Author Notes: Mmmmm...... tight pants......
Disclaimer: All J.K. Rowling's. Only the tight pants are mine.
They Were Awfully Tight Pants
Ginny Weasely, Parvati Patil, and Lavender Brown were gathered close around a table in the Three Broomsticks, gossiping on all the latest word. Hermione Granger had left the group to get another round of butterbeers, as their current pitcher was dry.
"Oh, get a look at tall, dark, and handsome ordering at the bar!" Ginny pointed out said tall, dark, and handsome while Parvati and Lavender finished off their latest glasses of butterbeer. If it were possible to be drunk on the stuff, they would be. Meanwhile, they were merely slightly tipsy.
"Why hello, Mr. Tight Pants!" Lavender said and giggled drunkenly.
"I didn't know they made jeans that tight!" Parvati said after looking the man up and down. The pants were, indeed, tight. Very tight. I-bet-he'll- limp-when-he-walks-tomorrow tight. Above the pants (though none of the girl's eyes reached that high) the man wore a simple dress shirt, though not tucked in (there was no possible way they could be). His body was trim and supple. The word 'sinewy' could be applied in full accuracy to him. Wild black hair dusted the top of his strong but lean shoulders.
"I didn't know they made men that tight." Ginny pointed out.
"I think they're painted on." Hermione observed, seeing the man shift his weight back and forth between his feet.
"I envy the girl who got to paint them on." All the girls raised and tapped their glasses together in a toast, after which Lavender downed her sixth glass-full, and Parvati downed her eighth. Parvati seemed to be handling her butterbeer better than Lavender, who was constantly giggling and even swaying a bit to the music.
"Oooo!" Lavender declared, as she always did when she is drunk and gets a thought she believes is ingenious. "I dare one of you to go up there and hit on him!" Hermione snatched her glass away from her.
"I'm not letting you drink any more." She declared.
"Well, I'm not doing it," Ginny said "I have not yet perfected the subtle art of hitting on a man while _not_ drooling at his rock-hard body."
"Lavender's too drunk and I, of course, have to look after her. I don't think any of us want a repeat of the Broom Closet Incident, now do we?" Parvati added solemnly. The girls all shook their heads in agreement that another Broom Closet Incident would, indeed, be a bad thing.
"And that leaves." The three girls turned and stared at Hermione.
"What... me?"
"Yeah, you! You'd be great Hermione! You're a born seductress!"
"No, I rather think I'd prefer another Broom Closet Incident."
"Oh, come on Hermione! You're not getting any younger, you know."
"Yeah, and it's not like Ron and Harry are getting any older, if you catch my meaning." Hermione sighed at Ginny's remark because she knew exactly what she meant. Quidditch was still the most important thing in the boy's life and, short of gluing snitches to her body and flying nude on a broomstick around the playing field, Hermione had tried everything to get their attention. She was having no luck.
"Yeah! Come on, Hermione! Don't be a prude!" Parvati nudged Hermione toward the man.
"I am not a prude!" Hermione insisted, outraged at the idea. Virgin; yes. Untouched; yes. Only ever kissed before; yes. Prude; no.
The other girls exchanged a significant look, all knowing they had their foothold.
"You are such a prude, Hermione! But I mean that in the nicest way," said Parvati, patting Hermione on the back like a child.
"Yeah, some girls are laid-back and some girls aren't. It's nothing to be ashamed of!" Ginny said in the best we're-saying-it's-okay-but-it's-not- really-you-freaky-prude voice she could manage. She was amazed at how well it came off.
"Do it! Do it! Do it now! Do it!" Lavender chanted. Hermione downed her current glass of butterbeer in own gulp (very dangerous, I don't recommend it), and now having enough talk about her prudishness and just enough butterbeer, stood up and brushed off her casual clothes.
"Fine!" was all she said, though one might say they could hear her mumbling about peer pressure and the effects of butterbeer as she tried to gracefully and coolly approach the conveniently vacated seat next to the man.
"Is this seat taken?" She said in a honey-sweet, sexy-deep voice.
"No, it's not." He said coldly. He didn't turn to face her, but there was something unsettlingly familiar about his voice. He turned his head in the opposite direction, obviously trying to ignore her. She nervously glanced back at the girls at the table, who all shook their heads in disappointment. She strengthened her resolve and tried to continue her non- existent conversation.
"Do you realize just how tight your pants are?"
"Why don't you just ask me what my sign is?" He said in sarcastic and annoyed voice.
(Oh my god) Hermione thought and gasped in horror. (Oh my god it's-)
Just at this moment the man in the super-tight pants turned to face the object of his anger.
"Why don't you just-" Their eyes met, Hermione's wide with shock, the man's scowling in an equal amount of shock.
"Miss Granger, what are you doing here in Hogsmead during a school week?" was all the man could muster to say. (Very scary) he told himself.
"It isn't- I'm not- he- you- you-" (You're panicking! Don't panic!) "They- they- we were- we were... and she-" Pronouns won't save you now! Hermione franticly looked over at her table of friends, who were, respectively, sitting in horror, laughing drunkenly, and encouraging Hermione to keep going, regardless of just who the man was.
"Well?" Hermione, knowing that if she opened her mouth to say anything, the only thing that would come out was more pronouns, possibly in French now that she'd said all the English ones. Instead, she did the only sensible thing to do; she ran double speed by the table, grabbed her coat and was out the door before Hermes himself could stop her.
(They were awfully tight pants.) She thought to herself as her friends caught up behind her.
And one other thing was certain in her mind; Potions class would never be the same.
A/N: Oh, come on! Who didn't see that coming? "Why Hello, Mr. Tight Pants" XDDDDD!!!!! LOVE THAT LINE!
Anyway, this story is, once again, dedicated to Eddie and Cole. Why? Dedicated to Cole for the comment "My, those are some tight pants." And Eddie for wearing said tight pants. (Cole, honestly, why do you think we wonder if you're gay?) Also the whole "Broom Closet Incident" (and the 'born seductress' line too) is a pointless reference to the play I'm working on for Theater Arts class. ^_________^ It's hilarious. Cole, Eddie, AND I all play parts (among others). I might post it sometime ^_^
References can also be found for: "Friends" and "The Rocky Horror Picture Show". ^_^ cookies if you can tell me what they are ^.-
Also dedicated to HowHow ^_^;;; I KNOW this isn't Her/G femslash, but I'll get around to that too! ^_^; writing ficlets is just so much easier.
^_^ And if you liked this AT ALL I highly suggest my other stories, namely "The Most Shaggable Teacher in Hogwarts." I've written four HP fanfics so far, and it's still my favorite ^_^
Oh! Almost forgot ^___^ Please review! If you review, there's a chance Mr. Tight Pants will come back! Or maybe even Mr. No Pants ^.- Mr. Just Boxers is MINE though.... ^___^ *snuggles Mr. Just Boxers*
Much lovin'
-Lost in the Forest
Disclaimer: All J.K. Rowling's. Only the tight pants are mine.
They Were Awfully Tight Pants
Ginny Weasely, Parvati Patil, and Lavender Brown were gathered close around a table in the Three Broomsticks, gossiping on all the latest word. Hermione Granger had left the group to get another round of butterbeers, as their current pitcher was dry.
"Oh, get a look at tall, dark, and handsome ordering at the bar!" Ginny pointed out said tall, dark, and handsome while Parvati and Lavender finished off their latest glasses of butterbeer. If it were possible to be drunk on the stuff, they would be. Meanwhile, they were merely slightly tipsy.
"Why hello, Mr. Tight Pants!" Lavender said and giggled drunkenly.
"I didn't know they made jeans that tight!" Parvati said after looking the man up and down. The pants were, indeed, tight. Very tight. I-bet-he'll- limp-when-he-walks-tomorrow tight. Above the pants (though none of the girl's eyes reached that high) the man wore a simple dress shirt, though not tucked in (there was no possible way they could be). His body was trim and supple. The word 'sinewy' could be applied in full accuracy to him. Wild black hair dusted the top of his strong but lean shoulders.
"I didn't know they made men that tight." Ginny pointed out.
"I think they're painted on." Hermione observed, seeing the man shift his weight back and forth between his feet.
"I envy the girl who got to paint them on." All the girls raised and tapped their glasses together in a toast, after which Lavender downed her sixth glass-full, and Parvati downed her eighth. Parvati seemed to be handling her butterbeer better than Lavender, who was constantly giggling and even swaying a bit to the music.
"Oooo!" Lavender declared, as she always did when she is drunk and gets a thought she believes is ingenious. "I dare one of you to go up there and hit on him!" Hermione snatched her glass away from her.
"I'm not letting you drink any more." She declared.
"Well, I'm not doing it," Ginny said "I have not yet perfected the subtle art of hitting on a man while _not_ drooling at his rock-hard body."
"Lavender's too drunk and I, of course, have to look after her. I don't think any of us want a repeat of the Broom Closet Incident, now do we?" Parvati added solemnly. The girls all shook their heads in agreement that another Broom Closet Incident would, indeed, be a bad thing.
"And that leaves." The three girls turned and stared at Hermione.
"What... me?"
"Yeah, you! You'd be great Hermione! You're a born seductress!"
"No, I rather think I'd prefer another Broom Closet Incident."
"Oh, come on Hermione! You're not getting any younger, you know."
"Yeah, and it's not like Ron and Harry are getting any older, if you catch my meaning." Hermione sighed at Ginny's remark because she knew exactly what she meant. Quidditch was still the most important thing in the boy's life and, short of gluing snitches to her body and flying nude on a broomstick around the playing field, Hermione had tried everything to get their attention. She was having no luck.
"Yeah! Come on, Hermione! Don't be a prude!" Parvati nudged Hermione toward the man.
"I am not a prude!" Hermione insisted, outraged at the idea. Virgin; yes. Untouched; yes. Only ever kissed before; yes. Prude; no.
The other girls exchanged a significant look, all knowing they had their foothold.
"You are such a prude, Hermione! But I mean that in the nicest way," said Parvati, patting Hermione on the back like a child.
"Yeah, some girls are laid-back and some girls aren't. It's nothing to be ashamed of!" Ginny said in the best we're-saying-it's-okay-but-it's-not- really-you-freaky-prude voice she could manage. She was amazed at how well it came off.
"Do it! Do it! Do it now! Do it!" Lavender chanted. Hermione downed her current glass of butterbeer in own gulp (very dangerous, I don't recommend it), and now having enough talk about her prudishness and just enough butterbeer, stood up and brushed off her casual clothes.
"Fine!" was all she said, though one might say they could hear her mumbling about peer pressure and the effects of butterbeer as she tried to gracefully and coolly approach the conveniently vacated seat next to the man.
"Is this seat taken?" She said in a honey-sweet, sexy-deep voice.
"No, it's not." He said coldly. He didn't turn to face her, but there was something unsettlingly familiar about his voice. He turned his head in the opposite direction, obviously trying to ignore her. She nervously glanced back at the girls at the table, who all shook their heads in disappointment. She strengthened her resolve and tried to continue her non- existent conversation.
"Do you realize just how tight your pants are?"
"Why don't you just ask me what my sign is?" He said in sarcastic and annoyed voice.
(Oh my god) Hermione thought and gasped in horror. (Oh my god it's-)
Just at this moment the man in the super-tight pants turned to face the object of his anger.
"Why don't you just-" Their eyes met, Hermione's wide with shock, the man's scowling in an equal amount of shock.
"Miss Granger, what are you doing here in Hogsmead during a school week?" was all the man could muster to say. (Very scary) he told himself.
"It isn't- I'm not- he- you- you-" (You're panicking! Don't panic!) "They- they- we were- we were... and she-" Pronouns won't save you now! Hermione franticly looked over at her table of friends, who were, respectively, sitting in horror, laughing drunkenly, and encouraging Hermione to keep going, regardless of just who the man was.
"Well?" Hermione, knowing that if she opened her mouth to say anything, the only thing that would come out was more pronouns, possibly in French now that she'd said all the English ones. Instead, she did the only sensible thing to do; she ran double speed by the table, grabbed her coat and was out the door before Hermes himself could stop her.
(They were awfully tight pants.) She thought to herself as her friends caught up behind her.
And one other thing was certain in her mind; Potions class would never be the same.
A/N: Oh, come on! Who didn't see that coming? "Why Hello, Mr. Tight Pants" XDDDDD!!!!! LOVE THAT LINE!
Anyway, this story is, once again, dedicated to Eddie and Cole. Why? Dedicated to Cole for the comment "My, those are some tight pants." And Eddie for wearing said tight pants. (Cole, honestly, why do you think we wonder if you're gay?) Also the whole "Broom Closet Incident" (and the 'born seductress' line too) is a pointless reference to the play I'm working on for Theater Arts class. ^_________^ It's hilarious. Cole, Eddie, AND I all play parts (among others). I might post it sometime ^_^
References can also be found for: "Friends" and "The Rocky Horror Picture Show". ^_^ cookies if you can tell me what they are ^.-
Also dedicated to HowHow ^_^;;; I KNOW this isn't Her/G femslash, but I'll get around to that too! ^_^; writing ficlets is just so much easier.
^_^ And if you liked this AT ALL I highly suggest my other stories, namely "The Most Shaggable Teacher in Hogwarts." I've written four HP fanfics so far, and it's still my favorite ^_^
Oh! Almost forgot ^___^ Please review! If you review, there's a chance Mr. Tight Pants will come back! Or maybe even Mr. No Pants ^.- Mr. Just Boxers is MINE though.... ^___^ *snuggles Mr. Just Boxers*
Much lovin'
-Lost in the Forest