Author's Note:
Frequently I spend time in my car thinking about Glee, meta-ing along with the best of them. The question nagged at me, why do both Puckerman brothers identify so strongly as Jewish when Rachel does not. As I began my essay in my head, this one-shot was born instead.
There is a glossary of Hebrew terms at the end for those who need it.
7 years of Hebrew school, 3 years of Saturday morning services and 4 months of intense study all came down to this moment. As Jake Puckerman donned his blue pinstripe suit and he uncomfortable shook his shoulders as his mother tightened the black tie around his neck, he wondered if it was really worth all the time and effort just to become a Bar Mitzvah. It's not like his mother was Jewish. It's not like his father was even around all that much anymore. Sure he remembered some early days, sitting in synagogue with his father, threading his fingers through the soft tzitzit on his tallit. He remembered the smell of his father's cologne and the hum of voices as they sang the prayers in Hebrew and English. But those days were long gone. Now his mother did her best, always making sure he did what he needed to do to reach this moment, though he never truly understood why.
"How are you feeling?" she asked, her hands shaking slightly with nerves as she pinned the yarmulke to his curly brown hair.
"Ah, I got this thing," he quipped with the self-assurance of a 13 year old. But like most young teenagers the confidence quickly slipped into doubt. "Do you think he'll come?" he asked quietly.
"I think if there's anything your father is going to come to, it's your Bar Mitzvah," she assured him. "Besides, half his family is here and he doesn't like to look the fool to them."
Jake took a deep breath and nodded. He shook the nerves out of his hands and started reviewing his Haftarah portion in his head. He paced the room and mumbled the Hebrew to himself until he was interrupted by the Rabbi. "Are you ready Jake?" he asked with the authority of a leader.
"Yes," Jake said definitively and the Rabbi smiled. He had to admit, he'd had doubts about his oldest student from this year's Zayin class. Without a Jewish parent in the home he fully expected Jake to disappear from their community. But his mother had held firm in her commitment to raise her son Jewish and the Rabbi had the utmost respect for her.
"Let's go then," the Rabbi said with a broad smile on his face. He led Jake and his mother out of the office and into the sanctuary, where his mother took a seat in the front row and he followed the Rabbi to his seat near the bimah.
Jake looked out into the Sanctuary, his audience jumpstarting his nerves. In the front row were his families, his mother's half on one side and his father's on the other. It was bizarre seeing them together and only finally made him fully understand the importance of the day. After all, they were all there for him.
His father sat next to his grandparents, Nana and Grandpop, and Jake smiled excitedly. His mother had been right, his father had come, and as his heart raced as he realized that this was truly what it had all been for the entire time. To get him in the room. To have him care. To make him proud. Once he was Bar Mitzvah, no matter what, his father would forever be a part of him. That was why his mother did it all these years.
Once he was called to the bimah to begin leading services, the morning flew by. He led the Barchu and the Shema and the Amidah before his father and his grandparents were called to the bimah to remove the torah from the Ark and parade it around the sanctuary. As he followed the processional, Jake was greeted by his classmates. They looked thrilled for him and nervous for themselves. Their turns were soon and it was terrifying.
His grandparents and his father were given aliyah and read the prayers before Jake expertly read his Torah portion. It had taken weeks of listening to his recording of the portion over and over again before he got it perfect, but his beautiful voice rang out through the synagogue as he chanted. It only grew stronger when he took his place to chant the Haftarah.
He laughed with relief when he was done and the Rabbi shook his hand with his pride. It wasn't over, he still had his speech to deliver, but the hardest parts were past him and now he just had to get through the rest without crying.
He had time to sit and think about what he'd planned to say, but he just kept coming back to finally understanding why his mother had encouraged him, even forced him at times, to stick with it. He loved her more now than he ever had before.
He stood once again at the bimah, this time his written speech in his hand. He thanked the Rabbi and his teachers and his fellow Hebrew school classmates for being a part of his journey and for helping him get to the point of actually becoming Bar Mitzvah. They all laughed, knowing him so well, when he said there were days when no one thought he'd ever make it. Then he put his paper aside and talked about what he'd learned that day about why it had been so important.
"Many of you know I've been mostly raised by my Mom. My mom, who is not Jewish, but who always wanted me to keep my connection with this community, and with the greater history that comes from being Jewish. See, I've often had times understanding who I am. I'm a mutt, a mix of a lot of things, Jewish, Christian, White, Black. It took me until today, until seeing all of who I am in front of me, all of my family who have come to spend this day with me, to understand that. In our world, it's easy to remember that you're white or black or Christian. It's all around you. But in order to remember that you're Jewish, in order to truly understand what that means, it takes work. And I think my mom didn't want me forgetting that part of me because it's part of what makes me special. As I get older, and things get harder and I start to grow into the man I've become today, my Bar Mitzvah will be one of the most important ways for me to help remember.
Jake couldn't wipe the smile off his face as his friends and family swarmed him, hugged and kissed him, shook his hand and congratulated him on a job very well done. He was ready to head out to his party to celebrate when his father tapped him on the shoulder.
Jake looked up at his Dad who looked down at his son. "I'm so proud of you," James said.
"I'm really glad you came Dad," Jake said, his eyes shining.
"I wouldn't have missed this day for the world," James told him. "Your speech was perfect. Your mother's done a wonderful job with you."
Jake didn't say all the things he'd always wanted to say to his Dad. He didn't yell or scream or cry. Today wasn't the day for all that and even though he didn't know if the opportunity would ever come again he was determined to respect the sanctity of the day. So all he said was, "I love you, Dad."
James straightened the tallis now draped around his son's shoulders and tapped him softly on the cheek. "Mazel Tov, Yaakov," he said, calling Jake by his Hebrew name. "Today you truly are a man."
Author's Note:
Thank you for reading
Glossary of Terms:
Bar Mitzvah: A boy who has achieved the age of 13 and is consequently obligated to observe the commandments. Also, a ceremony marking the fact that a boy has achieved this age.
Tallit and Tzitzit: A shawl-like garment worn during morning services, with tzitzit (long fringes) attached to the corners as a reminder of the commandments. Sometimes called a prayer shawl.
Yarmulke: The skullcap head covering worn by Jews during services, and by some Jews at all times.
Haftarah: A reading from the Prophets, read along with the weekly Torah portion.
Zayin: The 7th letter of the alef-bet (Hebrew alphabet) and the 7th year of Hebrew School.
Bimah: The elevated area or platform in a synagogue where the person reading aloud from the Torah stands during the Torah reading service.
Aliyah: Reading from the Torah or reciting a blessing over the reading during services, which is considered an honor.