- - - - Is there a reason beyond safety and age that causes Remus Lupin to be hesitant when falling in love with Tonks? I think so…Song at the beginning is 'Unintended' by Muse. This will only be a few chapters…it was meant to be a long one shot, but I couldn't wait to share the first bit…so here we go…
- - - NOTHING is mine. Except the exclamation marks. What? Nope…not even those? …darn.
- - Rated M to be safe and not til the 3rd chappie...
- Reviews are never demanded but always appreciated.
You could be my unintended
choice to live my life extended
you could be the one I'll always love
You could be the one who listens
to my deepest inquisitions
you could be the one I'll always love
I'll be there as soon as I can
but I'm busy mending all the
pieces of the life I had before
Unintended
- - September 1979 - -
"Dead?" Remus looked down at the paper he had just snatched from his friends hands as they sat in Sirius' flat. Both were recovering from a drink-a-thon the night before and neither had touched the cereal that Remus had conjured for them. "Does it say how?" he scanned the article for some explanation.
"That stupid fiance of hers probably decided that she wasn't loyal enough to you-know-who. Its getting nasty Moony, even purebloods are turning on each other. James and Lil should seriously consider laying low for awhile…" Sirius rambled on but Remus wasn't listening. His eyes were fixed on the picture of the slender witch with long hair he knew was jet black, just as he knew her eyes would sparkle green as she smiled at him from the photo, if it hadn't been a black and white portrait. Dead. It couldn't be. They were going to meet for coffee in a weeks time…or was it two? His fingers grazed over the photo, remembering her in vivid detail.
"You ok?" Sirius mumbled, his mouth full of milk and corn flakes.
"Yea…yea…just…I think last night is catching up with me again…excuse me…" Remus stood slowly and retreated to the guest room where he had passed out the night before. She was dead. His head spun as he laid down on the mattress, a memory floating into view behind his closed eyes.
- August 1975 -
"Damn it!" Kyliegh swore loudly as she was thrown to the ground, her books flying all over the hall. She blew strands of her long black hair off of her face and pulled her wand from her robes quickly, a dozen curses raced through her mind to punish the clumsy boy who sent her sprawling on the cold stone.
"Sorry Kyliegh, so sorry…I was in such a hurry to get out of…" Remus Lupin blundered about his words, trying to push together her books and papers that were scattered around them both. Kyliegh rolled her green eyes and sighed dramatically. She watched him for a moment longer before chuckling darkly and moving to collect her belongings.
"Hot date Lupin?" she took the papers from his hands and smiled slyly at his pale face. She had known Remus for five years now, ever since they both started Hogwarts. He was brilliant at spells, one of the few that out surpassed herself. There had been many nights that she would find them both the last in the library, and an odd, quiet friendship had formed over time. Of course it wasn't something she would openly admit in front of her friends. It just wasn't accepted, a Slytherin being friends with a Gryffindor, but she could never understand why. They had all seemed to get along during the first few years at school. It wasn't really until third year that the divisions started to show.
"I'm late…please forgive me but I need to go…" Remus looked apologetic as he helped her to her feet then dashed out into the courtyard. Kyliegh just stood there, watching him go into the red light that spilled across the ground from the sun setting in the distant hills.
"He's so very odd at times." She shook her head and began walking back to the Slytherin common room.
It was late, yet Kyliegh hadn't been able to find the perfect book to complete her paper for transfiguration. She had poured over the shelves, her slim fingers gliding over the leather bound books for hours. Her debate topic, wizarding law and the use of transfiguration for impersonation, was represented in several books, but none had given her the edge she needed to win her platform. Yawning loudly she decided to try another stack and ran right into Remus.
"We have got to stop meeting like this." Remus chuckled while collecting a few books that had fallen.
"I think you are stalking me. So this bumping into each other thing is all your fault." Kyliegh smiled, yawning again.
"If I was stalking you, why would I keep making myself known? Aren't stalkers the type to watch, not run into?" he moved to a nearby table and set his books on the edge.
"You can't help yourself. You long to be near me." she chuckled and moved to look at the books he had set down. Mostly herbal texts, some about healing…
"So I can't help it but it's all my fault?" Remus was looking from the books to her face, a grin playing on his lips.
"Yes. It's a terrible fate, but one you must live with. What homework has you chained in here tonight?" She looked up at him, noticing bruises and a cut on his cheek. Her brow wrinkled in concern as she lifted one hand to his face. He caught her hand and slowly moved it away, still chuckling.
"No homework, a bit of light reading for bed."
"Remus, your face…" she whispered.
"Nothing, just a bit of harmless rough play with the boys. They are trying to get me to try out for the Quidditch team you know…toughen me up a bit." he coughed slightly and held his side until the cough ceased.
"Nothing? This looks more than just…and the books…"
"Nothing. Really." Remus smiled, sitting down in one of the big chairs that sat on both sides of the long table. Kyliegh looked at him again, studying the bruises, the coloring and the shape. Finally she shook her head and turned to look for her book again. Walking into the next stack, she began to draw her fingers over the spines, searching for the perfect one.
"And you? Homework?" Remus' voice bounced off of the stacks, echoing in the deep room.
"Yes. A debate paper for transfig." she grabbed the large red book and walked over to his table, sitting across from the boy. "Just can't find the right wording…" the book flipped open to the section she mentally thought of and she started leafing through the pages.
"Show off." Remus mumbled, his head already in one of the big herbology books.
"Jealous?" she smirked, not looking up. It was comfortable, the banter they played with, the silent bond they held. Kyliegh had never needed to search for attention from boys. She had always gotten plenty of it, whether she encouraged it or not. But Remus was different. There was a calm when she was with him she never felt with anyone else, not even her girlfriends. They sat like that for almost an hour before both were taking turns yawning and trying to stay awake.
"Find what you need?" Remus leaned over the table, trying to look at the words in the book upside down.
"No, I think it will have to wait till morning. You?" she smirked at him, placing a finger on his forehead and pushing him back over to his side of the table.
"Not yet, Think I'll stay a little longer." Kyliegh shrugged her shoulders and stood to leave, floating the red book back to it's place on the shelf. She looked down at his bruised face and felt sorry for Remus. He seemed to get sick often, always pale, always a little too thin, and now to be roughed up by his friends… Without thinking she leaned down and kissed his cheek gently. Surprising herself she stood quickly and tried to mask her embarrassment with a smirk.
"Since your mommy isn't here to kiss it all better…" Remus smiled politely and tried to keep his eyes on his book.
"Uh…thanks. Hope you find your wording…" Not wanting to draw out her blunder, Kyliegh left the table without looking back.
"Get some sleep Remus." she spoke over her shoulder.
"Are you sure you're in the right house Kyliegh? I didn't think Slytherins were so nice…" she heard Remus chuckle as he called after her. She turned, never stopping, and stuck her tongue out at him then waved goodbye, his laughter ringing in her ears as the door closed.
- - August 1979 - -
There was someone knocking on his brain. No, someone at the door. Remus sat up slowly, his head aching horribly. Had he fallen asleep?
"What in Merlin's beard do you want?" he spoke slowly as he opened the door.
"Just telling you I am going out…wow, did you fall asleep again? Doen ok?" Sirius put one hand on his friends shoulder.
"Time?" Remus asked.
"Noonish. Really, I don't have to go, you look like last night hit you bad."
"Naw, I'll be fine. Just going to sit on your couch and try to breathe ok?" Remus chuckled, moving past Sirius and into the living room.
"Ok. I won't be long." Remus sat slowly and gritted his teeth against the sound of the door slamming shut. Sighing, he noticed the paper on the floor. It was the same as this morning, her picture staring up at him.
- - December 1975 - -
Remus noticed her the minute she walked into the shop in Hogsmede. He had been noticing her a lot more recently. Their talks were usually during late library hours, but he had been thinking about trying to chat her up outside of the library. Wondering if now was the time, he began to stir from his table where his three friends sat, laughing over a new spell while he read. But the group that followed her in made him think twice about getting up.
"My father will get it for me, he can't resist filling my every whim!" Jaquline squeaked as she talked, it was the most annoying thing. That and her ability to be so extremely vain. And the way she flipped her hair at every boy who passed. And that she wore way too much sweet perfume And…"What are you getting for the holiday Ky?" Kyliegh forced a smile and flexed her hand to keep it from reaching into her pocket and taking her wand out…she hated the pet name that she had been given. Who cared if their mothers were best friends, she should never have to put up with this.
"I'm not sure. There is nothing I really need…" Jaquline snorted at her words.
"It's not about need, it's about want. Come off it Ky, you know your family has enough to buy the world! There should be no limit to your wish list!" The girls that had formed a tight circle around Jaquline were now staring at Kyliegh with the same silly grins plastered on their faces. Anyone who wanted to be popular in Slytherin had to hang on Jaquline's every word. But lucky me, Kyliegh thought, I'm the one Jaquline wants to shop with…
"Coming through ladies!" Sirius Black bounded through the group of girls and almost knocked some of them over. He grabbed a few chocolates from the counter and winked at them all before walking away.
"Could you be more vile Black?" Jaquline muttered loud enough for him to hear.
"I could try, if you so desire…" he turned and bowed deeply, dramatically.
"Never would I desire anything from you. Now your brother perhaps. He will make a perfect husband someday. From the noble house of Black…" Jaquline squeaked out a sigh and Kyliegh had to muffle her own laughter at the scene. Sirius, on the other hand, was not laughing.
"Pureblood snob. You know nothing of my family." Jaquline's eyes sparkled at the opportunity to get under Sirius' skin. She slinked closer to him just as James Potter and Remus came to his side, wondering what the hold up was.
"I know you're not welcome in your own house Sirius…I know you will die penniless and alone. How very…sad…" she quietly hissed, her eyes happy with the cruel words. "Come on girls." She brushed past the boys and moved out of the shop. Sirius turned and huffed away while Remus caught Kyliegh's gaze. He smiled sadly as he took a few steps toward her.
"Friends of yours?" She looked around the shop, it was the first time they had really been in public and conversed. Blushing she reprimanded herself. Looking around to see who may catch the two of them talking was no better than what Jaquline had just done to Sirius. Kyliegh smiled and shook her head 'yes'
"Oh the best! We sit around and talk about boys and dates and clothes and wickedly good spells…" Remus' laughter stopped her rant and she chuckled with him. "None of them are what I would consider friends."
"Didn't think so. Actually that helps along my theory that you were placed in the wrong house."
"Please Remus, not all of Slytherin students are of the Jaquline type. Are all of Gryffindors as arrogant as Black?" she looked over to where Sirius had sat, James Potter seemingly calming him.
"Not arrogant, confident." Remus corrected her with a smile.
"Oh, sure. Thanks for the re-write." Kyliegh rolled her eyes.
"So…see you tonight?" Remus continued to smile at her as he moved away, back toward his friends.
"Tonight?" Kyliegh looked confused.
"Sunday night, Library…typical time?" he wiggled his eyebrows at her. Kyliegh nodded, finally catching on.
"You should know…you're the stalker!" Kyliegh laughed as Remus bowed slightly and turned to join his group of friends.
- - August 1979 - -
His eyes hurt from reading the small type print over and over again, searching for some hidden meaning between the words of the obituary. He stumbled into the kitchen to try to find something to eat, his head still jumbled with the news of her death. Was it his fault? Did it have to do with their last meeting? None of his friends knew that he had met her again, after all this time, that he still cared for her. Those were feelings he had kept to himself. She was something that had been only his, he didn't have to share their moments with anyone but her. But now, as he began to realize he would never hear her laugh or see her smile, he felt sad that there would be no one to share in his mourning. She had been the only girl that he had ever thought about trying to sharing a life with. The only one he would let his mind drift away to. She may not have ever been his, but their relationship had been full of possibilities. She had saved his life once, and he had almost damned hers. Finished making his sandwich, he sank to the floor, hitting the cool tile, suddenly not hungry anymore.