A/N: To absolutely every single one of my fellow Addisam cheerleaders, my twitter fam, I love you all and hope you have the best holiday season ever and a very happy new year! :)

'I'm dreaming of a white christmas, just like the ones I used to know'

~x~

"Good morning" Sam murmured as he felt Addison stir beside him.

"Morning" she mumbled tiredly, rolling over to snuggle up against him, her lips kissing his bare skin once "Can I just stay in bed today?"

"No" he said with a soft laugh "You have a surgery, the sooner you do that the sooner you can come home, and the sooner it'll be until Christmas tomorrow, and you love Christmas"

"Yeah, I know" Addison said with a soft laugh, she sighed and wrapped her arms around him, Sam ran his fingers gently through her hair "I miss the snow Sam"

"What?"

"The snow, I don't even remember the last time I saw it, do you remember when we were all in New York? Maya was 4 and we all went to Central Park and had a snowball fight…"

"Maya threw one so hard at Mark, it hit him between the legs and he ended up on his knees" Sam laughed "Yeah, I remember"

"I miss snowy christmases"

"Well maybe one year we'll go out there, next year, I want a christmas with Maya next year…"

"Ok" Addison smiled softly "I should get up now shouldn't I"

"Come on, let's get up together" he slipped out of the bed and took her hand, when Addison realized what he was suggesting she laughed and quickly followed him into their bathroom.

~x~

Addison yawned as she walked into Sam's house that evening, putting her coat and bag down, kicking off her shoes and then walking into the living room, she turned on the light and did a double take at the room, the windows were glazed with 'snow' and there were paper snowflakes hanging around the room, a picture of a fake wood fire appeared on the TV, hearing a cough behind her Addison turned around to find Sam standing at the bottom of the stairs.

"Sam what, what did you do?" she said with a laugh.

"I know it's not quite New York, it's just spray snow and paper but, I want this Christmas to be special for us, for you, it's been a hard year and you deserve a Christmas that you love, so we're going to sit on the sofa together and eat your favourite food watching that fake fire and, talking about whatever you want to talk about"

"I don't know what to say" she sighed happily, she walked over to him and kissed him, wrapping her arms around his neck "I love you Sam"

"I love you too" Sam smiled softly "I'm going to be better from now on, I swear"

"What do you mean?" Addison asked softly.

"I promised I'd be there for you, that I wouldn't let any of this, baby stuff get in the way of us, and I have, when you tried to do something about it, when you took me to your therapist I should have stayed, I shouldn't have walked out on you, I'm sorry Addie"

"Sam" she sighed, her head resting lightly against his "I know I'm asking a lot of you, I know that, I shouldn't have pushed this without us having all of these conversations first I just…"

"You think you're running out of time" he said softly, running his fingers through her hair "I know"

"Well do you want to talk now?" she asked quietly "I think we should"

"Ok" Sam sighed, kissing her gently "Just, believe me when I say, I love you, so much, and I just want you to be happy"

"I know" Addison said softly "I know that, I feel the same" they shared another kiss before Addison ordered them some food and they curled up on the sofa together.

~x~

"I have a sister"

"What?" Addison said, looking up at Sam as she lay on the sofa with her head on his shoulder.

"Corinne, she, she has schizophrenia" he said quietly, his fingers running through Addison's hair as he spoke "She had a habit of disappearing, going off her meds and then just running away, my mother would do everything she could to keep her at home but Corinne would always find a way out, one day she left and never came back, that was, a long time ago, before I met you, I still don't know if she's dead or alive but I do know, that me and my Mom, we've never been the same"

"Sam" Addison whispered, reaching out and holding his hand "Why have you never told me? You could have talked to me"

"I've never told anyone" he said quietly "My Mom told Naomi, I, I wasn't going too, I couldn't, my big sister, she was, we did everything together when we were kids, sure we had fights like most brothers and sisters do but, we did have a lot of good times, a lot, and it felt like one day I had a sister and the next, I didn't know who the hell she was, and I am scared every single day that me or god forbid Maya or Olivia, will be the same"

"Sam you know, you know that the chances of that happening…"

"There is a chance Addison, there's always a chance" he whispered, Addison pulled herself up a little so she could hold his face in her hands, her thumbs gently stroking his cheeks.

"Is this, is this why you don't, why you won't…"

"It's one of the reasons" he said quietly "I've told you before how scary it is being a parent, it's one of the best things in the world but, one of the scariest too, I don't know if I can do that again, but you can, you will be, an amazing mother, I've always said that, I want that for you"

"We can do it together Sam" she said softly "I've never doubted how good of a father you are, and if something was to happen, if you or me or, any of our children were sick, it would be horrible and devastating and hard but, we could get through it together, I love you Sam, this changes nothing, not for me, I just wish you'd have told me before"

"I'm sorry" Sam mumbled, holding onto her tightly and burying his face in her neck "I'm sorry"

"Sshh don't, don't apologize, we can work this out, whatever you need to happen honey, I'm here, if you want to look for her, we can look for her…"

"It's been over 20 years Addison, she's probably, dead" he mumbled.

"Or she could be somewhere on the right meds, living a good life, missing her baby brother and would love to see, what a good man he's become"

"I've made so many mistakes…"

"And so have I" Addison said with a soft laugh "And we'll probably make a ton more, but we'll make them together, and maybe, maybe we should, try the therapy thing again, I know you hate it but, it's been helping me, it could help us too"

"I'll give it another try" he said with a soft smile "I can't, I can't say I want another child Addison, not now, but, I'm going to be better at supporting you, I promise you that"

"You've been there to hold my hand Sam" Addison smiled softly "That's all I need right now" they shared another kiss before Addison pulled Sam's head to rest against her, her hands rubbing his back soothingly as they sat together in silence.

~x~

1 year later.

Addison yawned as she woke up in her bed, rolling over to snuggle into Sam's body and finding herself alone, she blinked tiredly and sat up, stretching out a little, she climbed out of bed and put on her dressing gown as she walked out of the bedroom and down the stairs, smiling softly as she saw Sam walking back and forth across the living room singing White Christmas softly to Jack, their 1 week old baby boy, his lips brushing softly against his small tufts of dark hair.

"Hey" she said softly as she walked over to them "Merry Christmas"

"Merry Christmas" Sam smiled "He's just finished his morning bottle, I was going to bring him back up, it's still early babe"

"We need to get used to that" Addison laughed softly, kissing him gently "Morning Jack honey" she whispered, kissing his cheek "I still can't believe he's here Sam, and ours"

"I know" Sam smiled softly "You're happy, right?"

"Of course I am" she smiled up at him "Are you?"

"Absolutely" he smiled "I'm still going to be scared every single day of his life" he said with a soft laugh.

"But that is a natural parenting feeling" Addison laughed softly "I was scared that I wouldn't, feel the same, not having carried him myself but, he's ours, everything about him"

"Of course he's ours Addie" Sam said softly "Even if we hadn't used our embryos, he'd still be ours, this is real, we're parents Addison"

"I know" Addison smiled "He's the best Christmas present I've ever had" she laughed.

"Me too" Sam chuckled lightly "Yes you are buddy boy" he smiled as Jack stirred a little in his arms "Why don't you and Mommy have cuddles and I'll make us some grown up breakfast"

"Thank you Daddy, Mommy is very hungry" Addison said as she took Jack into her arms "And y'know what, next year we're going to New York, no ifs or buts, we're getting there, I still miss the snow" she looked over to Sam who was in the kitchen, laughing quietly to himself, and she smiled, holding her baby boy close to her.

The End.