Evangelion Fanfic
Shinji x Asuka
Attention
Disclaimer: I do not own Neon Genesis Evangelion, or any of the other stuff in this fanfic, I only own the fanfic itself.
Chapter 1
It's been two years.
Two years since it happened. Even though two years may only be two tiny words, and eight simple letters, they seem to hold more power over me then anything else in my life now. Well, just about anything else.
Life has pretty much returned to normal now. The city has rebuilt. A newer, Neo Tokyo Three stands in the place of the hill me, Misato, and Asuka once used to watch the sun set, seemingly so peaceful, over the city. The residents of the city itself though, were none the wiser. Those were the good ol' days. The time when I didn't have to face the facts, when I could just curl up in my bed and listen to my SDAT while numbing out the rest of the world that had hurt me so bad. That wasn't the reason I was so miserable during that time though. It was because of my father, or my lack of a good one.
But not now, not after the Third Impact.
Today was mostly the same as it had always been. It was Sunday, thank god, and surprisingly enough I could smell the faint, funny smell of coffee drifting in from the kitchen. I weighed my options. It was either lay in bed, be woken by a fuming Asuka. Blaming me for the mess Mistato made trying to make some sort of coffee, beer hybrid. Or I could get up, and try to stop the disaster before it happened. I chose the latter and was surprised by what I found.
"Hey Shin-man, want some coffee?" a mug-wielding Kaji said, yawning deeply as I entered. He was still his normal self, the seemingly carefree man. Even though he was killed off before the third impact, he somehow was brought back along with everyone else, much to the happiness of a certain blue haired guardian I know. He remained physically as I had seen him before. A man with a dopey grin, an unshaven beard, that loved to annoy the hell out of Misato. Yeah, he was the same.
Although I couldn't see him that way.
What I had seen of him and Misato during the time that I had been able to look into the memories of every person on earth was awful. I can never look at anyone the same way ever again. As soon as I do, the memories come flooding back.
Especially with Asuka.
"Nah Kaji, I'm fine, I'll get started on breakfast" I said, still groggy from the nightmare filled sleep I had endured for the past six hours. "Does Misato know your here?"
He spoke again, in a somewhat joking tone "Nope, but I'm here to pick her up, you know, NERV business as usual. Can you go get her? I don't know what she'd do if I woke her up. Fourth Impact maybe?"
I actually laughed at that one. Although Kaji and Misato's relationship had been poor before his death, they now were actually showing some of those signs of a couple that Asuka's always babbling about when she watches those drama's on TV. Man I don't get relationships. Or women for that matter.
Especially her.
I walked down the hall, past Asuka's room. The door was closed and there was no sound coming from it as per usual. I had always wondered what was going on in her room when she wouldn't come out. Most likely she was crying into her pillow. She seemed to do that a lot now.
I slowly made my way to Misato's room, careful not to make a sound. "Misato, Kaji's here to pick you up, hurry up"
All I heard was a groan and something that resembled a penguin screaming.
It looks like its going to be a normal day. Well, as normal as a day in Tokyo 3 can be anyway.
Not soon afterwards, Misato appeared from her room fully dressed in her NERV uniform, complete with leather jacket. She quickly made her way to the kitchen, smelling the coffee Kaji had made.
"Kajjjjiiiii" she purred, quickly coming up behind him, pulling him into a hug from behind.
"Hey 'Sato, you ready to head out?"
"Yeah Kaji, let's go. You hear that Asuka?" Misato yelled down the hallway where the red-head's room was.
A muffled "yes" was all that was heard. And with that, Misato and Kaji left, arm in arm. But not after Misato had a few morning beers...
Before she left Misato had asked me not to wake up Asuka up. I'm not really sure why, but then again, it's Asuka, I'm not going to ask. Over the past week she had grown more and more withdrawn. She had not gone to school, not talked to Hikari, and not really eaten. This was especially strange considering it was Asuka. The same girl that had nearly killed all the EVA production series two years before.
But I let her die.
She too was a victim of my fathers plan to create the Third Impact. I had the chance to save her, but instead I let her die at the hands of the dummy plug EVA's.
I'll never forgive myself for that.
I decided to start on breakfast while Asuka was still asleep. The least I could do was to make her breakfast. I'm not exactly sure why cooking has always seemed to calm me but it has. And it's not like I'm about to let Asuka or Misato cook. I wouldn't trust Asuka with a knife and fire, and Misato could easily turn this apartment into a radioactive field if she had to cook, so I'm not exactly complaining.
I turned on the burner and grabbed some eggs from the refrigerator. Today had actually started pretty good. So far there was no yelling, no people being beaten up, no shots fired, no fatalities...
...No crying...
The eggs crackled as they hit the butter smeared pan. Soon a friendly, warm, pleasant smell filled the kitchen. Eggs were supposedly the perfect food for humans. Protein, fat, carbs, all in acceptable levels with the egg, and they tasted great, that was a plus. I flipped the eggs, and heard a noise coming from the hallway. Asuka must be up. Turning around, I saw her.
She had dark circles forming around her eyes, and a frown on her face. She looked as if she hadn't slept soundly for a few days. I was worried now. Why would she be acting like this? She had always been the fiery red-headed she-devil, or so Kensuke aptly named her. She had never acted like this before.
"Hey Asuka, want some eggs?"
I didn't anticipate the reaction that came next. She gave me a face I'd never think to see on Asuka, ever. The look of sadness, of rejection, and of being lost, hit me hard. For some reason, it reminded me of, myself. Of how my mother had died, of how I had been abandoned by my good for nothing father, who had used me for his own selfish reasons, regardless of how it adversely affected my well being.
"Asuka, are you ok?"
Her face suddenly changed, to the scrunch-ed up emotion of anguish.
"I hate you, Shinji-baka, get away and hurry up with those eggs, I'm hungry." She whispered, somehow being hurt by my kindness. She plopped down on the couch and turned the TV to one of the sit-coms she always watched.
I guess she didn't want to talk.
I flipped the eggs again, and then put then on a plate. I gave mine to Asuka, suddenly not being as hungry as I was before. The yolk dribbled easily down the sides of the whites, just how she liked it.
I glanced up and saw her again. Even in the dismal condition she was in now, she was still beautiful. He bright blue eyes danced playfully, watching the TV frantically for a sign of life as she pounded on the remote, tousling her hair from its place, landing in front of her eyes.
She has the absolute best laugh I have ever heard, well, when she really laughs. It's almost as if I could die, right then and there, and be completely happy with my life thus-far, just because she was happy. There was one problem though.
She'll never be able to laugh again, not after what she's been through.
"Here" I said to her from across the counter "they're done"
Giving up on the TV, she walked up to the counter, grabbed the eggs, muttered some kind of thanks, and ran back to her room, closing the door softly.
I sighed.
It was her memories that scarred me the most. Seeing her mother commit suicide, being asked to go to heaven with her, only to be mistaken for a doll. Thank god she was mistaken for the doll though, although, that's not how Asuka sees it. To her, she would have been perfectly happy to have been killed with her mother, as long as it signified her mother loved her.
Love.
Love, or the lack thereof is one of the things that will forever bind us to our fates of eternal contempt for the world. Asuka's mother was so insane that she had loved a doll more then her own daughter, and my mother had been absorbed into the EVA in front of my own eyes, ripping her away from me forever. I finally realized during the Third Impact how alike we really were.
I turned off the stove and threw the pan in the sink. We had no school today, so I may as well call up Toji and Kensuke to see if they want to hang out somewhere. It was sort of odd that Toji had come back with all of his limbs, although no one is complaining. I'm just glad he's back to normal and what happened with his run in with EVA didn't mess with his mind at all.
Or make him hate me.
I dialed the number on the cell phone Misato had bought for me when I had first come here to Tokyo 3. Somehow it wasn't destroyed in the Third Impact, modern technology is really amazing, I guess.
It rang once before it went to the answering machine. Toji had one of those cell-phones where you can change the recording on the fly from pre-recorded messages on the phone.
"Hey it's Toji I'm cough busy cough with Hikari at the moment so...call back later, peace."
I had almost forgot that Toji and Hikari had become a couple nearly right after they came back. They're good for each other and I'm happy for em', but Kensuke isn't. He's still in the mindset the Toji is a 'traitor' and shouldn't be going out with the class rep, but Kensuke is also still obsessed with the EVA's too, so no one listens to him...
I sighed yet again, for the second time that morning. There was nothing to do, and it looked like I was...
...What was that?
I'm sure I had heard something, it sounded like it came from...
...Asuka's room.
I slowly crept up to the door, inching closer and closer every second.
I could hear her now, she was sobbing silently, occasionally whispering something. My heart was pounding in my ears, blocking out the sounds of the cicadas chirping their hearts away outside.
I peaked around the corner. She was face down the bed, gripping a pillow lightly, sobbing and still saying that one word I couldn't make out. Her head fell away from the pillow, exposing her face, caked in tears.
And then she whispered somthing, it almost sounded like...
"...Mama..."
I froze
I never knew that one little word like that could destroy my world so suddenly. I had tried so hard to repress her memories most of all. Her life was just like mine. Full of hate, depression, abandonment, death...
The memories of Asuka's childhood suddenly rushed into my head, I clenched my teeth, preparing for what was to come.
Abandoned
Shame
Womanhood
Suicide
Menstruation
Doll
Regret
Mother
Alone...
I looked up, straight into the face of a sleeping Asuka. Suddenly, I felt so cold, so alone in the world. I just wanted to go away.
I was able to prop myself up on the wall and slowly make my way into my room. My hand gripped the wall like a lifeline as my fingers tingled at it's touch. My room appeared as it always had. It had no distinguished touches, and resembles something like a vacant hotel room. I had always liked it like this, just because if I chose to leave, I would never leave any traces of me being there at all, so everyone else could just get on with their lives and forget about me.
I slowly opened the door.My feet were dragging on my rug, slowly tripping me up. I could feel my strength draining as I walked over to my dresser and grabbed my S-DAT. Oh my old friend the S-DAT. If music was a drug, I'd be an addict. I didn't necessarily like it that much, it just allowed me to escape the reality of the moment. Moments like...
...Asuka crying...
...Misato crying...
...Rei...
I turned on the S-DAT as I fell into my bedroll. I when I hit the ground I couldn't feel my legs.
It was coming...
...Nightmares...