Survival of the Wackiest

by TornadoWeirdo

Gogo-centric "episode." Gogo fails a Reality exam and has to face the consequences at the wings of a cynical adjunct professor at Acme Looniversity.

This is an episode script I wrote a few years back, guest-starring one of my own cartoon characters (Ivan Everick Crow in the fic pic). Don't expect it to make much sense. Do expect it to eventually get taken down for breaking the "no script formatting" rule.

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*It's dark and stormy outside Acme Looniversity.*

Buster: "What you are about to witness is a tale of valor, of remorse, and of vengeful tragedy. A tale told to tykes – such as our faithful viewers! – at the onset of their bedtime, to heed them of the consequences that come packaged at their door when they don't pay mind to their elders, don't pay attention to the fine print of their respective academic institute's terms and policies, and don't gasps pay the overdue rent on their textbooks that came in cheap hardcover tearing at the seams and ended up costing this broke little jackrabbit a whopping – ! …Ahem, anyway, this is a tale of the ongoing battle between teacher and student, both with beaks, and neither with an appreciation for the other's finer talents. A tale of… well, I can't think of anything else to say before the scene cuts to the interior of Acme Loo, so I'll pause here."

*The scene cuts to the inside of a classroom, which is dark.*

Buster: "As you can see, the lights are out. Normally we toons don't care about the physics behind electrical engineering and other related heresy, but in this case, the power lines went down today, thanks to a merciless storm of lightning, and at the worst possible time. For today was the day of… THE REALITY EXAM ON RUDIMENTARY FACTS! Hosted by none other than… Professor Everick Crow."

*Lightning strikes and thunder booms behind Prof. Everick, who promptly coughs out loogie offscreen. He starts to pass out the tests to every desk that has a lit candle. Each student looks either worried or terrified upon receiving his or her test.*

Buster: "The students had studied hard, hard as a miner picking bedrock, to the point where our brains had been reduced to alphabet soup. Realism Studies was a course Professor Everick felt was a necessary staple of our education, needed to understand reality's rules before we could break them, but we had no idea what to expect on our first test, or how we could ever hope to pass it. This guy was an academic Darwinist, and deep down, almost all of us… knew it."

*Gogo is the only student to smile upon receiving his testLightning flashes and thunder crashes.*

*Prof. Everick walks to the door.*

Prof. Everick: "Now you kids stay put while I go to the Acme loo. I'll be back before you can say 'Oh my Alien.'"

*Prof. Everick closes the door behind him. He opens it again.*

Prof. Everick: "And don't swipe those candles for your cutesy lil' cartoon hijinks; the fact there's dynamite in this here school is making my feathers do the Harlem."

*Prof. Everick shuts the door again.*

*The scene cuts to the library.*

Buster: "As I was saying, we had studied until our books slipped from our sweaty palms, hour after hour. Oh the horror – dare I recall? The Acme Looniversity library had more holds in one week than it had in the previous century, and more than enough clutter for the shelver to… well, go on his lunch break for the time being."

*The library shelver overhears this, is excited, and runs off to break, but is hogtied by Yosemite Sam and dragged back.*

Buster: "The Great Procrastinator Rush had made its squeaky red mark on history."

*Bookworm is half-buried under a book, tiredly typing on a calculator.*

Buster: "A-and look, down there! Oh, I can't watch! Bookworm's adding up the numbers of eyeball casualties as we speak!"

*Growing tired and missing its cue, lightning flashes and thunder crashes in the library, with messy open books piled in stacks. Outside Acme Loo, lightning strikes the tower and a lady on the tower screams and falls off.*

Buster: "The following day carried on like any other, and the gods of our combined student consciousnesses smiled upon us and gave us bright sun and clear skies. Oh, and clear minds too."

*In the hallways of Acme Loo, the students are walking into Realism class and close the door. Gogo pops out of nearby clock.*

Gogo: "Cuckoo! Cuckoo! If you fail Everick's exam you're cuckoo!"

*Gogo hops out of the clock and squeezes through the keyhole in the classroom door.*

Buster: "We were under the impression that everyone's anxieties would soon be settled, that everything would be put to rest and that everyone would just move on with their lives! But we were wrong, bros and sisses, wrong like Armstrong."

*Buster is in the hallway. Babs opens the classroom door.*

Babs: "Hey Rod Serling, class is about to start. You coming in or what?"

*Babs yanks Buster into class.*

*In class, Prof. Everick starts announcing, and the power is back on.*

Prof. Everick: "Good morning my shining pupils, of this otherwise mentally toxic schooling system. Hee-hee, you're in luck. I am in a more cheery mood than usual. Yes, even though I couldn't find a different outfit to wear today. And that is because…"

*Prof. Everick takes out the graded tests.*

Prof. Everick: "This class did very well on yesterday's test! sighs It's times like these when I don't feel like my life belongs in the storyboard shredder. Ahem, okay, more good news: as anyone with eyes can plainly see, the facility's lights are back on. Don't wanna go into the trifles; some dame, Lady Googoo or other, dressed like a lightning rod and was doing an electric-themed photo shoot on top o' the building for the Acme Gazette. Lightning struck, weirdo toon physics happened, and we got power. Capiche?"

Class: "Yes."

*Prof. Everick is handing back tests. Gogo gets his test back.*

Gogo: "And that was number one in our top five mismatched celebrity cameos!"

*Gogo looks at his test. The test has a big red F on it.*

Gogo: "Heeheehahaha!"

*Gogo withdraws his head like a turtle and pops out with glasses on, to read better. The F makes angry veined eyes at him. Gogo's glasses crack, and he melts in his chair. He unmelts and notices the other students' ecstasy. They're talking and disclosing test scores.*

Buster: "Look fellas, I got an A!"

Fifi: "Desole Buster, but I got zee A-plus!"

Lil' Sneezer: "I got an A plus-plus! It was sooo easy! Easy easy springtime breezy." giggles

*Gogo stares at Sneezer. He hears the others.*

Plucky: "I must be the writers' golden duck! Yo Hamstrung, take an eyeful of this magnificent little B."

Hamton: "That's great Plucky! But do you think you can handle the glow of my B-plus?"

Dizzy: "Me got B too! Now me have to get more screen time in this picture!"

Buster: "Hey Gogo, everyone else is sharing their grade. Mind telling us yours?"

Gogo: "Oh, umm…"

Gogo sucks up his test in his mouth like a vacuum

Gogo: "No grade yet! It got… lost in the mail!"

*Babs looks suspicious.*

Babs: "What's that you got in your mouth Gogo?"

Gogo: "…Just gum!"

*Gogo starts chewing it.*

Plucky: "Gum? …Dost mine earholes deceive me?!"

*Plucky scoots his desk near Gogo's.*

Plucky: "Psst, not to be freeloading or nothin', but uh, ya think you can toss me a stick o' that sugar-coated cud?"

Dizzy: "Oooh, gum? Me want some! Me want some! Me need celebratory sugar rush!"

*The class turns to Gogo and waves their hands for gum.*

Rest of Class: "Me too!" "Over here!"

Mary Melody's Voice: "Woo-hoo, gum party!"

*Prof. Everick knocks a brick on his desk to silence everyone and get their attention.*

Prof. Everick: "As a reminder to everyone, it is clear-cut written in stone that I do not tolerate gum-chewing in the sanctity of my classroom. Now the next student who says he wants a mouthful of gum's gonna get a mouthful o' BRICK! …Heh, how's that for cartoon violence?"

*The speaker tunes in with a howling that shakes up Prof. Everick and ruffles his feathers. Prof. Everick drops the brick on his foot and holds back a scream of pain.*

Speaker: "Professor Everick, the Acme Looniversity faculty and staff are requesting that you attend an urgent safety conference scheduled in five minutes. It is going to last the remainder of the class period, so you will have to end today's session early, if you please."

Prof. Everick: "Who the heck's organizing these events? A monkey?"

Speaker: "Professor, the faculty members have acquired information of you violating Article Nine of the Teacher's Code of Conduct."

Prof. Everick: "Which is…?"

Speaker: "No flammable materials are allowed in classes beyond those titled 'Applied Explosives.' You are facing pending denunciation for your introduction of candles to your classroom."

Prof. Everick: "That makes no sense whatsoever. There ain't any dynamite here. And besides that, those candles were a luxury to the kids! They were scented for cryin' out loud!"

*Prof. Everick folds his arms and pouts.*

Speaker: "Don't get pouty with me, Mr. Crow."

Prof. Everick: "All right, fine. Your wish is my command. I'm a slave to the system. Word."

*Prof. Everick starts smoking with his smoke pipe.*

Speaker: "Thank you. Oh, and don't be such a sourpuss."

*The speaker signs off. Prof. Everick turns to the class.*

Prof. Everick: *sighs* "It is, with a heavy heart and sooty lungs, that I, the teacher, under nonsensical orders, must let you, the students, depart from this chamber of higher learning at but a premature minute this day. Please forgive my uh, careless misconduct; I know you are all as gravely saddened as I am by this news. I hope to see you for a fresh start tomorrow, but for right now, I give you my sincerest of farewells. So uh, yeah, farewell and all that."

*Everyone bursts out of the classroom joyously. Gogo is last to step out, and he prints out his test from his mouth and reads it over. Gogo gets an idea, and a candle appears over his head, lighting a stick of dynamiteGogo looks confused. The dynamite explodes.*

*Fifi is skipping to meet Babs and Shirley at their lockers.*

Fifi: "I cannot believe le teacher would let us free right when the class would start! Oh, I feel like a pillow of cool non-worries!"

Shirley: "Yeah, I'm so harmonious right now after that standardized nightmare – I'm like totally making this moment of liberation a highlight in my present life!"

Babs: "What's with that stick-in-the-mud crow anyway? If his lessons were any drier we'd be happy to spend our vacation in the Atacama!"

Shirley: "Yeah, and seriously, the guy just doesn't know how to let go and be one with the universe; his logic and facts and junk are too rationalistic for him to find his spiritual center."

Babs: "You're telling me. impersonates Prof. Everick Hey you kids, you won't get nowhere without the foundation of science to lead you through the chaos of this woild; anyone who says different's a demented, corny-headed freak!"

Fifi: *laughs* "Oh Babs, that is exactly what he is! But don't forget his lack of art and style. La fashion scare!"

Babs: "Oh yeah, and my suit lost its colahs the foist time I put it on! Whoops! Cold tap ain't gonna fix this!"

*The girls laugh. Gogo creeps up behind them, eavesdropping.*

Shirley: "Leave it to us to add a little life to the spectrum."

*Shirley pulls lipstick out of her locker.*

Shirley: "Check out this new tube of lipstick I got at Cosmic Cosmetics!"

*The other girls stare.*

Babs: "Oooh…"

Fifi: "What is zat glorious product?"

*Gogo walks up behind.*

Shirley: "It's not just any old lipstick; this is like made with the dye of the quintessential red of the universe, and glossed with authentic Indian castor oil!"

Fifi: "Wow…"

Babs: spins and impersonates Brett Butler "I tell ya that'll herd the dreamboats into your stable. Ha-hoo." spins back to normal

Fifi: "Oui, and zee other girls will become the color green."

*Shirley sees Gogo The other girls do too.*

Shirley: "Um, Gogo, what are you doing here?"

*Gogo advances.*

Shirley: "And why are you into my lipstick?"

Fifi: "Ah, I see; he is fawning over it like he does every inanimate object in his misguided romance. It eez not love; it eez puuuke."

Babs: "Can-can it Fifi."

Shirley: "Gogo, I sense that you should really um, vamoose; this is a girls' circle, and you're like, a boy. Ya know?"

*Gogo backs down and turns to go.*

Shirley: "Now, watch me put on a fresh coat of lip and you'll be totally psyched at the new reincarnate me!"

*Gogo turns into a megaphone and arrow, pointing in "one direction."*

Gogo: "Last call: the 'One Direction' boy band is exiting the west side of the hallway! THATAWAY!"

All Girls: *gasp* "Where?! Where are they?"

*Gogo swipes Shirley's lipstick and runs.*

*The girls stop looking around.*

Babs: "…Are we really this pathetic and anticipatory?"

*Shirley realizes her lipstick is gone.*

Shirley: "Gasp!"

*Gogo swims through the air with a scuba mask on and laughs. He holds his test and marks on it with the lipstick. He hears stomping behind. Shirley is stomping and roaring like Godzilla. Gogo yelps and swims faster. Gogo swims past Fowlmouth and Furrball, and Furrball slips on a wet floor. Gogo swims down a set of stairs, and Shirley stands at the top and performs a summoning.*

Shirley: "I summon your power, O Zeus of the Grecian pantheon, to strike this Dodo who thieves me against thy name."

*In the clouds above, Zeus is in a bathrobe in an armchair. He is on the phone with Hera.*

Zeus: "No Hera, I didn't leave the gate keys in the kitchen; I left them in the master bedroom. I'm sorry; I had a lapse, that's it. Eternity can't change a person in the snap of a finger."

*Zeus gets another call on the line.*

Zeus: "Hang on dear, I got another mortal demanding justice."

*Zeus knits a lightning bolt.*

Zeus: "Yeah."

*Zeus tosses the bolt. The bolt lands on the cloud's edge. Zeus nudges it off with his pedicured foot.*

Zeus: "Yeah-yeah, wait 'til I get our tax refund, then we'll talk premium chariot rentals, okay?"

*The bolt falls down. It electrocutes Gogo like nobody's business. Gogo lands on the floor. His test and the lipstick are still intact. Shirley walks up, and looks up.*

Shirley: "Whoa, he sure is angry with you. Sorry Gogo; this lipstick was made with ruby gemstones in the Punjab area – mondo expensivo."

*Shirley takes the lipstickGogo lies there. Buster, Plucky, and Hamton stroll down the hallway singing.*

All Three Boys: "'Cause there ain't nothin' better than the dean's approval letter. When the Acme boys parade the school, the rest of them's a fool."

*The boys see Gogo in front of them and stop.*

Buster: "Oh my gosh Gogo, we didn't see ya there."

Hamton: "Are you all right?"

Gogo: "Oh I'm okay… 'cause I'm zapped!"

*Gogo puffs out smoke.*

Plucky: "You mean you're not getting your deposit back or what?"

Buster: "In any case, I see you got your test. What's the score?"

*Gogo holds it up for Buster to seeThere are red lipstick markings over the F.*

Buster: "Hey, a B-plus! That's better than Babs's grade!"

Hamton: "And it's the same as mine!"

Buster: "You, my friend, have just won a spot in the exclusive club of Acme Achievers! So do you, the last Dodo on Earth, accept such a sky-high honor? Or do you… decline?"

*Dark shadows appear around Buster for a moment.*

*Gogo smiles weakly.*

Gogo: "Accept."

Buster: "Then two cheers for Gogo, our newest, dignified member!"

Plucky and Hamton: "Huzzah!"

*The three boys pick Gogo up and help walk him down the hall, singing.*

All Three Boys: "Acme Achievers, reading every book off the shelves. So smart and sly and true and wry, oh how we love ourselves!"

*In the cafeteria, the Acme Achievers – Buster, Plucky, Hamton, Lil' Sneezer, Calamity, and Gogo – are seated around one table eating lunch. They are in red Harvard-esque sweater vests, and all except Gogo are wearing glasses.*

Buster: *British accent* "And then I retorted by spouting out: 'Good sir, I have no qualms with you and your, mmm, theories, but if you had made it past grade three, you would have immediately come to the conclusion that the Earth indeed has a core of gold comprising of twenty-four karats and is held afloat by intense pressure from the gravitational pull exuded from the magnetic rock within the mantle.' What say you Calamity, regarding the wondrous forces of gravity?"

Calamity holds up a sign that reads: "I have only to propose an allegory for gravity – that the special effects in film today have advanced such that they can suspend the audience's disbelief over the pitfall of an artistic wasteland. Quite…?"

Buster: *misunderstands* "…An underhanded Spielberg nod – oh how oh-so deliciously pricey! Back-pat, everyone!"

All Six: "Achievers, Achievers!"

*They pat each other on the back in rhythm five times.*

Lil' Sneezer: "I am presenting a resolution to you all: that I will never sneeze again on account of the risk of spreading dangerous pathological diseases."

Plucky: "Well Sneezer, you just might be in luck, for I have developed a cure for the common cold that I started… just about an hour ago."

Lil' Sneezer: "Absolutely astounding! Thank you Plucky!"

Plucky: "Ah don't mention it."

*Gogo smiles passively and starts to sweat.*

Hamton: *British accent* "As for me, I'm now going to pursue a degree in Economics so I can end world hunger!"

Buster: "Oh Hamton I do admire your aspiration, but in the final analysis it can only be a dream – a far-fetched flight of fancy."

*Buster turns his attention to Gogo.*

Buster: "So tell me Gogo Wackston, what, praytell, are you pondering at this moment, if you would be so kind?"

*Gogo stares and says nothing. Hamton looks at Gogo's food.*

Hamton: "I say, your cafeteria cuisine appears as though it were swallowed up and regurgitated by the mythical Cthulhu monster!"

Gogo: "NO, it's um, materialism of the uhhh, uh, conoisseurism experimentism, that I'm, guessing to be a phenomenonism of the culinarism in the, institutionalism?"

*The others stare.*

Buster: "By Jove. Well, I think we can all agree that you must've known what you were talking about because you were using a lot of 'isms'! Would you agree, good fellows?"

Hamton, Plucky, and Lil' Sneezer: "Uh-huh, mm-hm, oh yes, definitely."

*They nod their heads. Calamity looks at them irately.*

Hamton: "But to be completely honest with you I am concerned that the sight and smell of your food may eventually cause me to vomit."

Gogo: "…Nooo problemo!"

*Gogo ejects the tray by pushing down the umbrella on his head and initiating a spring. The tray goes flying.*

Gogo: "I'll pick up another tray and be right forward!"

*Gogo hops down and walks off. He hears a splat and a yell. He turns around, seeing Montana Max hit. He stands still and whistles a "whew" tune. Montana Max approaches from the distance.*

Montana Max: "Hey, what's the big idea?! No food fights are happening on my watch unless the targets have lousy credit!"

Gogo: "Mm, maybe, but how did you know it was me?"

Montana Max: "Hah! Only a birdbrain from Wacky-cuckoo-land would eat their irradiated lunchmeat with fruit juice smeared all over it!"

*Montana Max shows Gogo the juice all over his arm. Montana Max tries to wipe it off.*

Montana Max: "Thanks to you, I'm gonna have to start ordering mobile deluxe shower stalls each week I come to this school!"

Gogo: "How about I give you some unsolicited advice, huh, hm?"

Montana Max: *sighs* "Sure, why not."

Gogo: "When the bases are loaded and the heavy hitter's up to bat… DEAL WITH THE SOCIAL DIVERSITY, CHUMPERELLA!"

*Everyone in the cafeteria cheers.*

Mary Melody's Voice: "You go, Gogo!"

Montana Max: "Grrr. And in return, lemme give you a fair warning. One more wisecrack from that beak of yours, and when the last batter strikes out, I'M GOING TO SUE!"

Gogo: "…Oh, really? Where does she live?"

*Montana Max stares, then becomes furious and lunges at Gogo. The scene breaks and cuts to an empty screen, then to an old British spokesperson at a desk in a sublime office. Subtitled: "Some Guy We Made Up."*

Guy: "Hello everyone. We here at Britain's auxiliary TV network apologize, but you will not be able to view this horribly graphic animated scene which has been censored for your own well-being. So instead, you get to view my face."

*Guy grins, showing his yellow rotted teeth.*

Guy: "I want to take a brief moment to inform you that the American TV network has withdrawn the channel temporarily but will bump it up as soon as it can. The reason for this withdrawal is simple: Tiny Toon Adventures is a family-friendly program, and the snarky blokes behind this show would have been liable to many, many complaints if this scene were broadcast. Based on the research of carefully selected human subjects, the media would also be overturned, and the couch potatoes would rally a protest against the government, creating serious political and cultural unrest. Again, we apologize for the inconvenience. Your regular programming will return to you shortly hereafter. whispers Thank you for your time."

*Guy flicks his hair out of his face.*

*In Bugs Bunny's office, Gogo is standing ahead of the doorway, missing his right shoe, with a steak on his left eye reading in ketchup: "Max Boxed for Bucks Here." He is in a daze.*

Bugs: "Now eh, Gogo, a few words of wisdom before I bring down the hammer. You can pull reckless stunts inside the schoolroom, but you can't pull reckless stunts outside the schoolyard. …Hold on, maybe I got those two t'ings reversed."

Gogo: "…What?!"

*Bugs is at his desk, having all his trophies polished by an automatic polisher-and-shelver device.*

Bugs: "My point is, Gogo, I didn't get where I am today by being a total headcase and costing my establishment tens of thousands of dollars… USD, au naturel. I knew when I had to give the villains some breathin' room, maybe butter 'em up a tinge, just to keep 'em from havin' my hide."

*Gogo is listening.*

Bugs: "If I were you I'd downplay the madcap and mayhem for a spell. Bein' an off-the-wall cartoon figure ain't what it was in the 1930's; the baddies have power now, so you gotta adapt and be more shrewd, more subtle. Ehhh, like yours truly, for example."

Gogo: "But I don't get it; what did I do wrong?!"

Bugs: "Montana Max wasn't kiddin' this go-round; he filed a lawsuit to sue Acme Loo for a hefty chunk of our dough. We've got our necks at the guillotine – 'course ninety-five percent the heroes come through – but that's still no excuse to let troublemakers like you off scot-free. I'm sorry; you're gonna have to go to detention for the next few hours."

Gogo: "B-but – "

Bugs: "No buts."

*The steak slips off Gogo's eye, revealing a black eye.*

Bugs: "Move along; you'll have another student in the detention room to keep you company."

*Gogo walks out of the office. Bugs picks up the steak.*

Bugs: "And don't worry about that unsightly injury; the scene transition always works wonders!"

*Bugs sees Lady Gaga standing outside his office, wearing a meat dress and looking all burnt and bandaged.*

Lady Gaga: "Hey funny bunny, care to patch up my outfit with that frozen steak you got there?"

*Bugs holds his nose and puts the steak on her shoulder.*

Bugs: "Yeesh!"

Lady Gaga: "If only I were a real cartoon."

*Gogo starts to enter the detention room carrying a giant backpack. He sees Fowlmouth in the room at a long table playing paddleball.*

Fowlmouth: "Ah, ya flyin' back at me like that? Well howdoya like this! Here's one for the henhouse!"

*Gogo tries to enter the room but the backpack won't fit through the doorway.*

Fowlmouth: "One thousand sixteen, one thousand seventeen, one thousand eighteen…"

*Gogo pulls with all his might, lurches, and spins around. He waves for help before being yanked back.*

Fowlmouth: "One thousand nineteen, one thousand – "

*Fowlmouth misses the next ball.*

Fowlmouth: *gasps* "DAGGUMIT!"

*Gogo pulls one last time and goes rocketing through the door, past Fowlmouth and hitting the wall. The resulting shake flips the paddle over.*

Fowlmouth: "Another round lost! Oh I'm never gonna reach one trillion in a row! …Wait a secon'…"

*Fowlmouth sees the words "Property of Yakko" on the back of the paddle. Gogo meanwhile is walking past.*

Fowlmouth: "This ain't even my paddleball! Huh-huh, all this while I thought this stinker was my only asset. Well I s'pose I oughta return it 'ere some point; I can't just take someone's paddleball without their consent! I gotta give it back! I mean that's just common courtesy."

*Gogo takes a seat next to Fowlmouth with a grumpy look and opens a large book. Fowlmouth sees him.*

Fowlmouth: "AAAaaah, if it isn't Mr. Insanity here to join me in school juvie! Ya know what this means, right?"

*Gogo pulls the book closer as Fowlmouth gets over-eager.*

Fowlmouth: "It means we can be detention buddies! Oh we'll have buckets o' fun, just you and me! …Aah come on, don't be a sap readin'; we're not bein' monitored or anything."

*Fowlmouth puts Gogo's book down. Gogo picks it back up again.*

Fowlmouth: "So uh, when are your parents bailin' you? Oh wait, that's right, you're an orphan. …Whoop, sorry, don't wanna make you sad by bringin' that up – just a fact. Outta my innocent bystander tendencies, I couldn't help but notice you'd ruffled Shirl a bit this morning. Ya know with a gal like that you gotta always remember to stay on her good side – the one without the rash? Aa-aa! …Say, what time is it anyhow? I'm startin' to feel a lil' peckish."

*Fowlmouth looks at the clock. The clock is literally very slow, ticking slowly.*

Fowlmouth: "Oh man, at the rate o' that clock we're gonna be stuck in detention forever! …I can't take it anymore; I'm havin' a snack before I wither into feathers an' bone."

*Fowlmouth brings up a paper bag and takes out an apple.*

Fowlmouth: "Ahem, to not act as though a selfish swine, I will graciously split this apple 'tween you and me if you wanna bite. How 'bout it?"

*Gogo swipes the apple from Fowlmouth and buzz-saws it down to its core, then hands it back.*

Fowlmouth: "O-kay… so much for that amiable gesture. gasps Wait, I still got a baloney sandwich! There's hope for me yet!"

*Fowlmouth whips out his baloney sandwich and opens his mouth wide to chomp on it, but Gogo steals it too, and lays a bare toothpick on the table.*

Fowlmouth: "Oooh $%# &! What am I gonna do now? I'm so hungry that if it came down to life and death I'd be willin' to eat anything!"

Gogo: "Here, for you."

*Gogo turns Fowlmouth's head and jams a bar of soap into his mouth.*

*The clock ticks and reaches an hour mark. A plank pops out of the clock, but there's no cuckoo, so the clock pushes the plank in and makes timid gestures with its arms. Fowlmouth is engrossed in a handheld video game while Gogo is studying. The two hear a knock on the door.*

Fowlmouth's Mom: "Fowlmouth, are you in there?"

Fowlmouth's Dad: "C'mon sport, time to go home."

Fowlmouth: "…Oh sweet deliverance! Uh, pardon me for but a sec."

*Fowlmouth rushes out the door and shuts it. Gogo hears muffled voices at first, but then he hears another voice that's gravelly.*

Voice: "Gogo."

*Gogo tries to ignore it but it calls again.*

Voice: "Gogo."

*As a funeral bell tolls Gogo steps down and slowly goes to the door. The floor sways from side to side with each step, and the door is tall. Gogo opens the door, and Prof. Everick is staring down at him.*

Prof. Everick: "Gogo."

*Gogo freezes into ice as organ music crashes.*

Prof. Everick: "Whoa. Somebody's seen Charles Manson's ghost."

Prof. Everick pulls Gogo into the hallway

Prof. Everick: "Thanks for takin' your time gettin' out here Straggle Foot. I hear there's been a nasty lawsuit you had a hand in, not to mention a dispute between you and this other kid."

Fowlmouth: "It's true, Mom and Pop; it's the honest truth! That son-of-a-gun stole my snack and now he won't confess!"

Fowlmouth's Mom: "Is he right?"

Fowlmouth's Dad: "Did you steal our little boy's snack food?"

*Gogo thaws and breaks out.*

Gogo: "I-I-I, I didn't have lunch!"

Fowlmouth's Dad: "Well that was good money down the drain it was."

Fowlmouth's Mom: "See to it, Mr. Everick, that this student of yours is disciplined properly."

Prof. Everick: "That'll be arranged, ma'am."

*Fowlmouth puts on an act.*

Fowlmouth: "And ya know what the worst part of it is? He didn't even accept my friendship upon me offerin' it to 'im! inhales He just stared into his book like them pseudo-intellectual types, pretendin' he was smarter than me."

*Gogo squawks.*

Fowlmouth's Mom: gasps "That's it. We're not letting you come near our little Fowlmouth anymore."

Fowlmouth's Dad: "I second the motion. See that that thing is pinched, sir."

*Prof. Everick nods. Fowlmouth's parents turn their tail feathers up and leave with Fowlmouth.*

Gogo: "…You lying slink!"

*Fowlmouth turns around and blows a raspberry at Gogo.*

Fowlmouth's Dad: "No no son, don't make rude faces. You want to look nice for society."

Prof. Everick: "Speaking of lying slinks…"

*Prof. Everick pulls up Gogo's exam to Gogo. He brings up Gogo's right shoe too.*

Prof. Everick: "I happened to stumble upon your belongings after that brawl incident in the cafeteria."

*Prof. Everick looks at the re-marked exam angrily.*

Prof. Everick: "Oh, and your Reality exam? I found it inside this… what you would call… a 'foot locker.' Caw-caw, it is to laugh."

Gogo: "M-my shoe yes, but I've never seen that test before!"

Prof. Everick: "…You're impossible – c'mon."

*Prof. Everick grabs Gogo's wrist. Gogo tries to run the opposite direction.*

Gogo: "Whew-whew-whew!"

*Prof. Everick tugs Gogo in his direction and drags him down the hall.*

Prof. Everick: "There'll be no 'whew-whewing' where you're goin' ya crazy green turkey."

*In the Acme Loo basement, a rat sniffs around before Sylvester the Cat pops out and douses him with rat poison spray.*

Sylvester: "Yyyuck, rats."

Rat: "No, I'm a student here, I swears it!"

*The rat runs. Sylvester follows.*

Prof. Everick's office appears in between furnace pipesInside, Prof. Everick twirls his smoke pipe around in his beak

Prof. Everick: "…Are you proud of yourself? Did you accomplish some kinda twisted revenge on your failed test by puttin' the school in jeopardy, and by warping the student body with all your delinquent… wackiness?"

*Gogo is just shivering in his chair, looking downIvan slams his fist down on his desk.*

Prof. Everick: "ANSWER!"

Gogo: "N-no, I, know the circumstances; I know the cause and the effects, uh-huh-uh-huh, ding-ding!"

*Gogo nods frantically.*

Prof. Everick: "Yeah I'd figure you'd know, 'cause you're the cause. But beyond Acme Looniversity, do you have even one sliver of compassion for the pride I take in my classroom, and to what lengths I'll go to salvage the minds of young toons when they face viewer competition from the likes of singing vegetables? …Who'm I kiddin'; you got an umbrella stickin' out of your cranium; that's enough signal for me."

Gogo: "Eh-heh, what can I say? Wackiness just happens to be in my blood!"

Prof. Everick: "…Oh, then mind if we do a blood test to verify that?"

*Prof. Everick pulls out a big scary needle. Gogo ducks under the chair and whimpers like a dog.*

Prof. Everick: *chuckles* "Relax kid, I'm not here to torture the bad eggs in my class with pins and needles. I wanna help ya. I want you to do well. But first you gotta reform: leave your surrealist goop behind when you step through my door. You'll find the knowledge of facts backed up by realist science very beneficiary; it might even turn you into a good American citizen. Now sit, sit boy, sit."

*Prof. Everick snaps his finger. Gogo climbs back into his chair.*

Prof. Everick: "I understand, however, that for someone of your complexion making the grade is easier said than done. Have a look at this."

*Prof. Everick pulls down a phylogenetic tree chart showing animal evolution. He points with a stick to the crow near the top and drags his stick to the bottom, below TV Executive which reads: "We Won't Give Them a Break," to the single cell.*

Prof. Everick: "See where the Dodo Bird is on this chart?"

*Prof. Everick points to where the Dodo spirals below the single cell.*

Prof. Everick: "They're the stupidest creatures that ever existed, with IQs straddlin' around negative fifty-eight. Yep, it don't take a smart person to realize why they're goin' the way of parachute pants."

*Gogo gets somewhat angry, sporting beads of sweat from fear.*

Prof. Everick: "But with a lot o' work, we have a small inkling of a chance to boost your grade up. BUT, you're gonna have to start back at square numero uno."

*Prof. Everick pulls out a small television set on a wheeled table.*

Prof. Everick: "It's proven to be successful with pets, and it's the cheapest means of education available. Without further ado, I give you, the 'Wonder Box'!"

*The TV screen displays static, and Prof. Everick has to slap it to get it working.*

*The video shows an old schoolhouse, and Ruffee is the teacher mugging the camera.*

Ruffee: "Hi kids! Today is a very special day here at Schoolhouse Block! Come, follow MEEE!"

*Ruffee skips into the schoolhouseHe approaches his blackboard.*

Ruffee: "Now, before we begin our lesson, I'd like to remind you to tune down the ADHD and stay seated for the duration of our class, because if you don't, you'll have to meet a very snappy friend of mine: Mr. Whack-'Ems!"

*Ruffee grins evilly and slaps a spiked ruler in his palm. Gogo blinks.*

*Ruffee starts singing.*

Ruffee: "If you gotta simple fraction and ya need a lil' traction you can always use the smaller numbers rule! All it takes is a sign, after this three and number nine, and then you use your common numbers factors tool!"

*Ruffee reduces the fraction 3/9 to 1/3.*

Ruffee: "Three, to one, and nine by three gives three! C'mon everybody, sing with me!"

*The bored dressed-up kids in Ruffee's class sing with him.*

Kids and Ruffee: "If you don't know what to do, when a number's over two, you should always split it even down the miii-ddle! And the wholes that're in your way, don't let 'em sit there, don't delay! You can match its bottom there to solve the riii-ddle!"

*Gogo holds his head and grabs his neck painfully.*

Ruffee: "Nice job kids! We're learning a LOT today! Now let's go on to ANOTHER problem! I think you're ready!"

*Ruffee writes a graph and something very convoluted on the board.*

Ruffee and Kids: "If you want the rate of change, on a tangent graph that's strange, you can always check the delta of the fuuu-nction!"

*Gogo is mind-boggled.*

Ruffee and Kids: "Just remember to reduce, and leave no 'x' unabused, 'cause you're gonna need a slope in the conjuuu-nction!"

Ruffee: "Okay kids, now let's do some differential equations!"

Gogo: "AAAAAAAH!"

*Prof. Everick holds up a ruler.*

Prof. Everick: "Hmm, maybe I should start usin' one o' these."

Gogo: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

*Gogo bursts out of the office. He dashes out of Acme Loo at sunset. He finds his wooden rowboat next to a tree and jumps into it. He starts paddling it into the air but gets caught by an anchor attached by a small crow. The crow walks up to him and wags its finger. It takes out a book called "Newton's Laws for Maroons" and slams Gogo and the boat to the ground. The crow whistles for other crows. Gogo is dazed but sees the flock of crows and runs for it. He takes out a wooden mallet to ward off the crows, but the crows get angrier and swarm him. He and the crows tumble down a hill.*

*Concord Condor is flying down the hill dragging his backpack.*

Concord: "Duuuh, I cannot wait to show my folks what I got on my Realism test. I will give you a hint: it was neither an F nor an E."

*Concord gets caught in the flurry of crows. One crow prepares to boot him out. Concord blathers stupidly as he is booted into the horizon. Gogo and the crows roll into a cornfield. Gogo manages to escape through the cornstalks. He sees a scarecrow standing against the howling winds and flips it in the crows' direction. The oncoming crows do a wild take and try to stop, but they crash into each other and then into the scarecrow. Straw is blown everywhere, and Gogo escapes by taking mountains painted in the distance as steps and opening the sun as if it were a door. He closes it behind him, entering Wackyland.*

*Gogo falls through mad space and lands on twisted ground. He runs on a literal "Nose Bridge" over a "Babbling Brook" that sounds like Ben Stein.*

Babbling Brook: "And then I said, 'why can't you just return that rotten tomato you found in the produce aisle for a fresh one?'"

*Gogo runs and dives headfirst into his spaghetti-and-meatball bathtub bed. The sky turns dark, and a crescent moon flips across it like a boomerang back and forth.*

*Gogo thinks he's woken up from sleeping, as he is in a desolate countryside. The scene is colorless. He sees a schoolhouse, and the school bell tolls. Gogo begins taking a step when the rain starts pouring. Gogo looks up and pulls his umbrella over himself. Lightning strikes it out. Gogo goes to the schoolhouse wet. He tries to open the front door but it's locked. A sign reads on the door: "No Maroons Allowed." Gogo gives up and goes around the corner, where he sees a folded umbrella in a barrel. A signpost reads: "Go Home, Nut (Your Logic Don't Mean Pomegranates)." Gogo reaches for the umbrella and grabs its "shoes." He opens the umbrella and Yoyo Dodo pops out.*

Yoyo: "Yahoo!"

*Yoyo leaps in the air and parachutes to the ground.*

Yoyo: "How ya doin' son?!"

Gogo: *stunned* "Ah, da, eh, mm, ah, ee – "

*Yoyo looks up at the sky, annoyed at the rain.*

Yoyo: "We could use a new forecast!"

*Yoyo pulls the ground and flips the whole world upside down. Rain falls in the opposite direction. Gogo holds onto the signpost. Yoyo shakes the water out of the ground and flips the world back upright. Gogo lets go of the signpost, and Yoyo sits on the signpost.*

Yoyo: "Ya know where you are dontcha?"

Gogo: *shaking his head* "…Looks like the color palette went to Vegas."

*Gogo starts walking away when Yoyo stretches his neck and smacks his face upside down with Gogo's.*

Yoyo: "Don't go normal on me son, you know all Dodos dream in black and white!"

Gogo: "Dream?"

Yoyo: "Yyyep!"

Gogo: "D-dad? Why are you here?"

Yoyo: "I'm here to tell ya that ya need to slap science with a rubber glove! I'm worried about you: science is makin' ya sane! And you wanna know what happens when you're sane?! You get stuffed and put on exhibit in a natural history museum! Here, I'll show you my knee tag to prove it!"

*Yoyo shows his tag, and Gogo jumps.*

Gogo: "But I gotta pass my class! If I don't, I'll never get my Toon degree, nope."

Yoyo: "You mean to say to me that you gotta have a piece o' paper to show your worth? I never went to no school, and lookat how I turned out! Do-dee-do-do-do-dee-oh-do!"

*Yoyo dances around Gogo like a kook.*

Gogo: *shivers* "Y-y-yes, but I wanna brain swollen with knowledge! Knowledge is pungent!"

*Yoyo stops dancing and smiling and stares at Gogo.*

Gogo: "Ooh, but it's only a foul flight. I'm just a dodo of a Dodo."

Yoyo: "…Couldja explain to me what in blazes convinced ya o' that?"

*Gogo slowly holds up his Reality exam. Yoyo takes it and reads the F, and he appears angry. Gogo closes his eyes and sheds a tear. Yoyo wipes Gogo's tear away and raises his head, looking him in the eye.*

Yoyo: *appears solemn* "Well son, you really wanna know what I think o' this here exam?"

*Yoyo taps his tongue and forms a giant pencil. He tosses the test in the air. He quickly jams the pencil in a giant pistol and blasts the test to smithereens. Gogo watches the remains float down.*

Yoyo: "No F on a test's gonna shoot you down. Heck, what's an F? Just stick to your roots and you'll make the entire world your omelet!"

*Yoyo pats Gogo on the head.*

Yoyo: "Now if you'll excuse me – "

*Yoyo puts a glowing halo over his head and takes out a harp.*

Yoyo: "I'm late for the Choir. Your mother's waitin' for me up there. As it turns out, I wasn't the last of 'em!"

*Yoyo pulls out a framed picture of his wife.*

Yoyo: "Ah, what a Dodo."

*Yoyo pulls out a fishing rod and tosses it, where the hook hooks onto a golden gate in the clouds. Yoyo sticks the rod in the ground, flips the signpost around to reveal a clock-unicycle, mounts it, and rides the fishing line upside down into the heavens. He blows a kiss at Gogo.*

Yoyo: "La vista hasta! Yahoo!"

*Yoyo uses the clock's hands as pedals, which produce a loud ticking noise. Gogo's alarm clock rings, and Gogo shoots up and get his head caught in his bathtub bed's shower arm. He pulls himself out and brings a book out of his bed called "Math." Yoyo appears in a thought bubble next to him in full color.*

Yoyo: "Psst. One more thing…"

*Yoyo brings up a copy of Gogo's book and demonstrates what to do with it by ripping it in half, ripping the thought bubble in half as well. Gogo thinks to himself, but gets serious.*

*The Wackylanders are bouncing around. There is a pair of running shoes running, a money tree pouring a kettle of tea from a teacup, a flying red bull, stop and see Gogo rolling in a prairie schooner pulled by a Knight chess piece hopping on Wackyland's checkerboard road. The schooner crashes into a road cinder block. Gogo has a toothpick in his mouth and addresses everyone.*

Gogo: Southern accent "Listen far, listen wide!"

*The Wackylanders gather around.*

Gogo: "Settle down rubber-neckers! I'm gonna be as keen and gentle as I can with what I'm proposin'. Whaddo I propose, you question mark? I'll let you figure it out!"

*Gogo throws the canvas off the schooner, revealing books, a chalkboard, and school supplies. The Wackylanders gasp.*

Gogo: "We're driftin' away from the facts of life! It's high-time for a reunion with reality! I learn, you learn, we succeed!"

*The Wackylanders look at and talk among each other. The Sphinx approaches Gogo.*

Sphinx: "Gogo, this isn't like you; why are you doing this? You know better than us that reality doesn't mean anything here."

Gogo: "But I don't know! That's the rub!"

*Gogo opens his head and shows it to be empty. General Valen pops out of it.*

General Valen: "Welcome to the Void. …Don't come in here; this place is under renovation."

Sphinx: *hesitates* "I guess I see your point. …So where do we begin?"

Gogo: "At Ancient Egypt!"

*Gogo shows Sphinx a history book.*

*Days pass as suns circle over an upside down, floating Illuminati pyramid. Each sun builds up on the other until one of them has to stomp on the pile of suns to force them down the sky.*

*At Acme Loo in the Realism Studies classroom, Plucky is tapping his pencil on his desk.*

Plucky: "Ya know Buster, after these last few days, I'm gettin' the feelin' somebody's been missing – somebody who wears really clownish shoes."

*Sweetie pops out of the classroom clock to substitute for Gogo.*

Sweetie: "Good morning-good morning! I hope everyone had their tetanus shots because today is Real Dirt n' Worms Day at the cafeteria! Mmm… MY FAVORITE!"

*Sweetie squawks and is pulled back into the clock. Her feathers get caught in the door.*

Buster: "Yeah, I think your everyday-awareness receptors could use a tune-up, pal."

Plucky: "Pfft, my receptors. I accept that taken-as challenge wholeheartedly; and while I discuss the subject of wagers, if you try to cut me o – "

*Buster hears the door open.*

Buster: "Shhh! It's him!"

Plucky: "…Nix."

*Prof. Everick walks in, smoke pipe in hand.*

Prof. Everick: "Hello students, I hope you're all rested and that your weekend was filled with joy and merriment."

Montana Max: "It wasn't! The homework stunk!"

Prof. Everick: *laughs evilly* "…It's refreshing to see an honest face. Today's lesson is going to be on the psychoanalytical works of Sigmund Freud. We're gonna study his theories in class and then write research papers outside. Doe'n't that sound like fun?"

*The students groan.*

Prof. Everick: "I understand your concern kids. We won't discuss all the theories of Freud; otherwise I'd have the FCC tearin' down my door. No further details – adjourned."

*Prof. Everick is writing on the blackboard.*

Prof. Everick: "Now, who can tell me what Freud thought about dreams? They come and go and you rip your hair out trying to figure out what's wrong with your head. Crazy little brain mirages aren't they. Almost as crazy as, as – "

*The door opens, and Gogo is there with books and an apple, looking serious. Gogo then strolls in happily.*

Gogo: "Hiya teach!"

*Gogo walks past and places the apple on Prof. Everick's desk.*

Prof. Everick: *grits* "Interrupting my class."

*Prof. Everick bends down to Gogo.*

Prof. Everick: "Excuse me. Correct me if I'm mistaken, but have you not been absent this entire past week?"

Gogo: "Affirmative."

Prof. Everick: "And what was so important that you had to disappear without sending me notification of absence, huh? Did I frighten you off? Or did Dali get you on loan for more of his atrocious paintings?"

*Gogo grabs Prof. Everick's pipe from him and blows bubbles out of it.*

Gogo: *deeper voice* "It's a recipe for a pulp fiction, actually, peppered with hyperbole for your entertainment value but for the most part bona fide and pure."

*Prof. Everick gawks.*

Prof. Everick: "Entertainment? What is this? What're you doin'?!"

Gogo: "There I was, businessing my own mind in a dark alley, when I was attacked in the shadows of the night by Everick's dastardly crow-nies."

Prof. Everick: "Crow-nies of which I have none. But I gotta hand it to ya, your 'punmanship' never ceases to bewilder me."

*Prof. Everick looks at the camera and makes cutting gestures at his neck, smiling fakely.*

Prof. Everick: "We could do this all day folks."

*Gogo launches up to Prof. Everick.*

Gogo: "And when I was able to escape their mob, I warned my fellow Wackylanders that the crows were going to take over… Wackyland. So I had to teach them to stand their ground and fight back with… returns to high voice an excellent yet affordable education!"

*Gogo shows Prof. Everick his Wacky Teacher Certificate.*

Prof. Everick: "…DA-HA-HA-HA-HA! You, a TEACHER?! You can't even find grips bein' a STUDENT! What kinda sucker do you take me for – I mean look at that F you got on your Reality exam! Hah, what a yutz."

*The rest of the class gasps.*

Babs: "How can that be?! Gogo, you're one of Acme Loo's top students! How could you let yourself slip?!"

Prof. Everick: "Now gimme back my pipe."

*Prof. Everick takes his smoke pipe from Gogo. Gogo hears the class whispering and talking but then smacks his beak.*

Gogo: "Fair enough. I'll be going to my desk now. But first, a sentence of gratitude for the apple I gave you?"

*Prof. Everick is wiping off his pipe's tip on his coat, trying to get rid of prehistoric Dodo germs.*

Prof. Everick: "Oh, thanks, but my doctor says I can't eat apples… complicated grown-up issues."

*Gogo takes the apple.*

Gogo: "But are not apples a symbol of knowledge and good health? I believe that in his line of thinking the professor has made a fundamental logical fallacy."

Prof. Everick: "You're a logical fallacy."

*Gogo laughs hysterically.*

Prof. Everick: "Look, if you're so sore about being one-upped by someone higher on the evolutionary chart, then I suggest you find a corner where you can mourn over your punctured ego. And I don't mean the conscious mind kind."

Gogo: "No thanks, I'll just have your apple."

*Gogo bites into it. The class gasps louder.*

Fifi: "Non! Non! You cannot eat zee teacher's apple! It is zee worst sign of insolence!"

Plucky: "Yeah, that's like a slap in the face without the palms of Moe!"

*Prof. Everick cracks his knuckles.*

Prof. Everick: "Oh-hoh-hoh, now you're in the crow cage. Whether I wanted that apple or not, you've disrespected my authority and become a real thorn in my side."

*Gogo turns into a thorn and draws near Prof. Everick.*

Prof. Everick: "Ah-AH! Don't do that to me man."

*Gogo turns back into himself.*

Gogo: "Then howdja like a teach-off to see who's the REAL corn head?!"

Prof. Everick: "…What, you think you can teach the facts of reality better than me?"

Gogo: "The idea isn't just cogitative, hmm!"

*Gogo zips to Buster's desk and pulls a carrot out of his shirt, singing to the tune of "What Do You Do with a Drunken Sailor?"*

Gogo: "Now rabbits they like their tapioca, but they'd settle for a chocolate mocha, and then after drinking their Fizzy Coca, they go eat a ca-rrot!"

Prof. Everick: "I refuse to participate in a ridiculous musical number."

*The boom operator of the show reaches out and pulls the whip on him.*

Prof. Everick: "But think of all those balding eagles, how they gotta fish like their brother seagulls, why can't they buy seafood since it's not legal, someone stop this mad-ness!"

*Gogo pops in and out of everyone's desks.*

Gogo: "Ah give a hoot for the Periodic Table, it lists all the elements in neat old rows, like fire and water and earth and air, where the learning stops, nobody knows!"

*Prof. Everick writes the Table on the blackboard.*

Prof. Everick: "Kid, you got it wrong, they're atom particles, you have the protons neutrons and electron bits, you add 'em up and calculate the valence shell, and that's how a discovery is green-lit."

*Gogo holds up a poster of the human brain with wacky stuff in it.*

Gogo: "Glad that you're bringing up that quotation, it sure feeds the human imagination – "

*Prof. Everick knocks Gogo upside the head.*

Prof. Everick: "Fantasy's no emancipation, our one goal is pro-gress!"

*Prof. Everick shows a chart of civilization's progress.*

*Gogo sits on a globe with a telephone, making calls around the world and riling up political figures.*

Gogo: "I can call the names of all the countries, then go call up them and their respective gentries, speaking fifteen languages is elementary – "

Prof. Everick: "The peace of the world's in dan-ger!"

*Gogo runs to the blackboard, erases everything, and writes garble.*

Gogo: "Oh I disagree the laws of motion and of energy are firmly in my mind and hand and on the board for you to see!"

Prof. Everick: "No you missed a beat on all your variables and matrices, the requisite conditionals are out of place to some degree!"

Gogo: "Not according to Marie Curie!"

*The lyrics break and an Irish band comes in dancing and playing instruments. Prof. Everick claps, dances, and sneaks near them. He throws them in a cardboard box labeled "Ship Back to Dublin" and kicks the band out.*

*In instrumentals only, Gogo in a white suit describes what happens when you tie a cat to a nuclear warhead. Prof. Everick sits in a swaying crow's nest in a movie set with the map of the New World behind him, pointing to "land" like Christopher Columbus before falling off. Gogo describes the extinction of the dinosaurs in a giant picture book, showing Roman soldiers charging and attacking the fleeing dinosaurs. Prof. Everick expands his arms to show the vast universe and what will happen to the sun after a trillion years; it will become a supernova and explode. The screen goes black, and stars float down.*

*Gogo is dazed on the floor with facts spinning around his head. Prof. Everick is standing next to him, composed.*

Prof. Everick: "There wasn't any doubt I'd win, was there. But it wasn't a fair fight neither. I'M the professor in this class, and I'm issuing a new rule. Students?!"

*The witnessing students are also in a daze from factual overload.*

Prof. Everick: "Don't let this guy run for office; he'll pass bills funding a search for the Smurf village. Our lives and government finances are at stake."

*Prof. Everick goes to the blackboard and erases everything.*

Prof. Everick: "Now then – "

*Prof. Everick begins to write when his chalk disintegrates.*

Prof. Everick: "Aah bleep, this was my last piece o' chalk."

*Gogo sees the chalk dust fall to the floor.*

Prof. Everick: "We still got five minutes o' class time left!"

*Gogo gathers the chalk dust and gives Prof. Everick a new piece of chalk.*

Prof. Everick: "Huh? How'd you just do that?"

Gogo: *wearily* "Well, it's easy. You just invigorate each chalk particle with intensified electrical charge, follow the correspondence principle and manipulate the electrodynamics of the chalk relative to the remaining particles of space by oscillating each unit vector – "

Prof. Everick: "…Quantum physics?!"

*Prof. Everick laughs and goes crazy. He collapses on the floor and just lies there.*

*The other students walk up to Prof. Everick out of concern. Buster gets Gogo on his feet.*

Buster: "Gogo, how'd you manage to put the teach on ice?"

Gogo: "…I dunno."

*Plucky pokes Prof. Everick, who groans.*

Plucky: "Well, you didn't kill the guy, so that's one load off your back."

Babs: "I for one have had enough higher learning for one episode. When school's over, why don't we forget this whole Catch-Twenty-Two and go lose our overworked brain cells in Wackyland?"

Rest of Class: "YEAH!"

Gogo: *beams and takes out a jar* "You'll need a jar to catch them!"

*The school bell rings, and everyone but Gogo runs out the door. He turns to Prof. Everick and salutes him in a soldier's uniform.*

Gogo: *voice of soldier* "It has been my greatest thrill to cross arms with my natural enemy… and my unfounded friend. Be well… Ivan."

*Gogo puts his soldier's hat over his chest and leaves.*

*Prof. Everick eventually awakens, groaning*

Prof. Everick: "Ugh, my fluid-filled skull. Huh? Where am I? What's going on around here?"

*The Aristotle bust on his desk speaks.*

Aristotle: "The educated differ from the living as much as the uneducated differ from the dead."

Prof. Everick: "…Ahh lay off it old man!"

*Prof. Everick gets up.*

Prof. Everick: "I can't bury myself in a book for twenty-four hours without converting to a Looney Tune! I'm done with these Realism Studies; in fact, I'm entitling myself a trip to the Bahamas for a month… just to spite ya."

*Prof. Everick rips off his outfit, revealing another outfit consisting of a t-shirt, shorts, and sun hat. He looks down at himself.*

Prof. Everick: "Wow, I'm gettin' the hang of this non-sequitur claptrap already! Da-ha!"

*Prof. Everick crashes through the window and bounces into the distance, acting like Daffy Duck.*

Prof. Everick: "Woo-hoo, woo-hoo, woo-hoo!"

*The Aristotle bust glances at the camera (the audience) worriedly.*

---

The End