HAI All,

I know I was supposed to update my pending stories, but I will do that soon, may be tomorrow, or day after that.

About this one, just a thought strike me. I am a big fan of Muskaan, so it was obvious for me to hate the way FW shown Muskaan's exit. There is no need to make someone negative to force viewers ignore them, just a quick disappearance would have been better. Any way, I just alternated her exit, may be weird. Please do read and review :)

It wasn't that much easy, but I did. Don't know how, but I could. All were surprised, none showed, but I know they were. Why others? I too was surprised. No, not surprised but shocked. How did I do that? Me, who always compressed my feelings, thoughts, words, even expressions let all of them flow without any hesitation. Words were waving like never and emotions were floating on them. No fear, no modesty stopped them today. Finally, after evicting everything, I sat down on that floor with my hands around knees and head on top of them. All were completely stunned and may be confused. None came near to console me (I am actually making a foolish complaint. It was me who was only capable there to console others after my confession). After some minutes, when I looked, all were sitting somewhere here and there. I keenly observed all. Someone was having damp over lashes and some other's eyes were noticeably void. I had a small smile crept over my lips, opposite symptoms for same emotions! I slowly got up and suddenly everyone's attention was dragged to me. I stood still like a statue and then felt all the shame for what I said. When I was prattling, I was just saying. But now when every eye was penetrating mine, every heart was questioning mine, every soul was waiting for my next step, I know I was a bloody stupid to chirp like that. I just wanted to bury blame that was in my head. I suffer a lot. Loads of taunts, loads of melee and loads of insult. Oh my God, it was enough. And when he started to huff me before all I couldn't bear anymore.

"Muskaan, why you did that? She was so innocent damn, then why?"

It was how he started, I remember. I just wanted to shout back and remind him that this is a hospital, so keep silence. But I didn't. I kept my head down and heard everything without any answer. Not because I wasn't having any, because I didn't want to be blamed for that too. But when he crossed the limits, when he questioned my feelings for my duty, I was shocked. Shocked till core, and it was enough to make me chirp all that I did.

"How could you do that? She was trying to make a place within, you misunderstood. You were afraid, afraid that if she gains the same position here, you wouldn't be getting the same anymore. You were doubting your own capability. You were doubting our relations Muskaan, our feelings. You never deserved them, you never deserve what we gave you..."

I know, it was not intended, but yet he said so. He was totally disturbed with the fact that his GF made his junior attempt suicide. That guilty he was having made him say so, and he did. But when I heard that, first reaction was a laugh, which along with my team frightened me too. I don't know how could I laugh so then. But I did. Then words rushed to my mouth, from where they without anyone's permission jumped out.

"Me? ...Am I the one undeserving? Wow, thanks for reminding me that, it surely helped. Do you think I made her here? Do you think I am behind all this and that too purposefully? If yes, then go along with your bloody belief, I don't care. Do you get it, I don't care anymore. And about being deserving, if it is to walk around you staring at you like some fluffy romantic girls, I am not that. If it is to blush every time I get to talk to you, then I happily agree, I am not deserving. I don't want that bloody kind of love you are shedding on me. I don't need it, I am making it clear right now.."

I am sure that my words may have made him sad, may be more than that. He said all that just on frustration, but I wasn't. I was letting out my emotions which I stored through years and hide for months. Then I turned to my fellow companions, who were looking at me like a stranger,

"You all...If you are having a feeling that I did this to her, then I did. Why are you waiting? Arrest me, come on, do it...Why? Can't you do that? No, you can't, I know. Because there is no proof. Then why are you guys accusing me for this? I agree, I hate her, every second she was near me, I just wanted to get away, but that doesn't mean that I would make her kill herself, does it?"

Saying that, I made myself sit near the wall, keeping my hands around the knees and head on the top of it. That's where this story started for you.

Yeah, I was true. I hate her from the core of my heart, I never wanted her near me, near my office, near my colleagues. But it was not because I am afraid of her entry or I was jealous. I never doubted if she would take my bonds, never. But I just hate people disrespecting their duty. I adore my job and I respect it than anything, but she? What she was doing was nothing than disrespect. I couldn't take it. Each time she was asking, 'what to do', 'how to do' and each time she stated, 'I can't do that, I am afraid', 'I don't think I can do that' and 'I am afraid of blood', I felt like dying due to shame. 'I am a girl, I may take time to deal with these', I just wanted to hit something on her head and ask, "Am I not a girl? Wasn't Aditi madam and Asha madam girls?'. But I didn't. I didn't ask just because, my fellow seniors were sympathising with her. And no wonder, why they are blaming me to make a poor thing in this hospital bed.

"Excuse me sir,"

Came out the doctor and stated,

"Devyana madam is gaining conscience, she is getting fine now. We could successfully remove the pills from her stomach."

All felt relieved and seeing their expression so, honestly I was about to smile. But I suppressed it just because I wanted to fail their try to make me look like a culprit. All ran inside the ICU and stood around her bed. She smiled like a child and all smiled back like consoling her and appreciating her for not dying.

"How are you feeling now?"

Asked our Boss, and she nodded in 'yes'. Then turn by turn all asked her health and wished her 'get well soon'. When it was my turn, all looked at me. I was never ready to go near her and talk to her, but seeing all like that, I walked ahead, to her bed. Seeing me near, she smiled. I knew, it was a fake one, me too gave the same back.

"It's okay Muskaan. I don't have any bad feelings for you. I really don't."

It was what I never expected, and I didn't want that too. It had a tone of pardoning, which I never could stand. This was why I hated her, this is why I hate her, and this would be why I will hate her forever. This time, I just talked back. In a scoffing way, I said,

"Really? That's so nice of you, I never expected that you will pardon me this easy..."

Devyana's face darkened, and seriously I enjoyed it. Boss glare at me to be silent, but this time, I put aside my respect to him and continued,

"No sir, let me finish. I mean look at her, can a human being be this kind? You are an angel darling, just a pure angel who can tolerate and forgive anyone and everyone. But, I just hate angels when they come to this kind of duties. Here, forgiving is injustice. Tolerating is encouraging crime. So, try to be little insane, little demonic, if you can't, at least try to be real."

I said that intentionally, I wanted to make her and others feel what I was, no I am feeling for her. I knew, someone for sure shout at me for irritating her even in this hospital bed too. So I went out immediately and walked to my scooty. Someone came behind me and caught my wrist to make me turn to him,

"Muskaan, what that was? Why man? I know what you were feeling for her, and it is natural too, but saying that now? Was that a good idea?"

He asked that in a single breath. I smiled at him, after all, he was the one who didn't accused me even with a look.

"Vivek, I don't know if it was a good decision or not, I just don't know. But I didn't hide any of my emotions inside. I said so, because I felt so. I know, it may be weird for people who are not like me. I can't stand someone cry while duty. They are discrediting the training we all got yaar, the training about which we all are proud of..."

I stopped thus.

"I know Muskaan, I know. But what can we do?"

Yeah, what we could do? I was facing that question from the day I realised her frailty. And I found a way, it was to make her strong. I chose to stay long way ahead of her, I wanted her to overcome me. But she didn't. I hurt her, by taking the credits of her findings. I thought she would complain and it will make her stand against me. But there too she failed; No, she failed me. When she failed me in every task I designed just to make her stronger, I shouted at her. Tried to make her shout back, but she chose some pills, she was that cowered, I found at the end.

"Nothing we can do about her Vivek..."

I answered my best friend's question, after recollecting my experience. Then, after a pause, I continued,

"But I can do whatever I want with me. And I am gonna do that,"

Staring at Vivek's eyes, I continued

"I am applying for transfer Vivek, today itself.."

He stood shocked for some time, and then again stopped me from getting to my scooty.

"No, wait...What Muskaan? Pardon me, I heard something like transfer application, did you say so? Have you gone crazy Muskaan, are you leaving everything, all of us just because of her?"

I could feel the pain his voice was having, so asked,

"Do you think so? Can I leave you for anything? Can I leave you all, all my relations for a girl who is...Leave it, I am not leaving because her. I am leaving because I can't stand her anymore. I can't behave normal before someone who is not even trying to be normal."

I stopped and took a deep breath. As always, Vivek was waiting for my words patiently.

"Vivek, I know, she is fragile. Fragile enough to be broken by me. I don't want that, I am sure, you guys too won't. I am a CID officer, well trained, and well performed. I can with confidence say that. That confidence may be the reason behind my intolerance towards her. I am proud of my job, we all are. You know what I mean, don't you Vivek?"

He smiled at me and I was assured that my bestie could easily understand me. I just hugged him and that time, I realise what I was going to miss. What I am leaving behind. What I won't be getting anywhere else.

But now, as I am driving to Head Quarters, I know I am right. My right may be your wrong, but being a bit demonic was what my duty want me to. And being demonic is what I want too, because for me, it is being real.

Here it ends.

If I hurt anyone, SORRY.

Do read and drop a review :)

Take Care