This is where the title goes
"Okay Itachi, I'm ready."
Smirking, Itachi deviously slaps the big blue ass in front of him. The 7 foot giant azule sharkman blushed and wimpered like a kicked giant blue puppy.
"Spanky spank spank." Itachi wispered like a creep in the huge mans ear, "Im'ma tickle yo balls, slut".
Kisame giggled like a prepubescent little bitch with a big fucking popsicle on a hot summers day. Then he gave the popsicle to Itachi and said "Be gentle."
And Itachi was like, "...Kay." And he proceeded to rail that ass like a runaway train.
But suddenly!
Halfway through this absoloutly serious and non hysterical no pants romance dance, he stops, feeling a tickle on his own balls.
"Teehee, teehee, who's dicking with my baby makers?"
With a start, he looked down and realized he was about to be swallered alive by Kisames fiery blue asshole.
And he tried to escape by thrusting harder but it worked in backwards manner and down he went like a quicksand pit.
Shloop.
"Alright, he's in." One author says to the other, panting from the exhaustion of hysteria.
Kisame suddenly realizes he's alone.
"OH where, oh where has Itachi gone?" He asks the empty room, standing up. "Oh where, oh where could he be?"
The sounds of muffled screaming shook the room and Kisame looks down at his stomache only to see Itachi's screaming face pressed against his skin.
"OH SILLY SLAPPY THE SEAL! What should I do!?" He exclaims, slapping his hands to his big blue cheeks.
The ones on his face, fuckers. Gawd.
Okay maybe the ones on his ass because that's fuckin' funny.
"Who you gonna call Kisame?" The readers ask.
"Ghostbusters?" He replies meekly, then pulls out his phone from wherever the fuck it was and calls...
Sassysori.
"SASAFRAS!" He cries, tears in his eyes. "You need to come help me! Little Itachi has fallen down a well! And by a well I mean my butthole."
"What's a butthole?" Sasori asks. (Because he's a puppet and shit.)
"JUST COME OVER HERE!" He shouts frantically.
Two hours later
Sasori arrives to find Kisame laying butt-ass naked in the bed, because both his butt and ass were in fact, NAKED.
"What's the problem?" He says, sipping on a soda.
"Itachi was trying do me and... and..."
"And WHAT?"
"HE FELL IIIINNNN!" Kisame wailed like a big blubbering bitchface.
Sasori takes another sip. "In your butthole?"
"No Sasafras, in a volcano." He replies sarcastically.
A big fiery KATON comes bursting from his Booty and sets Sasori aflame. After a few moments of hysterical screaming bloody murder, he dumps his soda on his charred body.
"Well Shit." He says. "What the hell am I supposed to do Kisa-wisa?"
"Well pull him out!" He says, bending over and spreading his cheeks.
"Oh. No. nonono. I can't do that." The selfish stoner puppet with a wooden dildo dick replies. "I'll fall in too, we need to do this like smarty pants." He claps his hands. "Deidara! Get me some towels and boiling water."
Said blonde bitch pokes his head in and immediatly screams the scream of a thousands dying rabbits and runs from the room, into the bathroom and vomits while scrubbing his eyeballs with a toothbrush.
Gross Deidara, the authors think to themselves. That's not your toothbrush.
"Kisame..." Sasori says gently. "You're gonna have to push him out."
"WHAT!?"
"Don't worry, I'm a doctor." He says, then turns to the readers. "No I'm not." He mouths.
"You know, like a baby."
"BUT I'M A MAN!"
"Uh, yeah. A man with a big enough asshole to fit a full-grown human being inside. Don't be a pussy, just pretend you have one."
"Ewwie!" Kisame says, flapping his hands around.
"NURSE!" Sasori shouts, clapping again and doing a real quick riverdance.
Deidara comes back in with his eyes covered.
"Goddamit Deidara, put on your nurse's outfit!" The authors snap.
"But... but... I don't want them to see."
"MARCH!" The authors say, holding their fingers threatening over the keyboard.
Deidara reluctantly rips off his clothes, revealing a nurse costume with the asscheeks and man-titty-area cut out.
"Very good, Kisame, get'cho ass on the bed."
"Hey... Doesn't he need air? Un?"
Sasori releases a heavy sigh. "Hold it open."
"WHAT!?" The others exclaim.
"Goddamit fine." He mutters stepping forward as Kisame situates himself on the bed, legs spread wide.
"Put your penis away. " Sasori says plainly.
"It's looking at me, un." Deidara shivers.
"QUICK DICKING AROUND AND GET THIS MAN OUT OF MY ASS!"
"Alright alright gawd. We're just trying to help." Sasori says sarcastically.
Yeah Kisame, RUDE.
Gingerly he grabs the mans butthole and stretches it apart, stares questioningly into the dark abyss. "Itachi? Can you hear me?"
Muffled, echoing shouts can be heard deep within the chasm.
"Well, he's alive. Deidara, hold his feet."
"Oh for fuckity fuck fucking fuck! Seriously?"
"Yeah."
"Alright."
The blonde girly bitchmanbitch firmly grasps Kisame's big blue icky feet.
"Alright, you're gonna takes some deep breaths, and then when I say so, push." Sasori says, spontaneously wearing a Surgical mask.
"OH GOD I CAN'T DO IT! I CAN'T DO IT! I NEED THE EPIDURAL!"
"You sucked him in there, you're getting him out... you smoldering vagina." With a grunt, he pulls the hole open with all his might.
"BREATHE KISAME BREATHE!" He screams.
Kisame breathed.
"NOW PUSH!"
With a gutteral scream that shook the mountiantops around the world, Kisame birthed itachi into the world for the second time in his life.
Deidara squealed with delight. "Oh god he's crowning! He's beautiful!" He cried. "You're gonna be a daddy!"
"SHADDAP!" We all shout in unison. Fucking creep.
Floomp.
Itachi comes rolling out into Sasori's hands. But he was all slippery, and fell right onto the goddamn floor.
"Oops." Said Sasori.
Itachi stands up, flings his hands to rid them of the strange slime covering him. We're going to just ignore the fact that he would realistically be covered in poo, because that's yucky, and that would just be going too far.
"YOU HAD ONE FUCKING JOB SASAFRAS!" Itachi says calmly, despite the capitalization. Then slaps him.
Kisame passes out from the humiliation and bloodloss.
Itachi catches his breath and looks around the room.
"This." He says, motioning between them all. "NEVER HAPPENED."
"Yep."
"Uh-huh."
Then he looks at the readers.
"And THAT is why Kisame is ALWAYS seme. You sick fucks."
THE END!
A/N-
Before you ask, we don't know what's wrong with us.
No, we don't do drugs.
Not illegal ones anyway. Because drugs are bad, m'kay?
Stay in school.