The following silence was deafening. He too was staring at the place where just moments before Mr. Bingley was standing. Everyone seemed too stunned by mr. Bingley's abrupt departure. But for once in her life she cared not, that rarely if ever longbourn was this silent. All her attention was on the one man she had months before proclaimed "last man ever". That thought brought an onslaught of bitter memories and tears threatened to come. But she forcefully pushed all that back.
She knew the exact moment he came to realisation that he aught say something. His face was easy to read now (for her at least) , she saw him mask his shock and then he looked up. A fleeting glance in her direction and then he too excused himself, his deep voice washed over her. It was like water to dying fish, not enough to keep the fish alive but only enough to increase its suffering by giving hope of life and then snatching it away. Her hope too was snatched away as he turned to leave following the steps of mr. Bingley. Suddenly all the times he had left during their dramatic aquaintaince flashed before her eyes, along with how she felt each time he left. It was too much.
She had to do something, he was going away, time seemed to stand still (probably to see her torture) as she watched him turning away. As soon as he turned her world became bleak, with each step he took the colors dulled, and her legs won't obey her. She started to walk after him. And then she felt a touch on her hand. Jane.
"don't worry Lizzy, I told you we'd just be indifferent aquaintainces. His presence didn't affect me. I'm allright" Jane said to her. Maybe Jane thought she was distraught for her, Jane was speaking again " I know you thought mr. Bingley loved me, but don't be distressed sister. I'm only sorry he came with mr. Darcy. I know how you detest him." And that did it. "Don't say that" she replied indignantly. But Jane didn't seemed to understand. How could Jane know, she hadn't told her. So she started to speak, but then realized the one person who deserved to hear it most was leaving. Oh no!
She stood abruptly and ran out the door leaving a bewildered Jane behind. But what if he already left, oh she was late again. Always late, always slow. Late to understand him, late to forgive him, late to realise her feelings, and now late to secure her happiness. Oh god! Please don't let him be gone already. They were standing at the pond, she released a breath she hadn't even realised she was holding.
Mr. Bingley was muttering something about proposing someone, and he was smiling. Hidden behind a tree she looked at him her eyes lingering on his face, his smiling mouth. That thought brought an image of the almost kiss in the rain. And she blushed from root to tips by her wanton thoughts, but she just could not stop her thoughts. Her normally well organized mind was an utter mess. And then mr. Bingley left and went inside the house, again. But he did not. The smile fell from his face, as she turned in the direction of house and only looked at it with longing. His eyes held a look of resigned sorrow. Her heart ached for him, to comfort him, to somehow bring a smile back to those lips. Without knowing she started to move towards him. He didn't notice her approach, so engrossed he was in his thoughts. Only when she came close did he turned. Blue eyes met brown.
At first he was shocked, but then his eyes softened on realizing who it was. Now she could clearly see all this love in his eyes. His eyes literally were a window to his soul. How had she never noticed that before, she snorted internally, judge of character indeed. She saw his expression change back to his usual mask, but his eyes were still the same. Lizzy knew she had to say something, but dear god! What and how. For one her mind was blank and for second her very smart mouth wasn't working properly.
Is this how he felt while he proposed? Well atleast he was able to speak, Lizzy thought, because she couldn't even open her mouth let alone tell him her feelings. That voice. He was saying something. What? He was apologizing or something along the lines. She was just about to ask why he'd apologize when he was turning away, again. Oh no! This will not do.
"stop!" Lizzy cried, and of its own violation her hand shoot out to hold him back. They both froze on the contact. Neither wore gloves. A familiar tingle came to their fingers, and same image flashed before both their eyes. It seemed so long ago, when he had helped her climb into carriage at netherfield park. They both looked into each other's eyes. Now his eyes held a tiny flicker of hope, Uncertain, yes, but present all the same. And she knew this was her chance to tell him. But for all her courage and cleverness, only two words came out of her mouth, "Don't go". It was just a whisper, but he heard it. The shining hope in his eyes grew but uncertainty didn't lessen.
Tentatively he raised his unoccupied hand to touch her face, wiping the tears, she hadn't even realised she was crying. Boldly she took another step towards him, all too aware of his very masculine presence. Her nerves at the moment could rival that of her mother's. She was feeling nervous, anxious, hopeful and so many unnamed feelings all at once. And his touch didn't made anything easy for her, rather it only added fluttering butterflies in her belly. She leaned into his touch and prayed to all the gods that he'd listen what she couldn't put into words.
Maybe he did heard unsaid words, because slowly he started to lean down. Their lips coming closer. That's it she decided, she will pour all her love in the kiss, that shall wipe out all uncertainty from his mind. But no! The fate was cruel. It surely was torturing her, because just when their lips were about to touch a loud cheering from her home could be heard. Shocked Darcy moved back, embarrassed at what he had almost done. No sooner had he started to withdraw his hand from hers, that her grip tightened.
She was panicked. He was leaving. She knew it, he was turning away(again), he was about to leave as soon as she felt his withdrawal she knew it. She was done with it, the words, glances, interfering family. No more. So she threw propriety out the window, burried all her modesty and shyness, and kissed Fitzwilliam Darcy full on his lips. Because in that moment she knew she would do anything to keep him there , to not have to see him "turning away from her" ever again. Her body collided with his with almost enough force to Knock him down, but somehow he kept his balance.
When they broke apart both were breathless, but they didn't break the eye contact. "you should have done that months ago. Who knew the dour Mr. Darcy could kiss like that." Elizabeth said, with shining bright eyes, a soft smile playing about her lips. Darcy was shocked, is it a dream? But then he touched his lips and came to conclusion, no it could not be a dream. It felt too real, too vivid.
"Please Elizabeth, don't toy with me. If you don't…." but his speech was cut off as she placed her fingers on his mouth.
She kissed him once more chastely on lips, then his cheek as she kissed her way to his ear, and whishpered huskily, " every time I see you tturning away from me, u take a part of me along with you, even when I did not know you so well I still felt a loss whenever you'd leave. Every step you take away from me makes my world dull, the moment I see you entire world becomes brighter yet somehow the only thing I can see is you. At this moment all I can think, feel, see or hear is you. Tell me Mr. Darcy is that how love feels?" she withdrew enough to look into his eyes, now that she had started speaking words kept flowing on its own, "your very presence makes me feel complete. Earlier when you looked at me I thought I disliked it, yet I was always aware of your gaze, a feeling that never went away in you presence. Even your silence attracted me, yes I criticised that, but I stll noticed it. Noticed enough to comment on it. Now only the slightest mention of you makes my heart beat faster. Your name is like a prayer. I have never before been in love, but you have or so you told me, now pray tell am i….. in love?" her voice became so soft at the end of her speech he had to lean closer to hear her. And what words!
At that moment, the world could have gone to fire and they would not have noticed. When he didn't replied and only just stared at her, she became shy. Elizabethdidn't know why he was silent, staring blankly at her. Did he not feel the same? Had she scared him by her forwardness? "I am aware, the way i have treated you... You might not feel the same anymore. And i won't blame you for that. But i still have to tell you, i want you to know, that you are all i want. Months ago i told you, you are the i'd ever marry. Now you are the only man i will ever marry. I hardly know my feelings enough to put a name to them, but i know its all about you now. My beginning, my end, hope, sorrow, happinesse, my present and my future, its all you, only you. Even if you don't want me anymore, i... I... Still will always be yours, until my last breath. I don't even know if i could even exist without you anymore. Please... Say something... Anything..."
Her thoughts were becoming more and more distressed when he spoke in a clear voice "yes". She felt his arms snake around her waist, pulling her closer he spoke again, "yes that is how love feels, that is exactly how I feel. Since the first time our eyes met….," he paused took a deep breath and continued" my feelings are unchanged, maybe far more intense now, you have bewitched me body and soul. And I love….. I love… I love you. And Don't wish to be apart from you from this day on." She smiled, a shy sweet smile, he had never seen that kind of smile on her face. "good then. No, more turning away"she said.
"no more" he promised as he bent his head to kiss her once more he looked deep in her eyes and asked in a voice that made her legs rubbery, "Be mine"
"Always" she said just before his lips came crashing down on her, for a hungry kiss.
And that was last word spoken for quite a long time.