Thankfully Janet Evanovich had the brilliance to conjure up the characters. Anyone you recognize from her books is hers and she graciously allows us to borrow them. The others are mine. All the villains and some of the peripheral characters came from my vivid and sometimes disturbed imagination.

My name is Stephanie Plum and I'm a Research Analyst (like the fancy title?) for Rangeman and I do bounty hunting on the side for my cousin Vinnie's bail bond agency. I got lucky this past summer and brought in a couple of big money felons and got enough money to buy a sweet new-to-me house and some new-to-me furniture to go along with it. I even started taking cooking classes.

I used to have an on-again off-again boyfriend named Joe Morelli. I have known him since I was a wee girl and he was a junior pervert. We broke up for good and the ass married Terri Gilman in three weeks. Oh…did I mention she's pregnant now? That didn't take long. My biological clock is ticking so hard it's keeping me up at night and he's married to that beeeooooccchhh. Deep calming breaths Stephanie… Anyhoo, I'm definitely over him in a big way.

I fell in love with the other third of my love/lust triangle sometime in the last few years. His name is Ricardo Carlos Manoso, otherwise known as Ranger because he was one. I think it's a clever nickname, don't you? Yea…I am rolling my eyes. Anyway Ranger is smoking hot. He's tall, dark and luscious. He makes my skin tingle and my breath catch and… Well, I admit it. When he's around I have to change my underwear…a lot! He also has some secrets and serious commitment issues. He's a pain in the ass.

This summer I met a new guy. His name is Brian Goodman and he's a Federal Agent. He's soooo hot. He looks like Carter Oosterhouse from HGTV. He's sweet. He's smart. He's oh so easy on the eyes. He's yummy. He also likes me. I haven't even swapped spit with him though because my heart yearns for Ranger, the jackass. But if he doesn't get his head out of his ass I may just have to give ole Brian a tumble. Now…I'm not a slut, but a girl has needs and sooner or later the deluxe shower massager just isn't all it's cracked up to be if you know what I mean.

I do have something new in my life now, I'm in therapy. I know, right? Anyway the last felon I brought in turned out to be an okay guy for a drug lord and he convinced me that a little therapy is good for you. It didn't work for him and his wife, but on his own he swears to me that he's making great headway. We keep in touch. Anyway, I see my therapist a couple of times a week now. I was only going to see her once a week, but she suggested that I might want to do it twice a week instead. I didn't think I was that bad off, but she begs to differ. I suppose it could be my mother issues. Or maybe it's my biological clock. Maybe it's my past commitment issues. I don't know what it is. She thinks I'm interesting though. Hey…maybe she should pay me? Anyway, I like going there. Rangeman is paying for it. I think I'm more serene. We'll see how that works out.

Today I don't have anything to do. It's Saturday so I have no Rangeman research to do. Vinnie has nobody on the lam for me to track down. So I've been home all day cleaning my house. I'm not all that domestic to tell the truth. Lula has tried and tried to get my house to work Feng Shui. I have to tell you, I think it looks ugly and nothing has a good flow when she Feng Shui's it. As soon as she leaves I change it back. It's my house! I just try to keep it clean enough that if my mother pops by she doesn't start ironing again. That's really the only goal I have at this point.

Yea, my professional life seems to be coming together. If only my personal life would get a clue. I love being a hamster mommy, but I think I'm about ready to dip my toe into more responsibility. I may have to get a puppy if I can't talk Ranger into knocking me up. But he did once offer to knock me up. Maybe I should ask him if he's really willing to follow through. Maybe I should talk to my therapist about it first. Hmmmm.

On this particular Saturday I have finished my housekeeping and I'm kicked back in my media room in my big squishy recliner. Rex is in his cage munching on the popcorn I've been tossing him. Life is good. Then Grandma shows up.

I ran to the door in exasperation. It was obviously Grandma because the doorbell was ringing off its screws. No matter what I did, I could not convince her that she only needed to hit it once. She liked to lay on it.

I swung the door open, "Grandma…let go of the bell."

"I wasn't sure you would hear it. I couldn't hear it."

"They can hear it in Boston Grandma. Come on in," I said opening the door wider. I shook my head after she passed. She was wearing a striped turtleneck sweater with a scarf slung over it casually, a corduroy miniskirt, leggings and her hush puppies. She looked like she took a wrong turn in the eighties on her way over to my house. And I do mean a really wrong turn. "What brings you over Grandma?"

"I have news," she dropped to the couch in the media room and dug out a handful of popcorn from my bowl. "Sizzlin is relocating their offices to Trenton."

"Sizzlin," I frowned, "do you mean the Victoria's Secret wanna bes?"

"No way," she said aghast. "They are so much better than Victoria's Secret. Their stuff is really va-va-va-voom," she grinned up at me. "I can't wait. I just know they're going to have an outlet store here. Wouldn't that be a pip? We could get half price crotchless panties."

"Well, a girl can never have too many pairs of crotchless panties," I nodded and squelched the desire to toss up everything I'd eaten at the thought of Grandma wearing or much less needing to wear crotchless panties. She needed to be in cotton granny panties purchased at any K-Mart or Wal-Mart. Some things are just wrong.

"Anyway, my new boy toy Burt likes those crotchless panties from Sizzlin so I need to stock up. They're twelve dollars a pair retail. That's just ridiculous considering there's less fabric involved."

"But Grandma, if you buy underwear at the outlet don't you run the risk of having the slit in the wrong place?"

"Honey at my age that could be an advantage."

I didn't say it out loud, but ewwwwwwww.

To say that I was relieved that the phone rang is an understatement. "Hello."

"Hey Steph," Brian said softly. "What's up?"

"I'm just sitting here with Grandma discussing the advantages and disadvantages to buying underwear at the outlet." I got to my feet and walked around the house and out of Grandma's earshot while I talked.

He was quiet a moment, "you know sweetheart, some things I don't need a picture of in my head."

"I had to share it with someone in the hopes that it would get out of mine."

"Could be worse," he sighed.

"Did I mention that they were crotchless," I raised a brow.

I heard a gurgling noise on the phone, "I was going to ask you to lunch today…"

"Have you lost your appetite?"

"Maybe for the rest of time," he groaned.

"In any case, with Grandma here I probably can't do lunch unless you're willing to have her with us."

"Stephanie…I really like you, but that's a deal breaker this early in our process."

"I understand."

"So, how about we have dinner instead?"

"Dinner sounds good," I smiled. "What time?"

"Is seven okay?"

"Seven is great. I'll see you then."

"Great," he took a deep breath. "I really am looking forward to seeing you again."

"I am too Brian," I said with a smile.

"Good. I'll see you at seven," he said. "Bye Stephanie."

"Bye Brian," I hung up the phone with a smile. Finally there was a man in my life who had good phone manners. He may be a keeper.

"Was that the hot fed," Grandmother asked picking popcorn kernels from her false teeth.

"It was. We have a date tonight."

"Do you have any of them crotchless panties?"

"Grandma…it's our first date," I groaned.

"Well…sometimes you just need to put it out there right away and see if he bites."

"I don't. I think I'll just stick to my normal panties."

"Your call," she shrugged.

I reached for the ringing phone again, "hello."

"Yo," Ranger said softly.

"You're back," I said breathlessly and got back to my feet to pace. My heart was beating out of control in my chest. He was on the phone.

"Yea, I am," he agreed. "I'm just checking in. I still have to go through some debriefing. I'm heading out to Washington for a couple of days. I'll see you when I get back?"

"Sure, I do work for you Ranger."

He chuckled, "how is your neck?"

"It's healing nicely. You can barely tell I was stabbed?"

"Is the trial soon?"

"It starts next week. Brian says I'll have to testify unless Michelle cops a plea at some point before they get to my name on the roster."

"Brian…the FBI guy," he said quietly.

"Yea," I agreed.

"He stays in touch?"

"He does," I agreed. "But then so does Manuel."

"Does he now," he said coolly.

"He talked me into getting therapy."

"Babe," he sighed.

"Hey…you could use it too."

"I do not have commitment issues."

"Whatever you say," I rolled my eyes.

"I'll talk to you in a couple of days."

"Okay. Bye Ranger…take care."

"Babe," he said and the phone clicked.

"Hmmm," I sighed.

"What's up," Grandma asked.

"Ranger said the equivalent of goodbye to me."

"Forever," she blinked at me in horror.

"No," I frowned. "I mean I don't think so. No Grandma, he said he'd see me in a few days."

"Thank God," she sighed. "He's got a really nice package. I like having him around."

"Me too," I sighed, "me too."