disclaimer; I don't own Pokemon. Veilstone Canucks are based off my boys, the Vancouver Canucks 3 sadly, I don't own them either.

For RosieShiba's contest.

Rated Teen for language and Gary's pervertedness. Apparently pervertedness isn't a word. Welp.

You Know What They Say About Hockey Players

-x-

"Today, we have Gary Oak, first line right winger for the Veilstone Canucks, joining us live today on Sportsnet Sinnoh. Gary, any words?"

"Well, of course, Murph. I'd usually say some mildly funny comment about my good looks right now, but not this time. I'd just like to say this. It's April Fools' Day. And the ones making themselves look idiotic on national television? Well, our dear friends Paul and Dawn Shinji. Kids, you might want to look away in a few minutes. Also, for the record, Shinny, Hayde and Ketchup were a part of this too."

"Insightful commentary from Gary Oak. I don't think +18 stuff is legally broadcasted on Sportsnet, but knowing Gary Oak, it probably will be inappropriate. Boss, don't fire me, it's not my fault, okay?"

-x-

"You guys are the biggest retards I've ever coached in my career."

"Thanks, Coach. Stay sassy." Drew smirked, looking at his head coach, Volkner.

"Arceus, Coach, loosen up. Stop chewing all that gum and have a little fun once in a while." Gary added, throwing on his green practice jersey before Paul, and subsequently the media, arrived.

"I'm normal. I'm not messed up in the head like you pretty boys are." Volkner groaned.

"At least I've got hair." Drew grinned cheekily. Volkner rolled his eyes.

"Don't make me assign you bag skates." Volkner warned, but Drew's smug smirk never left his face. Volkner grimaced. "Well, would you rather see me with Flint's hair?"

"I'm here!" Ash burst in, hobbling in on skates, holding his hockey stick in one hand and a cup of Starbucks coffee in the other.

"Where were you?" the blond coach demanded, glaring strictly at the sheepish looking man. "If this was a regular practice, you'd already be late. Be lucky that your little boyfriends have this stupid gimmick going on."

"Sorry, Coach. Traffic was horrible." he explained, but Volkner's glare silenced him.

"Excuses."

"Sorry, geez, lighten up!" Ash punched Volkner lightly in the shoulder. The forty year old man was not amused. "Anyway, when's Kneepad and the wife getting here?"

"Got a text a few minutes ago. It said 'fuckers, why'd you ask me to bring Dawn? Be there in five.'" Gary shrugged.

"I'm still thinking that. I'd say more, but there are kids here." Paul barged in, his equipment bag in one hand and a scowl plastered on his face. Dawn trailed after him, grinning brightly and waving, before stopping at the sly smirk that, despite his best efforts, found its way onto Gary's face.

"...what?" she asked warily. Gary only shook his head.

"Nothing." he said earnestly, but Dawn's suspicion showed no sign of waning, and for good reason.

"Arceus, I can't believe.. ugh... Shinji, the press wants to do an interview with Dawn. Something about 'the life of a hockey player's wife' or something like that." Volkner rolled his eyes, glancing disdainfully at Gary and Drew. He forgave Ash, because he was probably bribed into being a part of the whole thing.

Paul raised an eyebrow- knowing his friends all too well, even something as simple as a media interview could turn out disastrous.

"That's a stupid interview idea. Who gave them that idea?" the mauve haired player remarked snidely, looking at Gary.

"I did. Problem?" Gary said, shrugging. At Paul's pointed, unrelenting glare, he sighed. "Hey, think of it this way. Maybe it'll get your rabid fangirls off your back and to get them to sympathize with Dawn, instead of giving her hell."

"I'm fine with it." Dawn shrugged. "Paul, it's alright. Just go to your practice and let me deal with the press."

"Hey, why am I being ignored?" Ash cried as he shrugged on his blue Reebok practice jersey.

"Be quiet, Ketchum." Drew huffed, as he did up the straps on his white Bauer helmet. He whipped his head. "Does my hair look okay?"

"No one cares, pretty boy." the blond, aging coach snapped, pointing the hockey stick in his hands in the direction of the rink. "Get your asses onto the ice. The rest of the team's already done half the practice while you three were chitchatting."

"Hey, what about Gary?" Ash protested as he trudged towards the door of the rink as Paul grumbled something under his breath that sounded strikingly like "Why do I have such retards as my friends...?". Drew had already stepped on the ice, skating a few figure eights and practising a set play between him and Paul, who was the team's shutdown defenceman along with Jimmy. Since Drew was on the first line, he often played on the same shifts with Paul. Ash had decided that he forgot how to skate that day and had crashed into the glass.

"But seriously, why that?" Dawn demanded as soon as the three players had left.

"Why what?" Gary smiled charmingly. Dawn, rolling her eyes, only scoffed.

"You know what I'm talking about." she stated pointedly. "The media interview. Why that topic?"

"I dunno." he shrugged, although he was starting to panic. Dawn wasn't stupid. She'd catch on eventually.

Gary never thought he'd say it, but where the fuck were the media guys?

"Does the fact that it's April Fools' day have anything to d-"

"GARY OAK!"

"MRS SHINJI!"

Saved by the...

Well... I don't know.

Saved by the media?

Maybe.

-x-

"How did you and Paul get together? I mean, Paul's a tough, snarky defenseman and you're a kind, cheerful designer for one of Sinnoh's most successful fashion brands. Is it that cliche again, opposites attract?"

Dawn sweatdropped. The media sure was subtle.

"Uh, I don't know. Gary was already married to Leaf, and Paul was still single then, so Gary decided to set Paul up on a blind date. His reasoning behind it, apparently, was that 'the fangirls would never leave him alone unless he got a girlfriend.' I was one of Leaf's friends back then, and Gary, being the asshole he is, decided to set us up on a date. Well, we got kicked out of a restaurant and started arguing. Honestly I don't even know what happened. Classical romance, for sure."

Dawn hoped the guys holding the mics would recognize the sarcasm in her last few words. She shuddered. Damn, Paul was getting to her.

"How do you deal with all the hate towards you? Paul, being famous and all, has attracted the attention of many younger females who would prefer him being single."

"Eh. Well, he's not single, so they can just keep dreaming." she answered, maybe touchier than she intended it to be.

A barrage of questions regarding her love life later, the media finally quieted down.

But no, Dawn's mental torture was not ceasing anytime soon.

Gary stood up, having listened with a smug, all knowing smirk.

He flipped open a magazine, the cover having been covered with brown paper and taped tightly. The auburn haired centre grinned as he directed Dawn's attention to an article.

Dawn's eyes widened as a blush started to spread furiously across her cheeks.

"Read that out loud, please." Gary instructed, amused. "Kiddies, look away."

"No." Dawn said stubbornly, still flushed a bright fuschia.

"Yes." Gary said firmly.

"No. You can't make me." Dawn stuck out her tongue defiantly.

"Yes I can. I'll read it out myself then." Gary smiled.

"Go ahead. Embarass yourself." the blunette pursed her lips, flipping her hair arrogantly.

Gary shrugged.

"Whatever floats your boat." he said lightly, taking the magazine away.

Dawn's eyes widened even more when she realized he was actually going to read it out loud.

"Playboy Magazine has an interesting article. Just for all the overanalysts out there, this was on friend's blog. It reads: "The motion used by hockey players when they skate tones their groin muscles, making hockey players very good in b-"

"Gary. You can either finish that word you were saying and get tackled and mauled to death, or you can shut up and I'll settle for punching you in the face." Dawn threatened.

"Bed." Gary finished. A sly smirk crossed his face. "Now, would you agree...?"

"... what?"

"I said, do you agree with what the magazine said? From, you know, personal experience."

"...!"

-x-

"Dawn, you have to come out eventually." Paul sighed, opening the door to the couple's master bedroom.

Dawn moaned, sinking in deeper between the comforter.

"I hate Gary." she snarled, another blush forming.

"I know. I do too. The little fucker just never shuts up." Paul rolled his eyes, slightly amused as he took a seat next to Dawn. "It's alright, it'll boil down soon."

"No. All I see are people laughing at me because, you know, I got asked an embarassingly personal question and got forced to answer the fucking thing."

"Arceus, Troublesome, it'll be alright. I got some teasing too, it's no big deal. Gary missed practice yesterday, so I think it's safe to say Leaf punched Gary for that question. She loves her best friend, you know." Paul said in the most reassuring tone Dawn heard since.. well... a long time.

His fingers curled around hers, and Dawn sighed.

"Also." He added, as he leaned in to kiss her on her cheek. As his lips met her skin, he had to marvel, even now, at how soft they were. "Homicidal thoughts are bad."

Dawn pouted.

"But... he deserves it!"

"I know. But it's illegal."

"... don't remind me."

A/N: Bag skates are repetitive skating drills that don't involve a puck. It's boring and coaches threaten to bag skate their players if they get on their nerves. At least in my mind they do. -is actually a sheltered person with no firsthand knowledge of hockey whatsoever screw that-

Gary is based off of Alex Burrows.

Ash is Mason Raymond.

Drew is Ryan Kesler. For fans, this should be kind of obvious.

Paul is Kevin Bieksa.

And sadly I have no Alex Edler. ;_; my bb.

Oh, Volkner is sassy Alain Vigneault.

Shoutout to any Canucks fans, hit me up for a PM and chat because I have no friends who like Canucks.

Also, the Playboy magazine fact is legit. I was reading through Tumblr and it came up. I have no idea why. Thought it would make for a funny fic.

Thanks, review please~ ! (: