Disclaimer: I don't own Fairly OddParents.
Author's Note: Concrit welcomed, particularly on characterization. This is not the smut.
Pairing(s): Norm/Crocker, Crocker/Waxelplax
An AbNORMal Past and Present
"It's March 15th!" yelled Crocker, "the most miserable day of my life!"
"Oh, so that was why you were torturing all those kids today more than you did yesterday," replied Norm, "what exactly happened on March 15th?"
"An angry mob with torches and pitchforks chased me," said Crocker, "then I saw I was holding a FAIRY Tracker. That's when I decided I'd catch a FAIRY and expose it to the world! They ruined my life and I want to make them pay!"
Crocker was in an especially bad mood that day like he was the previous year and the one before it, so he had forgotten that he had also became interested in the study of fairies, not just getting revenge on them.
"Oh yeah, that's sad," said Norm, "and I think you've forgotten that you also like to learn about fairies, like when you were in the Fairy Café with me, when you were ignoring me 'cause you cared more about their dining practices. Luckily, you got over that!"
"Oh right," said Crocker, "you have a point, but today still upsets me. It started the decades of rejection that I had to deal with."
"How 'bout I Time-Scooter back there to see if I can fix things?" asked Norm, "what year was it?"
"Yes. Thank you, Norm," said Crocker, "the year was 1972."
"1972? Got it!"
GONG!
A Time Scooter appeared. Crocker was fascinated by the magical technology.
Norm got on the Time Scooter and set it for March 14, 1972. That would give him enough time to be reminded of what Dimmsdale was like in that time and see what young Crocker was like, before doing anything to the past.
Norm looked around. He seemed to be in Crocker's same house, it just looked spick-and-span instead of rundown and broken. Obviously, Crocker had felt no need to move. Norm knew Crocker's house wasn't where he needed to be.
GONG!
Norm was on the streets of Dimmsdale.
"Here you are sport, Dimmsdale, March 14th, 1972! Crocker's childhood!"
Norm was shocked. That voice sounded like Wanda? Why was Wanda there?
"Now all we gotta do is find the miserable little kid that will grow up to be the miserable Denzel Crocker!"
Turner! But that was impossible! Turner was dead, wasn't he? Norm knew Turner hated Crocker. Turner was probably going to make March 15th even worse for Crocker! Norm had to stop him and maybe even re-kill him!
"Ooo! Ooo! A genie! And I know where Crocker is!"
Norm groaned. Fruit Cup. The entire trio was there to ruin Crocker's life.
"Great job, guessing my species," said Norm, "Crocker doesn't need you ruining his life, so skedaddle back to the 2000s, 'kay?"
"Ruining Crocker's life?" asked Turner in confusion, "I'm not trying to ruin Crocker's life! I'm trying to help him!"
"Why should I believe you?" asked Norm, "I don't trust you, I don't like you and I know you don't like Crocker – or me for that matter."
"You should believe me because I'm telling the truth. Yes, I don't like Crocker – he is one of my worst enemies – though if I succeed, he won't be. How can you dislike me if you only knew me for three minutes? Also, I don't dislike you."
"If you really are a genie, where's your master and lamp?" asked Wanda.
"Who cares?"
GONG!
Norm turned himself into a cat, hoping to avoid notice.
"Where's Crocker again?" Turner asked Cosmo, "you said you knew."
"Your school!"
POOF!
GONG!
Norm looked around. He was near a 70s VW van, very close to Turner.
"There's Crocker! You were right!" shouted Turner, and then he said confused, "You were right? Did the 'genie' follow us?"
"Wow! Two in a row! It's a new record!"
"I think he might have," replied Wanda, "There's a teal-blue cat hanging around this van. Teal-blue, what a natural color for a cat!"
Norm groaned. Wanda had noticed him and even had the nerve to quip about his coloring! Turner's second death would hurt him more than his first one did!
Young Crocker walked toward the playground, with a parrot the same color as Cosmo. Norm wondered if that was why Fruit Cup knew Crocker's location – he was Crocker's fairy! Turner and Crocker might have had the same fairies!
"How you know Crocker would be here or that the person on the other Time Scooter was a genie? You barely even remember my name half the time!"
"I dunno, Sophie! I just knew!" shouted Cosmo, sounding slightly puzzled.
Norm doubted Cosmo thought enough to ever be puzzled by anything, but he did sound puzzled.
"There is something familiar about younger Crocker, and that genie … I just can't put my wand on it!"
Cosmo and Wanda did both godparent Turner so, maybe they always were a pair when godparenting. That could be why Wanda thought Crocker was familiar, Norm supposed.
"Look over there! It's my mom as a kid!"
Norm groaned. Did Turner really need to point out that? Norm looked anyway. Maybe, he could kill her and get rid of Turner at his source!
She was on a swing, being pushed by a kid, whom Norm presumed to be named Sheldon, from all her cries of "Push me higher, Sheldon! Higher!" which the Sheldon kid responded to by saying, "okay!"
Another ten year-old boy, who looked like Turner would with black, spic n' spiffy hair and straight teeth scooted past Sheldon on a bad skateboard, while giving him the evil eye.
"Dinkleburg."
Norm figured that the spic n' spiffy boy was Turner's dad. Maybe, he could kill him instead.
"Focus on what you were sent to do, Norm, Genie … whatever," he chastised himself, "You didn't come to commit homicide. You came to fix Crocker's past."
While Norm was chastising himself, Turner's dad's scooted into an incoming truck. Norm grinned. Turner's dad would die and Turner would disappear from existence! Yes!
Turner's young dad screamed.
"Oh yes!" exclaimed Norm, fixated on Turner's upcoming disappearance from existence.
Young Crocker glanced at his parrot, exclaiming, "Oh no!"
Norm groaned. Young Crocker was going to save their worst enemy's dad. Norm reminded himself that young Crocker had no way of knowing how his seemingly small, insignificant act of heroism would allow his worst enemy to exist.
Young Crocker drove onto the street in a pink soapbox derby car and stuck out his hand to Turner's dad.
"Take my hand if you want to live!"
Norm groaned. Of course, Turner's dad wanted to live! Everyone did. There was no 'if' about it. Turner's dad grabbed young Crocker's hand and was pulled off his skateboard, just as a moving van crushed it.
Young Crocker skid his car to a stop in front of what looked like a younger, skinnier version of Waxelplax. She was clearly impressed, just like the ladies would be if Norm boasted about his victory over Turner. If Crocker had saved Turner's dad in an attempt to impress the ladies, Norm could understand his reasoning.
"Thanks, Denzel Crocker! Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go stare angrily at Dinkleberg!"
Young Crocker pushed Turner's dad's eyebrow's down, Norm presumed to help him stare angrily at Dinkleberg.
A news crew came in and did their usual news crew starting nonsense and young Crocker responded modestly to their appearance. Then the reporter said something interesting.
"Wait… I'm learning that the mayor is declaring tomorrow, March 15th, Denzel Crocker Day, and is going to give you the key to the city!"
"I'm can't wait to tell my mom!" replied Crocker excitedly.
Crocker drove happily through town in his pink soapbox car and everybody waved and smiled at him when he passed.
"Come on! We gotta follow him!" came Turner's voice from behind a bush.
Norm was surprised. Turner actually had a good idea.
POOF!
GONG!
Norm appeared at Crocker's spanking brand new house and wasn't surprised a bit to see Turner and his fairies there.
"Why are you following us if you hate me so much?" asked Turner, "Protecting your precious Crocker? I'm not trying to harm him; I'm trying to help him! What are you here for?"
"Kid, I'm not going to tell you! I don't even like you!"
"What's that sound?" inquired Crocker.
GONG!
POOF!
Turner, Wanda, Cosmo and Norm turned into hummingbirds.
"Never mind, I just thought some people were arguing. I guess I was just imagining it."
Crocker's mom (who was younger, taller and prettier) came in and young Crocker said excitedly, "Mother! I have great news!"
"Not now, Denzel! Mommy has to run to her second job at Atari! The game company of the future!"
Norm groaned. He knew Atari would become the game company of the past, not the future and Nintendo would rule the field instead (or be in at least second place.)
A sixteen year-old redheaded boy popped out of the doorway and smacked his hand with his fist. Norm recognized that boy. When the boy was fifteen, he had rubbed Norm's lamp and had been one of Norm's most cruel – even violent – masters (other than Turner, that is.)
Norm averted his eyes and blocked his ears. He didn't want to even start imagining the cruel stuff that Vic (whoa, he still remembered the guy's name) had done to him and was probably going to do to young Crocker. Then, Norm remembered he was a magical genie. He could defend young Crocker from Vic – with magic!
GONG!
Vic tripped and turned into a chick – of the bird kind, not the person kind.
Norm laughed. Now that was funny!
"I didn't wish for that," said Crocker in confusion, "But, thanks."
Norm grinned.
Young Crocker entered his house and went up to his room. Cosmo, Wanda, Timmy and Norm flew up to his window and looked inside Young Crocker's room. Norm was shocked. Young Crocker's room was nearly as clean as his lava lamp used to be (only because Norm had little to do in it and cleaning it was as exciting as doing anything else in there.)
"Wait a minute… Ten year-old kid… Inattentive parent… A babysitter that randomly turned into a chick after threatening him… Pink and green parrots and soapbox cars… The genie following us… Oh my gosh… There's only one logical explanation… Denzel Crocker must have… FAIRY GODPARENTS!" said Turner, and then he said to Wanda, "If I ever do that again, hit me."
Cosmo POOFed up a kayak paddle to use for the task.
"Not now! And shoo genie, shoo!" shouted Turner.
Norm picked up the paddle and brained Turner and his fairies with it. He didn't want them interfering.
"Gah, my life is so miserable, I don't know how I'd be able to bear it if it weren't for you too," said young Crocker, "Cosmo and Wanda!"
Norm grinned. He was right. Cosmo and Wanda did godparent Crocker as a kid!
A few minutes later, 70s Cosmo starting telling everyone that he was a fairy until 70s Wanda pulled him back in. Norm groaned. Once an idiot, always an idiot.
Norm GONGed up a tent for himself and put Cosmo, Wanda and Turner in a purposely cliché death trap (involving butterfly nets to trap the fairies as well) that would re-kill Turner by the time Norm awoke. He snuggled into his sleeping bag, wondering why Crocker had to be too young to bring in there with him in 1972.
Norm awoke to Crocker's voice as he left his house giddily.
"Bye, Mother! Will I see you at the 'Denzel Crocker Day' ceremony?' "
Crocker's mom engaged in a complex and boring explanation of why she wouldn't be going. By the time that she was finished and had hopped into her Corvette and left, Crocker looked totally bummed.
Crocker walked down the street, to Dimmsdale Park and Norm followed him. On the way, Crocker did twenty-three selfless things that could have exposed his fairies, but didn't end up doing so. 70s Cosmo announced his fairy identity in a few bawks, making it twenty-four. Norm groaned.
POOF!
Norm guessed Crocker had gone to City Hall and he GONGed there too. The Mayor wasn't bald and was holding a big key, but Norm knew he was the same Mayor that Dimmsdale had in his own time.
"Fellow citizens, we are here to say 'Thank you' to Denzel Crocker!"
The crowd cheered.
"Oh, I couldn't!" said Crocker, and then his fairies POOFed up a speech for him, "Now I could!"
70s Cosmo and Wanda then engaged in a conversation that Norm didn't care about and wouldn't remember if one asked him a few minutes after. At the end of the conversation, 70s Wanda had left and 70s Cosmo was trying to resist his stupidity impulse. Norm groaned. No human or fairy could resist that impulse.
Denzel started telling the crowd about how he was born in a log cabin ten years ago, to which Norm responded with a groan. It wasn't the 1800s anymore, Crockpot!
Young Crocker then started talking about how he wanted a pony when he was four.
"Pony? Who wants a pony when you can-"
Norm GONGed a gag onto 70s Cosmo.
Young Crocker continued speaking. When he finished, the Mayor gave him the key to the city and the people cheered.
Norm grinned. Crocker was happy! He couldn't wait to see how much better the future was!
Norm got on his Time Scooter and returned to 2003.
Dimmsdale looked great, even a bit better since Crocker's mechanical aptitude had obviously been utilized in ways more productive than fairy hunting. A twelve year-old amateur football star walked around telling kids to be good and signing their footballs. Turner's mom was holding hands with Sheldon while Turner's dad growled Sheldon's last name resentfully. Norm grinned. No Turner!
GONG!
Norm appeared at Crocker's house. It wasn't as rundown as it had been in that time period before. He was surprised to hear kids playing in the front yard. Didn't Crocker hate kids and wasn't he single (in the not-married sense, not the not-dating sense)?
Norm reminded himself that Crocker only was so mean because he had lost his fairy memories before it was time and that Waxelplax sure did look impressed by Crocker in 1972.
Norm GONGed into Crocker's house. He heard noises from the bedroom. Norm felt envious – and he didn't feel like watching.
Crocker and Waxelplax eventually left the bedroom. Norm was shocked. Crocker looked better now than he had the last time Norm had seen him that age.
"Who are you?" asked Crocker, "Would you like to stay with us?"
"I'm Norm Gene," said Norm, "Stay with you, sure, but your kids sure are a racket."
"Don't insult my kids like that," replied Crocker.
Well, he's a hypocrite, Norm remarked to himself. Happy Nice Crocker was very different from Sad Hot and Cold Crocker.
"I'll keep that in mind," replied Norm.
Norm wondered what his life was like; now that Crocker was happy and married to the dame that Crocker wanted at the age of ten.
Norm GONGed up a genetic tracker and put some of his hair in. He was in Canada, near Niagara Falls. He groaned. He hated that place, Canada.
GONG!
Two people that looked like Turner's parents, only more messed up and scraggy. The woman held Norm's lamp and was wishing for three more wishes. Norm watched himself grant the wish. The other Norm looked as though he had lost all his hope a long time ago. Norm groaned. Was Turner actually helpful to him? Did Turner give him something to do, something to fight, something to hope for in their enmity?
He supposed that Turner had, though he was rather disgusted by the idea. The other Norm let off a few token sarcastic quips at them and Norm grinned. The other Norm still was sardonic.
"I wish we at a souvenir shop."
GONG!
GONG!
They appeared at one and the other Norm's master and her partner threatened the clerk and stole the pencils and other souvenirs.
Norm groaned. Crocker was happily married with kids, but he was the miserable slave of souvenir thieves in Canada.
Norm supposed he could go back to 1972 and make Crocker lose his fairies, but when he thought of how sad Crocker was, how much everyone had rejected him, and how, despite (or maybe because) of all that, Crocker had dated him, kissed him, fondled him and set him free. Anyway, Norm didn't think he could ruin Shock Hot's past just so he could live happily with him in the present. Maybe he could a few weeks ago, but now…
GONG!
Norm was surprised when the other Norm GONGed him into his lamp.
"What is it?" asked Norm, "since you're me, I should know."
"I'm you?" asked the other Norm, "that explains why we look identical."
Norm looked around the other Norm's lamp. Cosmo hadn't given that Norm Da Rules. Overall, his lamp was a quite depressing place, but that was usual for it. Nevertheless, the other Norm looked hot, even though he was depressed. However, Norm concluded that making love with the other Norm might weird the other Norm out more than cheer him up.
"Your life is the pits, isn't it?" asked Norm, "you're in Canada and enslaved to souvenir thieves."
"Yeah, especially the Canada part," said the other Norm, "it's like a refrigerator in winter and my lamp is cold and damp."
Norm looked at the other Norm with empathy. He knew how that felt. Until Crocker had freed him, his life had been like that – except with less Canada.
"But, hey, there's nothing I can do," said the other Norm, trying to be flippant, "they're the masters and I'm the slave. What can I do about it?"
Norm had started fondling the other Norm, just like Crocker had done for him, but more skillfully. Since the other Norm was still him, Norm figured it would respond the same way he did.
"Why are you touching me like that?" asked the other Norm in confusion, "I kinda like it, but still."
" 'Cause you're me and I liked it when Crocker did it to me. Yeah and you're hot!"
"Who's Crocker? And when you say I'm hot, you mean that you have a big ego and therefore think you're hot (hey, I do too)."
"Crocker is complicated," said Norm, "and of course we do and yeah, you actually are hot!"
The other Norm smiled.
"Thanks, man," he said, "It kinda hurts my pride to admit this, but: I needed that."
"Hey, I'm you after all," said Norm, "It's the least I can do."
A mischievous glint shone in the other Norm's eyes.
"Or maybe not…"
The other Norm's masters, the Turnbaums, saw a ghost. It seemed to be the ghost of one of the original settlers of the area. Yet, it was saying it would destroy them if they didn't set their genie free. The Turnbaums wondered how the ghost knew and why it cared, but they knew better than to risk getting destroyed by a ghost.
"I wish you were free."
GONG!
GONG!
The other Norm was set free and Norm turned back into his genie form. They high-fived.
"Thanks me," said the other Norm, "I guess two heads are better than one – even if they are both technically the same head."
Norm grinned. He sure was cool! They had solved his moral dilemma – which Norm was shocked that he was ever capable of having – without sacrificing either his or Crocker's happiness – though he still miss Crocker, he had to admit that this future was best for both of them and he was sure that if he wanted romance, he could find someone else.