New Year

I've tried this before, and failed. My writer's block is like some crippling disease that I haven't had the nerve to tackle until now. But, you know what? I feel confident. I'm gonna take this little sequel head-on.

Greetings, and welcome to PsychoEd 2: 6. If you've read my first story, you should have no problems here. If not, I'll try to make it as accessible as possible, but I highly suggest you at least try and get a summary from someone.

I do not own Psychonauts, or Ed, Edd, and Eddy. If I owned Psychonauts, I'd be a lot more popular. Or not. You know how fickle the consumer is.

"… And there were no survivors. In lighter news, FBI most-wanted criminal Diego Malheur was recently spotted making his way up north. The head of the FBI has been quoted as saying, 'If we're lucky, he'll go to Canada and it'll be their problem'. Unfortunately, it seems to be much more likely that he is on his way to a Northern State such as—"

"Damn news." Sighing under his breath, Diego Malheur changed the channel to an Oldies station. "Why can't people just leave me alone? I just killed some guys."

Diego was getting near his destination—some small town called Peach Creek. He had never heard of it before now, so why would anybody else? It would be the last place anyone would look. He could grow a bear, shave his head, maybe even see wear an eye-patch. He wouldn't be able to kill for a few years, but he'd be in the clear.

'WELCOME TO PEACH CREEK!' read the billboard as Diego approached it. Perfect. Diego pulled up behind the brightly-lit sign and parked his stolen car. Nobody knew that he was the one who stole it, but he had to be careful at this point.

It would be a long walk into town. Diego pulled his bag out of the convertible's trunk and started to make his way.

He could probably stay in a motel until his beard grew in. He'd brought a wig and some make-up so nobody would recognize him from the news. It was the perfect plan, despite all of its horrible flaws.

Nobody would recognize him. He could start a news life. He'd kill again.

EDDY GROANED AS his clock rung. It was time to get up. Christmas break was over—and it was the worst Christmas ever; the clothes he'd gotten this year seemed to be tailored specifically for homosexuals Meanwhile, Edd had gotten a new computer and Ed received almost a hundred movies.

The clock was still ringing. Wasn't there something Eddy was supposed to do about that?

It took five more minutes for him to turn it off. He sat up and yawned, as tired as something that gets tired when it does stuff. That wasn't a good simile. Anyways, it took him more time to shower, dress, and eat. By the time he was ready, it was already an hour after he'd woken up.

"Damn… I'm gonna be late."

Eddy said that. He wasn't too worried. He had been tardy a million times before now. As he calmly walked out of the back-door in his room and into the backyard, he stopped dead in his tracks.

The brown, January grass was dyed red. Lying in front of Eddy was a body. A blood-stained blanket covered the corpse, but it was indisputably a man. Eddy almost gagged as soon as he realized what he was seeing. Then, seeing no other option, he decided to do the most logical thing…

… Charge admission.

EDD LOOKED around. He vaguely recognized where he was. It was a huge, black room—perfectly clean, except for a corner in front of him filled with dirty laundry. A single light-bulb dangled from the ceiling, casting a spotlight on Double D.

"Ah, Eddward. I'm sorry to intrude on you like this, but I felt it was the best way to check up on you."

The German accent sounded familiar. Without even looking around, Edd knew who it was, even if he'd never actually spoken with him. "Sasha Nein?" He asked calmly.

"Yes. We are currently in a recurring dream of yours." Sasha's voice explained. "I thought it best to check up on you to see how you are doing. It's been a few months since the camp, after all."

The camp… Whispering Rock…

Double D smiled politely as he stood perfectly still. "It's hard to believe that it wasn't so long ago. It's probably only been six months since we beat the meteor."

"Yes. Let's see… last year, you and several other children in your neighborhood began to develop your psychic abilities. Around the same time, Stefan Galochio had gone insane and was going around draining people's brains. You and several other psychics were able to defeat him and the alien parasite that had taken over his mind."

"Um… I was there, Mr. Nein." Edd pointed out calmly. "As I said, it wasn't that long ago. Why tell me all of that?"

"Because you'll need to put it on your résumé." The voice chuckled lightly. Double D looked around in confusion to see what was so funny but the light-bulb was beginning to flicker.

"Eddward, it's time for you to "Wake up!"

Edd gasped in shock as he sat up. Sasha's voice had trailed off and was replaced by another in the waking world. Double D stared for a second before he realized who it was—Ed. The tallest of the group had somehow gotten into Edd's house and, with the same, stupid grin on his face, was now standing next to Double D's bed.

"Time for school, Double D! Sleepy-heads don't get their jerky!" The face was as oblivious as always. Still, it was a little comforting.

"Alright, Ed. I'll go get ready. You wait outside," Double D ordered. Ed nodded but didn't go anywhere. After a few minutes, Double D pulled out the water-gun he had started to keep next to his nightstand and shot Ed out of his room.

Edd dressed in the clothes he had scheduled for the day and stared in the mirror. It had been a few months since he had thought about the Psychonaut business—the government organization of psychics and their fantastic adventures. But Sasha suddenly turning up reminded Edd of what had happened last summer.

He still had the flashbacks, of course. But they were just brief glimpses into unimportant parts of the past. He hardly even used his unique talents anymore.

Feeling a bit curious, Double D stared intently at a DNA model he had made for school. Almost as if by magic, the model lifted itself off the desk and then sat itself back down. Edd smiled and picked up his bag.

Ed was waiting outside of Double D's house, just like Edd had told him to. "Hello! Have you seen Double D?" He asked goofily. "He told me to wait for him."

"Ed, you should really get yourself checked out." Edd sighed as the two began walking. He looked at his watch and groaned. His dream had made him late for school. He was never late—occasionally absent, but never late. He would have to hurry to school.

As he and Ed began to walk, Double D looked at Ed calmly. "Um… Ed… do you ever think about—"

"Yes!"

"Um… okay…" Edd didn't see what the point was. He wanted to talk to someone about the Psychonauts. Right now, Ed was his only option, and he wasn't exactly a conversationalist. Regardless, Edd tried again:

"Ed, do you remember the brain-draining incident last year?" He asked quietly. Ed stopped walking and looked at Double D seriously. "Double D… uh… well, sometimes I think about that stuff. Like, how Jonny found his dad and how Wilfred started talking. But I try not to think too much."

Edd stared at his friend in shock. "Ed, was that you?" He gasped. "Those sentences actually followed a linear pattern!"

"Huh? Yes! We have no bananas!"

There was an awkward silence between the two. After a few minutes, Double D decided that Ed's temporary sanity must have been a fluke and decided to drop it. The two continued walking for a while when they stopped.

Police cars were parked in front of Eddy's house. From where Edd was standing, he could see that yellow tape was wrapped around the back-yard. Police officers and FBI agents were going in and out of the building, chatting to each other over whatever had happened.

"Is the circus in town?" Ed surveyed the scene without a clue. Double D meanwhile, started to walk towards Eddy's house. He had no idea what he was doing; it was as if his feet were moving themselves. In a minute, he was there.

"This is preposterous… I'm going to be late for school." Double D whispered to himself. He stared at the yellow-tape for a few seconds before an officer noticed him.

"Hey! No civilians allowed!" He ordered quickly. "We've got enough hassle as it is, sweetie."

Double D only pondered the officer's calling him 'sweetie' for a second. "I'm friends with the boy who lives in this house." He explained calmly and coolly. "Has there been any trouble?"

The officer sighed and rubbed the back of his head. "Well, we were told by the chief to keep things quiet, but considering whom it was, this'll be out in no time." after looking around to see if anyone was listening, the cop began to whisper.

"We found a body in the backyard." He explained it in an ominous whisper that said even he was concerned. "Normally, that would be bad enough—but the guy who was killed was a killer himself!

"There's been this killer going around—a guy named Diego Malheur or something. Anyways, the FBI just identified him a week ago but he ran away before they could arrest him. Normally, you'd have to wait for someone to ID him before you could make your move again. Well… we just found his body in your friend's back yard."

Double D had heard reports on the news about a serial killer in Virginia. He'd killed ten people and dumped their bodies in the Potomac River. The thought that his corpse would wind up in Peach Creek was…

Actually, not too surprising, considering everything that had happened since last year. At least this time there were no giant, singing plants.

"Look, just keep quiet about this and, if anyone asks, you didn't hear it from me." The officer's words were heavy with worry. He probably had noticed how things were turning for Peach Creek, too…

As the officer went back to the crime scene, Double D looked around. Ed had gone off… somewhere. Edd would probably have to go look for him.

The Peach Creek genius set off to find his friend when a warm buzzing went through his temples. Looking back at the murder scene, Edd saw one car that didn't fit in—a black Volvo without any license plates. He stared at it for just a second when something like a voice went through his head…

"The forehead's been cut open. Just like on that show I like… hmm… why does nobody else at work watch that show? It's a good show."

Double D stepped towards the crime scene. The voice seemed to get a little clearer. It was a man, but Edd couldn't tell anything else about him.

"Not picking anything up. Why did Truman even send me? Hmm… that officer was kind of cute. But… he's a guy. And I'm a guy… Damn it, Wyatt, keep your shit together! God! Hey, wait… is someone reading my mind?"

Edd gasped in shock as he quickly ran towards the black Volvo. He ducked behind it just in time to see a 20-something-year-old man in a trench-coat and sunglasses step out of Eddy's house.

The trench-coat absolutely settled it: the man was a Psychonaut. Who else but a Psychonaut would wear a trench-coat to a murder scene? To make things more ridiculous, the coat's tail flowed down to his knees and moved in the wind as if it were alive. Double D watched the man carefully from what was most-likely his car.

"The file said that there were psychics here. It was probably just one of them. Huh… my elbow's tingling… that can only mean… somebody's touching my car!"

Double D looked down to see that as he was hiding he had put his hand up against the car's chassis. Before he could do anything, a powerful force yanked him in the air and pulled him towards the Psychonaut. Behind the sunglasses, his face was a picture of pure rage.

"WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING TO MY CAR?!" He yelled angrily. Before Double D could answer, he felt a tingling in the back of his skull. "Don't bother answering—I'll find out soon enough… Edd, is it?"

Edd watched helplessly as the Psychonaut stared at him, reading his deepest thoughts. In just a few seconds, he was done. "Damn. That was easy. You must talk a lot. It's always easier with blabber-mouths."

The telekinetic force suspending Edd in the air vanished and the sock-head fell a foot to the ground. His chin took the brunt of the impact. It felt like there was something in his mouth, too… tasted like blood. He must have chipped a tooth when he hit his chin.

"Razputin told me about you." The Psychonaut held out a hand to help Edd up. Seeing the friendly gesture, Edd accepted it and calmly dusted himself out.

"Sorry for roughing you up. A man's gotta take pride in his car." The Psychonaut chuckled sheepishly and then reached into his pocket. Quickly, he produced a plastic card with his picture and name on it. "I'm Wyatt; Wyatt Civil. You can just call me Wyatt."

Edd returned the introduction with a small smile. He was too anxious about any injuries to his mouth.

"You know whoever lives here, right? He's at school by now, so don't worry about anything." Wyatt looked at Eddy's house through his mirrored sunglasses, his face showing the ideas running through his head. "Whoever killed Mr. Malheur did it without waking anyone up. A gun wasn't used, but we can't be sure of anything until the police make an autopsy…"

Not a word that Wyatt was saying connected with Double D. The boy in the ski-cap was too distracted turning over a complex dilemma in his head. On one hand, he could spit the blood out onto the sidewalk, but that could be considered rude. On the other hand, he could swallow the gunk; but the thought of that was too disgusting for him to consider. He quickly went back to Wyatt's one-sided conversation.

"… This, of course, means that it couldn't have been a Yeti." He concluded with a confident nod and looked back at Edd. Chuckling at the boy's apparent-attentiveness, he grinned and said, "Good to see I don't bore everyone!"

Wyatt reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a red-and-white peppermint. He unwrapped and discarded the clear cellophane on Eddy's lawn and popped the candy into his mouth before giving Edd a long, hard look. "I read your file," he said. "You're good.

"You saved the entire world from a brain-sucking alien almost single-handed. That's not bad. So, how would you like to help out with this case?"

Edd's mouth dropped open in pure shock, spilling a mouthful of blood onto the ground. "I'm not even a Psychonaut." He pointed out hesitantly, stumbling on his words. "I-I haven't even done anything since Summer Camp."

Wyatt shrugged as he shifted the hard-candy around in his mouth. "Hmm. Well, Truman's kid isn't a Psychonaut either, but he still sends her on missions." He said in-between licks at the candy. "Look, it's not my decision; but I'm going to force you to help."

Before Edd could point out the bizarre contradiction, his vision began to fade. He felt a jolt of pain as he fell to the ground, and then felt his eyelids drop. He was completely aware of whatever was happening; and he was just as aware of being picked up and tossed in a car…

THE MAN RAN through the construction-site of Peach Creek Estates as quickly as he could. This was just ridiculous; last year he'd had his brain drained by an alien, and now someone was chasing him! It was days like these that made him miss his days working for Dr. Kevorkian.

He could hear their footsteps close behind him. They were small and nimble, and spent little time on the ground. The man had seen glimpses of whoever was chasing him, but so far he had no idea who it was.

Then, suddenly, there was silence. The footsteps chasing the man had stopped. The man was, however, smart enough to keep running. He was not strong enough, however, to withstand a PSI Blast to the legs.

He fell in a motion similar to that of a hogtied cow—awkwardly. Desperately, he tried to crawl his way to an escape only for his pursuer to flip him over. It was now that the man saw who it was.

The boy was short, and he stood silhouetted against the sun like some majestic hero. His head was fairly large and was covered with an aviator's cap and goggles. Despite the shadows covering him, his eyes were easy to make out. They squinted at the man in an intimidating fashion and filled the man with a stuttering terror.

"W-Who a-ar-r-r-are you?" The man was barely able to blurt out. The figure standing over him narrowed his eyes even more and whispered harshly:

"My name… is Raz."

Next Time: In Which Eddward Travels to Psychonaut HQ and Eddy Receives a Peculiar Guest