'Those he Loved Most'
A Star Wars Fan Fiction
by Caroline Hogan
Qui-Gon never showed his true feelings, the deepest heart of his heart – never, except to those he loved the most. His greatest strength as a jedi was his ability to sense emotions within people, but his greatest fault was of responding with his own emotions, a potentially dangerous tendency. So Qui-Gon hid his feelings in wisdom, in the strong self-control of the jedi ways. And that was why his deep emotions only appeared to those he cared for most; to Obi-Wan, Anakin – and Shmi.
Shmi had never known a man like this strange jedi. He was kind to her, not seeming to care about the studded slave's bracelet she wore. He could relate to Anakin, too, like the father she had always wished her son could have. When Qui-Gon spoke to her, there was always concern, and something more than that, in his voice. His eyes looked deep down into hers – and she knew that he understood her. Shmi wished he was allowed to love her the way she loved him, the way she had never loved a man before.
"Train the boy – he is the chosen one," Qui-Gon whispered. He knew that his first duty was to the Force, and to Anakin.
Obi-Wan was weeping now; his tears were touching Qui-Gon's face, and his strong young arms seemed suddenly frail. Qui-Gon yearned to stay with those he loved and cared for – to stay with Shmi. In these his last moments he longed to tell her, in the passion forbidden to jedi, that he loved her; that he wanted to free her so she could be with him forever. He wanted to take her in his arms and shelter her from the harsh world that had imprisoned her all her life. And he found that now at last his heart was completely open, and it mattered not who could see into it.
Lightyears away, in the hot sands of Tatooine, Shmi stood before a heavy sunset. For the first time in her life, she felt a wave of the Force flowing past her. And she knew that Qui-Gon was dead.