean, I was getting a manicure. Like, he would never get one. His nails are perfectly rugged. Perfectly.
Anyway, so, we started, like, talking, right? So then, out of, like, the blue, he tells me what beautiful eyes I have! And I quote, "Your eyes are amazing…" Oh, I think I'm going to, like, keel over from happiness.
Dearest Diary,
Yeah, so I met him again today – this time at McDonald's. I can't believe I let him see me at such a horrible place. I mean, like, McDonald's? Come on! That is so bad for you, like, all that grease.
So, like, we started talking again, and it was, like, so much fun! I finally figured out his name, too. It's like the most perfect name ever: David. Perfect, right? I mean, like, he's so hot, and like his name is just perfect for him. I think I was, like, going to swoon!
So of course I told him my name, and then we had, like, this wonderful conversation. It was, like, amazing. We totally hit it off. And guess what? He's, like, in college! And, like, he asked me out! And I'm only eighteen! Isn't that, like, amazing?
Dearest Diary,
Oh my god, what am I going to wear? I need to go shopping. I mean, come on! My clothes are, like, so yesterday! So, like, I've got to go to Abercrombie and Fitch… and Aeropostale, and Hollister, and get some new earrings at Delia's… and maybe I could get a cappuccino at Starbucks or something.
Dearest Diary,
I want to die. I should, like, totally kill myself. My date with David went horribly. I mean, really! So, like, we went out to dinner, and that went okay. Nothing spectacular happened. He didn't compliment my nails, or my hair, or my clothes, even though I complimented his horrible ones.
But then he drove me home, right? And Butler was there! It was dreadful! Like, I walked in, and then I left to get them some refreshments, just for a moment! And then I walked back, and they were completely all over each other – I mean, like, my big brother was throwing punches at my date! I was mortified!
Di,
He hasn't apologized yet – and David hasn't called back. My life is officially over.