Love and Loss and Love
This is a Doctor Who story. This is also a Song-fic. The song is called "Love and Loss and Love" by Lydia Cole. While I was listening to this song I thought it was reminding me of the Doctor and Rose. I am a full shipper of the Doctor/Rose OTP. I love this song and how mellow it is. Read, review (maybe please?), and just enjoy!
Love and Loss and Love
I stood there in the console room holding down the lever you'd asked me to. I watched as you ran back out into the game station. I couldn't wait until I could be some actual help to you. I was waiting for your signal, when the TARDIS began to take off. I didn't understand why you would send me away.
There are a million reasons why this should work
So, like a fire, this season's gonna hurt
I began to panic. I didn't want to go back home. I didn't want to leave you alone. To face the dalek hoard. I didn't want to find that you were going to do this on your own. Why would you send me away, when, even though I'm a stupid ape, I could help in some way. I began to beat on the TARDIS doors in protest. I felt like my heart was breaking.
As you look away these eyes begin to burn
Yeah, for a long long night I twist and turn
As your message to me began to play I felt my entire being struggling to keep a hold of sanity. I couldn't believe that you had sent me home in some misguided belief that I could just move on. I couldn't believe that you would just sacrifice yourself just to save some humans. I tried to stop the TARDIS from going back to London. I couldn't just go home and live the 'beans-on-toast' kind of life, anymore. You had taught me to be better, that life could be so much more. Everything in my body felt like it was twisted in knots. Then when the TARDIS landed I tried the hand break and the bicycle pump. I tried to get the TARDIS to go back to you. I couldn't just let him die alone.
I then sat in a chippy with my mum and Mickey and I hated being here. I hated the fact that I was forced back into this normal everyday life. I had known that for a moment my life with you was a better way of living. I knew that I couldn't just give up and let things happen. I had to make a stand and say no. I needed to have the guts to what's right when everyone else just runs away. I ran out and Mickey caught up with me and was trying to tell me to just move on, but I knew I couldn't JUST forget you. I knew it wouldn't be that easy and then I saw it.
Discovering things, quite plain, unseen before
'BAD WOLF'
These words were everywhere, and I had seen them before. Both on the game station and here in the now. How had I missed this? I thought it was a warning, but now I thought it could be a message for me to be able to return to you. Something linking us together.
Then I figured it out. With the TARDIS being telepathic, if I could get the console open, I could interact with the heart of the TARDIS to get her to go back to you. I could help you to escape. But with Mickey being the realist made a comment about my dying if I were to go back, but in my heart and in my mind I knew I would always take that risk. ALWAYS!
As try after try to open the console panel failed I began to not only get frustrated, but also lose hope. I could not afford to lose hope. I needed to get back to him. I needed him to be alive. I hated listening to mum as she told me to just lock the door and move on with my life. I hated that she wanted me to just give up. Then she told me that my dad would have told me the same as she, and I knew different.
Drinking in water not for sale in stores
To be with or without you, I cannot afford
Under this heat I twist and change my form
With the help of the rescue truck the console panel opened. I could see the brilliant golden light. I stepped into it and I concentrated as hard to focus on my thoughts to get back to you. I was seeing everything; the fall of Arcadia, The Gelth, Cybermen and parallel London, Empress of the Racnoss, and the end of Gallifrey. I could faintly hear the TARDIS doors slam shut over the cacophony of sound running through my head.
My only thoughts were to get back to you and save you. I couldn't stand the thought of being without you. A life without you wouldn't be worth living. I needed to find a way to save you but first I had to go back to where I left you.
And these are the tales of love and loss and love
We are a weary field of flowers crushed
And we are all children without a dad or mum
We are all looking for our descending dove
I saw everything. Loves, losses, life and death. I saw moments when you were truly happy and moments when your sadness knew no bound. I saw all that is, all that was, and all that ever could be. I knew deep down that I had to help you, this lonely, unhappy man. I couldn't let you just roll over and die at the hands of your would be masters. I knew that you had things to do, people to save, places to see, and events to prevent.
I saw that you were so important to the Universe. More important than my mum and Mickey. And much more important than me. I had to fix this. I had to make sure that you lived. I loved you and I would make sure that you would survive, because you were going to be fantastic.
So unscrew your hinges, scrape away the moss
This is the day that love will follow loss
With that last thought running through my head along with everything else, I felt the TARDIS engines stop. I looked away from the console and I began to walk towards the doors. I made them open and I stepped out. I could see you lying on the floor and looking shocked at me.
And with trumpets and harps, give your chains a final toss
We will not fold to bribes of candy floss
Or to boys who don't even care about us
You asked me what I had done, and I spoke of looking into the TARDIS and the TARDIS looking into me. I saw just how shocked and upset you were with me, but I couldn't possibly care less. I was there, with you, saving you from both yourself and the daleks. You told me that I looked into the time vortex and I shouldn't have done that.
Then that dalek tried to kill me, and I stopped him. I was angry that they were still here to torment you. That they escaped the Time War. I declared just who I am, the BAD WOLF. I declared that I created myself and that I sent the words across time and space as a message for me. I looked down at you and saw shaken you were. You told me I had to stop, that I had the time vortex in my head and I was going to burn. But I only replied with 'I want you safe, my Doctor. Protected from the false god.' That was when the dalek emperor decided to voice his opinion. And again I became irate that this tiny being would dare say that he was greater than I. I then told him just how tiny he was and I divided their atoms and reduced them to dust. I declared that everything must come to dust, and that the Time War ends.
And these are the tales of love and loss and love
We are a weary field of flowers crushed
And we are all children without a dad or mum
We are all looking for our descending dove
Then you asked me again to stop and let go of the power and knowledge that was running through my mind. But I couldn't I was still seeing your future and I knew it was going to be full of problems then I saw Jack, and his future. I proclaimed 'I bring life'. I felt Jack take his first new breath and I knew that his life would be full of strife, but that he'd eventually be happy. You tell me I can't control life and death and I tell you I can. I watched the emotions flicker on your face as I tell you that I can control the sun, the moon, the day and the night. That's when I began to feel the burn. I could feel the toll it was taking on my mind and I asked you why they hurt. You said it was your entire fault that I was burning. I wanted to comfort you. I wanted to tell you that I knew everything. I told you that I could see all that is, all that was, and all that ever could be. I watched as you stood and then told me that was what you saw and asked if it was driving me mad. But the pain in my head was quickly becoming more than just a nuisance. It was beginning to hurt worse than the worse migraine I've ever had. You then drew me to you and told me I needed a Doctor. Then our lips met, and I saw stars. I saw births of new planets and felt like everything was going to be all right and I knew then that I loved you.