"You know, brother, there really aren't enough villains in the tournament."

It was the thought that started the Human Resources mess that was the 5th Smash tournament.

…

This all began earlier in the year, after the big reveal. The Smash Brothers Mansion had never been alive with that much excitement. Master Hand and Crazy Hand had made the announcement to the group of residents who called the mansion their home for the 4 long years that the 4th Smash tournament had run. The mansion was to be renovated in preparation for a 5th Smash tournament, and due to the majority of veterans already living in the glamourous abode, fighter status was to be renewed and reinstated for all previous champions, in addition to new champions receiving invitations.

Needless to say, people were ecstatic. With the promise of even more stages, items and modes, the already large group of fighters residing within the mansion couldn't wait to shake off the dust and get back into the action. There was no activity a single fighter preferred over dueling it out against and alongside their peers with whom they had all developed a sort of friendship throughout the years, even between the heroes and the villains.

Everyone took to the young Inklings from Inktopolis well enough. They were a lively group of children and seemed to fit right in, making friends quickly with other smashers their age like Ness and the Ice Climbers.

Princess Daisy was greeted with open arms, especially by her best friend and fellow princess, Peach, and the rest of the Mario gang.

Then Ridley showed up, letter of invitation in hand.

It went downhill from there.

Mario and Mega Man were both rushed to the hospital wing following a run-in with the space pirate moments after his arrival, and according to Doctor Mario, they would not be cleared to participate until just before the tournament began. Samus barely restrained herself from blasting Ridley's head clean off his body after the attack, settling from knocking him out cold, followed by marching right to Master Hand's office for what was sure to be a very interesting conversation.

Ridley, meanwhile, was sentenced to anger management as a necessary precaution to ensure that violent outbursts and conflicts with other fighters outside of matches would be kept to a minimum.

And he hated it.

"Follow my lead, as we do this pose together."

Ridley rolled his eyes. It was humiliating.

"Come on, Ridley, please give it a shot. You'll feel less tense once we finish." The Wii Fit Trainer stood on balance board across from Ridley, facing him and speaking with her usual soft, calm tone.

"Standing around like a demented statue won't help anything." He grumbled in response. "Master Hand may run the tournament, but he can't tell me what to do in my spare time."

"That may be so," his trainer spoke again, "but he can prohibit you from participating if you don't learn to get along with everyone." He would never admit it out loud, but she had a fair point. It had taken him over 15 years to finally be invited to fight in the tournament. The last thing he wanted was to be demoted to stage boss again. It was a position that was not required for a match nearly as much as he was led to believe in years prior.

"Now, why don't we just start out smaller? We can work our way to yoga later." His attention was brought back to the inside of the Wii Fit Studio by his coach's gentle suggestion.

He sighed. "What would you have me do that's easier? Yoga is simple, anyone can do it."

Ridley could have sworn he saw a slight expression of anger cross Wii Fit's face, but it was gone in an instant. She took a deep breath and smiled again. "Very well then, yoga it is."

…..

Two hours later, Ridley emerged from his weekly session in the studio, being helped along by Wii Fit Trainer as he hobbled along pathetically.

"Next time make sure to listen to me when I say to start out small. You could have gotten very hurt…well, worse than you are now anyway."

Ridley growled down at her, but it was cut off by another sharp pain shooting through his back. He simply gave a defeated nod, and the two were silent as she helped him over to his next destination: Princess Peach's living quarters.

As the reached the door, Wii Fit trainer paused. "Hold on one second…"

"What are you-" Ridley was once again cut off, this time by his own agonized screech as Wii Fit hit him in the back with expert precision, causing his whole body to crack. Ridley was about to turn around and maul her, but as he did so, met her gaze and realized he wasn't sore anymore. To her credit, Wii Fit knew her stuff, and more surprising to Ridley, didn't flinch when he nearly tore her to pieces.

"Why aren't you scared? I was gonna kill you for that."

Wii Fit gave him a doubtful look. "You weren't going to. You know what kind of mess you'd be in if you did. And besides, I think you're beginning to secretly like our meditation sessions."

Ridley scoffed, then pouted and turned away. After a moment, he spoke again.

"Same time next week?"

The fitness coach smiled. "See? You're making progress already." With that, she turned to leave when the door opened.

"Ah, ah! Hold on, before you go dear!" Peach called after the Wii Fit Trainer in her typical cheery, singsong-y fashion that make Ridley want to vomit. "Ridley, don't you have something to say to your Coach before she goes?"

He gritted his teeth together. "Do I really-"

"Yes." Peach smiled sweetly but had an intensity in the tone with which she spoke. Ridley groaned for what felt like the millionth time that day.

"Thank you."

"A little louder this time please, I don't think she heard you." Peach chimed again. Wii Fit simply stood there patiently.

"Thank you."

"Thank you for…"

He raked his claws along the walls next to him, leaving large gash marks. It was agony to have to be so civil. He almost wished for the bygone days where he could just ravage the universe and kill people's parents just for fun. Almost.

"Thank you for helping me with my angerissues, Wii Fit." He spoke through a clenched jaw.

"You're welcome, Ridley. Have fun you two." She turned and went on her way, please with how things went.

"Bite me." The dragon rumbled, just quietly enough so nobody could hear. And with that, it was just him and the beloved Princess of the Mushroom Kingdom.

"Now then! What are we tackling this week? Oh, Toadsworth! Would you please bring me my agenda?" She called into her quarters, and soon after her faithful servant came running out, a small, pink book in hand.

"Here you are, your highness." The older Toad huffed, a little out of breath.

She smiled her signature smile. "Thank you very much." She said, taking the agenda from him and dismissing Toadsworth back inside, where he would undoubtedly be put back to work by Peach's new roommate, Daisy. Peach, meanwhile, flipped through the pages of her planner, tittering to herself as Ridley stood, tapping his claws impatiently.

"Let's see now…we covered proper etiquette at meals, your manners could still use some work, but you did so well with your thank-you today I'll let it slide. Ooh! I've been waiting to get to this one!" She exclaimed, her voice dripping with enthusiasm.

"What is it?" The pirate said, lacking any enthusiasm whatsoever.

"'Make a new friend!' Isn't this exciting?"

"No. I don't need any friends. I'm here to become known as the best fighter in the universe, you don't defeat your opponents with friendship, you win when the foe is eating dirt while you tear out their spinal cord!" Ridley ranted, clearly more into the brutal annihilation of innocent people than most people should be. He ended the sentiment off with a menacing cackle that sounded more like a triumphant screech.

"Note to self: ask Master Hand to double the sessions with WF." Peach spoke to herself and she wrote down a small memo in the book. "Regardless," she began, speaking directly to Ridley now, "you'll be here with us for a long time if you are allowed to stay and fight, and a lot of that time isn't spent in the arena. It will be good for you to meet someone you can spend your time with, and with whom you get along."

"Whatever. Let's just get this over with. You! Mushroom! Bring me a friend!" He hollered into Peach's room after Toadsworth, who was already hands full with all of Daisy's chores that she was too lazy to do herself.

"No, no, that's not the way." Peach chastised her pupil. "You can't have someone make friends for you. You have to find someone you like who also likes you! Let's get started!" And with that, she skipped off down the hallway, towards the common areas of the mansion. Ridley reluctantly stomped after her.

…

The two smashers entered the main hall, the gateway to everywhere in the mansion. As everyone always had somewhere to go, the traffic here was usually bustling. For whatever reason, it was dead in comparison today. The only pedestrian was Olimar, crossing the hall some ways ahead of them, trailed by his usual army of pikmin. Peach caught his attention with a wave, which he returned happily before noticing who she was with. Ridley flashed a few of his sharp teeth at the little spaceman, who turned and ran away.

"Ridley…" Peach sighed, "You're not making it very easy for people to approach you. You have to show them good side of you. You know, the one that doesn't want to m…mu…" she struggled to get out the next word. It reminded Ridley of how hard it was for him to say thank you.

"Murder?" He offered dryly.

"Yes! That's the word. What an ugly word." She said, still smiling but visibly upset. Ridley chuckled to himself. Sometimes he forgot how innocent and sweet some of the other realms could be. "Come on, maybe we can find somebody who wants to be your friend in the lounge."

The lounge was a massive communal space. It was equipped with all the essentials for maximum relaxation: multiple huge sofas and chairs, televisions, gaming setups, billiards, darts, a snack bar, an actual bar (strictly for the adults of course, but that didn't stop Toon Link from trying), and it had almost as many doors as the main hall, leading to areas like the dining room and the pool.

It wasn't as busy as it normally was, but there were still a significant number of fighters hanging around, most of them just talking with one another. Present included Princess Zelda and Link, both having gotten makeovers since the last tournament, Falco, Pac Man and Ryu. Pikachu sat comfortably in Ryu's lap, enjoying some scratches behind the ears. Ridley couldn't quite make out what they were saying, as they were across the room, but it didn't go unnoticed when they all looked up and him, only to return to their conversation, now even more hushed than before. Ridley frowned. It didn't take a genius to figure out they were talking about him.

Peach gave him an encouraging push forward. "Go on, you won't make any progress if you don't try. Now then, what are the steps we discussed?"

Ridley rolled his eyes so hard he thought they might fall out of his eye sockets. "Don't attack anyone."

"And..?"

"Don't forget to e." he forced the last word out like he was spitting venom.

Peach clapped her hands together. "Great! Look at you, you're practically a good guy now…well, sort of. Now go get 'em!"

Ridley couldn't avoid his fate any longer. Time to make a friend. He was hoping a meteorite would somehow crash exactly where he was standing and kill him, but he knew it was futile. He would probably just come back to life again, somehow or other. There wasn't even the escape of death to shelter him now. He stomped his way over to the small group, who all quickly stood up as he approached. He noticed that both Link and Falco had one hand (or wing) on their respective holstered weapons. Pikachu's cheeks crackled with lightning. Ridley still fondly remembered thrashing the Pokémon and Samus back during the 3rd tournament's special mode. It gave him a bit of glee to see the unease he inspired, but unfortunately for him, he was tasked with a different matter.

"What do you want, Ridley?" Ryu spoke first. He had a deep voice, one that was steady and collected, like stone. The martial artist wasn't afraid of the space pirate, like he could tell the others were.

"Probably here to pick a fight. Ain't that right? Why don't you try it, big boy?" Falco chirped at him in his signature Brooklyn accent. Ridley would have loved to oblige, and was about to, when he heard someone clear their throat from behind him. He glanced back to see Peach, still smiling but now threateningly holding a frying pan. She shook her head "no" slowly.

Ridley raised an eyebrow but was forced to concede. He turned back to the small group.

"Be my friend." He muttered. Everyone paused, and looked at one other with genuine confusion. Ryu spoke again, keeping their collective response brief.

"No."

Ridley couldn't help but get angry. It was something he was good at and had kept himself from doing for far too long.

"Then I'll MAKE you be my friend! That's what I was told to do anyway!" he roared at them. Pikachu and Pac Man ran off. Link drew his master sword and stood defensively in front of Zelda. Falco whipped out his blaster and aimed it at Ridley, and Ryu continued to stand in place, still as a statue.

Before Ridley could lunge forward and have yet another violent skirmish, he was knocked out cold from behind. He collapsed to the floor in front of the group, and Peach stood there, frying pan in hand, looking very disappointed.

"Sorry everyone, we're still working on his social skills. Thank you for putting up with that."

Zelda frowned. "Peach, why are you even putting up with this? You don't have to help him, let Master Hand do it."

Peach gave a small smile and she took out a small phone and dialed for the medical team to come get Ridley. "I guess I just always see the best in people. It's almost a curse."

Link broke his silence "We know that, but Ridley did kill Samus' parents. Don't you think some people are just lost causes?"

Peach hung up her phone and came to sit down with the rest of the group, stepping over Ridley's crumpled mass. "I know what he did, and he really shouldn't be excused. I know Samus will never forgive him, but she's mature enough that she can at least tolerate his presence. After all, he's lived here before. Ridley just doesn't have that self-control yet. So, if Master Hand thinks it's a good idea to invite him to be a fighter, I trust his judgement. Besides, remember back in the 2nd tournament, when Bowser and Ganondorf joined?"

Link sighed. "Yes, I do. We were furious." Zelda nodded.

"I was too, but now look at us, almost 18 years later, and we've gotten along fine. Bowser's still crass, but he's become very decent with us. And he's a great tennis partner."

Falco interjected. "Yeah, but Ganondorf is still a dirtbag."

Zelda rubbed the back of her head, awkwardly. "Well, he's gotten better too…" Falco looked at her aghast.

"Seriously? You're friends with Ganon?"

"We both are, sort of." Link spoke. "He's really good at parcheesi."

Falco shook his head. "I can't believe you softies. What kind of wet blanket makes friends with their nemesis?"

Peach smiled knowingly. "Oh, I don't know. Maybe someone who plays darts with Wolf?"

Falco froze. "How did you.."

Peach simply gave a small laugh in response. "Anyway, I know it'll be really different in Ridley's case, but I still think it can turn out okay."

The dragon in question came to a lot faster than anyone had expected, and groggily stood up at the mention of his name. "Did you hit me with a frying pan?" he grumbled, rubbing the back of his head.

Peach quickly shoved the frying pan into Link's hands. "Nope! I'd never do such a thing, dear. Remember, we're to use our words instead of our actions."

Ridley gave a dirty look at the princess, and over to Link, still holding the frying pan. "You know what?" the pirate began, "I don't think I want to make friends with you guys anyway." He snatched the pan away from Link, who stepped back defensively. With minimal effort, he broke the handle away from the pan, and proceeded to melt the pan down with his plasma breath. Peach held back a shriek.

"I'm done with your stupid friendliness lessons. I'm not nice. I don't want to be nice and I never will be nice! I don't want to use pleases and thank-yous and use the proper fork for dessert! I'm captain of the Space Pirates. If you don't like it, you can fight me over it." With that, he spread his huge wings, gave an ear-piercing screech, and took of down the hall, raking them his claws and spear-headed tail.

Everyone was still, with a dumbfounded expression on their faces. They all turned to look at Peach, who smiled sheepishly.

"That was just a…minor setback."

….

A few months later found the mansion sweltering from the mid-summer heat. True to his declaration, Ridley had stopped seeing Peach for their sessions, though according to Master Hand, he was still found every Thursday morning in Wii Fit's studio, doing deep breathing exercises and basic stretches.

It proved to be effective. People still kept their distance from Ridley, and he kept away from them as much as he could, preferring to keep to himself anyway. Besides, most of the other smashers were friends with Samus, and per his contract, he was not allowed within several meters of her except during a match.

One morning, while enjoying a graphic novel in his room, he heard a loud commotion coming from outside. He opened his door to see almost the whole cast making their way down the hallway towards the entrance hall. He was about to shut the door and resume his reading, when his door was stopped by none other than the Mushroom Kingdom's princess herself.

"What?" He growled.

"We're all going to greet the new fighters arriving today. There's 5 of them! I know you said you didn't want to keep going with our lessons, but I thought maybe you could make a good impression on one of these new…"

She was met with a door slammed in her face. Defeated, she rejoined the rest of the smashers on their way to the entrance hall.

Once he was sure she was gone, Ridley peeked through his door, and quietly made his way after them, making sure to keep his distance.

"I don't know why I'm doing this," he mumbled to himself, "It's just going to be a bunch of righteous heroes and cutesy fighters again." Though deep down, and he would never admit it, he hoped he was wrong.

He arrived in the entrance hall and the back of a large group of fighters. He didn't mind though, he was tall enough to see over everyone else, and they didn't know he was there. He leaned on a nearby wall and watched as the newcomers were paraded into the hall with their own letters of invitation. He didn't really pay attention as the first three came in, passing them off as more buff, heroic guys that he was sure Captain Falcon would get along swimmingly with.

Master Hand and Crazy Hand floated down to the front of the group to address everyone, and welcome the three new fighters.

"Thank you everybody, for coming out and showing Simon, Richter and Chrom your support. I'm confident you'll all make them feel welcome. Gentlemen, we're very glad to have you with us." The hall erupted into cheers and applause. Ridley snorted.

"Now, we do have two other fighters joining us today…" he began, getting cut off by his brother.

"I picked them out myself!" Crazy hollered.

"Yes…as I was going to say, for the sake of inclusivity, Crazy has been given permission to invite a few villains to join us for this tournament." The crowd immediately began murmuring amongst themselves, the mood becoming uneasy. Ridley perked up slightly. Master Hand continued. "I know that there have been recent…difficulties with other villains who have recently joined us, but I am confident in both them and yourselves, my prized champions, to handle their presence here with dignity and mutual respect."

He was meet with a few groans, but the rest of them were silent with complacency. The big glove took it as an invitation to continue with the reveal.

"Now I'd like you to all welcome our next participants with open arms." He gestured to the doors, which were suddenly burst of their hinges by a mighty cannonball. Everyone screamed and stepped back, out of the blast range. Ridley grinned to himself as he saw the two figures step through the rubble, one very large and green, and one sleek and black who he recognized well.

"Maybe I can make some friends here after all…" He said to himself deviously, but nonetheless delighted.

END