Rules For Dealing With the Commander
CHAPTER 1: THE RULES ARE AS STATED
Six new shinnies stood at attention in the barracks listening to Captain Rex as he gave the usual debrief for working in 501st and under General Skywalkers command. They continued to stand at attention until the door hissed closed signaling the Captain left. With the door closed the new clones relaxed with a sigh. Each one thinking that their Captain was more stuck up than he should be. The shinnies got acquainted with their new bunks and started stripping off their armor when the door hissed open to reveal ARC Trooper Fives, in full armor bucket under his arm as GAR protocol stated.
"Attention!" Fives shouted to the shinnies. They automatically stood at attention and Fives smirked. "At ease boys, I understand the Captain has just debriefed you?" There was a chorus of 'yes sir' that Fives promptly ignored. "Now here are the real rules for dealing with 501st ...and dealing with the Commander. Follow these and your life here will be good. If you don't best case scenario is time in the brig and sanitation duty for a month. Worst case, you get shot."
The shinnies looked at each other puzzled. Deal with the Commander what did that mean? Their minds started drifting towards the worst. Some hard-headed Jedi who saw them as flesh drones, would only call them by number and would court-martial them for the slightest offense.
Fives continued speaking ignoring the pale faces on the clones. "Rule 1. By no means do you let the Commander play Sabaac for money.
Rule 2. Only the Captain, Echo, Coric and myself are allowed to give the Commander piggyback rides.
Rule 3. Technically this should be rule one, under pain of death do not use the Commander's personal nicknames for the General or the Captain. The last shiny who tried was in a bacta tank for a week.
Rule 4. No matter how much the Commander begs, do not under any circumstances give her caff, no one on this ship wants a repeat of what happened last time.
Rule 5. Whatever goes on in between the Captain and the Commander is their business and their business alone."
The door opened to reveal Coric and Jesse. They stared down the shinnies standing at ease looking at Fives as if he grew a second green head.
"Whats going on here?" Asked Coric as he moved towards his bunk. Fives turned to face him and smiled.
"Oh nothing much just telling the shinnies here the rules for dealing with Commander."
"What rule are you on?" Inquired Jesse as he started removing his armor.
"I was just about to state rule 6," Fives said before returning his attention back to the bewildered shinnies. "Rule 6. Do not help the Commander sneak animals on to the ship no matter how cute they are or how much the Commander begs. Be especially aware of watery eyes and a pouty lip if confronted with this situation.
Rule 7. If the Commander is crying; specifically after a battle do some recon before engaging. If the General is mad send the Captain to her if the Captain is also angry than carefully bring her to her bunk and do not make any comments on the situation what so ever.
Rule 8. If the Commander is angry do not engage. Actually, run, just run in the opposite direction and hope you didn't get seen.
Rule 9. There will be no siliceous gossip about the Commander, especially in front of the Captain.
Rule 10. No matter how much fun it might seem like at the time, if the Commander asks for your help pulling a prank on the General, Captain or (Fives shuddered) Kix say no then go to the opposite end of the cruiser so you won't be called an accomplice.
Rule 11. If the Commander asks to spar or go to the gun range immediately ask the Captain if it is okay to do so than call Kix or Coric to have a medic standing by.
Rule 12. The Commander is not allowed to have medals or buckets if she asks for one state GAR regulation to her.
Rule 13. Never under any circumstances try to hit on or flirt with the Commander. You will have Torrent crew, all of the 501st, an angry Captain and a murderous General beating you to death and trust me when I say there is nowhere in this Galaxy you can hide that we won't find you.
Rule 14. Unless the Commander is in the med bay hugging is not permitted.
Rule 15. If General Kenobi and Commander Cody are here, the Commander is to be reminded that stealing from Kenobi's private stash of alcohol is a bad idea and so is playing darts against Cody. Remind her of 'what happened last time.'
Rule 16. Most important rule of all, The Commander never finds out about these rules.
Now any Questions?"
The shinnies stared slack-jawed at Fives. Their brains not quite processing the information. Before any of them could ask one of the myriads of questions that was floating through the brains the door hissed open and a young Torgrutan woman slid into the room. She slammed her hand on the button to the close the barracks door and started panting, hands on her knees for a few seconds before standing up. She looked around the room desperately before her eyes landed on Coric.
"Quick hide me before he comes." She panicked. Coric rolled his eyes before motioning for her to hide under his bunk. She shot him a grateful smile as she rolled underneath it. The shinnies stood frozen in amazement as Fives quickly jumped on his bunk and started flipping through a holozine and Jesse moved his armor in front of Coric's bunk concealing the young woman even more. The girl peeked her head out from around the armor long enough to hiss at the frozen shinnies. "Act natural." Before curling as close to the wall as possible, hiding.
The shinnies were shocked once again as the door hissed open to reveal the Captain; green and blue paint dripping from his armor, He was breathing heavily as he scanned the room.
"Where is she!" He yelled. The shinnies snapped their heads towards Fives and watched as the ARC Trooper made a big deal of looking up from his holozine.
"Where's who Captain?" He asked lazily yawning in the process.
"You damned well know who. She threw a paint grenade at me!" The Captain roared.
Jesse quickly started to choke on a laugh he failed to cover which earned him the Captains glare.
"Where is she, Jesse." He demanded,
Jesse Shrugged. "No clue Captain I haven't seen her all day."
Captain Rex started searching the room and noticed that one of the shinnies kept staring at Corics bunk. He walked towards it and heard a faint shriek before his legs were pushed out from under him making him stumble and fall. The young woman rolled out from underneath the bunk. Captain Rex quickly tried to grab her but the girl but she quickly got away, sticking her tongue out at him in the process.
"Ahsoka get over here you brat!" Captain Rex yelled while lunging at her for a second time. Ahsoka just smiled and dodged the Captains advances.
"That's what you get for telling on me to Sky Guy." Ahsoka taunted.
Rex rolled his eyes before lunging at her once again, this time catching her arm. He quickly grabbed her by the waist and threw her over his shoulders stalking out of the room. Ahsoka, noticing the shinnies slack-jawed faces smiled and waved at them from her position on Rex's back. "Hi boys, I'm Commander Ahsoka Tano I hope to meet you guys properly soon." Rex shifted her weight making Ahsoka punch him in the back as they exited the room. "Ah come on Rexster its just paint it will wash off." Ahsoka grumbled.
The Shinnies rushed to the corridor only to see the Commander flip and maneuver herself onto the Captains back, legs hooked around his waist and arms wrapped around his neck and shoulders. The Captain shifted her a little bit before continuing his march down the hallway giving the Commander a piggyback ride.
"You realize you are helping me clean every inch of this armor right." Captain Rex growled.
They heard the Commander laugh and the two went around the corner and out of sight. The shinnies reentered the barracks more confused than ever. "What the hell just happened." One of them said. Jesse, Fives, and Coric laughed for a while before Jesse finally spoke.
"That my brothers is just a typical every day occurrence between the Commander and the Captain."