Derek Shepherd sat on the covered deck of his trailer while the rain was pouring down, thinking about the mess that he called his life.
So much has happened this year. He had found his wife cheating on him with his best friend, him leaving to Seattle and dating Meredith, Addison coming to Seattle and them working on their marriage, though he never tried hard enough and then him sleeping with Meredith, screwing everything up and the worst of all... him divorcing Addison.
He though everything would all get better after he divorced Addison, he finally got to be with Meredith and he would live his life problem-free.
And it did happened, in the beginning everything was sunshine and rainbows and happy faces until at some point it didn't anyway, suddenly he felt like he was dying and no one was there to help him.
Everything about Meredith started to annoy him, the snoring which he once thought was so cute, her laugh, the way she felt when they kissed and her hair…he caught himself searching for red when he woke up and felt disappointment when he found blonde.
He had denied it for a long time now but it was Addison that he was missing.
Her love, her attitude, and the way she felt in his arms when he held her, the way she tasted when he kissed her…
He missed it all and she had no idea he did.
It first struck him when he was making up his testament, he was going through it with Meredith and then suddenly it hit him: he wouldn't lie in the same grave as Addison...
He wouldn't be together with her after he died… he would be with Meredith who he loved but not by far much enough as Addison, not by far enough to be with her for all eternity.
Addison's name would never be on his gravestone…
No 'Derek&Addison, May their love live on forever' no it would be Derek&Meredith…he couldn't have that on his stone, there couldn't be another name next to his than Addison's, there couldn't lie another women next to him then Addison.
He told her, he didn't want to tell her but he couldn't hide it.
"Our names will not be on the same grave stone…" he said to himself
"No it is, see it says here" she said as she pointed on the piece of paper
"Addison will not lie next to me" he said, not even acknowledging or caring that Meredith was sitting next to him.
"What did you just say?" she asked him, horror written all over her face
"Addison and I, we will not lie in the same grave" he said looking at Meredith who didn't believe what he just said, hell he didn't even believe he said that himself
Of course after that Meredith broke up with him which was a good thing actually, she deserved someone who was good for her, who loved her and only her.
He and Addison were perfect for each other. They were just screwed up enough for each other as they used to say it.
He missed that, the little things he and Addison used to do, their little relationship routines like waking up together in the morning, bringing juju whenever a patient died, driving home together after a 30 hour shift and then snuggle in bed together watching chick flicks he secretly enjoyed…
He had to do something; he had to get that all back. They had promised to love each other until they died, but as far as he knew they were both still alive.
He had to take matters in own hand and chance it, it would be impossible for Addison not to feel the same way, no matter the shit they've been through.
He had to make sure she would lay next to him and that her name would be on his gravestone….