Roy stood aside uncomfortably. Why did he have to be the one to find it like this? And even now as he watched her, holding the limp body so tenderly, tears falling silently down her face, Roy couldn't bring himself to understand. What was he to do? He had found it like this, but did that make this his fault. Dare he say anything to her?
"Riza?"
She shook her head, refusing to turn to him or loosen her grip on her friend. She held the cooling body closer to her chest and smoothed her fingers over the velvety black fur.
"Please don't…don't say anything." When she turned to Roy her eyes were red, her face pale. "I don't think you can understand."
"He's getting on in years isn't he?" Roy teased, nudging Riza in the side.
She frowned and looked from Roy to Black Hayate. The dog was greying in the face and his eyesight was fading. They had to shorten his daily walks and even so he slept for hours after. Riza looked down at his paw prints in the snow. Her foot set down in one of them, still small. Her good boy. She smiled.
"But he can still outrun you on a good day," she said.
Roy scrunched his face. "He has a two leg advantage on me."
Riza rolled her eyes and bumped into something. She looked down at Black Hayate blocking her path. His ears were perked up and he was panting. His head swivelled around and he was whining pathetically.
"Hayate?" She knelt down and patted his head. He jumped back, startled, and his panting increased with anxious whines. Riza's heart was pounding. She waved her hand in front of the dogs face. There was no response.
"Riza?" Roy settled on his haunches next to her as he observed the dog warily. "Is he alright?"
He didn't understand. How could be understand? She picked Black Hayate up tenderly in her arms and turned to the path home. Roy followed silently. Her friend fell asleep in her arms.
Roy offered her a steaming cup of tea but she refused him with a raised hand. She was trembling.
"I know it's hard," he said, setting the mug down and sliding it over anyways.
She bowed her head. "I'm not used to it. Someone dying of old age."
"Even good friends pass." Roy noted the matted black dog hair on Riza's sweater, clinging statically to her hair as well. He smiled to himself.
"He was there for me unconditionally and I never had that before." Riza finally looked up at Roy. "That's why you can't understand. You and me, we are there for each other. We need each other. Black Hayate wasn't so selfish. He was there for me…just there."
Her lower lip trembled as new tears flowed.
Roy sliped out of bed early, his bladder torturously full. As he stumbled groggily into the hall he tripped over his own feet to the bathroom. Something caught his ear. A pained whining in the kitchen and a scratching at the door. Roy paused. He could hold it, Black Hayate was far more accident prone.
Let the dog out. Let the dog out.
Roy wandered into the kitchen and found Black Hayate at the back door. He seemed to have recovered from yesterdays lapse because he looked up at Roy excitedly as he approached. Nothing wrong at all. Silly animal.
"Alright, go take care of business." Roy opened the door and the dog burst out, dashing through the snow with all the energy of a jovial pup. Riza had nothing to worry about and that was a load off Roy's mind.
They buried him in the backyard rather unceremoniously. Riza stood in the cold for a long time, until ice tipped the ends of her hair. Roy stayed with her, even though he didn't understand.
"Today we're going to learn some basic commands." Riza crossed her arms and stared down at him.
Black Hayate sat in front of her, tongue lolling out to the side, ears perked. His attention wandered and Riza stamped her foot. He gave a tiny woof.
"Alright then. Black Hayate, down." She pointed to the ground. The puppy smacked his lips and scratched his ear with his hind foot. "Down, Black Hayate."
Riza knelt down in front of him and repeated, "Down. Lie down."
The pup stood up, tail wagging enthusiastically. He liked this game! Riza sighed and pointed at the ground again. "As your commanding officer I order you to lie down."
Black Hayate flopped to the floor. For a moment Riza sat in a stunned silence. The dog rolled over, exposing his belly and hoping for a pat. She happily obliged.
"See? Good soldiers get rewarded for following orders." She smiled. But even as she said it, even if it was a simple joke, Riza knew it was different. Black Hayate wasn't like her. He didn't ask for much in return. He wasn't even a dog of the military as she was. He licked her hand and Riza chuckled.
"Good boy."
It was the small shuffling noises in the kitchen that roused her. Riza sat up and listened carefully. No paws on the cold morning floor. No scratching at the door. Not even any whining. So what then?
The air was still in the kitchen. Cold too.
"He just walked in and lay down." Roy's voice startled her. Riza looked over at him, standing by Black Hayate's designated corner. The dog was curled up. He was just sleeping.
"Poor tired boy. Why don't you get him something to eat then?" There was a knot in Riza's stomach that she refused to acknowledge. She just needed to eat. Make some toast for herself. A cup of tea.
Roy kicked at the full bowl of dog food on the floor. Black Hayate didn't stir. No ear twitch. No head up, tongue lolling woofs of morning excitement.
Riza's feet carried her to the dog bed without her consent. Her knees buckled and she crashed down beside her friend. She ran a shaky hand across his coat. He lay so still.
"Alright then. Black Hayate, down." She pointed to the ground. The puppy smacked his lips and scratched his ear with his hind foot. "Down, Black Hayate."
She leaned over him, listening for breathing.
Riza knelt down in front of him and repeated, "Down. Lie down."
She tried to say his name, but her voice broke. Her hand caught hold of his collar. Her shoulders were shaking.
"As your commanding officer I order you to lie down."
Delicately, she picked up his limp body and rested it in her lap. She collected as much of him as possible in her arms, not wanting to let her friend get cold. "Wake up, please."
"See? Good soldiers get rewarded for following orders."
"Hayate, please." Tears were flowing freely now. She cradled her dog, her baby, her friend, her comrade.
"Good boy."