Well after about 7 months of writer's block I finally decided I needed to write a fic. This one took me about half an hour and isn't very good, in fact, I think it's totally crap, but I needed something to get those creative juices flowing again. So please read it, even if it is really horrible and send along that feedback to
blueheelersgirl@hotmail.comDisclaimer: None of these characters belong to me. They belong to Channel 7, Southern Star and anyone else I've forgotten. The last four lines belong to Jonathan Larson the creator of the fabulous musical 'RENT'.Please don't sue I only have my BH tapes and autographs.
Author's note: This story takes place after 'Blood Ties' but on a totally different tangent. Just think – What if?
Rating: G
Will I?
It's been 6 months. Maggie's here but I know she wants to be somewhere else. She says she cares and that she loves me, but it doesn't sound true. Nothing does anymore. One stupid mistake, a split second, all because I care – who's here to care for me? I could get angry, I could kick, and scream, and punch but nothing can take away the pain. How m I supposed to face the ones I love and then the ones I don't? Isn't it bad enough my life's been taken away? Will I have to lose my dignity too? They'll all say they'll stick by me, help me, be a friend, but how long will it last? 2 maybe 3 years and then I'm left on my own, alone in a nightmare that I can never wake up from. I can't do it, yet I can't end my pain or run away form it. Maggie. How could I have done this to her? Leave her. But before that she has to cope with me, a man sick, hurting and alone. AIDS. Who does it 'aid'? The infected? The family? No one. I have no future and now, no past. I have to live each day as if it were my last. How can it be fair? I regret so much, yet I can not change what I've done or what I haven't done. There are no whys or hows. Just when. My love for Maggie will never die and I need her here by my side, helping me get through my life, what's left of it. Yet I can't let her waste 10 years on me. She needs to go live her life, not mine for me. She should have that family we talked about. Each day I go to bed wondering:
'Will I lose my dignity?
Will someone care?
Will I wake tomorrow
From this nightmare?'*
Will I?
The end.
I know it's crap, but feedback – good, bad or indifferent would be greatly appreciated. Thanks,
Bianca